The Alligator News Roundup
Number 4. Times Now News. Iran straps torpedoes to dolphins to attack US warships. [https://www.timesnownews.com/world/middle-east/sea-creatures-turn-weapons-iran-to-set-loose-mine-carrying-dolphins-against-us-warships-in-hormuz-article-154221766] Iran’s attempts to block the Strait of Hormuz have now turned to the animal kingdom—or more correctly, the sea mammal kingdom. First they used shore-based rockets to attack cargo ships carrying oil. U.S. and Israeli air assets destroyed most of those rocket installations. Then they planted mines in the water. U.S. and NATO mine sweepers cleared those away. Next they resorted to small fast-boats—a longtime favorite of Middle East pirates—only to see them summarily sunk from the air and by surface-to-surface gunfire. Now they have turned to the cetaceans. More than two decades ago, Iran purchased an unspecified number of trained dolphins from what this article refers to as “the Soviet navy.” I thought the Soviets were not a thing by then, but maybe I was wrong about that. Regardless the source, Iranians came into possession of this unique bio-based weapon. Now, they are reportedly unleashing it on U.S. and NATO warships in the Strait. No reports yet on the effectiveness of this new tactic. An Iranian Navy spokesman identified only as “Bob”—which he is quick to assert is not his real name—speaking through an unattributed YouTube upload from an undisclosed location using an incognito browser in an untraceable internet cafe, made this bold proclamation: “The Yankee and Zionist imperialists have finally met their match. There is no path to victory for them in the Strait of Hormuz which Allah gave exclusively to the Iranian people. The dolphins have freely volunteered to give their all to this holy—” At which point the video abruptly dissolved into snow and was replaced with a 404 error message indicating the URL could no longer be reached. In an unrelated event, sources indicated that a U.S. frigate in the Strait had fired a single Tomahawk missile toward the only internet cafe still operational in Tehran. No bomb damage assessment was immediately available. But really, where is PETA? Are they up for this fight? Number 3. RedState. City owned water park in Texas schedules a Muslims only day, then backtracks. [https://redstate.com/bobhoge/2026/05/04/how-is-this-legal-taxpayer-funded-texas-water-park-announces-muslims-only-day-n2202001] The City of Grand Prairie in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex has found that the water in their taxpayer-funded water park is hotter than they anticipated. Epic Waters Indoor Waterpark [https://dfwepiceid.com/], 2970 Epic Place, Grand Prairie, Texas, announced a Muslim-only day at the park to celebrate Eid al Adha, the annual Islamic “Feast of the Sacrifice.” Supported by city sales tax, the original flyer advertising the event clearly specified “For Muslims Only—A Family-Friendly Environment.” Presumably it is unfriendly to Christian and Jewish families. That plan lasted for maybe a few minutes, until Texas outrage forced a change in plans. The revised flyer now indicates “Come and Celebrate EID with us! All Are Welcome!” Interestingly, the Epic Waters website [https://dfwepiceid.com/what-to-wear/] suggests appropriate swimwear for the event—head to toe full coverage for females. Their FAQ page [https://dfwepiceid.com/frequently-asked-questions/] also suggests “lowering the gaze” so as to maintain respectful behavior. A few responses to the encouragement to “lower my gaze” at a public waterpark come to mind, none of which are suitable for the ANR. Given the political environment in Texas, I would be surprised if there was not legislative or gubernatorial action to prohibit this sort of exclusivity. By the time you read this, it may already be in motion. Note the growing Islamic influence in local governments around the United States. (This is not satire.) Zohran Mamdani was elected Mayor of our largest city. Daily calls to prayer [https://www.reddit.com/r/JordanPeterson/comments/1q4hd3q/manhattan_new_york_residents_complain_about_5_am/?solution=7dc90cb11bda6bf87dc90cb11bda6bf8&js_challenge=1&token=bbbe4bf1c9a2b5160829c4be34da5861bfbfab5fd7930942dd962c931c1a4a5b&jsc_orig_r=] are now announced by loud speaker in certain areas there. Washington Square Park (NYC) was recently given over [https://dailycitizen.focusonthefamily.com/how-should-christians-respond-to-thousands-of-muslims-praying-in-washington-square-park/]to Islamic public prayer. Epic City (unrelated to Epic Waters) is a planned Muslim community [https://www.jpost.com/international/article-894994] in Texas aiming to become “the epicenter of U.S. Islam”. Months ago, Texas U.S. Representative