Dave Chiswell on how parents discuss dating and BGR with their kids

Dave Chiswell on how parents discuss dating and BGR with their kids

We can give our kids all the dating advice in the world, but the truth is, the most powerful force shaping their expectations for future romance is the marriage they see right at home. In this episode, Chum and Millie sit down with Dave Chiswell, Youth Minister at City on a Hill Geelong, to discuss the daunting topic of dating. Moving away from a purely reactive approach, Dave introduces a "formation" framework, explaining why parents should start these conversations as early as primary school. The discussion covers everything from deconstructing romantic myths in media to the modern complexities of digital intimacy and AI companions, all while grounding the advice in the grace and kindness of the Gospel. Key Points Covered * Proactive vs. Reactive: Start talking about the theory of dating (what makes a good relationship) when your children’s friends start dating, rather than waiting until your own child has a partner. * A Gospel Vision: Move beyond "walls and fences." Instead of just saying "don't," focus on the "better" way Jesus loves us, which provides a more compelling vision for relationships. * The "Kindness" Test: A simple but profound filter for any potential partner: “Are they kind?” This encourages children to look for character and fruit of the Spirit rather than just surface-level attraction. * The Digital "Friction" Problem: Digital communication (texting, social media) removes the "eyebrow, "the instant facial and tonal feedback we need to treat others like humans. * The Rise of AI Companions: Why dating an AI bot is a growing temptation for a digital generation, and how parents can address the underlying loneliness without panicking. * Information vs. Formation: AI is a tool for information (finding a date spot), but it should never be outsourced for formation (building character and handling conflict). * Navigating Heartbreak & Sin: How to handle "crashing the car." Dave emphasizes the "Bank of Love," making consistent small deposits of time and trust so you can handle big emotional withdrawals when things go wrong. Resources Mentioned * Youth Ministry Futures: An organization co-founded by Dave Chiswell to train and encourage long-term youth ministers in Australia. ymfutures.com.au * Parenting City Kids Episode: "My Child Saw Porn, Now What?" featuring Christian sexologist Patricia Weerakoon. * Dave Chiswell’s previous episode: On the Teen Social Media Ban and its effects on connection.

Zeek Whitehead discusses how parents can help teens love their local church

Parenting teenagers is heavy lifting, and sometimes the most powerful spiritual decision you can make is letting a trusted youth leader help carry the burden. Episode Summary In this episode, Millie and Chum sit down with Zeek Whitehead, a Church and Community Relationship Specialist at World Vision and an experienced youth pastor, to tackle a question many parents face: How do we cultivate a genuine, lifelong love for the local church in our children? Zeek shares invaluable wisdom on the subtle ways parents unknowingly communicate their own priorities regarding church, from the stress of the Sunday morning scramble to letting attendance slide when life gets busy. He provides practical, grace-filled advice on how to transition kids from high-energy children's ministries into the main service, the vital role of "family worship" at home, and why youth leaders are essential allies during the rebellious teenage years. Finally, Zeek offers a thoughtful framework for how parents can navigate seasons of church disappointment without passing bitterness down to their kids, and how engaging in local missions can radically transform a teenager's faith. Episode Highlights * The Silent Messages We Send: How the "Sunday morning scramble" and inconsistent attendance speak louder to our kids than we realize. * Fathers Leading the Charge: The profound impact a father's church attendance (or lack thereof) has on the entire family's faith trajectory. * Graduating from Kids' Ministry: Practical steps for preparing children to transition into the main adult service and the lost art of simple family worship at home. * Plucking Seeds, Not Trees: Why it’s crucial to establish healthy church habits (like standing for worship and opening Bibles) when kids are young, rather than waiting to fight the battle in their teen years. * The Power of Youth Leaders: Why having a cool, young adult leader speak into your teenager's life can be the ultimate supplement to your parenting—especially when teens are resistant to mom and dad. * Navigating Church Hurt: How parents can process church messiness, scandals, or splits maturely without letting their frustration build a wall between their children and the gospel. * Faith Outside the Walls: How exposing teens to local missions and social justice (like feeding the homeless) helps bridge their love for Christ with a genuine love for others. Resources Mentioned in this Episode * Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor by D.A. Carson – A powerful look at navigating church hardship and leadership with grace. * Concise Theology by J.I. Packer – A highly recommended, easy-to-read resource for parents looking to grow their theological understanding so they can answer their teens' tough questions. * Family Worship Bible Guide by Joel R. Beeke – A practical guide for reading scripture and prompting discussion at the dinner table.

