Belonging Without Conforming — The Path From Pseudo Self to Solid Self

Belonging Without Conforming — The Path From Pseudo Self to Solid Self

We all want two things that can seem at odds with each other: to be our own person and to belong. We want to stand apart from the crowd, but we also want to be connected to it. When that balance gets out of whack, we either lose ourselves in tribalism or drift into isolation. My guest today says many of the problems in modern life stem from our inability to hold these two impulses in tension. His name is Luke Burgis, and he’s the author of The One and the 99: Forging Identity in the Age of Social Contagion [https://amzn.to/4gkf5dx]. Today on the show, Luke explains how becoming a true individual can give you the strength to be a part of a community. We discuss the difference between a solid self and a pseudo self — and what role families and rites of passage can play in moving us toward one or the other — why modern politics feels like a dysfunctional family, the dangers of performative religion, and much more. * Resources Related to the PodcastLuke’s previous appearances on the AoM podcast: * Episode #714: Why Do We Want What We Want? [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/podcast-714-why-do-we-want-what-we-want/] * Episode #910: Thick Desires, Political Atheism, and Living an Anti-Mimetic Life [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/thick-desires-anti-mimetic-life/] * The True Believer by Eric Hoffer [https://amzn.to/4uSnhpI] * Education of a Wandering Man by Louis L’Amour [https://amzn.to/4xeRcdr] * AoM Podcast #1,025: The Life and Legacy of Louis L’Amour [https://www.artofmanliness.com/living/reading/podcast-1025-the-life-and-legacy-of-louis-lamour/] * AoM article with L’Amour’s weekly to-do lists [https://www.artofmanliness.com/strength/fitness/l-amour-workout/] * AoM article and podcast about C.S. Lewis’ The Abolition of Man and the idea of objective value [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/manly-lessons/men-without-chests/] * The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich [https://amzn.to/4frdWAB] * The Quest for Community by Robert Nisbet [https://amzn.to/43R2A1x] * AoM Podcast #847: Overdoing Democracy [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/podcast-847-overdoing-democracy/] * AoM Podcast #1,010: How to Resist Group Anxiety and Become a Differentiated Self [https://www.artofmanliness.com/social/social-skills/podcast-1010-how-to-resist-group-anxiety-and-become-a-differentiated-self/] * AoM Article: Becoming a Well-Differentiated Leader [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/leadership/becoming-a-well-differentiated-leader/] * Dying Breed article: A New Kind of Monasticism — The Power of Community to Shape the Soul [https://www.dyingbreed.net/p/a-new-kind-of-monasticism-the-power] * The Rule of St. Benedict [https://www.solesmes.com/sites/default/files/upload/pdf/rule_of_st_benedict.pdf] Connect With Luke Burgis * Luke’s website [https://lukeburgis.com/] Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/MANLINESS [https://incogni.com/kcrw] Timestamps 0:00 Introduction 0:54 Guest Intro: Luke Burgis & The One and the 99 4:48 The Parable of the Lost Sheep & the Book's Framework 10:17 Defining the Self (vs. Identity & Soul) 14:37 The Pseudo Self Explained 19:40 How to Develop a Solid Self 25:35 Louis L'Amour & Education for a Solid Self 28:18 Curiositas vs. Studiositas (Ordered vs. Disordered Knowledge) 44:30 Tribalism, Politics, & the Pseudo Self 45:08 How Undifferentiation Fuels Political Dysfunction 51:13 Religion, Performative Piety & the Digital World 54:15 What Monasteries Teach Us About Community & Solid Selves See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

