EP11 If You Could Go Back, Would You?

EP12 What if We Stopped Fighting Ourselves w/ Virginia Terrill

What is enough? I mean for real... in a world of "always get better," what is ENOUGH? If that question makes you squirm a little, you're in good company, because I'm right there with you. This week my friend Virginia makes the case that we already have the compass within us... the one we've been outsourcing to self-proclaimed gurus and the loudest voices in our social feed. I open with a story about an old friend named Leila Lee and a single question scrawled on a slip of paper that was handed to her at a party: "What is enough?" It has stuck with me for years and it frames so much of this episode. My friend Virginia Terrill, founder of Ethically Inclined Wellness, brings such a refreshingly down-to-earth voice to a space that usually runs on hustle and an undercurrent of "you're not doing enough." After roughly twenty years in active addiction, then recovery, early motherhood, and divorce all at once, she started asking what she actually needed... and pausing to check in with herself before taking on anyone else's playbook. We dig into the unconscious comparison of the endless scroll, the "done-for-you" speed that leaves us feeling behind, and that gut-punch belief that we're the problem. Virginia reframes wellness as what actually fits, not right or wrong... the same routine lands differently on two different people. I share my own history of handing my sovereignty over to mentors I looked up to and how they ended up being "shadow" mentors. Finally, we land on consistency: it looks different on different days, and adapting when life gets loud isn't quitting on yourself. Here's who you're hanging out with this week. Virginia is the founder of Ethically Inclined Wellness and the creator of what she calls self-collaboration... a way into wellness that actually holds up in real life! Through storytelling, mentorship, and nervous-system-informed practices, she helps us learn to work with ourselves instead of against ourselves. She's trained in wellness coaching and behavior change, and she's just beginning her Master of Social Work. Go say hello: https://ethicallyinclinedwellness.com/ [https://ethicallyinclinedwellness.com/] https://www.instagram.com/ethically.inclined.wellness [https://www.instagram.com/ethically.inclined.wellness] TIMESTAMPS 00:00 — What is enough? The question that frames the episode 03:05 — Meet Virginia + a four-part check-in 04:50 — What called her in: recovery, motherhood, divorce 09:46 — Sovereignty at an all-time low and the influencer machine 12:06 — Take what you need, leave the rest 16:20 — Ethically Inclined Wellness and "self-collaboration" 24:40 — "If you feel like you're the problem..." 30:12 — Skateboard magazines vs. the endless scroll 36:51 — The pendulum: grind culture vs. doing nothing 44:18 — My breathwork story + fit over right/wrong 51:52 — Failure is information + consistency looks different on different days 1:02:20 — The closing question: a message to young Virginia

EP11 If You Could Go Back, Would You?

I've been asking my guests at the end of every episode... "If you could speak to your younger self, what would you say?" And then a few days ago, my wife asked me the same thing. And honestly... it went way deeper than I expected. We ended up in this whole sci-fi rabbit hole. Like, Matrix and Total Recall style LOL. What if you could literally reach in and carve out a belief system? Or upload a lifetime of wisdom in a single moment? No butterfly effect, no consequences... just, what would you actually do with that? For me it went straight to my early 20s. Getting into the hair industry, becoming a bit of the cool kid... and feeding off it like crazy because underneath all of that I just didn't feel valuable without other people's approval. And I can look back now and see how much that shaped things. How much suffering came from it. How much I bent myself into shapes trying to get that acceptance. So yeah. This episode goes there. * Where I'd go if I could reach back... and what I'd pull out * What external validation actually cost me, and how I can still trace it * The difference between shame and guilt when you're looking back honestly * Holding "it was all for a reason" and "I wish it went differently" at the same time * Why the wisdom isn't in the wishing... and where it actually lives * The question I'm leaving with you ---------------------------------------- Two seats left in the Wayfaring Method! Eight months of coach certification that actually gets into your body, not just your head. We launch in six days. outofstep.life/wayfaringmethod [http://outofstep.life/wayfaringmethod] or find me on Instagram @andrew.carruthers ---------------------------------------- 00:00 -- Reflecting on the Past: A Philosophical Inquiry 01:58 -- The Impact of Experiences on Personal Growth 05:32 -- The Quest for Self-Worth and External Validation 08:42 -- The Complexity of Change: Should We Alter Our Past? 09:37 -- Embracing Duality: Holding Multiple Truths 12:56 -- Exploring Possibilities: The Power of Reflection ----------------------------------------

