"Just Open Your Legs": The Female Pleasure Gap in Nigeria with Dr. Tolulope Oko-Igaire | Episode 17

"Just Open Your Legs": The Female Pleasure Gap in Nigeria with Dr. Tolulope Oko-Igaire | Episode 17

Today in The Lab, we sit down with Dr. Tolulope Oko-Igaire, therapist, intimacy expert, founder of the Intimacy Clinic, and founder of the Chartered Institute of Counseling in Nigeria. In a powerful and eye-opening conversation, Dr. Tolu shares what it means to advocate for sexual health, intimacy, and therapy in a culture where conversations about sex remain highly stigmatized and deeply influenced by religion, tradition, and social expectations. From sexless marriages and sexual misinformation to the role of pastors, prayer, and cultural expectations around marriage, Dr. Tolu offers a rare look into the realities many couples face across Nigeria and other parts of Africa. She also discusses the urgent need for sex therapy, sexual education, and mental health support in regions where these resources remain scarce. KEY TAKEAWAYS: * Sexual education in Nigeria is often shaped by fear, stigma, religion, and misinformation rather than evidence-based information. * Many couples struggle silently with sexual dissatisfaction, sexless marriages, and intimacy concerns because seeking help is still highly stigmatized. * Therapy, counseling, and sex therapy remain underutilized, but a growing number of professionals are working to expand access and awareness throughout Africa. SHOW SUMMARY: 00:00 – Overrated Marriage Expectations in Africa 01:36 – Guest Introduction: Dr. Toluope Oko-Igaire, "The Fixer” 01:50 – Cultural Identity and the Happiness Paradox in Nigeria 02:20 – African Sexual Reality Research and Global Implications 03:13 – Stigma, Low Literacy, and Sexual Taboos 03:48 – Social Media and the Spread of Sexual Misinformation 04:37 – Realizing the Need for Intimacy and Mental Health Support 05:04 – Religious Alternatives: Prayer Mountains vs. Counseling 05:47 – Radio Show Impact: "Intimate Talk with Auntie Tolu" 07:16 – Addressing Celibacy in Singles and Sexual Issues in Marriage 09:21 – Viral Influence: The "Intimate Wash" Breakthrough 11:34 – Cultural Conditioning and Life-Centered Marriage 13:12 – The Role of Parents and Family in African Weddings 14:58 – Spiritual Interventions for Infidelity and Marital Struggle 16:45 – The Scarcity of Professional Sex Therapy in Nigeria 18:51 – Unregulated Herbal Concoctions and Sexual Health 20:54 – Potential for Medical Research on African Aphrodisiacs 22:49 – Stigma and Low Engagement with Mental Health Care 23:49 – Shortage of Psychiatrists and Reliance on Medication 24:45 – Cultural Nuances and the Limitations of Western Therapy 25:47 – Fragile Masculinity and Barriers to Sexual Communication 28:06 – Lack of Education and the Erosion of Female Pleasure 30:53 – Male Provider Roles and Bride Price Implications 34:30 – Religious Constraints on Sexual Practices 37:25 – Lightning Round: Debunking Penetrative Sex Myths 38:10 – The Secret Craving for Orgasm and Exploration 39:03 – Avoiding the Topic of Sexual Satisfaction 40:27 – Modern Shifts in Infidelity and Traditional Taboos 42:57 – Normalizing Therapy as a Future Lifestyle RESOURCES MENTIONED THIS EPISODE: The Sexology Lab is powered by Sexual Health Alliance, a global hub for world-class certifications, cutting-edge education, and a thriving community of professionals. Many of the show’s guests also share their expertise at their events. Join them at: SexualHealthAlliance.com (http://sexualhealthalliance.com/ [http://sexualhealthalliance.com/]) More from this episode’s guest at: * Intimacy Clinic Nigeria: https://intimacyclinic.org/ [https://intimacyclinic.org/]  * Chartered Institute of Counseling Nigeria: https://thecicn.org/dr-tolulope-oko-igaire/ [https://thecicn.org/dr-tolulope-oko-igaire/]  * Dr. Tolulope Oko-Igaire: https://www.instagram.com/drtolu_thefixer/ [https://www.instagram.com/drtolu_thefixer/]  SUBSCRIBE AND REVIEW: If you loved this episode, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review! Your support helps us reach more people who need these insights. 🎙 Thanks for tuning in to The Sexology Lab. See you next week! https://www.sexologylab.com/ [https://www.sexologylab.com/]  Key TakeawaysSHOW SUMMARYRESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODESUBSCRIBE AND REVIEW