How to Try Again

Life rarely unfolds according to plan. A relationship implodes. A move or job change doesn't work out. Or you simply fail in a goal you've set for yourself. My guest has spent almost two decades researching and field-testing how to get back on track when smaller slip-ups and larger upheavals knock you off course. His name is Steve Kamb, and he's the founder of Nerd Fitness and the author of How to Try Again: An Approachable Guide to Navigating Chaos and Making Change THAT STICKS [https://amzn.to/4dTBbCb]. Today on the show, Steve shares practical principles for dealing with life's frustrating and demoralizing setbacks. We discuss why sometimes the best move is to pause rather than push harder, how to accept reality without resigning yourself to it, why treating change as an experiment can help you beat paralysis and take action, why you should treat consistency with your goals the way you do showering, and more. Resources Related to the Podcast * Steve's previous appearances on the AoM podcast: * Episode #42: Level Up Your Life With Nerd Fitness & Steve Kamb [https://www.artofmanliness.com/health-fitness/fitness/the-art-of-manliness-podcast-42-level-up-your-life-with-nerd-fitness-steve-kamb/] * Episode #170: Level Up Your Life [https://www.artofmanliness.com/health-fitness/fitness/podcast-170-level-up-your-life/] * Steve's AoM guest posts: * Don’t Be That Guy: The Taxonomy of Lousy Male Friends [https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/relationships/dont-be-that-guy-the-taxonomy-of-lousy-male-friends/] * How Superheroes, Movies, and Video Games Taught Me to Conquer Fear [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/how-superheroes-movies-and-video-games-taught-me-to-conquer-fear/] * Nerd Fitness [https://www.nerdfitness.com/] * Museum of Failure [https://museumoffailure.com/] * Sunday Firesides: Good Times Are Not Around the Corner (And That's Great News!) [https://www.dyingbreed.net/p/sunday-firesides-good-times-are-not] * Sunday Firesides: Treat Life Like an Experiment [https://www.dyingbreed.net/p/sunday-firesides-treat-life-like] * "Lightning Fields" by the Killers [https://open.spotify.com/track/1ChiuzvTurrCFwL1GxxUaW?si=be26df37b96b4234] Connect With Steve Kamb * Steve's website [https://stevekamb.com/] * Steve on IG [https://www.instagram.com/stevekamb/?hl=en] * Steve on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevekamb] * Steve on Substack [https://stevekamb.substack.com/] See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

Built to Walk — How Modern Shoes and Weak Feet Are Holding You Back

Walking is one of the most powerful health tools we have. It improves cardiovascular fitness, boosts mood, sharpens cognition, and can even be a predictor of how well you'll age. But all those benefits depend on something we rarely think about until it starts hurting: our feet. For many of us, walking is so automatic that we never consider the mechanics that make it possible. Yet the way we move, the shoes we wear, and the strength of the muscles in our feet can have a profound impact on how comfortably and efficiently we walk. When something goes wrong at our physical foundation, the effects can ripple upward, leading to pain not just in the feet, but in the knees, hips, and back. My guest today is Dr. Milica McDowell, a physical therapist and the co-author of the new book Walk [https://amzn.to/4u2KQLh]. Today on the show, Milica explains why walking speed may be a hidden vital sign, what gives you your signature walking style, and how to spot and address injury-inducing inefficiencies in your gait. We then talk about feet: whether you should worry about pronation, how to rehab plantar fasciitis — and no, it's not stretching — the best kind of shoes to wear, and much more. Resources Related to the Podcast * AoM Article: Solvitur Ambulando — It Is Solved By Walking [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/solvitur-ambulando-it-is-solved-by-walking/] * AoM podcast episode with Manoush Zomorodi [https://www.artofmanliness.com/health-fitness/health/podcast-1116-why-screen-time-leaves-you-exhausted-and-how-to-reverse-its-effects/] * AoM Article: I Started Taking a Walk Every Morning. Here’s What Happened to My Health [https://www.artofmanliness.com/health-fitness/fitness/health-benefits-of-walking/] * AoM Article: 20 Rules for Walking [https://www.artofmanliness.com/health-fitness/fitness/20-rules-for-walking/] * AoM podcast episode with Matt Fitzgerald [https://www.artofmanliness.com/health-fitness/fitness/run-like-a-pro-podcast/] * Altra shoes [https://www.altrarunning.com/en-us] * Vivobarefoot [https://www.vivobarefoot.com/us/] * Lems shoes [https://www.lemsshoes.com/?srsltid=AfmBOop7jSSS5ecAtgtpmCJO7AuAeEgU48FZB_PCyWUHSS33pp-AbqqU] (this is the pair Brett wears [https://www.lemsshoes.com/collections/all-mens-casual-shoes/products/mens-primal-3?variant=40270703951930]) * Tyr weightlifting shoe [https://tyr.com/products/tyr-mens-l-2-lifter-1] * Injinji toe socks [https://amzn.to/436ftEI] * Toe spacer [https://amzn.to/4wYyg2j] * Study on calf raise standards [https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11923623/] Connect With Milica McDowell * Milica's website [https://www.milicamcdowell.com/] * Milica on IG [https://www.instagram.com/drmilicamcdowelldpt/] See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