EP10 The Facilitators Journey from Control to Surrender w/ Carolyn Anne Budgell

There's a version of facilitation and serving others that kinda looks like confidence but really it's control. We walk in with the perfect lesson plan, detailed agenda, and a pocket full of knowledge. But inside we are just praying that it all doesn't come undone. Whether you're a coach, a yoga teacher, a breathwork facilitator, or anyone who shows up in service of others... most of us started there. And the shift away from it is rarely sudden. It's slow, earned, and often uncomfortable. Carolyn Ann Budgell has been guiding people through meditation, mindfulness, and breathwork for over 15 years. What started as a ski season yoga discovery in Whistler became a body of work rooted in nervous system support, conscious breathing, and the belief that we can't force transformation... we can only create the conditions for it. In my conversation with Carolyn, we trace our own journey from needing to have it all figured out to a more spacious, intuitive, and grounded approach. We play with the concepts of surrender, the difference between physical body and somatic body, mentorship (healthy and unhealthy), and the sneaky need for validation that shapes most of us. Settle in... this episode feels like a chat at a coffee shop, but it's loaded with gold. ---------------------------------------- If something in this episode stirred something in you... that's worth paying attention to. The Wayfaring Method is an 8-month coach certification for people who want to do this work from the inside out. Embodiment, breathwork, nervous system, coaching fundamentals, and the inner work that makes all of it land. 3 seats left. We start May 20th. Find out more at outofstep.life/wayfaringmethod [http://outofstep.life/wayfaringmethod] or come find me on Instagram @andrew.carruthers and ask me anything. ---------------------------------------- Connect with Carolyn: Website - https://www.carolynannebudgell.com/ [https://www.carolynannebudgell.com/] Free meditations - https://www.carolynannebudgell.com/freemeditations [https://www.carolynannebudgell.com/freemeditations] Upcoming events & retreats - https://www.carolynannebudgell.com/links [https://www.carolynannebudgell.com/links] ---------------------------------------- 00:00 - The bug that started it all 04:44 - Meet Carolyn Ann Budgell 07:18 - Early days in the fire 11:00 - The shift from teacher to facilitator 16:05 - Rebellion as a path 21:42 - What does mentorship actually mean? 26:25 - The triangle pointing toward the teacher 31:41 - Holding steady when someone wants answers 40:20 - Nervous system regulation and the planning trap 49:46 - Getting into your body... which body? 55:41 - Taking yoga off the mat 1:02:01 - Showing up with no plan 1:05:46 - Surrender vs. letting go 1 :09:22 - What would you tell your younger self? 1:13:11 - Closing