Shame and the Problem with Calling Everything an Addiction with Michael Vigorito | Episode 16

In this episode, we sit down with Michael Vigorito, licensed psychotherapist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, author, and co-director of Sexual Health Alliance’s Advanced Certification in Problem Sexual Behavior. Together, we challenge one of the most widely accepted and misunderstood concepts in modern sexology: sex addiction. Michael shares why many sexual health professionals have moved away from the sex addiction model and toward more nuanced, evidence-informed approaches to understanding out-of-control sexual behavior. We explore the powerful roles of shame, moral conflict, erotic identity development, and relationship dynamics, while discussing what actually helps people create healthier relationships with their sexuality. KEY TAKEAWAYS: * Many people who identify as "sex addicts" are experiencing shame, moral conflict, or distress rather than a true addiction process * Out-of-control sexual behavior is often influenced by multiple factors, including mental health, values conflicts, relationships, and erotic identity development * Curiosity, self-understanding, and integration are often more effective than shame-based approaches to creating lasting change SHOW SUMMARY: 00:00 – Introduction to Addiction Narratives 01:56 – Michael Vigorito’s Origin Story 04:24 – Impact of Conversion Therapy Law Changes 07:34 – Deconstructing the "Sex Addict" Label 09:31 – Defining Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB) 12:00 – Problems with the Sex Addiction Model 15:27 – The Limitations of Abstinence 18:42 – Media Misuse and Externalizing Responsibility 21:16 – The Role of Shame and Moral Incongruence 24:26 – Understanding Erotic Orientation and Identity 28:12 – A Multifactorial Framework for Treatment 31:32 – Clinical Assessment and Motivation for Change 33:52 – Clinical Distinctions: Consent and Criminality 36:18 – Importance of Specialized Clinical Training 38:26 – Lightning Round 39:37 – Advice for the Next Generation RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: The Sexology Lab is powered by Sexual Health Alliance, a global hub for world-class certifications, cutting-edge education, and a thriving community of professionals. Many of the show’s guests also share their expertise at their events. * Join them at: SexualHealthAlliance.com More from this episode’s guest at: * Michael Vigorito: http://michaelvigorito.com/ * Sexual Health Alliance Advanced Certification in Problem Sexual Behavior: https://sexualhealthalliance.com/problem-sexual-behavior SUBSCRIBE AND REVIEW: If you loved this episode, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review! Your support helps us reach more people who need these insights: https://www.sexologylab.com/ 🎙 Thanks for tuning in to The Sexology Lab. See you next week!

The Hidden Cost of SSRIs: What Every Woman Should Know with Dr. Laurie Mintz & Dr. Suzette Johnson | Episode 15

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Laurie Mintz and Dr. Suzette Johnson to explore one of the most common but least discussed side effects of antidepressants: difficulty with arousal, desire, and orgasm. Millions of women take SSRIs and SNRIs for anxiety, depression, postpartum mental health, and other conditions, yet many are never warned about how these medications can impact their sexual well-being. Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience, Dr. Mintz and Dr. Johnson explain the neuroscience behind SSRI-induced sexual dysfunction, why these side effects are often overlooked in healthcare, and what women can do if they find themselves struggling. Most importantly, they challenge the false choice between mental health and sexual health, emphasizing that women deserve both. KEY TAKEAWAYS: * SSRIs and SNRIs commonly affect desire, arousal, sensation, and orgasm, yet many patients are never informed about these side effects * Sexual dysfunction caused by antidepressants is often treatable through medication adjustments, behavioral strategies, and sexual medicine interventions * Women should never feel forced to choose between protecting their mental health and maintaining a satisfying sex life SHOW SUMMARY: 01:51 – Dr. Laurie Mintz & Dr. Suzette Johnson origin stories in sexual health 05:10 – Impact of SSRIs and SNRIs on the brain and sexual response 07:01 – Statistics on female arousal vs. orgasm dysfunction 09:31 – The "Point of No Return" and delayed orgasm physiology 11:02 – Lack of sexual health training for medical professionals 12:51 – Differentiating common SSRIs and SNRIs (Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor) 16:11 – Psychological toll: anxiety and performance pressure 24:52 – Psychosocial and medical solutions for regaining orgasm 31:26 – Medication adjustments, clinical options, and timing 36:31 – Broadening the definition of pleasure and self-exploration 38:41 – Lightning Round: Sexual health book recommendations and closing advice RESOURCES MENTIONED THIS EPISODE: The Sexology Lab is powered by Sexual Health Alliance, a global hub for world-class certifications, cutting-edge education, and a thriving community of professionals. Many of the show’s guests also share their expertise at their events. Join them at: SexualHealthAlliance.com [http://sexualhealthalliance.com]  More from this episode’s guests at: Dr. Laurie Mintz: https://www.drlauriemintz.com/ [https://www.drlauriemintz.com/]  Dr. Suzette Johnson: https://health.usnews.com/doctors/suzette-johnson-2435599 [https://health.usnews.com/doctors/suzette-johnson-2435599]  Becoming Cliterate by Dr. Laurie Mintz: https://www.drlauriemintz.com/becoming-cliterate [https://www.drlauriemintz.com/becoming-cliterate]  MyMojo: Regain Your Orgasm Program: https://mymojo.com/courses/find-your-orgasm [https://mymojo.com/courses/find-your-orgasm] SUBSCRIBE AND REVIEW: If you loved this episode, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review! Your support helps us reach more people who need these insights. 🎙 Thanks for tuning in to The Sexology Lab. See you next week! https://www.sexologylab.com/ [https://www.sexologylab.com/]

