The cost of staying: Knowing your worth in every room with Öykü Api

The cost of staying: Knowing your worth in every room with Öykü Api

Belonging is bigger than any office. It begins in the quiet knowledge that who you are is already enough, and it follows you into every room you walk into for the rest of your life. In this episode of I Know I Belong When, host Christopher Bylone sits down with Öykü Api, a thought leader in inclusion, change, and leadership whose story stretches across self, home, community, and work. Öykü spent twenty years inside corporate finance and walked out with three published books, a Cornell credential in women’s leadership and diversity, a law degree, and a passport stamped on all seven continents, Antarctica included. Underneath the resume sits one clarifying thesis: when a career, a relationship, or a place stops serving your growth, the cost of staying becomes higher than the cost of leaving. This is a conversation about knowing your worth in every room. Öykü reframes a sense of belonging as something a person carries inward first, not something a title, a team, or another person’s validation hands over. She gives listeners language for belonging that reaches from the self outward, into chosen family, into community, and into the daily work of building inclusive culture. Through her first-person story you will find new words for authentic leadership, strategic inclusion, and the quiet courage it takes to leave a room that no longer fits. This is storytelling as strategy, and proof that creating belonging in everyday life begins with you. Must-hear insights and key moments: * The thesis that staying can cost more than leaving, and how Öykü applies it to career, relationships, and home.  * Why belonging begins with the self, and how she separates acceptance from the deeper knowledge of belonging to yourself.  * The internal question “I deserve better,” and how it surfaces at every major turning point.  * Why she traded a bucket list for a “best moment list,” and what that reveals about a life worth remembering.  * How her name, which means “story” in Turkish, shapes the way she sees the humanity in every stranger she meets.  * What standing on unfamiliar ground, including Antarctica, teaches about adapting and knowing you belong anywhere.  * Her honest reflection on the most expensive room she stayed in too long, and the promise she made to herself at forty-five.  Öykü’s standout quotes: * “I cannot confuse belonging with staying in something that no longer feels true and alive for me, because life is, I think, too short and precious for that.”  * “You belong to yourself, your truth, your values, your passions more than anything else.”  * “Instead of having a bucket list, I keep what I call a best moment list for myself, a collection of the moments that made me feel like truly alive, present, happy, being me.”  * “I actually think that’s not a sentence, but that’s more like a question we should all ask ourselves from time to time.”  * “Curiosity doesn’t let you settle into just one version of yourself, so it keeps nudging you, and there’s always more to explore.”  * “I love carrying the name Story because it reminds me that everyone I pass by is a living story with the richness and with the complexity.”  * “When you belong to yourself first, you don’t need to fit into every space. You can show up as the way you are anywhere, because you are comfortable in your own skin.”  Why this episode matters This episode frames belonging as the outcome of inclusion, diversity, equity, and accessibility work, not as one more pillar to manage. Öykü offers practical language for belonging and a model for authentic leadership rooted in self-trust rather than position. Her story shows the difference between belonging and inclusion, and it carries that difference across every arena of a life, from the self to chosen family to community to work. For anyone building belonging in remote or hybrid teams, or simply at their own kitchen table, it is a fresh, human-centered take. Who should listen This conversation is for anyone working out who they are and where they fit. It is for parents and people building a home or a chosen family, for community builders, organizers, and people of faith, and for HR leaders, people managers, and inclusion practitioners shaping a stronger people experience. It is for the career changer weighing a leap and the founder building something purposeful. If you are searching for language to name belonging in your own life, or another word for belonging that finally fits, Öykü’s story will meet you where you are.  An Innovation Unbiased Production https://www.iknowibelongwhen.com/about-the-show [https://www.iknowibelongwhen.com/about-the-show]

