23. The Avoidance Landscape

27. Receiving Feedback, Staying Present, and Building Healthy Relationships

In this episode of The Aligned Living Podcast, I explore the skill of receiving feedback, and why it can feel so difficult, overwhelming, confronting, or deeply triggering for so many people. Receiving feedback is not just an emotional skill. It’s a nervous system skill, a self-reflection skill, and a relationship skill. And if we want healthy, honest, lasting relationships, it’s important that we build the capacity to stay present enough to hear and understand the people we care about, even when what’s being shared is uncomfortable. I speak about the difference between listening to understand and listening to prepare a defence, and why relationships can begin to quietly disconnect when people no longer feel safe, welcome, or able to share honestly. Throughout the episode, I walk through some of the most common reasons feedback becomes difficult to receive, including: * feeling overly compromised or depleted * feedback triggering identity or sense of self * feedback feeling like a demand for perfection * nervous system responses connected to past criticism or rejection * shame responses * lack of self-reflection skills * confusing understanding with agreement * feedback being delivered without communication skill * trying to “win” conversations rather than understand I also explore how feedback conversations become much healthier when we are grounded in our own congruence and sense of self, rather than needing agreement, certainty, or control in order to feel okay. This episode is an invitation to gently reflect on your own relationship with feedback: What happens inside you when someone shares the impact of your behaviour? What patterns arise? And what might become possible if feedback no longer immediately pulled you out of openness, curiosity, and connection? If communication, relationships, feedback, boundaries, or living congruently are areas you would like support with, there are links in this episode to book a Discovery Call and explore ways we can work together. Here's a link to explore 1-1 Wholistic Life Coaching with me: https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/wholistic-coaching/ [https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/wholistic-coaching/] Here's a link to book your no-cost Discovery Call: https://TimeWithIesha.as.me/NoCostDiscoveryCall [https://TimeWithIesha.as.me/NoCostDiscoveryCall] Here's a link to a free series I ran called the Foundations of Congruence: https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/foundations-of-congruence/ [https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/foundations-of-congruence/] Thanks for listening.

26. What’s Mine and What's Theirs?

Iesha opens with a quote from Tiny Buddha: "There comes a time when you stop trying to make things right with people who won't own their part in what went wrong." And from there, asks: where is the line between taking responsibility for your own behaviour and taking on the other person's part too? Learning that clear delineation of what's mine and what's theirs is a skill. And there's a further skill of communicating in ways that cultivate connection and understanding (not conflict), while not taking on more than your part in any dynamic. In this episode Iesha covers: * The two directions of imbalance: a profoundly underdeveloped ability to absorb your share of responsibility, or a radically overdeveloped tendency to absorb more than your share * How both sides of this polarity can show up across all kinds of relationships - personal, professional, community * An invitation to notice, without judgment, where you tend to sit on this spectrum * Will and skill: two elements at play in any area of growth (and we can never be responsible for someone else's level of either) * What's ours: attuning to our own congruence, honouring our yeses and nos, asking for what we need, communicating impact clearly, and staying present and open when receiving feedback even when it's not delivered gracefully * What's theirs: what someone chooses to do with our sharing and our requests is their work * The long term consequences of the overdeveloped and underdeveloped dynamic playing out in long term relationships, and what Iesha has seen happen many times when one person finally walks away * A closing invitation to look at the key dynamics in your life - work, community, family, friendships - and contemplate where you sit on this spectrum Work With Iesha If you’d like support building these skills and creating more aligned, connected relationships, you’re invited to explore working with Iesha. You can book a Discovery Call to talk through what’s happening for you and how she can support you. Check out 1-1 packages and book your Discovery Call here:  https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/wholistic-coaching/ [https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/wholistic-coaching/] Want to go deeper into Aligned Living?  You're welcome to receive Iesha's free series, The Foundations of Congruence: https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/foundations-of-congruence/ [https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/foundations-of-congruence/] And here's the promised link to Tiny Buddha, the source of today's quote: https://tinybuddha.com/ [https://tinybuddha.com/]

25. Aligned Relationships: Apology & Relationship Repair - When, “Sorry”, Isn’t Enough

In this episode, Iesha explores why saying “sorry” doesn’t always lead to relationship repair, and what’s actually required for trust to be rebuilt. She begins by naming that the word “sorry” is used in different ways, from simple human acknowledgment of someone’s pain, to situations where we recognise we’ve caused impact but have no intention of change, through to apologies that carry genuine responsibility and commitment. Because we use the same word across all of these, much of the meaning is assumed, often leading to misunderstanding and unmet expectations. From there, Iesha introduces the three elements of effective apology when the goal is repair. She walks through the importance of self-responsibility, truly understanding the impact on the other person, and having a clear, thought-through plan for behaviour change. She also highlights that words alone are not the repair, behaviour change is. This episode speaks to both sides of the process, those apologising and those receiving an apology, offering a grounded, practical framework for moving through rupture in a way that is honest, meaningful, and capable of real healing. What You’ll Hear in This Episode Iesha explores the different ways we use the word “sorry,” and how the same sentence can carry very different levels of responsibility, awareness, and intention. She introduces the three elements of effective apology for relationship repair, self-responsibility, understanding the impact, and a clear plan for change, and explains why each one matters. She speaks to the common experience of feeling like you’ve apologised many times without things improving, and also to the experience of receiving apologies that don’t translate into healing or trust. Through examples and client patterns, she shows how misunderstanding, assumption, and lack of clarity can keep relationships stuck, and how deeper self-reflection and communication can begin to shift that. Key Themes * The different meanings behind the word “sorry” * Why apology alone doesn’t equal relationship repair * The three elements of effective apology * The importance of taking full responsibility for actions and choices * Understanding the real impact on the other person * Why behaviour change is where repair actually happens * The role of self-reflection in preventing repeated patterns * How both people participate in the repair process A Gentle Invitation If you are in the process of repairing something in a relationship, or wanting to move through something that hasn’t quite resolved, this episode invites you to look a little more deeply. If you’re apologising, what level of responsibility and reflection are you bringing? If you’re receiving an apology, what do you need to feel that it’s meaningful and believable? And in both roles, where might slowing down and engaging with the deeper work create something that is actually complete, rather than something that keeps resurfacing? Want to have a no-cost Discovery Call with Iesha, to explore 1-1 Wholistic Life Coaching? Head here, look at the options and book your call: https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/wholistic-coaching/ [https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/wholistic-coaching/] Want a deeper understanding and experience of congruence? Receive Iesha's free series - The Foundations of Congruence, here:  https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/foundations-of-congruence/

