5 “Normal” Rules Neurodiverse Brains Struggle With (But No One Talks About)

5 “Normal” Rules Neurodiverse Brains Struggle With (But No One Talks About)

Neurodiverse people aren’t broken – we’re wired differently. What works for most other people doesn’t always work for us, especially when it comes to getting things done, motivating ourselves and handling stress. In this episode I dive into five common phrases parents that can really backfire with ADHD and autistic kids (and adults): “just try harder,” “be more disciplined,” “break it down into smaller tasks,” “use a planner,” and “stop being dramatic.” I share gentler questions you can ask instead, and ways to respond when your child is overwhelmed rather than “acting up.” This episode offers practical, compassionate alternatives to the rules and phrases most parents are told to rely on to keep their children moving forward in life. EPISODE REVEALS * Typical parenting phrases e.g. “try harder, be more disciplined, get organised, stop being dramatic” often land as shame and misunderstanding for neurodiverse kids. * Telling someone who is already trying harder than most people to “try harder” is hurtful and very demotivating. * For many ADHD brains, “break it down into smaller tasks” and “use a planner” quickly turns into endless over-planning and overwhelm. Nothing actually gets done - simple, messy action beats perfect systems. * ADHD brains run on dopamine, not sheer willpower, so building in regular, genuinely enjoyable breaks works far better than slogging away relentlessly at a task. * What looks like drama is often a dysregulated nervous system after a day of masking, noise, and pressure. Respond accordingly. * Be kind to yourself - you don´t have to fight against your own system. * If your child does need support, calm yourself first - you're lending your nervous system to them. BEST MOMENTS "It turns biology into a character flaw." "Working harder in a system that isn't designed for us - this is what your children are going through, and this is why you know they're burning out." "You're not undisciplined, you are working against more friction." "Do not over plan – perfectionism is something we are guilty of." RESOURCES Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD [https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD] What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you: https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR [https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR]   CLIFF´S SERVICES Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister   Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here -  https://m.me/cliff.kilmister CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister [https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister] X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD [https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD] HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change! This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/ [https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/]

Getting Access to The Right Type of Assessment with Lisa Bond

Today, Cliff welcomes Lisa Bond, who is herself neurodiverse. Lisa is a training, learning and development specialist who has hands on experience of counselling, advocacy, and litigation for neurodiverse families. Lisa works for AYC Psychology who offer a range of neurodiverse assessment services and is the founder of Impact Training. She lives in a Rainbow house of neurodiversity she and her son have ADHD, and her two daughters have autism. Together, they discuss whether the NHS or private assessment route is best, what a good assessment should look like and how to get one. They also cover why flexibility and providing choices works better than ultimatums, the positive role humour can play in neurodiverse households and tips to help you to navigate family life and the assessment process. EPISODE REVEALS * If you choose to seek a private consultation, make sure they are properly qualified, use standardised assessments, proper equipment and are following NICE guidelines. * If someone hesitates when you ask about their qualifications, that is a big red flag. * Offering someone with neurodiversity a choice rather than an ultimatum usually leads to better outcomes.  * If your child is coming home exhausted, recognise that as a sign your child is masking. They are not coping despite appearing to do so to their teachers. * The equality act is very clear that you do not need a diagnosis to get adjustments put in place. But realistically you will struggle to make that happen. * Be kind – to yourself, your kids, and the people around you, including those you are seeking support from. BEST MOMENTS "Nobody would go private if the NHS were providing what we needed." "Look at the Google reviews. It is important that you get a really good assessment." "If you can understand the why….you can look at the right techniques." "You are processing on a different operating system. The whole world´s on a MAC and we´re on a I don´t know what this operating system is." EPISODE RESOURCES www.psychologyassessmentservices.co.uk [http://www.psychologyassessmentservices.co.uk/] www.impacttrainers.co.uk [http://www.impacttrainers.co.uk/] CLIFF´S SOURCES Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD [https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD] What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you: https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR [https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR] The Mandela effect scifi novel https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/2017413402 [https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/2017413402] CLIFF´S SERVICES Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister   Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here -  https://m.me/cliff.kilmister CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister [https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister] X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD [https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD] HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change! This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/ [https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/]

