You're not anxiously attached. You're reacting exactly as you were trained to - TBK #21

You're not anxiously attached. You're reacting exactly as you were trained to - TBK #21

You’re spiraling about a man… again. You know you have anxious attachment, you’ve tried putting your phone on airplane mode, or sending screenshots to your friends to see what they think. But you’re done with this pattern, but can’t seem to get out of it.  Here's why nothing has stuck: you've been handed top-down tools for a bottom-up problem. You can't behavior-modify your way out of a nervous system that was wired from childhood to source your sense of worth and safety from outside yourself. Your anxiety isn't a personal failure. It's an appropriate response to being raised in a system that taught you you’re valuable only when you have a man’s attention.  In this episode, Ana and Leona unpack why anxious attachment is a symptom — not the problem — and what it actually takes to start building the self-respect that was never anyone else's to give.  Specifically, we get into:  - how to start listening to your body’s anxiety rather than “fixing” it - The difference between self-love (bubble baths) and self-respect (who gets access to you) - The sentence most women don't even question: "my desirability is determined by their desire for me" - How to tell the difference between your past trauma being triggered and your body picking up on something real (hint: it's usually both)  - The first somatic practice to start with if you've never done this work before 🌀 EPISODES THAT DEEPEN THIS TOPIC TBK 17: When “being nice” stops working (learning to hold standards and boundaries) https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/when-being-nice-stops-working-tbk [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/when-being-nice-stops-working-tbk]   TBK 4: “When this happens, I feel this”: a simpler way to say the hard stuff https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/when-this-happens-i-feel-this-a-simpler [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/when-this-happens-i-feel-this-a-simpler]  TBK 10: Step-by-step tools for discharging stress, anger, and overwhelm https://open.substack.com/pub/thebodyknows/p/just-relax-doesnt-work-when-youre [https://open.substack.com/pub/thebodyknows/p/just-relax-doesnt-work-when-youre] TBK 5: What somatics helps with, and how to get started (learning to tune your sensitivity to your body and surroundings) https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/what-somatics-helps-with-and-how [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/what-somatics-helps-with-and-how]  TBK 16: The somatic reframe that ended my war with chronic illness https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/the-somatic-reframe-that-ended-my [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/the-somatic-reframe-that-ended-my]  🌀 OUR LINKS Join our mailing list for upcoming programs here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdJPQ28Eip5h6YGhlQODPkeqvrJZeZhqpZ-XIVxZbMixb-Pxw/viewform]! Thank and support us for our work by buying us a coffee here [https://ko-fi.com/thebodyknows]! Follow Ana on IG here [https://www.instagram.com/roam.and.rise] and Leona on IG here [https://www.instagram.com/leonachaseslions]. 🌀 TIMESTAMPS 00:00 — Oh hello, anxious attachment 01:26 — The system we were raised in: sourcing safety, belonging, and dignity from the male gaze 10:03 — How this shows up as anxiety in your body (and why the appropriate response isn't to calm down) 13:25 — Anxious attachment as an adaptive childhood survival strategy 17:23 — How the patriarchy entrenches anxious attachment in women 23:05 — So much of women’s empowerment online still centers men  27:20 — What it feels like to center yourself in a healthy way (versus narcissistic)  31:32 — The first step: reclaiming our bodies and our inner authority 38:39 — Learning to evaluate what’s happening rather than react by trying to change yourself 43:39 — Figuring out what’s an internal problem (me problem) versus an external problem (them problem) 51:03 — Learning the signals of your nervous system: I feel safe versus I feel something is off 🌀 The Body Knows is where we — Ana Ally and Leona Waller‬ — say the quiet parts out loud about healing, somatics, and why trying to “fix yourself” never really works. We’re not selling five-step plans, and we’re definitely not pretending we have our s**t together. We're coming back to the wild, wise truth that your body was never the problem. It’s been the compass all along. ✨ Subscribe for: → New episodes every other week → Embodied truth, not performance → A little irreverence, a lot of nervous system wisdom Get full access to The Body Knows at thebodyknows.substack.com/subscribe [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