Energy Drainers vs Energy Gainers: Restoring Connection to Pleasure with Dr. Shannon Chavez | Episode 14

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Shannon Chavez, a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist who blends evidence-based psychology, attachment theory, sexual medicine, and holistic wellness practices to help people create healthier relationships with themselves and their partners. From nervous system regulation and desire to trauma healing, emotional safety, and multicultural approaches to sexuality, Dr. Chavez explains why many sexual concerns are not problems to be fixed, but signals to better understand. She also shares practical strategies for managing overwhelm, improving intimacy, and cultivating deeper connection in relationships. KEY TAKEAWAYS: * Low desire is often connected to nervous system overload, disconnection, and depleted energy rather than a lack of attraction or relationship problems * Emotional safety is one of the strongest predictors of intimacy, sexual satisfaction, and relationship resilience * Effective sexual health care requires an integrative approach that considers the mind, body, relationships, culture, and lived experience SHOW SUMMARY: 00:00 – Understanding Nervous System Overload and Low Desire 01:14 – Modern Culture’s Impact on Libido and Life Force 01:57 – Dr. Shannon Chavez’s Origin Story: Finding The Joy of Sex 03:08 – Benefits of an Integrative Med Spa Model for Sexual Health 04:28 – Essential Personal Work and Multicultural Training for Professionals 05:05 – Connecting Body Disconnection, Grief, and Transitions to Desire 07:08 – Identifying Energy Drainers vs. Energy Gainers 08:14 – Mindset Shifts: Permission for Imperfection and Balance 09:51 – Mindfulness Through Play and Presence in Daily Activities 11:50 – Reframing Hormones and Physical Changes as Body Signals 13:44 – Distinguishing Between Individual Nervous System Dysregulation and Relational Issues 15:46 – The Role of Eye Contact and Emotional Resonance in Healing 17:53 – How Attachment Styles Influence Love and Pleasure in the Bedroom 19:16 – Biological Necessity of Emotional Safety for Intimacy 20:12 – Somatic Techniques for Building Emotional Intimacy and Safety 22:04 – Reconnecting Trauma Survivors with Body Trust and Pleasure 23:57 – Common Pitfalls in Sex Therapy When Addressing Trauma 25:01 – Holistic Integration: Moving Beyond the "Cookie Cutter" Psychology Model 27:21 – Global Perspectives: Cultural Lineage and Its Impact on the Nervous System 28:41 – The Importance of Language and Cultural Assessments in Therapy 30:15 – Identifying and Redefining Sexual Values and Beliefs 32:45 – Strengthing Sexual Communication: Giving "Permission to be Awkward" 34:43 – Using Humor to Break Barriers and Protect the Erotic 35:14 – Lightning Round: Favorite Resources, Self-Care, and Krav Maga 37:06 – Insights from the Sexual Health Alliance (SHA) Conference 38:08 – Final Message for Gen Z and Alpha: Reclaiming Your Narrative RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: The Sexology Lab is powered by Sexual Health Alliance, a global hub for world-class certifications, cutting-edge education, and a thriving community of professionals. Many of the show’s guests also share their expertise at their events. Join them at: SexualHealthAlliance.com More from this episode’s guest at: https://drshannonchavez.com/ [https://drshannonchavez.com/]  SUBSCRIBE AND REVIEW: If you loved this episode, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review! Your support helps us reach more people who need these insights. 🎙 Thanks for tuning in to The Sexology Lab. See you next week! https://www.sexologylab.com/ [https://www.sexologylab.com/]

