From Wanting to Die to Yearning to Live; in Conversation with Levi Mericle | RDID; 212

Until There’s a Cure for Mental Illness, There’s NAMI-Man: Nick Emeigh | RDID; 214

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2401261/fan_mail/new] Recovery Diaries in Depth guest Nick Emeigh and our show's host Gabe Nathan are old friends, both of whom live with mental health challenges. They're both passionate, compassionate, vulnerable, and unafraid (while simultaneously being afraid of pretty much everything). That's a lot of what makes them good friends, and so much of what makes this interview a must-hear.  Right out of the gate, their conversation goes right towards suicide. And it's no accident that it happens that way: Nick just came to this interview from a Bucks County school that recently lost a young man to suicide. Nick helps people in Bucks County every single day who are contemplating suicide, have attempted, family and community members who have suffered a suicide loss. He lives and breathes mental illness and suicide every single day as Executive Director of NAMI-Bucks County, PA. Nick has survived multiple suicide attempts, he is in addiction recovery, he is a peer, an advocate, a mental health superhero (watch this film [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDFvbrBVGjc&t=80s] to be acquainted with the coolest guy in tights since Peter Pan) and he never stops urging politicians, changemakers, and community members to pay attention, to listen. To listen to stories. To his story.  Nick shares that story with refreshing honesty: a tale of intense bullying and early suicidal thoughts, an eating disorder shaped by control and approval, addiction, psychosis, trauma and grief. But what makes recovery sustainable or even possible? Therapy, medication, self-care, peer support, and the work of building NAMI Bucks County into a network that reaches tens of thousands through school education, support groups, and a warm line; and it's so, so much more. It's Nick's irrepressible personality that is heartwarming, sincere, and worthy of attention. So pull up a chair alongside these two old friends and listen. And share. And feel. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com [http://www.wannatalkaboutit.com/]. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/ [https://oc87recoverydiaries.org/]

Anxiety, OCD, and a Brain That Tries to Protect: Kayla Ackelson | RDID; 213

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2401261/fan_mail/new] Today, Kayla Ackelson lives, breathes, and thrives through independent expressive, mixed media artistry. But it wasn't always that way. For years, she struggled with incessant worries-- about everything, from swimming to sleepovers, movies, the dark (where people often watch movies), to people she loved dying. Never fear, though; she had maladaptive coping strategies to "help" her through all of those unrelenting anxieties. Afraid your partner will leave you? Cling on tighter! Scared of things; just ratchet up the hypervigilence! Check on everyone, all the time. Check, check, check. Then, check again; just to be sure. Kayla knew living this way was unsustainable; she would hide at work, trying to pull herself together through her tears. It couldn't go on like this. Gradually, slowly, with therapy, with insight, with help; from herself and from others, she started to turn the corner. Medication, meditation, journaling, neuroplasticity, and the practical mental health habits that actually support recovery: sleep, hydration, easing up on caffeine, and making room for quiet came along for the ride, and now, she's in a better place. She's writing, creating, and is the host of her own podcast, Unhurried [https://www.kaylaackelson.com/podcast-unhurried]. She encourages you to pause, unwind, maybe have a cup of (not thoroughly caffeinated) tea, and listen. We extend that invitation to you, too. We're so grateful to Kayla for coming on as a guest to talk about her mental health, her life, and her recovery. She reads her lovely essay, "It Was Cute Until It Wasn’t Anymore – My OCD, Anxiety, and Depression [https://recoverydiaries.org/ocd-anxiety-and-depression/]" aloud on the show, and it's a treat.  If you’ve ever felt alone in your own mind, we hope this brings language, comfort, and a next step. Subscribe for more Recovery Diaries In Depth, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these mental health stories. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com [http://www.wannatalkaboutit.com/]. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/ [https://oc87recoverydiaries.org/]

From Wanting to Die to Yearning to Live; in Conversation with Levi Mericle | RDID; 212

