Better Communication Begins with You

49 Years Later, They're Still Each Other's Favorite Date

What does it look like to build a marriage where kindness becomes second nature? I spend a lot of time helping couples figure out how to make their relationship work. Today, you'll hear a conversation with Jamee and Doug Simons, a couple who have spent nearly 50 years creating the marriage many people hope to build. * You’ll hear what it was like for Jamee and Doug to take of a family business and balance their partnership at work with cultivating a loving marriage at home * And you’ll hear how the kindness and generosity they foster in their community is ever-present in their relationship. Jamee and Doug are third-generation owners of Enstrom Candies [https://enstrom.com/]. They bought the business from Jamee's parents, Emil and Mary, in 1993. It's not easy to work side by side all day, then go home to raise children. They did it for decades. While Doug and Jamee were quick to admit there have been bumps along the way, I was struck by the generosity they bring to their relationship, their commitment to supporting each other, and their refusal to keep score. I hope their story inspires you as much as it inspired me. Connect with my guest Read their story: enstrom.com/pages/our-story [https://enstrom.com/pages/our-story/] Website: enstrom.com [https://enstrom.com/] Instagram: instagram.com/enstromcandies [https://www.instagram.com/enstromcandies/] Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication Visit the show notes. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/167-49-years-later-theyre-still-each-others-favorite-date/] Buy my book. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/six-steps-to-better-marriage-communication-book/] Listen to my book. [https://open.spotify.com/show/3dV9xj1Ana93QBHq6MZduc?si=6f7e63e3e7294356] Please subscribe to my newsletter here. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/mailing-list/] This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers. Follow me on Tik Tok. [https://www.tiktok.com/@rebeccamullencoaching] Follow me on Instagram. [https://www.instagram.com/rebeccamullencoaching/] Reach me at 970-210-4480

Better Communication Begins with You

Today, I bring you an interview when I was a guest on the podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places [https://drzoeshaw.com/podcast/], with psychotherapist, author, speaker, and media contributor Dr. Zoe Shaw [https://drzoeshaw.com/]. On her podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places, her guiding premise is: “We’re not fixing them, we’re fixing you, and that changes everything.” Dr. Shaw has been a guest on this podcast before to discuss the impact of shame on your relationship. In this episode, you’ll hear me talk about my book, 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/six-steps-to-better-marriage-communication-book/]. Discover more from Dr. Zoe Shaw * Read Dr. Zoe Shaw’s book [https://drzoeshaw.com/book/], or listen to her podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places [https://drzoeshaw.com/podcast/] * Listen to episode 54: Let Go of Shame. Own Your Story to Improve Your Relationship [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/54-let-go-of-shame-own-your-story-to-improve-your-relationship/] with Dr. Zoe Shaw * Listen to episode 55: More Dr. Zoe: Expectations, Shame + A Magic Question [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/55-more-dr-zoe-expectations-shame-a-magic-question/] * Listen to episode 125: Shame Stops the Love You Feel with Dr. Zoe Shaw [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/125-shame-stops-the-love-you-feel-with-dr-zoe-shaw/] Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication Visit the show notes. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/166-better-communication-begins-with-you/] Buy my book. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/six-steps-to-better-marriage-communication-book/] Listen to my book. [https://open.spotify.com/show/3dV9xj1Ana93QBHq6MZduc?si=6f7e63e3e7294356] Please subscribe to my newsletter here. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/mailing-list/] This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers. Follow me on Tik Tok. [https://www.tiktok.com/@rebeccamullencoaching] Follow me on Instagram. [https://www.instagram.com/rebeccamullencoaching/] Reach me at 970-210-4480

What if They Don't Need You to Fix it? with Dr. David Marcus

You hate seeing your partner suffer. So, you jump to solutions. When someone we love is hurting, our instinct is often to fix it. But rarely do any of us want a solution. We need a soothing presence—someone who can sit with the discomfort long enough for the pressure to ease and your words to emerge. Today, I’m joined by Dr. David Marcus [https://parentrx.org/]. We discuss how you can become a soothing presence in the lives of the people you love most and why that is key to emotional regulation. 1. You’ll understand why you’re more likely to blame, jump to anger, or generally decompensate when you’re so full of emotion you can’t see straight 2. And why it helps so much to have someone else be a soothing presence who will let you empty your emotions by simply talking and processing 3. Mostly, though, you’ll learn how to become that soothing presence so that you can calm the ones you love. Want more? * Listen to my podcast episode about the pressure relief value [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/create-a-pressure-relief-valve-for-your-relationship/] Connect with my guest Dr. David Marcus [https://parentrx.org/]'s extensive expertise and commitment to improving the lives of individuals and families have made him a highly respected figure in the field of Clinical Psychology. His 40 years of experience in treating families under stress have made him a sought after clinical and legal resource in the Cincinnati area on the topics of parent-child communication and child advocacy. Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication Visit the show notes. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/165-what-if-they-dont-need-you-to-fix-it-with-dr-david-marcus/] Buy my book. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/six-steps-to-better-marriage-communication-book/] Listen to my book. [https://open.spotify.com/show/3dV9xj1Ana93QBHq6MZduc?si=6f7e63e3e7294356] Please subscribe to my newsletter here. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/mailing-list/] This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers. Follow me on Tik Tok. [https://www.tiktok.com/@rebeccamullencoaching] Follow me on Instagram. [https://www.instagram.com/rebeccamullencoaching/] Reach me at 970-210-4480

