190. Dr. Lori: Healing Every Day After Sexual Trauma

192. Dave Markel: After Nearly 200 Episodes, The Stories Are Not What Stayed With Me

This week's episode is a little different. There is no guest joining me behind the microphone tonight. Instead, I wanted to take a few minutes to reflect on something I've been thinking about as Sexual Assault Survivor Stories approaches two hundred episodes. Over the past four years, I've had the extraordinary privilege of speaking with survivors, advocates, counselors, researchers, physicians, attorneys, investigators, and educators from around the world. Together, we've explored some of the most difficult realities a human being can endure. Yet when I look back across all those conversations, what remains with me most vividly is not the trauma itself. It's the people. In this short, personal episode, I share some thoughts about resilience, human dignity, and the remarkable capacity people possess to move forward after profound suffering. I also reflect on the countless professionals and advocates who quietly dedicate their lives to helping others heal, and on the listeners who continue to make this community possible. If you've ever wondered what nearly two hundred conversations about trauma, recovery, and hope have taught me, this episode is my attempt to answer that question. An important side note: if you're finding value in this show and these conversations, please consider leaving a 5-star rating on your podcast platform—it truly helps more people find these stories. You can also follow Sexual Assault Survivor Stories on Instagram and send me a note of support. I can't tell you how much your emails mean to me—they fuel my passion to keep this podcast going. And if you're a victim or survivor and you feel like you might be ready to share your story—whether for your own healing or to help someone else—reach out to me. We can start a conversation, with no pressure and no expectations. You can email me directly at dave@sasstories.com. Please include a phone number where I can reach you, because I genuinely prefer to talk with people who are considering guesting. Thank you to everyone who has already reached out—and please keep those emails coming. I truly look forward to hearing from you. Here are some critically important links that I hope you'll take the time to explore. Where a contribution is requested, please consider doing so. Thank you—for listening, for believing survivors, and for being part of this community. https://placesnowhere.com/victorious-voices https://the network studios https://www.stillwholewellness.com/ https://www.projectcallisto.org/https://documenttheabuse.org/ https://hassl.uk/ https://saprea.org/ https://1in6.org/ https://time.com/wpcontent/uploads/2014/09/repeat_rape.pdf?utm_source=chatgpt.com https://safeinharmsway.org https://startbybelieving.org https://evawintl.org/ As mentioned, and emphasized, it's time to Normalize the Conversation.™ And please remember to Start by Believing…because we all know someone whose life has been impacted by rape or sexual assault. (Check out https://evawintl.org/ & https://startbybelieving.org for more information on "Start By Believing"!) Thank you for tuning in. --Dave

191. Lee Cooper: The Conversation That Crossed an Ocean

Before we get started, I want to extend my sincere gratitude to The Network Studios in Culver City for making this week's episode recording possible. From the ease of scheduling to their outstanding facilities and podcast production expertise, the entire experience was exceptional. A special thank you goes to studio owner Kenyon, whose generosity, kindness, hospitality, and willingness to help made us feel welcome from the moment we arrived. For more information or to schedule a session when you're in the Southern California area, contact TNS at the URL below. For years, Lee Cooper and I have spoken across an ocean. We've recorded podcast episodes together, exchanged messages, supported one another's work, and watched each other's journeys unfold from opposite sides of the world. This week, that changed. After years of conversations through microphones and computer screens, Lee and I finally sat down together in the same room to record this episode from Southern California. Longtime listeners may remember Lee from previous appearances on the podcast, where he courageously shared his experience of surviving childhood sexual abuse and spoke openly about the challenges, setbacks, and victories that accompanied his healing journey. He later returned to introduce Victorious Voices, a survivor community he created to help people impacted by sexual trauma find connection, understanding, and support. Since then, that vision has continued to expand. What began as one survivor's decision to break his silence has grown into an international movement that brings survivors together through community, advocacy, conversation, creativity, and shared understanding. Lee is also an extraordinarily talented photographer whose work has been exhibited internationally. Through the Victorious Voices Portrait Project, survivors are invited to step in front of the camera and reclaim ownership of how they are seen. The portraits are not about victimization. They are about humanity, dignity, resilience, courage, and hope. During Lee's recent visit to Southern California, he invited me to participate in the project myself. It was a tremendous honor and a deeply meaningful experience that made this conversation even more special. This episode is about much more than photography. It's about friendship, healing, purpose, and what becomes possible when survivors refuse to remain invisible. Lee's work continues to challenge silence while creating spaces where people can be seen, heard, believed, and supported. If you've ever wondered how one person's decision to tell the truth can grow into something that impacts lives around the world, I think you'll find this conversation both powerful and unforgettable. An important side note: if you're finding value in this show and these conversations, please consider leaving a 5-star rating on your podcast platform—it truly helps more people find these stories. You can also follow Sexual Assault Survivor Stories on Instagram and send me a note of support. I can't tell you how much your emails mean to me—they fuel my passion to keep this podcast going. And if you're a victim or survivor and you feel like you might be ready to share your story—whether for your own healing or to help someone else—reach out to me. We can start a conversation, with no pressure and no expectations. You can email me directly at dave@sasstories.com. Please include a phone number where I can reach you, because I genuinely prefer to talk with people who are considering guesting. Thank you to everyone who has already reached out—and please keep those emails coming. I truly look forward to hearing from you. Here are some critically important links that I hope you'll take the time to explore. Where a contribution is requested, please consider doing so. Thank you—for listening, for believing survivors, and for being part of this community. Instagram handle: victorious_voices24 https://placesnowhere.com/victorious-voices https://the network studioshttps://www.stillwholewellness.com/ https://www.projectcallisto.org/https://documenttheabuse.org/ https://hassl.uk/https://saprea.org/ https://1in6.org/ https://time.com/wpcontent/uploads/2014/09/repeat_rape.pdf?utm_source=chatgpt.com https://safeinharmsway.org https://startbybelieving.org https://evawintl.org/ As mentioned, and emphasized, it's time to Normalize the Conversation.™ And please remember to Start by Believing…because we all know someone whose life has been impacted by rape or sexual assault. (Check out https://evawintl.org/ & https://startbybelieving.org for more information on "Start By Believing"!) Thank you for tuning in. --Dave