Chip Roy introduced legislation to curtail the spread of Sharia Law. The bill calls for deportation [https://roy.house.gov/media/press-releases/rep-roy-introduces-bill-preserve-america-sharia-law] of anyone who ascribes to Sharia. It also paves the way to revoke U.S. citizenship [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/chip-roy-mamdani-act-deport-denaturalize-b2961385.html] for individuals previously naturalized, who now advocate for socialism. Predictably, the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) has voiced opposition [https://www.cair.com/press_releases/cair-texas-condemns-rep-chip-roys-unconstitutional-no-more-muslims-social-media-post-calls-for-congressional-accountability/]on Constitutional grounds. Free speech, and all that. I never liked Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged [https://aynrand.org/novels/atlas-shrugged/]) because of her focus on “Objectivism” to the exclusion of Christian faith. But one of her themes was that you ought not allow someone else to hold you hostage to your own convictions. The Constitutional argument against allowing an Islamic religious takeover of America is an apt illustration. Maybe Texas can show some sense. Number 2. NDTV World. 40,000 French descend on a rave to protest law against raves—despite unexploded ordnance. [https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/40-000-attend-illegal-rave-party-on-french-military-site-bourges-11441700] The French love a party, and the bigger the better. Last weekend some 40,000 revelers descended on a military installation near Bourges (central France) to enjoy techno music and unbridled, joyous dancing. Never mind that the 25,000 acre location is an active bombing range, or that unexploded ordnance litters the landscape. The Directorate General of Armaments indicates live shells are routinely discovered and dismantled at the site. It has been in use for explosives testing for 150 years. Large raves are illegal in France—which is apparently reason enough to have a large rave in protest of the legislation. Organizers have suggested that ravers avoid digging holes or picking up objects found on the ground. No kidding. Good luck with that. Meanwhile, a sea of tents and campers extend as far as the eye can see. Don’t dig a hole in the ground, because it might blow up. I’ll bet sanitation is… a challenge. Number 1. WISN TV 12. Hundreds of beagles released from medical lab testing—and touch grass for the first time. [https://www.wisn.com/article/1500-beagles-rescued-from-ridglan-farms/71188954] Ridglan Farms at Blue Mounds, Wisconsin, is a beagle breeding facility with a research laboratory attached. For years it has attracted unwanted attention from animal rights groups. Beagles, because they are docile (and can’t complain to the media), make ideal candidates for medical testing, as long as you can’t hear them whine. Reports [https://animalwellnessaction.org/ridglan-farms-running-inhumane-beagle-breeding-facility/]of “painful surgeries without anesthesia” have surfaced. A Depression-era agreement required animal testing of all new human drug treatments. That has proceeded at Ridglan Farms for nearly a century. FDA guidelines in the last five years have made such testing obsolete. It is now understood to be inhumane—which it is. A better word might be reprehensible. Testing has nevertheless continued, and now the USDA has intervened. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., HHS Secretary, has been instrumental in stopping federal funding [https://spectrumnews1.com/wi/milwaukee/news/2026/04/29/ridglan-farms-dogs-animals] for beagle testing there. This week, the first release of beagles took place. Some 150 were rescued by local animal rights groups pursuant to a legal agreement. Video footage [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPGxujWcQqQ] shows scores of Snoopies who were able to touch grass and run freely for the first time in their lives. I really can’t go on with this story. The pictures on my monitor are getting blurry. And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, May 8, 2026. It is a complex world in which we live. The less clear we are about our worldview, the more confusing it is. If you are contemplating your own worldview—which we used to a “philosophy of life”—you might consider starting with a few simple words, such as: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And go from there. While you’re at it, find a beagle to pet. Have a good weekend! Get full access to The Alligator Blog at alligatorpublishing.substack.com/subscribe [https://alligatorpublishing.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]
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