does intuitive eating work in eating disorder recovery? | the recovered-ish podcast ep. 21

why letting go of your eating disorder feels like losing yourself | the recovered-ish podcast ep. 22

One of the biggest blocks in fully recovering from an eating disorder isn't the food. It's identity. In this episode I'm getting into something I've been circling around for a while but never done a full deep dive into — the way an eating disorder becomes a mask, a persona, a way of being seen in the world. And why letting go of it can feel terrifying even when you desperately want to. This one gets personal. We're going all the way back to a backwards baseball cap, through the eating disorder, and into what it's actually looked like for me to find out who I am without all of it. In This Episode: * Why identity is one of the biggest blocks in full recovery * The baseball cap story — and what it taught me about protection, power, and being seen * What my ED behaviors were actually communicating to the world * Why changing in recovery feels so exposing even when you want to * The labels we try on after the eating disorder — and why they don't fill the void * What it's looked like to find my identity at 31 * The "I am a person who" assignment — and how to use it yourself * What becomes possible when you stop trying to be who you think you should be Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 1:00 Life update 3:00 Today's topic: identity and eating disorder recovery 6:00 The backwards baseball cap — my first identity story 10:00 What the hat was really about 13:00 When I outgrew the persona but felt trapped in it 15:00 How this connects to the eating disorder 17:00 What my ED behaviors communicated to the world 20:00 Power, safety, and why we reach for external identity 22:00 The mask the eating disorder becomes 24:00 Why changing feels so exposing in recovery 28:00 The identity void recovery leaves 30:00 What I've discovered about myself since turning 30 32:00 The "I am a person who" assignment 35:00 Identity neutrality 37:00 What becomes possible when the ED stops taking up space 39:00 Closing thoughts Resources: * Recovery Skills Training: https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] * The Quasi-Recovery Exit (apply before summer session!): https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application [https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application] * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube Keywords/Tags: eating disorder identity, letting go of eating disorder, eating disorder recovery identity, who am I without my eating disorder, eating disorder persona, identity in ED recovery, recovered-ish podcast, chloe cox, ED recovery podcast, eating disorder therapist, quasi-recovery, identity and eating disorders, eating disorder masks, self-discovery recovery Resources + Connect with Me: * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Recovery Skills Training: [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] use code PODCAST for $57 off! * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube! [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXsP_SerXmcGNULIuPyCNyA]

does intuitive eating work in eating disorder recovery? | the recovered-ish podcast ep. 21

Episode Description Short answer: yes. Long answer: it's complicated, it takes time, and it definitely doesn't happen the way most people think it does. In this episode I'm getting into my own journey from restriction, to meal plan, to eventually finding something that actually feels like food freedom — and what every stage of that actually looked like. Including the messy middle, the slips, and the moments I started to actually trust my body again. Inspired by a comment questioning why I still eat six times a day at 11 years into recovery. Spoiler: it's not because I'm still on a meal plan. In This Episode: * Why I don't recommend jumping straight into intuitive eating at the start of recovery * My first experience with a dietician — and why my eating disorder hated her immediately * The role of exposure therapy in rebuilding a relationship with food * How fear foods actually lose their power over time * The messy middle between meal plan and intuitive eating * Why I still eat six times a day — and what that actually means * How pregnancy deepened my ability to trust my body's cues * What food freedom actually looks and feels like Timestamps: 0:00 Intro — back from New York City 2:00 What returning to NYC recovered felt like 5:00 Today's topic: does intuitive eating work in ED recovery? 6:00 Why I don't recommend starting with intuitive eating in early recovery 9:00 My first experience with a dietician 12:00 What finally made me surrender control to someone else 17:00 The role of exposure therapy in rebuilding a relationship with food 23:00 How to expand your zone of safety if treatment isn't accessible 26:00 The messy middle — when the meal plan starts to loosen 33:00 Why I still eat six times a day 36:00 How slips and relapses fit into this process 38:00 When life becomes bigger than food 41:00 How pregnancy deepened my body trust 46:00 Closing thoughts and resources Resources: 📚 Books: * Intuitive Eating [https://www.intuitiveeating.org/the-book/] * Eating in the Light of the Moon [https://www.amazon.com/Eating-Light-Moon-Women-Relationship/dp/0936077476] 📲 ED-Informed Dieticians to Follow: * @michellepillepichnutrition [https://instagram.com/michellepillepichnutrition] * @thehungryclementine [https://instagram.com/thehungryclementine] * @healthyshyla [https://instagram.com/healthyshyla] * @diet.culture.rebel [https://instagram.com/diet.culture.rebel] * Recovery Skills Training: https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] * The Quasi-Recovery Exit: https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application [https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application] * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube Keywords/Tags: intuitive eating eating disorder recovery, does intuitive eating work, meal plan to intuitive eating, food freedom eating disorder, rebuilding trust with food, eating disorder recovery food, recovered-ish podcast, chloe cox, ED recovery podcast, eating disorder therapist, fear foods, exposure therapy eating disorder, quasi-recovery, intuitive eating after restriction, body trust recovery Resources + Connect with Me: * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Recovery Skills Training: [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] use code PODCAST for $57 off! * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube! [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXsP_SerXmcGNULIuPyCNyA]

fear of weight gain, quasi-recovery, and social eating — your questions answered | recovered-ish with chloe cox