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2401261/fan_mail/new] From ages 13-19, Levi Mericle wanted to die, pretty much every day. There was reckless, impulsive behavior, suicide attempts, hospital stays, agonizing torment for Levi and assuredly endless nights of the most intense anxiety possible for his devoted parents, who struggled to understand what was happening to their previously happy-go-lucky boy.  Serious and persistent mental illness can often rip families apart. Our Executive Director and podcast host, Gabriel Nathan, has seen it in his years working at a locked, inpatient psychiatric hospital; parents absolutely at their wits end after years and years of destructive behavior by children, sometimes despairing and bereft of resources and support, child/parent bonds can become fractured, marriages can be obliterated-- mental illness is the ultimate wrecking ball. But Levi's bipolar disorder was no match for his parent's love; they refused to watch their son succumb to this illness, which tempted Levi to end his life by his own hand countless times. Neither would Levi's family let their strong Christian faith sway them from seeking urgent psychiatric help for their son. As Levi says in his interview, many Christians view mental illness as either not real, or something that needs to be "given to God", to the exclusion of potentially lifesaving medications and crisis interventions. Levi is an eternally grateful son, citing the love of his family as the main reason why he is still here, singing the songs life wants to hear [https://recoverydiaries.org/i-now-sing-the-songs-life-wants-to-hear/].  Our interview with Levi is wide-ranging and passionate; he is an ardently sensitive and introspective soul who spares no detail in discussing his incredibly dark adolescence and young adulthood, and what helped him turn the corner to finding purpose, meaning, and a yearning to live.  Levi closes our time together by reading his poem “The Corner In A Dark Room,” a stark, accurate portrait of depression’s numbness and time distortion.  If this conversation helps you, subscribe, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review so more people can find Recovery Diaries In Depth. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com [http://www.wannatalkaboutit.com/]. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/ [https://oc87recoverydiaries.org/]

A Black Woman's Experience with Mental Health; Jacquese Armstrong | RDID; 211

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2401261/fan_mail/new] For decades, Jacquese Armstrong let others write her story. She was labeled, marginalized, medicated, and was essentially given a life sentence by physicians who spent no more time with her than you spend with the clerk at a 7-Eleven. She was told she'd never work. She was told. Now, she tells. And the story she tells is one of boundless creativity [https://recoverydiaries.org/schizophrenic-rainbow/], advocacy, a passionate engagement in the expressive arts. She speaks about the system that subjugated her; pigeon-holed her, overdiagnosed and overmedicated her, took away her agency and her hope.  Jacquese challenges herself and us to not accept culturally incompetent care, to not lay down and accept whatever is thrown at us by the medical model, a system that routinely fails to see people as complex and nuanced human beings. She holds fast to her faith, her compassion for herself, and her love of creating. Jacquese is an award-winning poet and memoirist who has rebuilt her life following decades of medications that stunted and blunted her. She still struggles, and she is open about that as she is about so much; ageism, misogyny, psychiatric harm, injustice; she pours out her heart in articles, essays, poems, and her forthcoming book.  Jacquese has worked ceaselessly to help others, and to build the ladder, rung by rung, she uses to climb out of the pit she found herself in. Her mental health challenges may always be there, but she is learning to live and fight for herself and her dignity and her rights, every day; doing so artfully and gracefully.  If you’ve ever felt mislabeled, unseen, or stuck in a system that talks over you, Jacquese Armstrong offers validation, direction, and hope. Her extraordinary and moving book, fabricating a home 'cause you never had one, is available for purchase here [https://aquariuspress.myshopify.com/collections/frontpage/products/fabricating-a-home-cause-you-never-had-one-hardcover]. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com [http://www.wannatalkaboutit.com/]. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/ [https://oc87recoverydiaries.org/]

Excuse Her While She Obsesses; Unpacking OCD with Manndi Maphies | RDID; 210

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2401261/fan_mail/new] Manndi Maphies lives with obsessive compulsive disorder. It was undoubtedly present in her childhood, where she exhibited behaviors that could be perhaps described as "quirky" but her OCD caught fire following a miscarriage, followed by a new pregnancy. Manndi was, understandably, terrified that she miscarried because of something she "did", and she was absolutely not going to let that happen again; so OCD obligingly took over, letting Manndi know that she needed to compulsively wash her hands, be frightened of certain foods, watch every move she made... in order to keep her unborn child "safe."  Fortunately, Manndi's doctor convinced her that medication, while it carried some small risks, might very well do less harm to her unborn child than her out-of-control OCD was doing, in the form of extreme stress, compulsive behaviors, and unmanaged anxiety. Manndi listened, and got help that helped. In Manndi's wonderful essay, "Excuse Me While I Obsess; Learning to Manage my Lifelong Struggle with OCD" [https://recoverydiaries.org/lifelong-struggle-with-ocd/], she writes about her mental health and her recovery. She has been through divorce, unexpected loss, and blending families, where stress briefly outpaced her tools. But Manndi doesn't fall apart; she regroups and she falls almost effortlessly into new seasons of her life, finding joy, creating and connecting.  Manndi finds comfort in faith, humor, and community. She is using her voice and her writing to help others find hope and help. We are so grateful that she was our guest here on Recovery Diaries in Depth, and we are lucky to share her wisdom and kindness with you.  If this conversation resonates, share it with someone who needs language for what they’re feeling, then subscribe, leave a review, and join our mailing list at recoverydiaries.org so you never miss new stories, essays, and films.  Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com [http://www.wannatalkaboutit.com/]. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/ [https://oc87recoverydiaries.org/]