Zach Meerkeebs on true masculinity and being a godly father at home

True biblical masculinity doesn't start with being a powerful father; it starts with learning how to be a beloved son. In an era defined by cynicism and the constant pressure to perform, what does it truly mean to lead a family with authentic, Christ-like strength? Today, Danny and Chum sit down with Zach Meerkreebs, pastor in residence at Asbury University, author of Lower, and a catalyst for the 2023 Asbury Outpouring. Zach opens up about his personal journey of finding true masculinity not in cultural stereotypes or outdoor conquests, but in the radical humility and belovedness of Jesus. This conversation dives deep into the "soft parts" of manhood, the danger of performing for our kids, and how to stop finding our identity in how others perceive us. Zach also shares practical wisdom on empowering a strong spouse, implementing a family "Rule of Life" to weather unexpected storms, and adapting ancient Sabbath rhythms to anchor a modern urban family. Key Takeaways * Redefining Masculinity: True biblical masculinity doesn't start with performance or rugged stereotypes; it begins with "belovedness" and sonship. We must find our identity in Jesus before we can effectively lead our families. * The Power of Radical Humility: Humility is not about making yourself small or being passive; it's about choosing yourself less. In marriage, it means having the courage to communicate honestly and consecrating your spouse's unique strengths rather than subduing them. * Making the Gospel "Good": The modern world is no longer just asking if Christianity is true, but if it is good. Parents and churches must cultivate safe environments where the gentleness and kindness of Christ are visibly lived out. * Establishing a Rule of Life: To navigate the urgent, unpredictable moments of life (Kairos), families need a strong foundation in their ordinary routines (Chronos). Establishing a family "scorecard" or rhythm keeps you grounded when crises hit. * Sabbath & Family Discipleship: Zach shares how he integrates his Jewish heritage into his family's weekly rhythm, using a simple Sabbath practice of sharing a meal, reflecting on what to "stop," what to "delight in," and affirming one another. Mentioned in this Episode * Book: Lower: Igniting the Spiritual Awakening Through Radical Humility by Zach Meerkreebs * Scripture References: Psalm 103:13-14, Philippians 2, Philippians 3, Galatians 5 (Fruits of the Spirit) * Concepts: The Asbury Outpouring (2023), Developing a Rule of Life, Chronos (ordinary time) vs. Kairos (appointed/extraordinary time)

Karen Mason on the importance of talking about suicide in church and dispelling the stigma

The ultimate theological answer to suicide isn't about debating where the soul goes, it's about giving them a reason to stay. In this episode, Millie and Paul discuss one of the most challenging topics facing parents today: suicide prevention within the Christian home. Our guest, Dr. Karen Mason, is a Professor of Counseling and Psychology at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and a former manager of the Office of Suicide Prevention for the state of Colorado. Dr. Mason helps us move past the "spiritual failure" stigma of mental health, reframing suicidal ideation not as a sin, but as a "dark night of the soul" occurring in a broken world. We dive into the practical "red flags" parents should look for, why asking the hard questions doesn't "plant the seed," and how the story of the Philippian jailer in Acts 16 is actually one of the Bible's most powerful examples of suicide prevention. Whether you are currently navigating a crisis or simply want to build a home of "authentic transparency," this episode offers a roadmap of hope and grace. In This Episode, We Discuss: * The "Red Flags": How to distinguish between normal teenage angst and a genuine cry for help, focusing on changes in behavior and big life stressors. * The "Stop, Drop, and Roll" of Mental Health: Why we need to give our children a plan for suicidal thoughts before they happen. * Reframing the Stigma: Shifting our theology from "where does the soul go?" to "why is life a moral good?" and treating mental health with the same "common grace" we apply to physical ailments like diabetes. * The Catholic & Reformed Perspective: How church history and modern theology have shifted toward compassion and "diminished moral responsibility" during depression. * Acts 16 & Suicide Prevention: A beautiful deep dive into the story of Paul and the Philippian jailer, proving that every life—no matter how "scuzzy"—matters to God. * The "Hope Box": A practical tool parents and kids can use to internalize their worth and reasons for living. * Science vs. Faith: Why seeking clinical resources isn't "replacing God," but rather utilizing the tools He has provided through common grace. * The Proverbs 22:6 Struggle: Counseling parents who feel they've done everything "right" yet are still facing this "dark night" with their child. Resources Mentioned: * Dr. Karen Mason’s Training Resources: Patreon.com/KarenMasonPhD * Faculty Bio & Publications: Gordon-Conwell Faculty Page [https://www.gordonconwell.edu/faculty/current/karen-mason/] * Recommended Reading: Preventing Suicide: A Handbook for Pastors and Preaching Hope in Darkness by Dr. Karen Mason. Emergency Support (Australia): If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or needs someone to talk to, please reach out to these 24/7 services: * Lifeline: 13 11 14 * Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 * Emergency Services: 000 * Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

Kevin Van Lant on men's mental health and the importance for fathers to express emotional vulnerability to their children

Men are lonelier, more anxious, and more disconnected, and it’s shaping how our children grow up. Kevin Van Lant, Clinical psychologist and Associate Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at Biola University, unpacks the quiet crisis facing modern men, isolation, mental health, and the father wound. This conversation helps parents recognise when struggle is more than “just a phase,” why dads matter more than ever, and how healing men can reshape families for the better. ⁠www.kevinvanlantphd.com [www.kevinvanlantphd.com ]