You asked, I answered. I get so many DMs and comments with really good recovery questions that deserve more than a quick reply — so this week I'm doing a rapid fire Q&A covering some of the most common and most important ones I've received. We're getting into comparison, quasi-recovery, fear of weight gain, social eating, family dynamics, book recommendations, and more. This one is packed with honest, practical answers — no fluff, no sugarcoating. In This Episode: * How to get out of a comparative mindset — and why comparison is never a fair fight * How long quasi-recovery can last — and what finally takes you out of it * Am I worried about raising a daughter as someone in ED recovery? Honest answer * What to do when fear of weight gain feels completely all-consuming * My top reason to choose recovery every day — and how that's changed over 11 years * How to deal with family members that just don't get it * How to cope with social eating — vacations, outings, dates * Book recommendations for eating disorder recovery and self-help * How to answer "how can I help?" from the people who love you * An update on the second cohort of The Quasi-Recovery Exit Timestamps: 0:00 Intro + life update — new house, birthday, busy May 2:00 Quasi-Recovery Exit second cohort announcement 6:00 Today's episode: rapid fire recovery Q&A 7:00 Q1: How to get out of a comparative mindset 11:00 Why comparison is never a fair fight 12:00 Q2: How to maximize your time in residential treatment 15:00 Total transparency, surrender, and getting messy 16:00 Q3: Am I worried about raising a daughter? 20:00 What I'm doing to prepare and why it fuels my recovery 22:00 Q4: How long can quasi-recovery last — and what takes you out of it? 25:00 Q5: What do you do when fear of weight gain is all-consuming? 28:00 Why the only thing that worked was facing it head-on 29:00 Q6: What is my top reason to choose recovery every day? 31:00 How my reasons have changed over 11 years 32:00 Q7: How do you deal with unhelpful family comments? 35:00 When to educate and when to let it go 36:00 Q8: How do you cope with social eating — vacations, outings, dates? 39:00 Q9: Book recommendations 42:00 Q10: How to answer "how can I help?" from family 45:00 Closing thoughts Books Mentioned: Eating disorder recovery: * Eating in the Light of the Moon – Anita Johnston * The Eight Keys to Recovering from an Eating Disorder — Carolyn Costin * Life Without Ed — Jenni Schaefer * Goodbye Ed, Hello Me — Jenni Schaefer * Intuitive Eating – Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole Self-help: * The Power of Now — Eckhart Tolle * A New Earth — Eckhart Tolle * The Four Agreements — Don Miguel Ruiz * The Gifts of Imperfection — Brené Brown * No Bad Parts — Richard Schwartz General reads: * The Secret History — Donna Tartt * The Catcher in the Rye — J.D. Salinger * Fame Sick — Lena Dunham Quotes from This Episode: "Comparing yourself to anyone is unfair. No matter how much you think you know about that person, you will never know as much about that person as you know about yourself." "Good enough isn't as good as it gets." "Your reason to choose recovery doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you." "The eating disorder is not invited on vacation." Resources + Connect with Me: * The Quasi-Recovery Exit — applications open for June cohort: https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application [https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application] * Recovery Skills Training: https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube Keywords/Tags: eating disorder recovery Q&A, fear of weight gain, quasi-recovery, social eating and eating disorders, eating disorder comparison, how to help someone with an eating disorder, eating disorder book recommendations, recovered-ish podcast, chloe cox, ED recovery podcast, eating disorder therapist, recovery questions answered, eating disorder family support, dating and eating disorders Resources + Connect with Me: * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Recovery Skills Training: [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] use code PODCAST for $57 off! * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube! [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXsP_SerXmcGNULIuPyCNyA]

muffins, missing the ED, and finding hope — reading my ED diaries part two | recovered-ish with chloe cox