How to Turn a Boy Into a Man

Note: This is a rebroadcast. A lot of young men today struggle in finding their footing in adulthood. They feel lost, directionless, and unsure of who they are and how to confidently and competently navigate the world. Part of the reason for this is that most young men today lack something which was once a part of nearly every culture in the world, but has now almost entirely disappeared: a rite of passage. My guest today didn’t want his son to flounder on the way to maturity, nor to miss out on having an initiation into manhood, so he set out to create a 6-year journey for him that would help him move from boy to man. His name is Jon Tyson, and he’s the author of The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character [https://amzn.to/3MFNfWM]. Today on the show, Jon unpacks the components of the years-long journey into manhood he created for his son, beginning with how he brainstormed those components by doing “The Day Your Son Leaves Home” exercise. We then discuss how old Jon’s son was when he started his rite of passage and why it began with him having a “severing dinner” with his mom. We get into what his rite of passage consisted of, from the kickoff ceremony to the challenges, experiences, trips, and daily rituals Jon used to impart values and teach his son the “5 Shifts of Manhood.” Jon shares how moving his son’s focus from being a good man, to being good at being a man, helped him get remotivated to continue the process, why his rite of passage included a gap year after high school, and how Jon celebrated the end of his son’s journey into becoming a man. We also discuss whether Jon did something similar with his daughter. We end our conversation with some key principles any dad can use to start intentionally helping their kids become well-rounded individuals who can confidently step out on their own and into the world. Resources Related to the Podcast * AoM Article: The Importance of Fathers [https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/fatherhood/the-importance-of-fathers-according-to-science/] * AoM Article: The Importance of Male Rites of Passage [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/coming-of-age-the-importance-of-male-rites-of-passage/] * AoM Article: Male Rites of Passage From Around the World [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/male-rites-of-passage-from-around-the-world/] * AoM Article & Podcast: Man’s Need for Ritual [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/the-rites-of-manhood-mans-need-for-ritual/] * AoM Series on the origins, elements, and future of manhood [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/the-3-ps-of-manhood-protect/] * AoM Article: The 7 Habits — Begin With the End in Mind [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/habits/the-7-habits-begin-with-the-end-in-mind/] * AoM Article: The 3 Families Every Young Man Needs to Grow Up Well [https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/family/the-3-families-every-young-man-needs-to-grow-up-well/] * James Hollis [http://www.jameshollis.net/] * AoM Article: Carry the Fire [https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/fatherhood/carry-the-fire/] * Art of Manliness’ Carry the Fire Zippo Lighter [https://store.artofmanliness.com/products/carry-the-fire-zippo-lighter] * AoM Article: What Is Manliness? [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/what-is-manliness/] * AoM Podcast #527 With Richard Rohr [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/male-spirituality-richard-rohr/] * The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact by Chip and Dan Heath [https://amzn.to/397Yidv] * The Way of Men by Jack Donovan [https://amzn.to/3aOmy56] * AoM Podcast #49 With Jack Donovan [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/manly-lessons/the-art-of-manliness-podcast-episode-49-the-way-of-men-with-jack-donovan/] * AoM Series on the Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/king-warrior-magician-lover-introduction/] * AoM Article: 100 Skills Every Man Should Know [https://www.artofmanliness.com/skills/manly-know-how/100-skills-every-man-should-know/] * AoM Article: 80+ Quotes on Men & Manhood [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/quotes-about-manliness/] Connect With Jon Tyson * Primal Path [https://www.primalpath.co/] * Jon on Twitter [https://twitter.com/JonTyson] * Jon on IG [https://www.instagram.com/jontyson/?hl=en] 0:00 Introduction 0:29 Guest Introduction: John Tyson & The Intentional Father 2:28 The Research on Fatherless Boys 4:54 What Men Lack Without a Rite of Passage 8:37 The "Day Your Son Leaves Home" Exercise 10:47 Building an Asset Map & Community of Fathers 13:37 The Severing Dinner with Mom 17:10 The Beach Initiation Ceremony at Age 13 20:42 Taking Your Son Back to Your Roots 28:14 The Five Shifts of Manhood 31:52 Daily Morning Talks, Books & Movies 42:32 Good Man vs. Good AT Being a Man 46:28 The Archetypes: Lover, Leader, Warrior, Brother, Sage 50:01 The Life Arc Interview 56:03 The Gap Year as the Ordeal 1:01:16 The Capstone Ceremony on the Camino de Santiago 1:04:44 Doing Something Similar for His Daughter 1:09:09 Key Principles Any Dad Can Start With Today That's 17 — let me trim to the 12 most distinct: 0:00 Introduction & Why Rites of Passage Have Disappeared 2:28 The Research on Fatherless Boys 4:54 What Men Lack Without a Rite of Passage 8:37 The "Day Your Son Leaves Home" Exercise 13:37 The Severing Dinner & Beach Initiation Ceremony 20:42 Taking Your Son Back to Your Roots 28:14 The Five Shifts of Manhood 31:52 Daily Talks, Books & Movies 42:32 Good Man vs. Good at Being a Man 50:01 The Life Arc Interview 56:03 The Gap Year as the Ordeal 1:01:16 The Capstone Ceremony & Key Principles for Any Dad See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

