25 - The Blame Game

29- The Cost of Silence

Welcome to Episode 29 of Shades of Pleasure, where Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly, four sex and relationship professionals, explore the harm caused by silence and complicity in the face of oppression. What keeps people from speaking up for human rights? Why are so many afraid of losing credibility, followers, opportunities, or influence by challenging systems of oppression? These are the questions we wrestle with in this conversation. Oppression is cyclical. Oppressed people can go on to oppress others. Harm that is never examined often becomes harm that is repeated. We are all taught stories about how people are “supposed” to live, love, express themselves, and build relationships. While each of us has the right to make our own choices, dominant cultural narratives, particularly those rooted in conservative religious ideology and colonial systems, have caused profound harm for many communities. These narratives continue to reinforce objectification, exploitation, victim blaming, and the stigmatization of people who exist outside of what society has labeled as “normal.” Black, Brown, Indigenous, queer, immigrant, disabled, and other marginalized communities continue to bear the weight of these systems every day. The impacts of colonization are deeply personal. They are ancestral, relational, embodied, and often passed from one generation to the next. They shape the way we move through the world, relate to one another, experience intimacy, and understand ourselves. Without intentional reflection and repair, these wounds can create ongoing cycles of trauma and retraumatization. Healing professions are not immune from these dynamics. Therapy, academia, and medicine have long histories intertwined with racism, colonialism, and systems of exclusion. At the same time, therapy remains inaccessible for many people because of financial barriers, cultural stigma, geography, and the emotional demands placed on both clients and practitioners. So, what does it actually mean to decolonize our healing spaces, our relationships, our bodies, and our minds? What does it mean to truly “do the work?” Does healing have to happen in therapy, or are there other pathways to liberation, community, accountability, and repair? As Pride Month reminds us, decolonization is not only about unlearning. It is also about reclaiming. It is about visibility in the face of erasure, celebration in the face of shame, and joy in the face of oppression. Tune in to the full episode below: https://pleasureforthemasses.substack.com/s/shades-of-pleasure-podcast This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com [https://pleasureforthemasses.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

28- Is Burnout Our New Normal?

Welcome to Episode 28 of Shades of Pleasure Podcast, where Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly—four sex and relationship professionals—get real about life, love, intimacy, and nonmonogamy. In this episode, the crew explores the intersections of systemic, social, and relational burnout. The political, economic, and social climate is oppressive and heavy. Additionally, it’s easy to burnout in the work that we do. For therapists, coaches, healers, and helping professionals, that weight is often compounded by the emotional labor required to support others through their own struggles. Traditional therapeutic and coaching models are not always sustainable. Practitioners are constantly navigating questions of capacity, boundaries, autonomy, and what it means to show up for clients while also caring for themselves. There can also be an unspoken expectation that therapists, coaches, and spiritual practitioners absorb or carry some of the emotional burden of the work, creating additional strain and fatigue. But burnout is not limited to helping professionals. Many people are experiencing chronic exhaustion, sleep disruption, doom scrolling, heightened stress, and a growing sense of overwhelm. Health and well-being often require more diligence, intention, and energy than people have available. Under the weight of oppression and ongoing uncertainty, even basic expectations can feel immobilizing. Burnout can also show up in our relationships. It may look like increased reactivity, feeling on edge, reduced capacity for conflict resolution, emotional withdrawal, or difficulty accessing intimacy and connection. Some people shut down and isolate. Others overextend themselves in an attempt to keep everything together. Many find themselves wondering how they got so far from themselves in the first place. From personal trauma to systemic oppression, from socialization to the realities of marginalized identities, burnout is rarely just an individual experience. It is often personal, relational, and systemic all at once. For many people, burnout has become the new normal. And navigating it alone is not always possible. Tune in to the full episode below. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com [https://pleasureforthemasses.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