Back by popular demand — we're back in the journals. In this episode I'm reading more entries from my eating disorder treatment diaries. These are unfiltered, verbatim entries from residential, PHP, and IOP — the rawest, most honest documentation of what recovery actually looked like from the inside. This one goes to some dark places. There are entries about missing the disorder, about feeling like recovery wasn't worth it, about a muffin that sent me into a complete spiral. But there are also entries about light bulbs going off, about laughing again, about finding hope in the smallest moments. And it ends with the Eater's Agreement — a manifesto I wrote at the end of treatment that still holds up more than ten years later. If the first journal episode resonated with you, this one goes even deeper. In This Episode: * Why I started doing these journal episodes — and why the response to part one floored me * What residential treatment actually looked like for me — and why I want to acknowledge the privilege of having access to that level of care * The emotional shutdown I experienced at the start of treatment — and when it finally broke open * The life map entry — sharing my story in group for the first time and finally crying * The identity crisis underneath the eating disorder — not knowing who I was or what I actually liked * The Valentine's Day entry — one of my darkest moments in treatment * The muffin entry — a spiral that started with a snack and ended with "I am not shit, I am the shit" * Sneaking exercise in treatment — and being honest about the moments recovery wasn't perfect * The PHP entry — when things finally started to shift and I started feeling happy again Quotes from This Episode: "It is comforting to have a physical manifestation of the source of my unhappiness. If that's taken from me, my failure and unhappiness becomes my fault." "I don't want this to be my story forever. I need to find my light and choose it." "A muffin should not have the power to make me feel worthless. I am powerful. I am more than this idiotic monster in my head. I am not shit. I am the shit." "There was so much pressure to make the right choice that it makes a lot of sense why I wanted to simplify my life and just think about food and just think about my body." Resources + Connect with Me: * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Recovery Skills Training: https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] * The Quasi-Recovery Exit: https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application [https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application] * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube Keywords/Tags: eating disorder recovery journals, ED treatment diary, eating disorder treatment, residential treatment eating disorder, ED recovery real talk, recovered-ish podcast, chloe cox, eating disorder therapist, ED recovery podcast, eating disorder journals, what recovery really looks like, quasi-recovery, eating disorder treatment experience, ED diary, recovery motivation Resources + Connect with Me: * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Recovery Skills Training: [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] use code PODCAST for $57 off! * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube! [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXsP_SerXmcGNULIuPyCNyA]

my ugliest eating disorder thoughts — and what they actually meant | recovered-ish with chloe cox

Episode Description Last week's episode sparked a lot of conversation online. I posted a clip about eating disorder recovery in the ozempic era and the comments absolutely exploded — and it got me thinking about something I've been wanting to talk about for a while. The thoughts I had in my eating disorder that I'm not proud of. The ones that would probably get me canceled if I posted them without context. The ones that felt so real at the time and are so clearly the disorder talking when I look back now. In this episode I'm unpacking each of those thoughts, where they actually came from, and what they say about the disorder — not about who I am or who you are. If you've had thoughts in your eating disorder that have made you feel like a bad person, this episode is directly for you. In This Episode: * Why I posted about my ugliest ED thoughts on Instagram — and why the response floored me * The core reframe: eating disorders are not personality traits * How eating disorders distort your value system to make harmful behaviors feel moral and right * Each of the ugly thoughts I had — unpacked honestly and without shame * Feeling superior when eating less than others at the table — and what was really going on * Feeling threatened when someone else's body changed — and the identity piece underneath it * Believing hunger meant I was doing something right — and what that was really about * Believing my body said something about my character — and the identity crisis driving it * Thinking my therapist and dietician were jealous of me — and why the eating disorder needs you to believe that * Not wanting a normal body — and why "just eat normally" was never going to land * Thinking enjoying food made me weak — and the fear underneath it * The darkest thought — and why it was depression talking, not who I was * Why your eating disorder thoughts are not your identity — and what they actually are Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 1:00 What happened when I posted about the ozempic episode — and what it inspired 4:00 The core frame: eating disorders are not personality traits 6:00 How eating disorders distort your value system 8:00 Ugly thought #1: feeling superior when eating less than others 13:00 What self-control actually is — and what the eating disorder gets wrong about it 14:00 Ugly thought #2: feeling threatened when someone else's body changed 17:00 The identity and scarcity piece underneath that thought 18:00 Ugly thought #3: believing hunger meant I was doing something right 21:00 Interoception — and how the eating disorder distorts your body's cues 22:00 Ugly thought #4: believing my body said something about my character 26:00 Not knowing who I was — and trying to manufacture identity through my body 28:00 Ugly thought #5: thinking my therapist and dietician were jealous of me 30:00 Why the eating disorder needs you to believe everyone trying to help has an ulterior motive 32:00 Ugly thought #6: not wanting a normal body 35:00 Why "just eat normally" was never going to be comforting 37:00 Ugly thought #7: thinking enjoying food made me weak 40:00 Ugly thought #8: believing body change would be worse than not existing 43:00 Why that thought is depression — not character 45:00 You are not your eating disorder thoughts 47:00 Closing thoughts Quotes from This Episode: "The thing about self-control is you have to be in control of it. When you have an eating disorder, you're not in control of your self-control. That tyrant living in my brain was in control of it." "I was not actually better than anyone at the table. I was just the most afraid at the table." "The real problem was I did not know who I was — so I was trying to manufacture identity based on my body." "You are the one hearing the thoughts. You are not the thoughts."< Resources + Connect with Me: * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Recovery Skills Training: [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] use code PODCAST for $57 off! * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube! [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXsP_SerXmcGNULIuPyCNyA]