Beyond Parental Controls: Raising Porn-Literate, Neurodivergent Kids in a Digital World with Cath Hakanson

When it comes to sex and porn, many of us feel it’s “wrong” to talk to our kids – especially if they’re autistic, ADHD or highly sensitive. But if we don’t talk, the internet will, and it won’t explain the difference between entertainment and reality, or help them process what they’ve seen. Today I’m joined again by sex educator Cath Hakanson to explore how to have calm, age-appropriate conversations about porn, consent and online safety. We unpack why parental controls are only a first step, how porn shapes expectations of bodies and relationships, and how to support neurodivergent children who may be easily overwhelmed or confused by what they encounter online. EPISODE REVEALS * Silence leaves the internet to do the educating about sex and porn - a very dangerous teacher, especially for sensitive, neurodivergent children. * Parental control tools can delay exposure, but kids easily bypass them – so, honest, ongoing conversations are still essential. * Neurodivergent children often need clear, concrete explanations, including what “counts” as porn, so they know when to tell you. * The biggest risk with porn is its messaging about bodies, consent, gender and what “normal” sex looks like. * Scare tactics can shut kids down, especially autistic and anxious teens; calm, shame-free dialogue keeps communication open. * It’s okay for kids, and parents, to make mistakes online - what matters is that they feel safe enough to come to you if something goes wrong. BEST MOMENTS "We can't expect kids to make safe decisions about porn when they're uninformed." "It's not the porn that's the problem. It's the messaging that they get from porn."  "Curiosity is a part of development."  "You can't scare kids into safety, and you can't avoid your way into protection."  Cath Hakanson https://sexedrescue.com/ [https://sexedrescue.com/] email at cath@sexedrescue.com [cath@sexedrescue.com] https://www.facebook.com/cathhakanson [https://www.facebook.com/cathhakanson] Previous episode - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/raising-neurodivergent-teens-in-a-sexualised-world/id1810681675?i=1000754576822 [https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/raising-neurodivergent-teens-in-a-sexualised-world/id1810681675?i=1000754576822] RESOURCES Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD [https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD] What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you: https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR [https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR] The Mandela effect sci-fi novel https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/2017413402 [https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/2017413402] Eva – InspireWithUs- https://www.youtube.com/@InspireWithUsYT/ [https://www.youtube.com/@InspireWithUsYT/] CLIFF´S SERVICES Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister   Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here -  https://m.me/cliff.kilmister CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister [https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister] X - @KilmisterCliff https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD [https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD] HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change! This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/ [https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/]

Tag‑Teaming Meltdowns & Mess: Real‑Life ADHD Family Strategies That Actually Help

I’m celebrating the 50th episode with two very special guests – my daughter Eva and my wife. This is an honest, funny, and tender look inside our “neuro-spicy” family life. We talk about the everyday chaos of ADHD and autism (spills, mess, time blindness, zoning out), how we tag-team as parents when emotions run high, and how we turn things like bike crashes and Roblox scams into gentle safety lessons.  We also explore the strengths that come with neurodivergence, including creativity, hyperfocus, and compassion. We share how we are building a family culture that aims for “working on it together” rather than perfection. EPISODE REVEALS * Living with “neuro‑spicy” kids and adults is messy and loud and that’s not a failure. * Accepting things are not perfect and taking joy and laughter from situations really helps. * Tag‑teaming dysregulated moments lets one adult step away, reset and come back calm while the other holds space for their child.   * When things go wrong, look at them as powerful teaching moments. * Time blindness is real; externalising time with timers, shows, reminders, and ADHD‑friendly apps supports everyone more than nagging does.   * Neuro‑divergent minds have huge strengths. Including creativity, great spatial design and hyperfocus for tasks that are related to something that sparks genuine interest.  * Being honest about diagnoses, sharing information and doing your own research turns the whole family into a problem‑solving team instead of opponents. BEST MOMENTS "I don't know how you do it, but you meant to have a shower in the bath, not in the bathroom. It´s like a swimming pool after you." "Sometimes it's funny - whizzy brained, constantly going, it's just chaos sometimes." "Just go easy on your kids … if your child's got ADHD or autism, don't just shout at them.” "We are still work in progress. That is my parting words for you guys. Don't be too hard on you." RESOURCES Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD [https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD] What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you: https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR [https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR] The Mandela effect sci-fi novel https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/2017413402 [https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/2017413402] Eva – InspireWithUs- https://www.youtube.com/@InspireWithUsYT/ [https://www.youtube.com/@InspireWithUsYT/] CLIFF´S SERVICES Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister   Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here -  https://m.me/cliff.kilmister CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister [https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister] X - @KilmisterCliff YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD [https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD] HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change! This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/ [https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/]

