PILLOWTALK: attention is not intention

PILLOWTALK: trauma bonding or love?

"I know they're hurting me... so why can't I leave?" One of the biggest misconceptions I see online is people calling every painful relationship a trauma bond. Not every situationship is a trauma bond. Not every breakup is a trauma bond. Not every anxious attachment is a trauma bond. In this week's Pillow Talk, we're unpacking the difference. We talk about: ❤️ What a trauma bond actually is 🧠 How trauma bonds form and why they're so difficult to leave 📚 The psychology and research behind intermittent reinforcement ✨ The difference between trauma bonding and anxious attachment 🚩 Love bombing vs. genuine interest 💭 Why smart, successful women stay in unhealthy relationships 🌱 What secure love actually feels like Because sometimes what feels like "chemistry" is actually your nervous system trying to survive. And sometimes the person you're missing isn't the person they consistently were it's the version of them you kept hoping would come back. Whether you're healing from a relationship, trying to understand a past experience, or simply want to learn more about the psychology behind attachment, I hope this conversation leaves you with more clarity than confusion. 🎙️ Listen now on Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts. If this episode resonates with you, send it to someone who needs the reminder that love shouldn't require abandoning yourself.

Shrekking: The Psychology of Choosing Someone You Don't Actually Want

Have you ever dated someone who looked great on paper but deep down, you knew they weren't truly what you wanted? Or maybe you've found yourself choosing people who felt "safe" instead of people you genuinely admired, desired, or felt deeply connected to. In this week's Pillow Talk, we're getting uncomfortably honest about a dating phenomenon sometimes called Shrekking—the tendency to choose partners we believe are less likely to reject us, easier to control, or more invested in us than we are in them. We'll explore: ✨ Fear of rejection and why it drives so many of our dating decisions ✨ Anxious attachment and the need to feel chosen ✨ Dating for validation instead of genuine connection ✨ The fixer complex and falling in love with potential ✨ Why emotionally healthy people can sometimes feel "boring" ✨ How insecurity can make control feel like safety ✨ The difference between being needed and being loved This episode is for anyone who has ever settled, chased potential, confused anxiety with chemistry, or wondered why they keep ending up in the same relationship with a different person. If this episode resonates with you, be sure to follow the podcast, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. I'd also love to hear your thoughts—comment your biggest takeaway or relationship realization from this episode. Let's continue the conversation on Instagram at @richwithintherapy. 💌 New Pillow Talk episodes drop every Thursday night. Because healing conversations are sometimes best had after dark. 🌙✨

PILLOWTALK: attention is not intention

Welcome to the first official Pillow Talk episode! we’re unpacking the talking stage, also known as the emotionally confusing pre-relationship group project no one asked for. In this episode, we’re talking about the texts you reread, the “what are we?” conversations you avoid, the attachment styles that start acting up, and why someone can have access to your nervous system before they’ve even earned a label. We’ll get into what the talking stage actually is, how anxious, avoidant, secure, and fearful avoidant attachment styles show up early on, what to look out for, how to stop wasting time, and the big question: can we prevent situationships before they become a full-time unpaid internship? This one is for anyone who has ever checked their phone 57x a day, confused chemistry with clarity, or convinced themselves they were “being chill” while actively spiraling. Follow along on Instagram: @emotionallyexpensivemedia

Reclaiming Yourself in Marriage and Motherhood with Bansari

Welcome to Season 2 of Emotionally Expensive! Bansari Shah is many things - a teacher who trained at Columbia University, the top teaching institute in the USA, a strong women's advocate, a voracious reader, married for 14 years and a mother of two, and a life coach for South Asian women for the last 4 years.  She has a unique way of coaching - through daily voice notes, so it's like having a life coach in your back pocket.  She helps South Asian moms overcome marital conflict, even when their husband won't agree to relationship therapy. You can follow her on social media at @coachingbybms, and she has a marriage audio course and free marital resources you can download at her website coachingbybms.com [http://coachingbybms.com/]. Follow us on @emotionallyexpensive today.

Behind Closed Doors: Breaking the Silence on Abuse with Madhuri Govindu

Meet our Guest: With over 20 years of experience in employee wellbeing,Madhuri Govindu has worked with leading global organizations including HSBC, Google, Accenture, and Cisco. She holds a Bachelor's in Business Management, an Associate's in Psychology, and a Master's in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. A certified EMDR therapist, ADHD-CCSP, certified sex therapist (CSTIP), and CBT-TF certified and Mental Resilience specialist (Harvard), she is passionate about helping South Asian women in Texas heal from trauma and thrive. As a speaker for the American Counseling Association, author, and contributor, her recent book Thank You for Your Service: Learning to Honor with Heart to Bridge the Gap addresses the unique experiences of veterans. Her mission is to empower South Asian men/women by breaking stigmas, building resilience, and creating space for healing.   This conversation delves into the complexities of domestic violence and intimate partner violence, exploring various types of abuse, the cycle of abuse, and the cultural perspectives surrounding these issues. Madhuri Govindu, a licensed professional counselor, shares her insights on recognizing red flags, understanding the impact of gaslighting, and the importance of seeking help. The discussion also highlights the resources available for victims and the challenges of rehabilitating abusers. Takeaways Domestic violence can be physical, verbal, sexual, financial, and emotional. The cycle of abuse includes tension building, acts of abuse, and reconciliation. Gaslighting is a significant form of emotional abuse that leads to self-doubt. Cultural factors play a crucial role in how domestic violence is perceived and addressed. Financial abuse can be subtle but is a form of control over a partner's independence. Digital abuse involves monitoring and controlling a partner's online presence. Recognizing red flags early can prevent escalation into severe abuse. Rehabilitation of abusers is possible but requires sustained effort and accountability. Support resources are available, but awareness and access can vary by region. Understanding the cultural context is essential for addressing domestic violence effectively. Chapters 00:00 Understanding Domestic Violence and Intimate Partner Violence 10:26 Types of Domestic Violence: Physical, Emotional, and Financial Abuse 21:23 The Impact of Gaslighting and Verbal Abuse 25:23 Understanding Financial and Digital Abuse 29:47 Cultural and Spiritual Dimensions of Abuse 34:06 The Cycle of Abuse Explained 39:51 Domestic Violence: East vs. West Perspectives 43:57 Recognizing Red Flags in Relationships 47:15 Rehabilitation of Abusers: Is Change Possible? 50:10 Resources and Support for Victims of Abuse