When everyone in the room is seen: Human-first leadership with Dean Carter

What does it mean to lead so that everyone in the room knows they belong? Our guest has spent more than 25 years answering that question, and his answer reshapes how we think about people, work, and life. Meet Dean Carter. He has served as chief human resources officer four separate times, at Fossil, Patagonia, Sears and Kmart, and Guild, earning national recognition for reinventing the future of work. His book, "Employee Experience Design: How to Co-Create Work Where People and Organizations Thrive," became an Amazon number one bestseller. Now he leads Instill, an AI-native culture operating system built on a single, human-first conviction, that technology should protect people and culture rather than thin them out. In this conversation with host Christopher Bylone, Dean shares the story of when he knew he belonged and the harder moments when he did not. He moves from a Texas office under the sodomy laws, to a community that once shut him out, to a Santa Barbara theater where shy kids sang off-key and knew they belonged. His through-line is human-first leadership, the daily practice of making sure the quiet person, the new mother, and the overlooked kid are seen. This is belonging as a whole-life reality across self, home, community, work, and society. Must-hear insights and key moments * Why Dean believes in regenerative HR, and how Patagonia's shift from doing less harm to saving the home planet reshaped his view of people experience. * The sentence he repeats in every room, that for what you put into your work, the company should return equal or greater value to your life. * The Pearle Vision moment under the sodomy laws, when a leader named Roy told him he was safe, and Dean knew he belonged. * The day his own community excluded him, and what it taught him about strategic inclusion and who gets left out. * The nursing-companion benefit that told working mothers they belonged without anyone saying a word. * The AHA Santa Barbara story, where a community gave its most overlooked kids a standing ovation. * A simple, human-centered habit anyone can use this week to help one person know they belong. Dean's standout quotes * “For what I put into my work, I believe the company puts back equal or greater value to my life.” * “I wanted to be head of HR that day so that someday when I sit in this seat, make sure everyone feels like they belong, like Roy.” * “I feel like I have to always speak up for the person in the room that it doesn't feel like they belong because it's just the right thing to do.” * “Everything you have for your right to say that I am a cisgendered, straight passing gay white male, that I can't come into the room, I fought for every one of you in this room.” * “Just that single thing says, as a working mom, I belong.” * “Tell me what's the ROI of your parking lot. Do you have one?” * “Find the person no one's talking to. Find the awkward person.” Why this episode matters Belonging is bigger than the workplace, and Dean's life shows why. His story connects the courage to come out, the work of building an inclusive culture, and the quiet systems that tell people they are wanted. It reframes belonging as the outcome of inclusion, diversity, equity, and accessibility, rather than as another pillar on a slide. It models authentic leadership grounded in lived experience and what creating belonging in everyday life asks of us. Who should listen This episode is for everyone, not only people leaders. It is for anyone working out who they are and where they add value. It is for parents and people building a home or a chosen family. It is for community builders, organizers, and people of faith who widen the circle in civic life. It is for HR leaders, people managers, and inclusion practitioners who want human-centered innovation. And it is for anyone searching for language to name a sense of belonging in their own life, across self, home, community, work, and society. An Innovation Unbiased Production https://www.iknowibelongwhen.com/about-the-show [https://www.iknowibelongwhen.com/about-the-show]

