A Double Life: The Reality of Affairs in a Marriage

Gay, Christian & Closeted for 40 Years

In this episode of Men Like Me, Dan sits down with Dr Mike Rosebush for a deeply personal conversation about sexuality, faith, secrecy, identity, and what it was like to spend decades inside conservative Christianity while privately coming to terms with being gay. Mike shares his journey from Air Force commander and Vice President of Focus on the Family in the United States to eventually coming out later in life after the death of his wife of 41 years. He speaks openly about living in a mixed-orientation marriage, the fear of rejection, the pressure to suppress his sexuality, and the internal split that developed between his public life and his private reality. This conversation explores the emotional cost of hiding, the experience of depression and suicidal thinking, the impact of conversion therapy, and the deep loneliness many closeted men experience — particularly within religious environments where honesty can feel unsafe. Mike also reflects on his changing beliefs around Christianity, his movement toward a more progressive faith, the tension this created within his family and career, and the process of rebuilding his life in his 60s. Along the way, the conversation touches on masculinity, shame, marriage, belonging, love, and the universal human longing to be accepted as we are. This is not a debate episode or a culture war conversation. It’s a deeply human discussion about identity, secrecy, spirituality, and what happens to men when they feel unable to speak honestly about their inner lives. Chapters 00:00 – Introducing Dr Mike Rosebush00:43 – Marriage, Family, and Realising He Was Gay01:51 – Telling His Wife03:16 – Being a Gay Christian05:00 – Discovering His Sexuality in the Air Force07:41 – Focus on the Family and Living Closeted08:42 – The First Time He Told Another Person10:16 – Coming Out at Focus on the Family11:25 – Becoming a Counselling Psychologist13:02 – Working with Closeted Gay Christian Men14:21 – Conversion Therapy and Shame16:37 – Living a Double Life17:05 – Depression and Suicidal Thoughts18:12 – His Wife’s Cancer and Death19:33 – Coming Out Publicly Later in Life20:04 – Family Reactions and Acceptance21:04 – Moving Toward Progressive Christianity22:06 – Meeting His Husband24:38 – Marriage and Finding Love Again25:07 – What He Would Say to Other Men26:53 – Final Reflections Keywords gay Christian, conservative Christianity, Focus on the Family, sexuality, masculinity, identity, shame, secrecy, mixed-orientation marriage, depression, conversion therapy, men’s mental health, spirituality, progressive Christianity, emotional honesty, relationships, suicide, healing, belonging, transformation Get full access to The Centre for Men & Families at cfmf.substack.com/subscribe [https://cfmf.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

A Double Life: The Reality of Affairs in a Marriage

In this episode of Men Like Me, Dan sits down with David and Noni for a conversation that most couples would never choose to have publicly. They speak openly about unfaithfulness in their marriage, including multiple affairs, and the impact this had on both of them over many years. This conversation explores what was happening beneath the surface of their relationship. David reflects on the insecurity, avoidance, and deception that led to a double life, while Noni shares the experience of sensing something was wrong, being reassured that it was not, and then facing the reality when the truth came out. They talk about the breakdown that followed, the separation, and the boundaries that had to be put in place. They also speak about the long and often uncomfortable process of taking responsibility, engaging in deep therapeutic work, and rebuilding trust in a way that was grounded in truth rather than avoidance. This is not a story about quick repair or easy resolution. It is an honest account of what it takes to face infidelity directly and to do the work required to change. They are sharing their story because they know how isolating this experience can be and because there are very few places where couples speak about it with this level of honesty. Chapters * A Conversation Most Couples Never Have * Meeting David & Noni * The Isolation of Hidden Struggles * Early Red Flags and Quiet Compromises * The First Betrayal * Living a Double Life * The Cost of Avoidance * Hitting Breaking Point * Separation, Boundaries, and Truth * Doing the Work * Rebuilding Something New Keywordsbetrayal, infidelity, marriage breakdown, emotional abuse, trauma, accountability, relationships, men’s mental health, healing, honesty, masculinity, transformation This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to The Centre for Men & Families at cfmf.substack.com/subscribe [https://cfmf.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Behind Closed Doors: A Man’s Experience of Domestic Violence

In this episode of Men Like Me, David shares a story he never thought he’d tell publicly—his experience of domestic violence as a man. What began as a young, hopeful relationship quickly became something far more complex, marked by pressure, confusion, and a growing sense that something wasn’t right. In this raw and confronting conversation, David opens up about the reality of living in a relationship where emotional and physical abuse were present, the silence that kept him stuck, and the weight of believing it was somehow his responsibility to hold everything together. This isn’t about comparison or blame. It’s about bringing into the light a side of the story that often goes unheard. It’s an honest reflection on shame, responsibility, and what it takes for a man to finally face the truth of what he’s living in. Chapters * 00:00 The Story I Never Thought I’d Tell * 02:49 How It All Began * 05:47 The Pressure to Stay the Course * 08:52 Hoping Marriage Would Change Things * 11:47 Living in the Chaos * 14:48 The Moment It Broke * 17:45 After It All Fell Apart * 20:33 Letting Go of Blame * 23:27 For the Blokes Who Are Still There * 26:29 Life on the Other Side Keywordsdomestic violence, male victims, emotional abuse, relationships, men’s mental health, shame, silence, trauma, healing, personal story, masculinity, support This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Thanks for reading! This post is public so feel free to share it. Get full access to The Centre for Men & Families at cfmf.substack.com/subscribe [https://cfmf.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

The Secret Life of a Gambling Addict

In our first episode of Men Like Me, Sean shares the story he hid for years—his struggle with gambling addiction. What started as a harmless thrill slowly turned into something that took hold of his life, bringing secrecy, shame, and consequences he never expected. In this honest conversation, Sean opens up about how addiction works its way into a man’s life, what it cost him, and the moment he knew something had to change. It’s a raw and powerful story about struggle, honesty, and the long road back. From Addiction to Recovery: Sean’s Journey In this conversation, Sean shares his journey of overcoming gambling addiction, celebrating 756 days of sobriety. He reflects on his early experiences with gambling, the escalation of his addiction, and the impact of mental health struggles. Sean emphasizes the importance of community support, therapy, and the role of shame in addiction. He discusses hitting rock bottom and the turning point that led him to seek help. Through his story, Sean offers valuable insights and advice for others facing similar challenges, highlighting the hope and support available in recovery. Chapters * 00:00 The Journey Begins: 756 Days of Sobriety * 02:59 The Escalation of Gambling: From Small Bets to Big Losses * 05:56 The Turning Point: Recognizing the Addiction * 09:00 The Illusion of Control: Trading Stocks and Gambling * 11:54 The Descent: Borrowing and Financial Struggles * 14:39 The Cycle of Shame: Hiding the Truth * 17:41 The Breaking Point: Seeking Help and Support * 27:46 The Power of Listening and Support * 32:17 Recognizing the Addiction * 35:05 Understanding the Deeper Issues * 42:26 Life After Gambling: A New Perspective * 51:38 Words of Wisdom for Others Facing Addiction Keywords gambling addiction, recovery, mental health, support, community, sobriety, shame, empathy, personal journey, therapy Get full access to The Centre for Men & Families at cfmf.substack.com/subscribe [https://cfmf.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]