Protective Defensive Maneuvers vs “Presenting the Deeper Me”

“Why don’t you ever initiate sex?!” vs cuddling up and kissing your sweetheart’s back. Which do you typically choose? Do you hide your heart in the precise moment you want to be loved? Or are you willing to disclose that super tender underbelly? Today we look at why it’s tempting to hide behind Protective Defensive Maneuvers (PDM’s) because when you start with compassion, change is easier. 1. You’ll understand why you resort to PDM’s and understanding helps you forgive yourself and begin again differently. 2. We’ll find some fun PDM turn-arounds like Presenting the Deeper Me. 3. And we’ll reach into the archives for a very sly PDM (the protective kind) that might be part of your everyday language. Want more? * Read my blog post [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/should-the-relationship-killer/] about the word "should" * Listen to episode #1 [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/episode-1-what-sean-heather-dont-know-about-their-sex-life/]about how misunderstandings grow from disinformation in your relationship. Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication Visit the show notes. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/164-protective-defensive-maneuvers-vs-presenting-the-deeper-me/] Buy my book. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/six-steps-to-better-marriage-communication-book/] Listen to my book. [https://open.spotify.com/show/3dV9xj1Ana93QBHq6MZduc?si=6f7e63e3e7294356] Please subscribe to my newsletter here. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/mailing-list/] This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers. Follow me on Tik Tok. [https://www.tiktok.com/@rebeccamullencoaching] Follow me on Instagram. [https://www.instagram.com/rebeccamullencoaching/] Reach me at 970-210-4480

Recognize the Trigger. Rewrite the Story with Michael and Penny Gold

You and your partner are the authors of your relationship story. But what happens when your childhood triggers begin writing the script? Today, my guests are Michael and Penny Gold [https://michaelandpenny.com/] from Relationship Alchemy. 1. They share examples of relationship triggers and how to recognize the patterns underneath them 2. They'll invite you to see how you can create a tiny ritual that strengthens intimacy 3. And they have an endless supply of 10-minute dates [https://10minutedate.michaelandpenny.com/] to refresh your relationship Triggers Identified, Demystified, and Disarmed Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conflict and wondered, "Why is this bothering me so much?" Penny has 40 years of clinical work to help you identify and disarm the triggers that are currently adding drama to your relationship. Triggers can stop you from receiving the love your partner wants to give you. So, Penny will also help you calm your system down so that you can actually truly receive the appreciation and love your partner is offering. Michael has an enormous rabbinical history in storytelling and meaning-making. Habit for Your Happily Ever After Take Penny and Michael’s customizable 10-Minute date quiz [https://10minutedate.michaelandpenny.com/] and create a simple ritual of connection together. Even a few intentional minutes can strengthen intimacy and help you reconnect. Connect with Michael and Penny Gold Michael is an ordained rabbi, ceremonialist, and transformational guide with decades of pastoral experience working with couples and families. Penny is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in trauma, attachment, and relational healing. Together they lead sacred ceremonies, couples retreats, and medicine journeys guided by the methodology that transformed their own marriage. You can visit their website [https://michaelandpenny.com/] to learn more and take the 10-minute date quiz [https://10minutedate.michaelandpenny.com/]. Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication Visit the show notes. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/163-recognize-the-trigger-rewrite-the-story-with-michael-and-penny-gold/] Buy my book. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/six-steps-to-better-marriage-communication-book/] Listen to my book. [https://open.spotify.com/show/3dV9xj1Ana93QBHq6MZduc?si=6f7e63e3e7294356] Please subscribe to my newsletter here. [https://rebeccamullencoaching.com/mailing-list/] This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers. Follow me on Tik Tok. [https://www.tiktok.com/@rebeccamullencoaching] Follow me on Instagram. [https://www.instagram.com/rebeccamullencoaching/] Reach me at 970-210-4480