The behaviors we built, on purpose: A season 3 look back

Belonging is not built at the office. It is built wherever a person is, at the dinner table, inside a circle of friends, in the places we worship and organize, and at work too. Season 3 of I Know I Belong When… proved that twelve times over. In this special season 3 recap, host Christopher Bylone, Principal Strategist at Innovation Unbiased, brings every guest from the season back together to examine what it takes to be fully inclusive. Twelve guests. Six behaviors. One question asked again and again: what does it actually look like to build a place where people know they belong? The answer frames the episode and its title. The question is never whether a person fits. The question is what they add. This is not a highlight reel. It is a language lesson in building belonging across every part of life, anchored by the Inclusive Behaviors Framework and the Belonging Formula that ground all of Innovation Unbiased's work. You will hear a bank CEO lead with her humanity before her title, a hip hop journalist find belonging in a circle that asks what you bring, and a leader living with blindness move the barrier off the person and onto the design. If you have ever searched for language to name belonging, in yourself, your home, your community, or your team, this episode hands it to you in the voices that earned it. Must-hear insights and key moments * Belonging is built, never handed over, usually in a moment small enough to miss. * The question is what they add, not whether they fit. Dr. Dawn D. Bennett-Alexander reframes difference as what makes the whole picture warm. * Brooke Sullivan shows that listening is the work, the small act that costs nothing and changes everything. * Accuracy is not the same as care. Sarah A. Scala separates a name spelled correctly from a person who chose to learn it. * Silence is not neutral. Mike Davis names why hesitation quietly sides with whatever already holds power. * Access is a design choice, not a favor. Daniel Hodges and Simona Scarpaleggia move the barrier off the person and onto a world we can redesign. Season 3's standout quotes * “I have also learned the importance of pieces that don't seem to fit together, that do, and end up creating a huge, big, wonderful, warm, comfortable whole.” — Dr. Dawn D. Bennett-Alexander * “There's a human sitting across from you, whether it's virtual or in person, and sometimes you're the first person that listened to them all day.” — Brooke Sullivan * “Accuracy doesn't always equal care. Belonging requires intention.” — Sarah A. Scala * “Hesitation isn't being neutral. Hesitation is taking the side of the current power structure and the current way things are. Silence is not neutrality.” — Mike Davis * “Remember to leave everything and everyone a little bit better than you found it today.” — Joe Machicote Why this episode matters Every episode this season was its own microcosm of learning. This recap connects those moments. Walking the arc across the full season, host Christopher Bylone shows how twelve different stories demonstrate the six behaviors of the Inclusive Behaviors Framework, and how each adds a piece of what it takes to be inclusive. In the episodes, the platform belongs to the guest, so the host stays quiet. Here, he connects the dots. If you missed an episode, this is your map back to it. Who should listen This episode is for everyone, not only people leaders. It is for anyone working out who they are and learning that who they are is enough. It is for parents and people building a home or a chosen family. It is for community builders, organizers, and people of faith who widen the circle where they stand. It is for HR leaders, people managers, ERG champions, and inclusion practitioners shaping inclusive culture on remote, hybrid, and in person teams. And it is for anyone searching for language to name belonging in any part of their own life. An Innovation Unbiased Production https://www.iknowibelongwhen.com/about-the-show [https://www.iknowibelongwhen.com/about-the-show]

Make pretty good trouble: Authentic leadership in turbulent times with Chris Jones

What happens when you combine a lifelong storyteller, a lifelong protester, and a leader who runs toward the work when everyone else is running away from it? You get Chris Jones. In this episode of I Know I Belong When, host Christopher Bylone sits down with Chris, co-founder of Spectra Diversity and a social justice warrior since 1970, to discuss authentic leadership in turbulent times. Chris has spent more than four decades writing in other people's voices, from documentaries on PBS and National Geographic to scientific work for Mayo Clinic and General Dynamics. Now she is using her own voice to do what she calls her last career: helping leaders measure and improve workplace belonging. While other DEI consultants quietly pivoted to safer industries, Chris doubled down. She launched a second year of her free webinar series, DEI For Real. She partnered with an employment attorney to help leaders navigate what is legal and what is not. And she keeps asking the question every people leader needs to face: Are you actually building belonging, or are you guessing? This is a conversation about creating a sense of belonging at work when the cultural tide pushes in the other direction. It is about the difference between box checking and real strategic inclusion. It is about why measurement matters more than mission statements. And it offers fresh language for belonging, drawn from one woman's story of 55 years of making good trouble in the service of an inclusive culture and human-centered innovation. Must-hear insights and key moments: * Why measurement is the missing piece in most belonging strategies, and how exclusion shows up in the data "as plain as the nose on your face" * The difference between organizations that double down on inclusive culture and the box checkers who quietly retreated * How a name like Chris versus Christine reveals the everyday architecture of privilege at work * Why system changes outlast individual changes, and the bottom-up listening practice every leader can adopt today * The honest counsel Chris offers employees whose assessment data surfaces exclusion * Where Chris herself feels her own truest belonging, and the 25-year community that has become her safe space * What 55 years of protest signs taught her about authentic leadership, from Earth Day 1970 to No Kings Chris's standout quotes: * "I know I belong when touching base is mutual." * "Make pretty good trouble." * "The people who are not feeling like they belong... show up in the data as plain as the nose on your face." * "Work at system changes rather than individual changes." * "A lot of the box checkers are gone now." * "I'm now much, much, much more aware of where I have my own privilege." * "Find a place where you think that you would belong." * "Things also need to go bottom-up." Why this episode matters: This is not a feel-good DEI conversation. This is what authentic leadership sounds like when the work gets hard, and the headlines turn hostile. Chris offers something rare: a leader who measures what others guess at, names what others avoid, and stays in the room when others quietly exit. For anyone building belonging inside an organization that is wavering, or leading teams who are watching to see if the values were ever real, this episode delivers the language and moral clarity to keep going. Who should listen: This episode is for the chief people officer, wondering if anyone is still listening. The DEI practitioner is watching budgets shrink and asking what is worth fighting for. The mid-level leader is trying to build a sense of belonging at work inside a remote or hybrid team. The founder is rewriting values statements with one eye on the news. And the longtime advocate who has been holding the line for decades needs a reminder that the work still matters. If you are leading people’s experience through this cultural moment, Chris will steady your hand. An Innovation Unbiased Production https://www.iknowibelongwhen.com/about-the-show [https://www.iknowibelongwhen.com/about-the-show]

