What If Presence Is the Secret Ingredient of Good Sex?

What If Presence Is the Secret Ingredient of Good Sex?

It's easier to believe the thrill vanished into thin air than to admit you left the room. Staying in the room when you've been with someone for years is a tall order, especially in the age of endless attention grabs. In this episode, Stacey gets into how presence, not chemistry, might be what's actually missing. Resources mentioned: 1. Esther Perel - Relationship therapist [https://www.estherperel.com/] * Perel suggests, in many long‑term relationships desire hasn't disappeared; what's missing is the quality of presence and aliveness between partners. (Paraphrase inspired by her book Mating in Captivity [https://www.estherperel.com/mating-in-captivity] and her TED talk [https://youtu.be/P2AUat93a8Q?si=sACcDzerxXZwMCmQ].) 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box [https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box] 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ [https://www.sexinreallife.com/] Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook [https://staceyherrera.com/yes-no-maybe-workbook/] 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook [https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook] 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/ [https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/]

Want Good Sex? Then Use Your F***ing Words

When they ask, "Are you tired?" You know what comes next. After you've been together for a long while, it's easy to predict the predictable. Which is the opposite of sexy. In this episode, Stacey gets into why using your words makes sex exponentially better in long-term relationships. Before, during, and after. 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box [https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box] 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ [https://www.sexinreallife.com/] Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook [https://staceyherrera.com/yes-no-maybe-workbook/] 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook [https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook] 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/ [https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/]

What If Blue Light Is Changing the Way You Touch the One You Love?

There used to be these gaps of nothing. Waiting for a table. Standing in line. The 20 minutes or so before the thing started. And in those gaps, almost without thinking, we reached for one another. Now those moments are fewer. In this episode, Stacey explores how screens are changing the way we touch each other. And what we're losing in the spaces we used to fill with each other. Suggested Reading: * National Library of Medicine: Blue Light and Digital Screens Revisited: A New Look at Blue Light from the Vision Quality, Circadian Rhythm and Cognitive Functions Perspective [https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11252550/] * Sleep Foundation: Blue Light: What It Is and How It Affects Sleep [https://www.sleepfoundation.org/bedroom-environment/blue-light] * Harvard Health Publishing: Blue Light Has a Dark Side [https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthy-aging-and-longevity/blue-light-has-a-dark-side] 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box [https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box] 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ [https://www.sexinreallife.com/] Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook [https://staceyherrera.com/yes-no-maybe-workbook/] 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook [https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook] 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/ [https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/]

How Can You Be Irritated and Aroused at the Same Damn Time?

There are things that our partner says or does that grate on our very last nerve. But sometimes, as annoyed as we may be, we find desire bubbling to the surface. In this episode, Stacey gets into the alchemy of irritation and desire, and why the thing that drives you absolutely batshit crazy might also stir your loins. Suggested Reading: Arousal transfer (a.k.a. Excitation transfer): * https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781119011071.iemp0055 [https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781119011071.iemp0055] * https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35471677/ [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35471677/] 🗳️ Share top suggestions for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box [https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box] 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ [https://www.sexinreallife.com/] Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook [https://staceyherrera.com/yes-no-maybe-workbook/] 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook [https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook] 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/ [https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/]

This Is Your One and Only Sex Life. There Are No Do-Overs.

Long-term relationships have a way of settling into routine. Same person, same bed, same sex, possibly on the same night of the week. In this episode, Stacey gets into why the sexual do-over is a myth. And how you could be overlooking the eroticism in the sex you're already having. Resources mentioned: 1. Mono no aware [https://www.toki.tokyo/blogt/mono-no-aware-aesthetics-of-a-fleeting-word] - Japanese concept * Translation: "the pathos of things" * In other words… the bittersweet realization that everything is transient. 🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box [https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box] 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ [https://www.sexinreallife.com/] Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook [https://staceyherrera.com/yes-no-maybe-workbook/] 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook [https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook] 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/ [https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/]