190. Dr. Lori: Healing Every Day After Sexual Trauma

Dr. Lori from Still Whole Wellness returns to the show for a deeply thoughtful conversation about healing, spirituality, trauma, boundaries, self-worth, and the daily work of becoming whole again after sexual trauma. This isn't surface-level self-help language. It's an honest discussion about what healing requires when trauma has impacted the way you think, speak to yourself, trust yourself, and move through the world. We talk about the idea that healing isn't something that only happens inside a therapist's office once a week. It's something that must become intentional every single day. Dr. Lori explains how unresolved trauma can quietly shape every area of a person's life, from relationships and physical health to self-talk, spirituality, and personal boundaries. She also shares how her own experiences ultimately led her to create Still Whole Wellness and write her book, Still Whole: A Blueprint for Healing. One of the most powerful parts of this conversation centers around boundaries. Dr. Lori explains why boundaries are not restrictions, but freedoms. They are evidence of self-worth. We also talk about reclaiming your voice, subconscious healing, the role spirituality plays in recovery, and why survivors often struggle to believe they deserve peace, rest, or happiness after trauma. This episode is reflective, practical, spiritual, emotional, and incredibly human. Whether you are actively healing, supporting someone who is, or simply trying to better understand the long-term impact of trauma, I think this conversation is going to stay with you long after it ends. An important side note: if you're finding value in this show and these conversations, please consider leaving a 5-star rating on your podcast platform—it truly helps more people find these stories. You can also follow Sexual Assault Survivor Stories on Instagram and send me a note of support. I can't tell you how much your emails mean to me—they fuel my passion to keep this podcast going. And if you're a victim or survivor and you feel like you might be ready to share your story—whether for your own healing or to help someone else—reach out to me. We can start a conversation, with no pressure and no expectations. You can email me directly at dave@sasstories.com. Please include a phone number where I can reach you, because I genuinely prefer to talk with people who are considering guesting. Thank you to everyone who has already reached out—and please keep those emails coming. I truly look forward to hearing from you. Here are some critically important links that I hope you'll take the time to explore. Where a contribution is requested, please consider doing so. Thank you—for listening, for believing survivors, and for being part of this community. https://www.stillwholewellness.com/ https://www.projectcallisto.org/ https://documenttheabuse.org/ https://hassl.uk/ https://saprea.org/ https://whattheydontsay.com https://1in6.org/ https://time.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/repeat_rape.pdf?utm_source=chatgpt.com https://safeinharmsway.org https://startbybelieving.org https://evawintl.org/ As mentioned, and emphasized, it's time to Normalize the Conversation.™ And please remember to Start by Believing…because we all know someone whose life has been impacted by rape or sexual assault. (Check out https://evawintl.org/ & https://startbybelieving.org for more information on "Start By Believing"!)Thank you for tuning in. --Dave

