How Asking Better Questions Builds Better Leaders and Parents with Jeff Raker

Season One Finale: David Durand - The Brain Science Every Sports Parent Needs to Know

Real Talk for Sport Parents Podcast Hosted by Samantha Livingstone This episode marks the final episode of the season! I'm so grateful to each + every person who poured time, energy + heart into these conversations — and to each + every person who listened, shared, and took part in building this sacred container. As this season comes to a close, I'm pausing to practice what I teach — taking space to reflect, listen, and allow what's authentically aligned to emerge. Thank you for listening, sharing, and being part of these conversations!! Ep. 26 - David Durand - The Brain Science Every Sports Parent Needs to Know In this episode, Samantha Livingstone welcomes mental performance coach and author David Durand to discuss adolescent athlete development through a nervous-system and psychology lens. Durand shares his upbringing near New Orleans, early sports obsession, perfectionism, pressure, an autoimmune diagnosis, and injuries that disrupted his athletic path, ultimately leading him into psychology and sports performance work. They explore how internal "demands" (I have to/should) can push athletes into a survival state, why timing matters when talking with frustrated teens, and how parents can ask about an athlete's internal experience. Durand explains basic brain concepts (upstairs/downstairs brain, "flipping the lid"), emphasizes bottom-up regulation before top-down tools, and outlines his BET framework—Breath (extended exhale and diaphragmatic breathing), Eyes (softening vision and widening peripheral awareness), and Touch (grounding and team connection). · 02:57 David's Sports Journey · 05:07 Helping Teens Thrive · 07:04 Demands vs Desires · 11:20 Talking After Tough Games · 15:33 Hand Model Brain · 24:27 Connection Action Shutdown · 31:05 Top Down vs Bottom Up · 37:37 BETS Breath Basics · 42:40 Eyes and Nervous System · 53:23 Unhealthy Climate Warning Signs · 56:43 Stretch Not Stress · 57:28 Social Media and Identity · 01:03:49 Parent Guidelines and Boundaries Quotes • "I tell parents now, I think the hardest job right now is to be a, a teenager. Mm-hmm. And specifically a teenage girl. And I think the second hardest job is be a, a parent of a teenager. Um, I think specifically moms, if you have daughters." [07:27] • " How it's not about getting dysregulated, it's about finding our way back home, finding our way back to connection mode." [26:47] • " Who, who you are does not come from what you do, but it'ss. Mm-hmm. The opposite of like, what you do comes from who you are." [55:07] Social Media and Links · RTSP Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/realtalksportsparents/] · samanthalivingstone.co [https://www.samanthalivingstone.co/] · realdevelopment.org [https://realdevelopment.org/] · David's Substack [https://daviddurand.substack.com/] · David's Book "B.E.T On It" on Amazon [https://amzn.to/4tqSDTD] David's Bio: David Durand is a mental performance coach who works with adolescent athletes, coaches, and organizations to strengthen the psychological side of development and performance. His work focuses on helping young athletes build internal security, develop psychological skills, and better understand how their brains and bodies respond to pressure so they can learn more effectively, enjoy the process of sport, and perform at their best. David is the author of B.E.T. On It: A Psychological Approach to Coaching Gen Z and Beyond, a guide for coaches and parents who want to make a meaningful difference in the lives of modern athletes by understanding the psychological and nervous system factors that influence their behavior, development, and performance. He is also the author of Better Than Before: A Psychological Guide for Injured Athletes, which provides evidence-based tools and reflective practices to help athletes navigate the mental and emotional challenges of injury recovery and return to sport.