Embrace Your Inner Coach: Learning to Tap Into Your Winning Spirit with Tom Mitchell

Today's guest shouldn't be here - and that's exactly why this episode matters. He felt like an impostor talking about neurodiversity because this isn't his specialty. But this isn't about labels or limitations. It's about what we can become in spite of them. Think about the last time you argued with yourself. That voice that says not good enough, don't mess this up. Today we're meeting it head on and learning how to answer it. Tom Mitchell spent 14 years with the Golden State Warriors as team psychologist, co-authored a bestselling book with Joe Montana, and helped elite athletes compete under pressure. He believes you already have a coach inside you. The question is — which voice is winning? EPISODE REVEALS Even high achievers beat themselves up.  When anxiety or the ‘mind bully’ takes over, don’t pretend it’s not there. Notice it, move your body, talk to yourself differently, and remember that the wiser, steadier part of you is bigger than your mind bully that has temporarily taken control.  You can’t argue neurodivergent anxiety away, but you can honour the fear, while also bringing attention back to what’s working.   Your inner coach needs to talk to you as if you were a beloved friend or child.   Pressure and fear don’t have to crush you. When you befriend them, they become fuel to step up rather than spiral down.   Feedback hurts more when you live with rejection sensitivity but treating it as data for growth rather than proof that you’re broken transforms everything. Mistakes and missteps are not signs you’ve failed at life; they are simply a part of the dance in your parenting, performance, and neurodivergent journeys.   BEST MOMENTS "Train yourself to catch yourself." "Sometimes the winning spirit isn't about talent. It's about refusing to let the wrong voice win." Tom Mitchell, Ph.D. – resources: Embrace Your Inner coach- https://www.amazon.co.uk/Embrace-Your-Inner-Coach-Strategies-ebook/dp/B0G362FDBD [https://www.amazon.co.uk/Embrace-Your-Inner-Coach-Strategies-ebook/dp/B0G362FDBD] Winning Spirit with Joe Montana https://www.amazon.co.uk/Winning-Spirit-Principles-Performance-Excellence-ebook/dp/B06Y3XR1SN [https://www.amazon.co.uk/Winning-Spirit-Principles-Performance-Excellence-ebook/dp/B06Y3XR1SN] website: www.mvpperformance.com [http://www.mvpperformance.com] RESOURCES The Mandela Effect : https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mandela-Effect-Mind-Bending-Thriller-Multiverse-ebook/dp/B0DMPPDKV7 [https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mandela-Effect-Mind-Bending-Thriller-Multiverse-ebook/dp/B0DMPPDKV7] Famisafe Parental control App Link: https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD [https://wondersharesoftware.pxf.io/ParentingAUDHD] What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down: Real-World Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Kids Who Shut Down, Refuse School, or Just Stop communicating with you - https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR [https://amzn.eu/d/0fBIfbhR] CLIFF´S SERVICES Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister   CONTACT ME Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08 ⁠https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister [https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister] X - @KilmisterCliff https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD [https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD] HOST BIO Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change! This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/ [https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/]