Feeling Secure as Seniors?

What Makes a Good Day?

What we now think of as a good day is different than when we were younger. Now a good day can mean being able to roll with what comes, making connections with others, getting out and exercising, checking one thing off the list or simply acknowledging and accepting we are out of sorts. As we laugh and talk about not going to the emergency room as a good day and that eating ice cream makes everything better, we touch something deeper in the human condition. Acknowledging that we are complex as humans helps us understand that pain and joy coexist on a continuum. We cannot appreciate one without the other. Knowing ourselves and understanding how our minds works help us develop the strategies to make our days and our lives richer as we navigate our “good” and “bad” days. Listen to our slightly off the wall yet, insightful podcast.

Decluttering

What things do we keep, why do we keep them and how do we know when it’s time to let them go? That is the question we asked ourselves today. We have gathered and acquired things over a lifetime and now, as we transition from work to retirement and start downsizing, to make it easier for our children when we’re gone, we must figure out what to do with all this stuff. When are we going to get at all those boxes of photos that we have already moved several times? What about the things that belonged to our parents? What about the t-shirts we have hung onto? Or the books? Or the notebooks? Discerning what belongs with us now as we continue to live, remember and become who we want to be is tough. It requires being ready to feel the emotional ups and downs of a well lived life and to let go. It requires establishing a process for making those decisions especially one that works for both partners when the decisions are joint. It requires some grieving. It’s not about rejecting the past or stripping the house bare, it’s about keeping only what belongs with us now and sustains us as we move forward.

Are We Still Trying?

We are socialized to be competitive from an early age and given messages about being the smartest, most athletic, or best looking. Conversely, we are told that we are not smart enough to go to university, or athletic enough to make the team or that we are average looking. Were we competitive at a younger age to prove something? Are we still competitive? Can being competitive motivate us? Perhaps seniors are competitive in a different way than when we were young. It is hard to let go of the competitiveness that we once had, especially if we have health issues but the motivation seems to shift from trying to be better than someone else out of fear or insecurity, to bettering ourselves as a way to find joy or contentment.

Is This Still Possible? Fragile Wishes and Longing

In earlier years we had bucket lists, things we put on a list and checked off as we accomplished them. In our 70’s we find our lists have become wishes or desires and each thing on it must be examined as to whether it is still possible. We now live under the shadow of health and financial circumstances that may be limiting, family realities and the shortening horizon of time. But that does not limit our wishes, desires or longings, we still have them and having them brings hope. Living by the ocean, becoming a personal trainer, reconciliation with a sister, seeking a way to express our spirituality, are all works in progress that capture our hearts and imaginations. We also have previous desires that we have let go of, no longer running or traveling in the United States or driving across the country are conscious choices we have stopped pursuing. Finding inspiration and meaning in our retirement is the universal impetus for our wishes and desires and is reflected in the choices we make as well as the ones we discard.

Feeling Secure as Seniors?

In our last podcast on what surprises us we discovered that we experience more fear than we had expected. So how do we thrive and live as full a life as possible in the face of things that make us fearful? What does feeling secure look like? Our discussion identified physical, financial and social components among others, that can create areas of uncertainty. We identified that knowing what our resources are and having a security plan that we can rely on as our needs change are both important. Some of our insecurities have come with us from childhood and we are still looking for ways to overcome them. Being supported by others as we tace our insecurities helps; an affirming shop owner, a good hair stylist, someone to play music with, and a mantra of "I belong here". Being connected to our gym and taking the classes that maintain our mobility is a source of security, as well as knowing that it is a rich resource for the future. The tenacity of others we find there inspire us. Acknowledging what we still have, rather than what we don't have, can be the best way to help us feel secure.