189. Tracy DeTomasi, Chris McGee & Derrick Hurley: Why Men Must Be Part of the Solution

For this episode, I brought together three people who have become powerful voices in the fight against sexual violence: Tracy DeTomasi, CEO of Callisto, Chris McGee, and Derrick Hurley. What started for Chris and Derrick as deeply personal journeys after the sexual assaults of their daughters has evolved into full-scale advocacy work focused on changing laws, challenging rape culture, supporting survivors, and pushing men to stop standing on the sidelines. This conversation centers around the upcoming "Dudes and Dads" campaign with Callisto, an organization using encrypted technology to help survivors privately identify serial perpetrators and connect safely with other survivors. We talk openly about why so many survivors never report, why serial offending is far more common than most people realize, and why men need to stop viewing this issue as "someone else's problem." What stood out to me throughout this roundtable was the honesty. Nobody here pretends to have all the answers. We talk about mistakes, discomfort, fear, frustration, and the reality that advocacy work is exhausting. But we also talk about why staying silent is no longer acceptable. Men have to become part of the solution. Not performatively. Not occasionally. Consistently. This episode is ultimately about action. Whether that means supporting a survivor, challenging harmful attitudes, donating to organizations like Callisto, educating young men, or simply having conversations most people avoid, every one of us has a role to play. We normalize this conversation by actually having it. And we start by believing. An important side note: if you're finding value in this show and these conversations, please consider leaving a 5-star rating on your podcast platform—it truly helps more people find these stories. You can also follow Sexual Assault Survivor Stories on Instagram and send me a note of support. I can't tell you how much your emails mean to me—they fuel my passion to keep this podcast going. And if you're a victim or survivor and you feel like you might be ready to share your story—whether for your own healing or to help someone else—reach out to me. We can start a conversation, with no pressure and no expectations. You can email me directly at dave@sasstories.com. Please include a phone number where I can reach you, because I genuinely prefer to talk with people who are considering guesting. Thank you to everyone who has already reached out—and please keep those emails coming. I truly look forward to hearing from you. Here are some critically important links that I hope you'll take the time to explore. Where a contribution is requested, please consider doing so. Thank you—for listening, for believing survivors, and for being part of this community. https://www.projectcallisto.org/ https://documenttheabuse.org/ https://hassl.uk/ https://saprea.org/ https://whattheydontsay.com https://1in6.org/ https://time.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/repeat_rape.pdf?utm_source=chatgpt.com https://soulwisesolutions.com https://safeinharmsway.org https://startbybelieving.org https://evawintl.org/ As mentioned, and emphasized, it's time to Normalize the Conversation.™ And please remember to Start by Believing…because we all know someone whose life has been impacted by rape or sexual assault. (Check out https://evawintl.org/ & https://startbybelieving.org for more information on "Start By Believing"!) Thank you for tuning in. --Dave

188. Martha Gagnon: The Hidden Pattern Behind Coercion

Martha Gagnon joins me for a deeply important and, at times, difficult conversation about coercion, control, and what she ultimately came to understand as rape within an intimate relationship. Her story doesn't follow the narrative many people expect—and that's exactly why it matters. In this survival story, Martha's relationship with this particular person began as what appeared to be healthy, emotionally aware, and enlightened. But it slowly shifted into a pattern of pressure, manipulation, and control that escalated over time. Martha walks us through how coercion operated in her relationship—how repeated pressure, emotional punishment, and the eventual inability to safely say no created a dynamic where compliance felt like the only option. She shares, in powerful detail, the moment that would later become central to her healing journey, and how confusion, self-blame, and manipulation kept her from recognizing the violation for what it was. As she began to process her experience, Martha encountered something many survivors face: the gap between lived experience and legal definition. Despite being believed, her case did not meet the legal standard for rape in her state. That realization became a turning point—not only in her personal healing, but in her advocacy. She has since founded Define Consent Iowa, working to push for a clear, comprehensive legal definition of consent that better reflects the realities survivors experience. This episode is not just about one story—it's about a broader misunderstanding that exists around coercion, consent, and trauma. Martha's voice brings clarity to something that is often minimized or dismissed, and her work is helping others recognize their own experiences, feel less alone, and begin to heal. An important side note: if you're finding value in this show and these conversations, please consider leaving a 5-star rating on your podcast platform—it truly helps more people find these stories. You can also follow Sexual Assault Survivor Stories on Instagram and send me a note of support. I can't tell you how much your emails mean to me—they fuel my passion to keep this podcast going. And if you're a victim or survivor and you feel like you might be ready to share your story—whether for your own healing or to help someone else—reach out to me. We can start a conversation, with no pressure and no expectations. You can email me directly at dave@sasstories.com. Please include a phone number where I can reach you, because I genuinely prefer to talk with people who are considering guesting. Thank you to everyone who has already reached out—and please keep those emails coming. I truly look forward to hearing from you. Here are some critically important links that I hope you'll take the time to explore. Where a contribution is requested, please consider doing so. Thank you—for listening, for believing survivors, and for being part of this community. linktr.ee/defineconsentiowa https://documenttheabuse.org/ https://hassl.uk/ https://saprea.org/ https://whattheydontsay.com https://1in6.org/ https://time.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/repeat_rape.pdf?utm_source=chatgpt.com https://soulwisesolutions.com https://safeinharmsway.org https://startbybelieving.org https://evawintl.org/ As mentioned, and emphasized, it's time to Normalize the Conversation.™ And please remember to Start by Believing…because we all know someone whose life has been impacted by rape or sexual assault. (Check out https://evawintl.org/ & https://startbybelieving.org for more information on "Start By Believing"!) Thank you for tuning in. --Dave