When the Heat Rises: Keeping Kids Safe in a Win-At-All-Costs Culture

Real Talk for Sport Parents Podcast Hosted by Samantha Livingstone Ep. 25 - When the Heat Rises: Keeping Kids Safe in a Win-At-All-Costs Culture In this episode, host Samantha Livingstone welcomes Melissa Fortenberry, a longtime competitor, mom of three, and former product leader at companies including Expedia, VRBO, and Philips, to discuss sports parenting, values, and athlete safety. Fortenberry describes growing up in Texas as an identical twin in a highly competitive sports family, becoming a four-year varsity soccer letterman, and carrying a "do your best" mindset into parenting, prioritizing effort and fun over outcomes while resisting early team politics, specialization, and constant travel. She shares how seeing intense youth-sports competition and experiencing heat sickness at a 107-degree Texas football game led her to research heat risk, learn limits of symptom-based guidelines and heat index, and found Heat Sense, a wearable and app/dashboard solution that estimates core body temperature and heat strain to prompt timely cooling breaks and support performance and safety, with a long-term goal of broader adoption and legislation. · 02:56 Texas Roots and Twin Rivalry · 05:47 Killer Instinct Athlete · 07:45 Effort Over Outcomes · 09:38 Competition Beyond Sports · 18:40 Feeling Like Outsiders · 26:11 Finding Play Again · 30:35 Travel Teams and Balance · 34:29 Breaking the Feedback Wall · 39:57 Heat Scare at the Game · 41:48 Why Heat Rules Fail · 44:31 Launching Heat Sense · 58:40 Dreaming of Fun Sports Quotes • " …their innate competitiveness, I think is something that we have had to learn about. If it's something they're kind of born with or something they might develop, I would say that, um, I was born with it. My dad used to call it the killer instinct. Like if you're born with it, like you will do anything to win, win and you hate losing." [05:54] • "Because at the end of those games, you know what I said, I didn't say, did you try your best? I said, was it fun?" [29:36] • "If your body, the 98.6 is actually that everyone knows it's actually your core body temperature. And so when your body goes up to 102, your reaction time is gonna slow by 10 to 15%." [48:45] Social Media and Links · RTSP Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/realtalksportsparents/] · samanthalivingstone.co [https://www.samanthalivingstone.co/] · heatsense.com [https://heatsense.com/] · LinkedIn: @melissa-turner-fortenberry [https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-turner-fortenberry-139b39/] · Instagram: @heatsenseapp [https://www.instagram.com/heatsenseapp/] Melissa's Bio: Melissa Fortenberry grew up wired to compete. A twin who played every sport through the YMCA, made boys' soccer teams until high school, and became a four-year letterman, she came to sports parenting with a deep love for competition—not reluctance. But she also came with a philosophy: sports should be fun, and effort matters more than outcomes. In a culture that can consume families with year-round travel teams and D1 dreams, she and her husband have held the line on letting their three kids try different things, do their best, and actually enjoy it. After 25 years leading product at Expedia, VRBO, and Philips, a 107-degree football game turned her into a founder. Watching her son in full pads on hot turf, she couldn't stop thinking: if I'm overheating in the stands, what's happening to him? What she found was a system built around weather and symptoms—not the athlete. HeatSense replaces that guesswork with real-time visibility, so coaches and parents can act before heat becomes a problem.

Coaching with Courage: Chris DeSantis on Parenting, Boundaries, and Positive Sports Culture

Real Talk for Sport Parents Podcast Hosted by Samantha Livingstone Ep. 24: Coaching with Courage: Chris DeSantis on Parenting, Boundaries, and Positive Sports Culture In this episode, host Samantha Livingstone welcomes coach, athlete, father, and Swim Brief Podcast host Chris DeSantis, the first athletic coach to earn an advanced degree in positive psychology from Penn's Master of Applied Positive Psychology program. Chris shares his upbringing in swimming, including nearly quitting after his first year until his mom showed him his progress, and how a coach at 14 changed his life and influenced his decision to coach. He discusses a difficult college coach relationship, bullying, and learning to set boundaries, then offers practical guidance for athletes and parents navigating coach power dynamics and recruiting through direct, calm communication. Drawing from coaching in Denmark, he contrasts U.S. competition culture with Denmark's low hierarchy and closer parent-coach proximity, advocating gracious assumptions, curiosity, partnership, and empowering kids to use their voice. · 04:09 Childhood and Swimming · 05:40 Mom's Progress Lesson · 08:21 Coach Who Changed Everything · 10:41 College Burnout Turning Point · 12:33 Coach Conflict and Boundaries · 15:57 How Athletes Set Standards · 18:15 Recruiting Ask Directly · 21:26 Returning to the Pool · 39:04 Coaching Your Own Kid · 41:09 Abby Wambach Debate · 43:59 Finding Middle Ground · 50:26 Partnership With Coaches · 01:00:01 Speaking Up Against Abuse · 01:10:51 Permission Slip For Parents Quotes • " I really wish somebody had said to me when I was starting like, Hey Chris, it's okay. You're, you're just getting started. Like, you know, yeah. This, this is a skill. It's gonna take a long time to acquire." [03:44] • " Having a good relationship with your coach can be life changing. Having a bad relationship with your coach can be life changing." [13:08] • "Don't, don't let anyone tell you that you can't give input because, you're not a coach, you're not an expert in the sport. Um, you, you still know right from wrong and you still have, um. Have a basic sense of humanity and, and how people should be with each other." [01:12:09] Social Media and Links · RTSP Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/realtalksportsparents/] · samanthalivingstone.co [https://www.samanthalivingstone.co/] · chrisdcoach.com [https://chrisdcoach.com/] · Instagram @chrisd_coach [https://www.instagram.com/chrisd_coach/] · The Swim Brief Podcast on Apple [https://podcasts.apple.com/tw/podcast/the-swim-brief/id1232748697]

Marc Rosenberg - The Culture of Play: How Parents and Coaches Shape Mental Health in Sports