EP9 Is Our Story Our Power or Our Kryptonite w/ Evan Bourcier

What if the story someone tells you is actually the wall keeping you out? Evan Bourcier has spent 15 years pulling real stories out of real people... athletes, musicians, billionaires, and even dudes bleeding out in Dunkin' Donuts. He has learned to sniff out the difference between the story someone tells and the story that's actually driving their life. In this conversation, we get into all of it: when to follow the story, when to press, when to shut up and let the silence do the heavy lifting... and why some coaching methodologies might be throwing the baby out with the bathwater by cutting "story" off at the knees. About Evan: Evan Bourcier is Chief Creative Steward at Challenger Media House, where he tells real stories for individuals and companies who aren't interested in the sanitized version. His Substack, The Challenger Grimoire, is worth your time... go check it out: https://ebourcier.substack.com/ [https://ebourcier.substack.com/] Find him on Instagram at @challengermediahouse. [https://www.instagram.com/challengermediahouse/] In this episode: * Why a story that loops might not be the problem... it might be the protection * The two questions that open any door: "What makes you say that?" and "Tell me more about that" * How 27,000 hours behind a salon chair built better coaching instincts than most certification programs * Why letting someone be heard all the way through might be the most therapeutic thing you ever do * The moment Evan gave a CrossFit athlete permission to tell him to fuck off... and why that made the whole thing work The Wayfaring Method Coach Certification opens in May. If you're someone who supports other humans and you're ready to go deeper than techniques and frameworks... to actually trust your intuitive wisdom in the room... this is the training for you. Head to outofstep.life/wayfaringmethod [http://outofstep.life/wayfaringmethod] or DM me on Instagram at @andrew.carruthers. [https://www.instagram.com/andrew.carruthers/] 00:00 Introduction & what we're getting into today 03:37 Check-in: one word for mental, emotional, physical, spiritual 05:10 What ignited Evan's passion for story 11:13 The pattern behind people's calling 11:39 Why story wasn't welcome in the church 15:28 What is the actual power of story? 23:24 The difference between helpful and unhelpful story 34:38 When surface story is a wall of protection 37:46 The coaching session that broke someone's trust 41:50 Consent, intuition, and knowing when to lean in 46:18 Trusting intuitive wisdom over technique 49:35 The Alfred North Whitehead quote... and what it means 54:13 Authenticity vs. AI... what can't be replicated 01:02:18 Watching the mentor instead of being watched 01:05:18 Symbols, Daoism, and the limits of language 01:08:26 Hakomi, experiments, and putting a finger on it 01:13:06 Foundations as a safety net for intuition 01:18:25 Closing reflections and what's next with Evan Drop a comment or question for us! And subscribe if you want to support the podcast :-)

EP8 Fuck the Boxes w/ Misty Jayne Harmon

What if the identity we've built around our work is actually the thing holding us back? Not because it's wrong, but because we've let it become a box with walls so high we can't even see over them anymore? That's what this conversation is really about. My guest Misty Jayne Harmon has been a hairdresser for over 23 years, a money coach, a podcaster, and honestly a lot of other things that don't fit neatly into a bio. We get into the very real mental blocks that come up when you start to outgrow the identity you've created, why the "niche down" advice from the marketing world can become its own kind of trap, and what it actually feels like when you finally give yourself permission to just... be more than one thing. Fair warning, this one got personal. In a really good way. ---------------------------------------- LINKS: Misty on IG: @_mistyjayne_ [https://www.instagram.com/_mistyjayne_/] Website: www.mistyjayne.com [http://www.mistyjayne.com] 2027 Costa Rica Retreat Waitlist: https://mistyjayne.mykajabi.com/costa-rica-2027-waitlist [https://mistyjayne.mykajabi.com/costa-rica-2027-waitlist] Andrew's Wayfaring Method Coach Certification (Starts May 2026): www.outofstep.life/wayfaringmethod [http://www.outofstep.life/wayfaringmethod] ---------------------------------------- TIMESTAMPS [0:00] The identity trap — and who this episode is for [2:19] Introducing Misty Jane Harmon [3:48] Check-in: one word each — mental, emotional, spiritual, physical [5:10] When COVID took away the hairdresser identity — and what that revealed [8:10] The validation machine: what hairdressers get that coaches don't [11:29] The slow build — why stepping into coaching is harder than it looks [14:14] Starting from zero: lessons from Misty's first coaching client [19:16] Figuring out your lane — and why it takes longer than you think [21:32] How Misty Jane the money coach was born (hint: Toastmasters) [26:48] When the box starts to feel too small [30:19] What do I put in my Instagram bio? (It's a real block, not a stupid one) [31:52] Identity, marketing, and the high school cafeteria energy of social media [36:49] The session that changed everything — keep hairdresser or drop it? [40:44] Does the container guide you or confine you? [42:30] The playground fence study — why boundaries create freedom [46:11] Is comfort zone always the enemy? Maybe not. [49:20] Back-sided commitments — the invisible limits we set on ourselves [53:46] What pure coaching actually looks like vs. consulting [57:35] Evolving publicly — and why it gives others permission to do the same [59:27] What even is failure? And does it matter? [1:04:50] Advice to her younger self: don't discount the mistakes ---------------------------------------- Out of Step is hosted by Andrew Carruthers — outofstep.life [http://outofstep.life] ----------------------------------------