Inside With the Old Breed — A Conversation With Eugene Sledge’s Son

With the Old Breed [https://amzn.to/3PHFNlu]is widely considered one of the greatest war memoirs ever written. Penned by Eugene Sledge, a Marine who fought with the 1st Division — the old breed — in the Pacific campaigns of Peleliu and Okinawa, the book is unflinching, deeply human, and so vividly written that you can practically feel the heat, mud, exhaustion, and terror coming off the page. But Sledge wasn't a professional writer. He was a biology professor who started jotting notes on scraps of paper tucked inside the New Testament he carried in his breast pocket. He wrote the book decades later, partly to process his own trauma, partly to leave a record for his sons. One of those sons is my guest today. Henry Sledge has spent years carrying his father's legacy forward, and he's written his own book — The Old Breed: The Complete Story Revealed [https://amzn.to/4wyUHes] — that pairs his father's combat experience with previously unpublished material and his own perspective as Eugene's son. Today on the show, Henry and I talk about why his dad wrote With the Old Breed, what made fighting in the Pacific uniquely hellish, and how Eugene managed to come home and live a full, honorable life despite carrying the war with him for the rest of his days. Resources Related to the Podcast * China Marine: An Infantryman's Life After World War II by E.B. Sledge [https://amzn.to/4uG3rxq] * HBO series The Pacific [https://www.hbomax.com/shows/pacific/b930854b-fb6b-43fe-b38b-251b2d290fd0] * Ken Burns' The War [https://www.pbs.org/kenburns/the-war/] * AoM Article: Eugene B. Sledge Puts Your Problems Into Perspective [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/manly-lessons/on-the-70th-anniversary-of-vj-day-eugene-b-sledge-puts-your-first-world-problems-into-perspective/] * AoM Article: Are You Missing the Forbidden City? [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/are-you-missing-the-forbidden-city/] Connect With Henry Sledge * Henry on IG [https://www.instagram.com/hsledgehammer/] * Henry on FB [https://www.facebook.com/william.h.sledge/] Thanks to This Week's Sponsor! Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/MANLINESS [https://incogni.com/MANLINESS] 0:00 - Introduction 0:41 - About With the Old Breed: Eugene Sledge's War Memoir 1:15 - Why Eugene Wrote the Book 3:07 - How He Kept Notes in Combat 4:20 - Writing & Publishing the Book 6:03 - Eugene's Writing Style 9:44 - Why Eugene Enlisted as a Private 16:03 - Boot Camp Training 21:35 - Why Peleliu Is the "Forgotten Battle" 27:49 - What Made Fighting on Peleliu Hell 31:40 - The Japanese as an Enemy 43:10 - Life After the War: Coming Home 50:00 - Lessons from With the Old Breed See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].