Real Talk for Sport Parents Podcast Hosted by Samantha Livingstone Ep. 23 - Marc Rosenberg - The Culture of Play: How Parents and Coaches Shape Mental Health in Sports Host Samantha Livingstone introduces Marc Rosenberg, a licensed marriage and family therapist, board certified behavior analyst, mental performance coach, and founder of the T.H.R.I.V.E System, who supports athletes with anxiety, perfectionism, fear of failure, identity, and transitions while reconnecting them to joy and purpose. Marc shares his Southern California upbringing, early exploratory play, and hockey journey, including how bullying shaped his athletic identity, and how sport remains a lifelong source of balance, connection, and community. He explains his career shift from sports business into counseling and behavior analysis, his work with developmental disabilities and adaptive sports, and his shared practice with his clinician wife. Their conversation emphasizes parental presence (including limiting phone distractions), modeling vulnerability, values-based living, and addressing harmful sideline behaviors that can be traumatic for young athletes, advocating for cultural change in youth sports. · 03:30 Growing Up in SoCal · 05:42 Finding Hockey Early · 14:40 Sport for Life · 19:40 Building Adult Community · 23:36 Career Pivot to Therapy · 32:50 Phones and Availability · 35:11 Thrive Method Explained · 37:44 Parents Shape Mind Health · 45:00 Accountability With Empathy · 52:25 Youth Sports Trauma Costs · 59:43 Permission Slip For Parents · 01:03:07 Post Game Conversations Quotes • "And, you know, we didn't have the element of screen so much back then. And so we were forced to connect. We were forced to be outdoors, we were forced to, um, you know, like I said, explore and be curious about, you know, what we could get ourselves into." [06:34] • "Hey, you know what? That younger part of me still exists so profoundly that I can get out here and feel like a kid again." [16:22] • " Look, my belief is, and I'm gonna keep the clinical aspect out of it, that trauma is an individualized experience." [55:40] Social Media and Links · RTSP Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/realtalksportsparents/] · samanthalivingstone [https://www.samanthalivingstone.co/] · 4ntent.com [https://www.4ntent.com/] · Instagram: @4ntent [https://www.instagram.com/4ntent] Bio: Marc Rosenberg | Mental Performance Coach, LMFT, BCBA, and Founder of the THRIVE System Marc Rosenberg is a licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified behavior analyst, and mental performance coach who works at the intersection of psychology, performance, and athlete wellbeing. A former competitive athlete turned clinician, Marc specializes in helping elite performers—particularly in snow, ice, and mountain sports—navigate the mental challenges of competition, identity, and transition. Drawing on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), behavior mapping, and his proprietary THRIVE System, Marc equips athletes to overcome anxiety, perfectionism, and fear of failure while reconnecting with joy and purpose in their sport. His work integrates evidence-based strategies with a deeply human approach—centering connection, vulnerability, and mental health as foundations for sustained performance. Marc holds master's degrees in Sports Business and Counseling, and brings a rare combination of clinical insight and lived athletic experience to his work. Through his coaching and advocacy, he's helping shift the culture of sport—championing mental wellness, resilience, and authentic growth both on and off the field.

How Asking Better Questions Builds Better Leaders and Parents with Jeff Raker

Real Talk for Sport Parents Podcast Hosted by Samantha Livingstone Ep. 22 - How Asking Better Questions Builds Better Leaders and Parents with Jeff Raker In this episode of the Real Talk for Sports Parents podcast, host Samantha Livingstone is joined by Jeff Raker, an executive leadership coach with extensive experience in both ministry and sports. The discussion covers essential topics such as effective parenting in the sports world, the importance of self-awareness and leadership development for athletes, and practical strategies for enhancing performance and emotional resilience. Jeff shares his journey from being a pastor to a leadership coach, emphasizing the significance of asking powerful questions and being present with your children. The conversation also delves into the nuances of dealing with feelings, setting boundaries, and fostering agency in young athletes. · 02:34 Jeff's Journey in Swimming and Officiating · 05:51 The Role of Officiating in Sports · 13:51 Blending Ministry and Coaching · 19:46 Parenting and Coaching Insights · 28:01 The Power of Asking Questions · 43:37 The Power of Pausing · 44:05 Acronyms for Better Listening · 56:15 The Role of Self-Awareness in Leadership · 01:02:11 The Importance of Sleep and Screen Time · 01:11:57 Jeff's Leadership Coaching Philosophy Quotes • "Parenting is on the job training, right. It, it, it's, you do the best you can with the moments you have and the information you have." [20:04] • "You're an imperfect human being, Who is raising imperfect human beings and you know. Have you messed up then apologize and ask for forgiveness? Yeah. But yeah, just be, be allow yourself to be human. Allow them to." [28:59] • "Do you always have, have an answer for it? Or can you say, wow, that is a great question. I don't know." [01:10:03] Social Media and Links · RTSP Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/realtalksportsparents/] · samanthalivingstone.co [https://www.samanthalivingstone.co/] · levelupleadershipcoach.com [http://www.levelupleadershipcoach.com/] · Youtube @JARaker5 [https://www.youtube.com/@JARaker5] · Instagram: @jeffraker [https://www.instagram.com/jeffraker/] · "Now That's a Great Question" by Jeff Raker on Amazon [https://amzn.to/4adnSJP] Jeff's Bio: I am an Executive Leadership Coach, and have been coaching people in that capacity since 2019. I graduated from Asbury Seminary and I have been a Pastor for 36 years. Collegiate swimmer, Dad to swimmers and softball players. Swim official, former FINA Starter. Master's swimmer & national champion, I swam at the University of Cincinnati. I've been married to my wife, Stephanie, for 39 years and we have 3 children, and 7 grandchildren.