24. Aligned Relationships: Communication - Filling in the Gaps

Episode Summary In this episode, Iesha introduces a core foundation for aligned relationships and communication: understanding and being understood. She explores how this sits at the heart of truly relating to one another, and how one of the key ways this breaks down is through what she calls “filling in the gaps.” Before moving into a future episode on effective apology, she explores how misunderstandings are often created, not by what is said, but by what is assumed. Using the metaphor of the eye’s blind spot, and how the brain fills in the gap with what it expects to be there, Iesha explains how we naturally fill in missing information in conversation based on our own perspectives, experiences, and expectations. While this happens automatically, it can lead to misinterpretation, disconnection, and decisions made on faulty understanding. What You’ll Hear in This Episode Iesha explores the role of understanding and being understood as a core foundation of aligned and healthy relationships. She makes a clear distinction between understanding and agreement, and highlights how true relating requires us to take the time to genuinely understand each other’s experience and perspective. She shares how common words and phrases, like “I’m sorry” or “I love you,” can carry vastly different meanings depending on the person saying them and the person receiving them. When we assume shared meaning without checking, we can unintentionally create hurt, confusion, and misalignment. Through real client examples, Iesha illustrates how “filling in the gaps” can impact relationships, from assumptions about commitment and agreement, to misunderstandings that compound over time. Key Themes * Why understanding and being understood is foundational to aligned relationships * How we unconsciously “fill in the gaps” in communication * The different meanings underneath common phrases like “I’m sorry” and “I love you” * How assumptions can lead to misalignment, hurt, and repeated patterns * The role of curiosity and asking questions in creating clarity and connection A Gentle Invitation This episode is an invitation to bring awareness to where you might be filling in the gaps in your own relationships. Where might you be assuming meaning instead of checking for understanding? Where could your communication benefit from asking a few more questions? And where might greater clarity, in both how you share and how you listen, create more alignment and connection? Work With Iesha If you’d like support building these communication skills and creating more aligned, connected relationships, you’re invited to explore working with Iesha. You can book a Discovery Call to talk through what’s happening for you and how she can support you. Check out 1-1 packages and book your Discovery Call here:  https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/wholistic-coaching/ [https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/wholistic-coaching/] Want to go deeper into Aligned Living?  You're welcome to receive Iesha's free series, The Foundations of Congruence: https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/foundations-of-congruence/ [https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/foundations-of-congruence/]

23. The Avoidance Landscape

We have signals of congruence when body, heart, mind and soul are all saying yes. And we have signals of incongruence. In this episode Iesha explores what we can do with those signals of incongruence besides normalise them or push through them, and that's avoid them. Avoidance is a bigger and more complex landscape than most people realise. Some of our avoidance strategies are things we'd never label as avoidance — things that are genuinely good for us. And that's exactly what makes this worth looking at consciously. In this episode Iesha covers: * Why avoidance isn't always dark or destructive, and what it actually is in this context: anything we do to feel better, feel good, raise our energy or distract ourselves, that means the thing that actually needs addressing doesn't get addressed * The intelligent feedback system we're always in communion with: body sensations, emotions, thoughts, gut knowing, intuition * Why we can do so much work and still not be living aligned, satisfied and soul deep happy * When you can name a problem, you don't have a problem anymore, you have a project * The landscape: journaling, movement, focusing on another life area, focusing on someone else, spending money, socialising, sex, television, alcohol and other substances * The sneaky one: reframing as avoidance  * A client story about a carer whose role was gradually hollowed out, and how avoidance built quietly around a misalignment that grew over two years, until the conversation shifted from surviving to project managing toward something aligned * The diagnostic question: do you discharge the energy and go back and address the issue ? Or does the thing just never get dealt with? Closing reflection questions to sit with, slowly, like slow release fertiliser: * What do I regularly do to feel good or feel better? And is there anything that doesn't get addressed as a result? * When something's out of whack, or I get triggered or upset - what do I do? And is there anything that doesn't get dealt with as a result? If you'd like Iesha's skills and expertise on team you while you sit with these questions and project manage what comes from them, you're welcome to get in touch.  This page will take you to a page on my website that describes my coaching pillars, show you the 1-1 coaching options, and allows you to book a single session or a Discovery Call: https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/wholistic-coaching/ [https://ieshadelune.com.au/offerings/wholistic-coaching/]