42 | Forgiveness After Marriage Betrayal Is Not What You Think It Is | Continuing Q&A With A Therapist, Part 2

44 | Do This Simple 2 Minute Practice Every Day So You Can Stop Losing Yourself and Start Rebuilding Trust After Betrayal

Have you become so focused on your husband after the betrayal that you've stopped paying attention to your own heart? Do you spend more time monitoring everyone else's emotions than noticing your own? What if one small daily practice could help you reconnect with yourself and with God? After betrayal and/or infidelity, it's easy to believe your job is to keep being on the alert. Watching for warning signs. Watching your husband's behavior. Holding the marriage together. Managing everyone's emotions while quietly losing yourself in the process. In this Monday Heart Check, I’m inviting you into a simple two-minute Sabbath practice called The Shift, a gentle way to turn your attention away from managing everyone else and back toward your own heart. Drawing from Dallas Willard's picture of the heart as the command center of our lives, you'll learn why healing begins when you stop asking, "How is he doing?" and start asking, "How am I doing?" This practical exercise will help you: * Notice what you're actually feeling instead of staying stuck in survival mode after betrayal. * Identify what you need without guilt or shame. * Create space to hear God's voice above fear and anxiety. * Begin rebuilding trust in yourself one honest check-in at a time. If you've been longing to experience true rest and want to start rebuilding trust and experience true healing instead of constantly carrying everyone else's emotional load, and worrying about the future, this episode is for you.  RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] : A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE ***COMING SOON*** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]

43 | Healed From Betrayal & Infidelity: What 25 Years of Marriage and Rebuilding Trust Actually Taught Me

Do you wonder if healing from infidelity and betrayal is even possible, or if your marriage is just going to survive instead of thrive? Are you still wrestling with whether staying or leaving was the right decision, even years after the betrayal happened? Do you find yourself waiting to celebrate any progress in your marriage until trust feels completely rebuilt? In this episode, I'm celebrating two milestones: 25 years of marriage and 7 months of this podcast by getting honest about what healing from infidelity and betrayal, and rebuilding trust, actually taught me. If you've ever wrestled with lack of trust, felt alone in your healing, or wondered how forgiveness after betrayal really works, this episode walks through the real, unfiltered shifts that took place in me over these 25 years. This is not a formula for how to trust again, but a testimony of what emotional healing and safety can look like when you stop striving for perfection and start rebuilding trust to yourself, to God, and eventually, to your husband. RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster * Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard * Proverbs 4:23 * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] : A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE ***COMING SOON***:  A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]

42 | Forgiveness After Marriage Betrayal Is Not What You Think It Is | Continuing Q&A With A Therapist, Part 2

Have you been trying to forgive your husband after betrayal and wondering why it never seems to stick, maybe you say the words and mean them in the moment but the anger and the hurt keep coming back? Do you feel confused about what forgiveness actually means? Whether it means reconciling, whether it means pretending it did not happen, whether it means you have to trust him again before you are ready? Are you longing for the kind of freedom that people talk about on the other side of forgiveness but you have no idea how to actually get there? In this episode I am continuing my conversation from last week with a licensed marriage and family therapist and this time we are going straight to the heart of one of the most misunderstood concepts in the entire healing journey after betrayal: Forgiveness. We will discuss the following questions:  * What if you would view forgiveness as a shift of focus and responsibility? * What if forgiveness is the moment you stop asking back for something that can never be restored and take ownership of the loss yourself? * What does real forgiveness actually cost? * Why is forgiveness only possible after honest grief? * Why is connecting with yourself the essential first step? * What does moving forward truly look like? * What is the hope here you can cling to?  This is Part 2 of a two part conversation. If you have not listened to Episode 40 yet go back and start there first.  RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 🎙️Episode 40 - 7 Truths About Grieving After Betrayal [https://theheartwork.podbean.com/e/40-7-truths-about-grief-after-betrayal-and-what-can-get-in-the-way-an-honest-qa-with-a-therapist-part-1mp3/] —> That is the first part of this conversation, go back and listen to that one first! * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]  A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit]  CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE **COMING SOON** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]     DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

41 | Why the Gap Between What You Know and What You Feel About Forgiveness After Betrayal Is Actually Holy Ground And How Honesty Before God Changes Everything

Does your head tell you that you should forgive because you know that is what God wants while your heart is still carrying anger, fear, and hurt that just will not go away no matter how hard you try? Do you feel guilty for the gap between what you know theologically and where you actually are emotionally like a bad Christian because your feelings have not caught up with your faith yet? Have you been performing okayness before God, maybe you are bringing Him the version of yourself that has it together instead of the real, divided, struggling version that actually needs Him most? In this Monday Heart Check we are standing at a threshold moving from the grief series into the forgiveness conversation. And before Thursday's powerful episode with Rafael I want to give you something that I believe is the missing piece for so many women in this journey: The gap between what you know and what you feel is not failure. It is not a sign that something is wrong with you spiritually. It might actually be the most honest and holy place you have been in a long time. In this episode I am walking you through a guided reflection rooted in Scripture from David's cry for truth in the inward parts in Psalm 51, to Paul's commitment to a clear conscience in Acts 24, to Peter's call to keep a clear conscience even in suffering to help you understand what it actually means to be honest before God right where you are. And how that honesty instead of performance, pretending, or forcing your feelings to match your theology is the very thing that opens the door to real grief and real forgiveness. This is a short, quiet, contemplative episode. Find a still moment. Bring your honest heart. That is all you need.  RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 Psalm 51:6  "You desire truth in the inward parts"  * 📖 Acts 24:16  Paul: "I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man" * 📖 1 Peter 3:16 Peter "keeping a clear conscience" even in the middle of suffering and injustice * 📖 1 John 3:20 "if our hearts condemn us God is greater than our hearts and knows everything" * 🎙️ Episode 40  * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] — A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE **COMING SOON** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]

40 | 7 Truths About Grief After Betrayal And What Can Get in the Way | Q&A With a Therapist, Part 1

Have you been wondering if you are grieving the wrong way or not grieving enough, or too much, or in the wrong order and quietly judging yourself for how messy and unpredictable your healing has felt? Do you find yourself reaching for busyness, distraction, or anything that keeps the grief at a safe distance and then wondering why you still feel so stuck months or even years later? Have you ever asked yourself how long is this going to take and felt frustrated, ashamed, or hopeless when you could not find a satisfying answer? In this episode I am sitting down with a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been on this show before and together we are having one of the most honest, reframing, and practically helpful conversations about grief after betrayal that I think you will ever hear. We are covering 7 truths about grief after betrayal and what gets in the way of it including * why we avoid grief without even realizing it * what unprocessed grief actually does to us * why the word healthy might be making things harder not easier * what functional effective grief actually looks like in real life He also shares a perspective on grief that completely reframes the whole process not as something you endure but as something you actively participate in by identifying what your needs are first and then taking ownership over how to meet those needs. This is Part 1 of a two part conversation. Part 2 drops next Thursday where we continue the conversation and cover the connection between grief and forgiveness.   RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * Grief Series: Episodes 33-39  * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit]   CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE **COMING SOON** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]   DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.