I raged at my boyfriend and he loved it - TBK #20

You know how to use I-statements. You've maybe learned nonviolent communication. But sometimes you want to just be able to RAGE (aka communicate how you feel in all its raw and emotional glory). But you’re absolutely certain that bringing that version of your emotions to your partner or friend is just too much.  In this episode, Leona shares a framework borrowed from an unexpected place — kink scene-setting — and how she used it to create a container for expressing rage and hurt to her partner. She got loud, she cursed, she flung assumptions at him and he was able to meet it all, because they were both held by explicit agreements about boundaries, time limits, safe words, and aftercare.  We also get into: - Why your partner can't hold your emotions (because they don’t feel safe, they don’t know how long it will last, they don’t know if they’ll get a say afterwards, and they don’t know what you need to hear after) - How informed consent and explicit containers turn emotional dumping into portals of release and deeper intimacy - The BDSMA framework: Boundaries, Desires, Safety, Meaning, and Aftercare - Why getting radically specific about what you need (down to sentence structures) sets both you and your listener up for success And turns out, Leona’s partner didn’t just feel safer after (because he knew exactly how she felt), he was also kinda into it ;). 🌀 EPISODES THAT DEEPEN THIS TOPIC TBK 14: Suppression runs so deep, we’ve come to call it virtue (the dark goddess archetype & reclaiming your wildness) https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/demonizing-freedom-is-a-great-way [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/demonizing-freedom-is-a-great-way]  TBK 18: How to actually process emotion (without bypassing, spiraling, or drowning)  https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/how-to-actually-process-emotion-without [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/how-to-actually-process-emotion-without]  TBK 19: The three stages of getting your s**t together, emotionally (Oscillating between over-reacting and self-abandoning is a sign you’re on the right track) https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/the-three-stages-of-getting-your [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/the-three-stages-of-getting-your]  🌀 OUR LINKS Join our mailing list for upcoming programs here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdJPQ28Eip5h6YGhlQODPkeqvrJZeZhqpZ-XIVxZbMixb-Pxw/viewform]! Thank and support us for our work by buying us a coffee here [https://ko-fi.com/thebodyknows]! Follow Ana on IG here [https://www.instagram.com/roam.and.rise] and Leona on IG here [https://www.instagram.com/leonachaseslions]. 🌀 TIMESTAMPS 0:00 — The sentence that changed the way I fight with my partner 1:26 — This one is for the people who want to rage, without accidentally burning it all down 2:22 — What it felt like to rage in a held, boundary-ed container (and how he felt afterwards) 3:04 — The BDSMA framework 3:50 — How we set up our scene: Boundaries (time limits, what I could and couldn’t say) 4:43 — Desires: what both of us wanted from this 5:25 — Safety: having safe words in case anything goes off the rails 6:24 — Meaning: no, this doesn’t mean I think you’re a terrible person 7:35 — Aftercare: both people get to receive it! 9:07 — The embodiment world’s blind spot: expression without containers 11:28 — How our scene went (spoiler alert: well) 12:43 — Stop expecting people to guess what you haven’t figured out yourself 🌀 The Body Knows is where we — Ana Ally and Leona Waller‬ — say the quiet parts out loud about healing, somatics, and why trying to “fix yourself” never really works. We’re not selling five-step plans, and we’re definitely not pretending we have our s**t together. We're coming back to the wild, wise truth that your body was never the problem. It’s been the compass all along. ✨ Subscribe for:→ New episodes every other week→ Embodied truth, not performance→ A little irreverence, a lot of nervous system wisdom Get full access to The Body Knows at thebodyknows.substack.com/subscribe [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