27- Dismantling Compulsory Sexuality in the Therapy Room

Welcome to Episode 27 of Shades of Pleasure Podcast, where Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly—four sex and relationship professionals—get real about life, love, intimacy, and consensual nonmonogamy. In this episode, the crew unpacks the impact of compulsory sexuality in the therapy room. Compulsory sexuality is the pervasive belief that sex is universally desired, inherently necessary, and expected as part of being human. As Sherronda Brown writes, it is the assumption that people are obligated to participate in sex at some point in life, and that something must be “wrong” with those who do not. Many clients enter therapy distressed about differences in desire, often identifying “low desire” as the problem. But what happens when clinicians themselves are operating from a framework rooted in compulsory sexuality? Too often, practitioners inadvertently cause harm by pathologizing clients, excluding asexuality from the conversation, or offering prescriptive interventions designed to “fix” the lower-desire partner rather than understand them. This becomes especially harmful when asexuality and the full spectrum of sexuality are erased from the conversations and clinical frameworks altogether. Additionally, compulsory sexuality is so deeply embedded in our culture, people with low or no desire frequently internalize shame and the belief that they are broken, defective, or incapable of intimacy, which couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is that clients are the experts on their experiences. Low desire or asexuality isn’t about a lack—a lack of desire, intimacy, or pleasure. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Asexuality is a spectrum, and affirming care requires practitioners to move beyond assumptions about what relationships, sexuality, and fulfillment are “supposed” to look like, and meet clients where they’re at. When we decenter compulsory sexuality, we create more space for authenticity, connection, pleasure, and relational possibilities beyond narrow societal expectations. Curious to learn more about asexuality, low desire, and how affirming practitioners can deconstruct compulsory sexuality in clinical practice? Tune into the full episode below! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com [https://pleasureforthemasses.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

26- Why We Can’t Therapize Ourselves

Welcome to Episode 26 Shades of Pleasure Podcast, where four sex & relationship professionals open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual nonmonogamy. In this episode, the crew explores a question that many helping professionals quietly wrestle with: why can’t we therapize ourselves? Even with all the tools, insight, and training, there are limits to self-reflection, especially when we’re emotionally invested in our own lives and relationships. The conversation also highlights the value of outside perspective. Whether through therapy, coaching, or community-based resources like books and podcasts, engaging with someone who has no stake in your life can help interrupt confirmation bias, illuminate blind spots, and support deeper growth. An objective lens can reveal patterns, offer grounded feedback, and invite new ways of understanding ourselves and our relationships. The question becomes: are we truly available to ourselves? What does it mean to practice what we preach when it comes to boundaries and self-care? And are therapists actually skilled at tending to their own needs, not just understanding them? Which is why having our own support matters. We all need spaces where we are not the ones holding it together, where someone can meet us with the same presence, care, and accountability we offer others. Spaces where we don’t have to perform clarity or competence but can instead be in process. Of course, finding the right therapist or coach is part of the journey. That process can ask us to stay open, even when it feels uncomfortable. And within the therapeutic relationship itself, moments of rupture and repair can become powerful sites of healing. Tune in for a thoughtful, honest conversation about why none of us are meant to do this work alone. Visit Shades of Pleasure Podcast at our new home: https://pleasureforthemasses.substack.com/s/shades-of-pleasure-podcast This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com [https://pleasureforthemasses.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

25 - The Blame Game

Welcome to Episode 25 Shades of Pleasure Podcast, where four sex & relationship professionals open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual nonmonogamy. In this episode, Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly break down the blame game and explore the role of radical responsibility in relationships. Men’s roles in modern relationships have changed. For many, the traditional roles of provider or protector no longer define partnership. Many women are seeking something different now. Equality. Emotional presence. Shared responsibility. Partnership that feels mutual, not hierarchical. The challenge is that many men have not been taught or shown what this version of partnership looks like. Models of healthy, emotionally attuned masculinity are still limited. And this shows up in the therapy room: women are resentful, men are confused, and both partners feel stuck, often turning toward blame as a way to make sense of the disconnect. Conflict affects everyone involved in a relationship. It isn’t one person’s problem. The blame game is self-defeating and harms the foundation of the relationship. Blame hurts the one holding it and it absolves us of responsibility and accountability. Discomfort does not remove the need for repair, and repair requires collaboration and willingness. We can’t change or fix anyone. We can’t make anyone do anything. We don’t get to make decisions for other people. So, what can we manage? How do we discern between ultimatums and healthy boundaries? How do we communicate with our partners and take mutual responsibility? How do we cultivate empathy and care? Tune in to explore the difference between ultimatums and healthy boundaries, how to navigate emotional responsibility, and what it means to center choice over control in relationships. Visit Shades of Pleasure Podcast at our new home: https://pleasureforthemasses.substack.com/s/shades-of-pleasure-podcast This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit pleasureforthemasses.substack.com [https://pleasureforthemasses.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]