Scaling empathy moments that matter: Building inclusive cultures from day one with Brooke Sullivan

What happens when you take fifteen years of startup chaos, a front row seat to the exact moment culture either takes root or falls apart, and a leader who gets excited about the hard conversations most people run from? You get this conversation with Brooke Sullivan, Director of People and Talent at Banyan Software, and a leader building belonging inside fast-moving companies. Brooke has spent her career inside software startups, building people functions from zero, from the "we do not even have an org chart yet" phase, and turning that scrappiness into something real. She has a gift for what she calls scaling moments, that critical twenty-to-one-hundred-person inflection point where inclusive culture either becomes the foundation or something you wish you had built. In this episode, Brooke shares the practices and small everyday moments that create workplace belonging long before a handbook ever could. She walks us through her Exercising Empathy programming, the one-on-one design choice that changed how leaders showed up for their teams, and the moment she realized the language a company uses for its people reveals everything. This is a conversation about authentic leadership, human-centered innovation, and what it takes to foster a sense of belonging at work when speed and scale are pulling in opposite directions. Brooke gives listeners practical language for belonging, grounded in fifteen years of building people experience. Must-hear insights and key moments * Why the twenty-to-one-hundred-person window is the make-or-break moment for inclusive culture in scaling startups * The Exercising Empathy programming Brooke built to give teams permission to talk about the hard things at work * A one-on-one design choice, a green or red box at the top of the doc, that lets leaders see what is distracting their people without forcing the conversation * The Bechdel test for meetings and the question Brooke uses to surface who is missing from the room * How the words a company uses for its people reveal whether belonging is real or performative * Why friendship at work is one of the strongest signals of workplace belonging * The story behind Brooke's name and what it taught her about honoring the people who shape us Brooke's standout quotes * "There's a human sitting across from you, whether it's virtual or in person, and sometimes you're the first person that listened to them all day." * "If someone had a friend at work, they felt a deeper sense of belonging." * "You are gifted to care for these people." * "We talk about hard things here. We hold space for each other here." * "If you don't have people, you have nothing." * "My belonging comes from myself until it comes from that organization or that community." * "I know I belong when someone shares something really personal with me." Why this episode matters Building a sense of belonging in fast-scaling companies is not a side project. It is the work. Brooke shows leaders, HR practitioners, and founders how strategic inclusion lives in the smallest design choices: the language we use, the questions we ask, the connection moments we engineer on purpose. This episode reframes belonging vs inclusion in plain terms and gives listeners a working vocabulary for creating belonging at work inside teams that are moving fast and figuring it out in real time. Who should listen People leaders, founders, HR and talent professionals, DEI practitioners, and managers building inclusive culture inside startups, scaleups, and hybrid or remote teams. This episode is for anyone scaling a team through that twenty-to-one-hundred-person window, anyone creating belonging at work without a playbook, and anyone who wants stronger language to talk about belonging in the workplace, authentic leadership, and people experience in ways their teams can feel. An Innovation Unbiased Production https://www.iknowibelongwhen.com/about-the-show [https://www.iknowibelongwhen.com/about-the-show]