The three stages of getting your shit together (emotionally) - TBK #19

Oscillating between over-reacting and self-abandoning? Setting boundaries and shutting down? Feeling confident and free, and then like a total poser? Yes, you’re kind of a mess. But everyone is, when they're in Stage 2. In this episode of The Body Knows, we break down the three stages of reclaiming any exiled part of yourself — dormant, developing/distorted, and divine — and explain what each one actually looks and feels like from the inside. Including the part where you snap at someone who didn't deserve it, apologize, and then overthink yourself into silence the next time… and the cycle repeats. This episode is 100% for you if you’re on a healing journey that involves reclaiming an emotion or expression like anger, boundaries, sexuality, vulnerability, taking up space, using your voice, etc. Specifically, we get into:  – Why we can stay in Stage 1 for so long (because we have DEEPLY self abandoned)  – The sneaky ways that Stage 2 pretends to be Stage 3, and the major differences   – How to FEEL Stage 3: attuning to love, being grounded in your body, learning from transmission – How the people who trigger you most are sometimes just living in Stage 3 with something you've exiled – Ana's journey through learning to state boundaries without fawning or snapping  – Leona's journey reclaiming her anger, and how now her anger makes her and her partner feel SAFER  This episode is part framework, part confessional, and part permission slip. We're both solidly in stage two with plenty of things, and we're not pretending otherwise! 📌 OTHER PODS & RESOURCES TBK 14: Suppression runs so deep, we’ve come to call it virtue (the dark goddess archetype & reclaiming your wildness) https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/demonizing-freedom-is-a-great-way [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/demonizing-freedom-is-a-great-way]  TBK 17: When “being nice” stops working (learning boundaries like force fields) https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/when-being-nice-stops-working-tbk [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/when-being-nice-stops-working-tbk]   TBK 5: What somatics helps with, and how to get started (learning to tune your sensitivity to your body and surroundings) https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/what-somatics-helps-with-and-how [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/what-somatics-helps-with-and-how]  🌀 OUR LINKS Join our mailing list for upcoming programs here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdJPQ28Eip5h6YGhlQODPkeqvrJZeZhqpZ-XIVxZbMixb-Pxw/viewform]! Thank and support us for our work by buying us a coffee here [https://ko-fi.com/thebodyknows]! Keep binging our podcasts by listening to the Dark Goddess episode next [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/demonizing-freedom-is-a-great-way]. Follow Ana on IG here [https://www.instagram.com/roam.and.rise] (https://www.instagram.com/roam.and.rise [https://www.instagram.com/roam.and.rise]) and Leona on IG here [https://www.instagram.com/leonachaseslions] 🌀 TIMESTAMPS 00:00 — Emotions that are destructive versus emotions that open and heal and liberate 01:26 — Triple Ds Framework: Stage 1 is dormant, Stage 2 is developing/distorted, Stage 3 is divine 03:04 — Ana’s journey with boundaries: from being a doormat to overcorrecting to feeling mean 08:15 — Leona’s journey with anger: from being mean to repressing her anger to reclaiming her anger more consciously 15:31 — Learning to tune into Stage 3: how can you create a feeling of more love and liberation with your emotional expression 17:57 — What Stage 3 rage can look like: expressing open-hearted hurt in a way that invites rather than shuts down 24:22 — To find Stage 3, focus less on what you say, and more on where you express from (your head vs your heart, for example) 28:07 — What Stage 3 boundaries can look like: full ownership of your choices and preferences 30:47 — Another framework for relational moments: sometimes we need to be in a “me” moment 35:05 — Stage 3 can be learned through transmission, so look for examples around you 🌀 The Body Knows is where we — Ana Ally and Leona Waller‬ — say the quiet parts out loud about healing, somatics, and why trying to “fix yourself” never really works. We’re not selling five-step plans, and we’re definitely not pretending we have our shit together. We're coming back to the wild, wise truth that your body was never the problem. It’s been the compass all along. ✨ Subscribe for:→ New episodes every other week→ Embodied truth, not performance→ A little irreverence, a lot of nervous system wisdom Get full access to The Body Knows at thebodyknows.substack.com/subscribe [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

How to actually process emotion (without bypassing, spiraling, or drowning) - TBK #18