Why We Get Jealous: Dr. Justin Mogilski on Pair Bonding, Competition, and Communication | Episode 13

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Justin Mogilski, an evolutionary psychologist and associate professor leading an international research team studying consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships. From jealousy and attraction disclosure to parenting and evolutionary biology, this conversation explores what science actually tells us about how people make non-monogamy work. Dr. Mogilski breaks down common myths about CNM, including the idea that only exceptionally intelligent or emotionally detached people can successfully navigate these relationships. We also dive into evolutionary psychology, animal behavior, pair bonding, and the relationship maintenance practices that predict healthier and more satisfying CNM dynamics. KEY TAKEAWAYS: * Communication about jealousy and attraction is one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction in CNM relationships * Consensually non-monogamous people often define infidelity around deception and broken agreements rather than specific sexual acts * Evolutionary psychology helps explain why jealousy, competition, and attachment still show up in non-monogamous relationships SHOW SUMMARY: 00:00 – Attraction Disclosure and Reducing Relationship Anxiety 01:32 – Differences in Information Sharing Between CNM and Monogamous Couples 03:32 – Dr. Justin Mogilski’s Origin Story and Background in Evolutionary Psychology 04:48 – Current Exciting Trends: STI Communication and Sex Tech 05:55 – Dispelling the Myth: Intelligence and Impulse Control in CNM 08:52 – Advice for Professionals: Focusing on Recurrent Challenges over Prescriptive Advice 11:11 – Evolution, Pair Bonding, and the Role of Jealousy 13:16 – Using Evolutionary Theory to Predict Challenges in Non-Monogamy 15:40 – Zero-Sum vs. Positive-Sum Worldviews in Relationships 17:21 – International Research Project on CNM Relationship Maintenance 20:50 – Emotional Regulation: Prevention vs. Promotion Focus 22:01 – Key Findings: Communication of Jealousy and Attraction Disclosure 23:34 – Polyamorous Parenting and Willingness to Care for Children 25:49 – Navigating Hierarchy vs. Non-Hierarchy in CNM 28:10 – Comparison of Safer Sex Practices Across Different CNM Populations 30:45 – Lightning Round: Myths About Jealousy 32:01 – Differences in How Infidelity is Defined 32:44 – The Need for Large-Scale Data on CNM Parenting 33:45 – Message to Future Generations: Building Durable, Committed Relationships RESOURCES MENTIONED THIS EPISODE: The Sexology Lab is powered by Sexual Health Alliance, a global hub for world-class certifications, cutting-edge education, and a thriving community of professionals. Many of the show’s guests also share their expertise at their events. Join them at: SexualHealthAlliance.com (http://sexualhealthalliance.com/ [http://sexualhealthalliance.com/]) More from this episode’s guest at: https://sc.edu/about/system_and_campuses/salkehatchie/faculty-staff/mogilski_justin.php [https://sc.edu/about/system_and_campuses/salkehatchie/faculty-staff/mogilski_justin.php] ABOUT THE GUEST: DR. JUSTIN MOGILSKI Dr. Justin Mogilski is an Associate Professor of Psychology and a globally recognized researcher in evolutionary psychology and relationship science. His pioneering research maps out how human evolution influences decision-making, conflict resolution, and intimacy within modern partnerships. Dr. Mogilski currently leads an international team of scientists tracking relationship maintenance strategies, partner attraction, and jealousy management across various relationship structures. He specializes closely in the behavioral dynamics of consensual non-monogamy (CNM), polyamory, and open relationships. As a co-editor of The Oxford Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology and Romantic Relationships, his work translates complex biological data into practical frameworks that help coaches and therapists support diverse relationship configurations without stigma. SUBSCRIBE AND REVIEW If you loved this episode, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review! Your support helps us reach more people who need these insights. https://www.sexologylab.com/ [https://www.sexologylab.com/]