The world is a lot right now. It has been for a while. And whatever your relationship to the news cycle, most of us are walking around carrying more than we know what to do with… Which is exactly the problem. We don’t know what to do with it. We’ve been handed a lot of tools for understanding our emotions: therapy, journaling, self-help books with provocative titles. And those things have their place. But understanding an emotion and processing an emotion are two completely different things. Which is why we can spend a decade in talk therapy getting very articulate about our patterns and still feel like they rule our life. This is what happens when the body hasn’t been invited to the party. Emotional processing — real emotional processing — is an embodied act. It involves your breath, your movement, your voice. It looks a lot more like a baby crying than a person journaling. And almost none of us were taught how to do it. That’s what this episode is about. 🌀 Podcast Timestamps: 1:26 – The world is overwhelming and we don’t have good tools for dealing with it 4:21 – What we can learn about emotional processing from babies, and how we can relearn this skill 7:11 – The three core tools for emotional processing: movement, breath, and sound 8:31 – Breath: how to use different breathing styles to move anger, fear, and sadness safely 9:59 – Sound: why using your voice feels so hard, and gentle ways to break the sound barrier 18:13 – Movement: options from tiny wiggles to full‑body shaking to get unstuck 21:06 – Following sensation in your body as a guide for how to move and release emotion 23:59 – Accessible practices for anger, fear, and grief that work with your biology 29:26 – Processing emotions with other people: venting vs ruminating, and getting consent 38:31 – Seeing painful emotions as proof of what you love and what deeply matters to you 39:38 – How to close the emotional processing “container” and ground yourself afterward 🌀 Listen to next: TBK 9: [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/conflict-avoidance-workaholism-and] Conflict avoidance, people pleasing, workaholism: all nervous system responses TBK 10 [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/just-relax-doesnt-work-when-youre]: Step-by-step tools for discharging stress, anger, and overwhelm TBK Shaking Practice [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/somatic-practice-shake-it-off]: A shaking meditation for when you need to release pent-up energy so you can think clearly again. 🌀 Links: - Join our mailing list for upcoming programs here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdJPQ28Eip5h6YGhlQODPkeqvrJZeZhqpZ-XIVxZbMixb-Pxw/viewform]! - Thank and support us for our work by buying us a coffee here [https://ko-fi.com/thebodyknows]! - Learn about one-on-one coaching & support here [https://roamandrise.com/]. - Watch us on YouTube here [https://www.youtube.com/@The_Body_Knows]. 🌀 The Body Knows is where we — Ana Ally and Leona Waller‬ — say the quiet parts out loud about nervous system healing, practical somatics, and why trying to “fix yourself” never really works. We’re not selling five-step plans, and we’re definitely not pretending we have our s**t together. We're coming back to the wild, wise truth that your body and emotions were never the problem. They’ve been the compass all along. Get full access to The Body Knows at thebodyknows.substack.com/subscribe [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

When being “nice” stops working - TBK #17

Women are starving for a way to reclaim power without becoming hardened. There’s a particular kind of tension many women live with. We’re taught to be kind, accommodating, and agreeable if we want to belong. Which, in a nutshell, is a chronic state of self abandonment — outsourcing our sense of worth to the approval of others (*ahem* aka the male gaze). But when we try to reclaim our power, the only models we’re given are domination, aggression, or becoming what people love to call “a b***h.” So in this episode, we explored an accessible doorway into reclaiming feminine power: the archetype of the lioness. A way of being that holds boundaries without yelling, fierceness without chaos, and power without domination. If you struggle with people-pleasing, self-sacrifice, or feeling like you’re oscillating between being doormat and exploding, this episode is for you. 🌀 Links: - Join our mailing list for upcoming programs here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdJPQ28Eip5h6YGhlQODPkeqvrJZeZhqpZ-XIVxZbMixb-Pxw/viewform]! - Thank and support us for our work by buying us a coffee here [https://ko-fi.com/thebodyknows]! - Practice your lioness embodiment with the support of this pllaylist [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5dFW6ZJPjquiZPAV8rmeGH?si=47c76ff756ee43c4]. - Keep binging our podcasts by listening to the TBK #14 next [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/p/demonizing-freedom-is-a-great-way] - the Dark Goddess episode. - Learn about one-on-one coaching & support here [https://roamandrise.com/]. - Watch us on YouTube here. 🌀 The Body Knows is where we — Ana Ally and Leona Waller‬ — say the quiet parts out loud about nervous system healing, practical somatics, and why trying to “fix yourself” never really works. We’re not selling five-step plans, and we’re definitely not pretending we have our s**t together. We're coming back to the wild, wise truth that your body and emotions were never the problem. They’ve been the compass all along. Get full access to The Body Knows at thebodyknows.substack.com/subscribe [https://thebodyknows.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]