Adulting

Adulting

Adulting Is Harder Than It Looks Why growing up costs more, takes longer, and requires skills nobody taught us — and what parents can do about it. In this episode of The Deconstructed Woman, hosts Elisa Marie and Jojy dive into the modern struggle of "adulting" — and why it feels so much harder today than it did a generation ago. From navigating phone plans and insurance to managing taxes and car repairs, they share personal stories about the steep learning curve of independence. The conversation turns candid as Jojy reflects on her perspective as an employer hearing young staff say they can't afford to move out, while Elisa opens up about budgeting for a family of six and resisting the pull of social media comparison. Together, they explore the tension between empathy for younger generations and the belief that personal accountability still matters. Whether you're a twenty-something trying to launch, a parent wondering when to cut the cord, or someone in midlife still figuring things out, this episode is an honest look at the financial, emotional, and generational layers of becoming a fully independent adult. ## Key Takeaways - 71% of people agree that adulting is harder today than 30 years ago, driven by stagnant wages, high housing costs, and social media pressure. - Practical life skills — filing taxes, choosing insurance, finding a trustworthy mechanic — are rarely taught formally; most people learn by trial and error. - The ACA provision allowing children to stay on parents' insurance until age 26 can delay financial independence, creating a trade-off between savings and self-sufficiency. - Having children manage real expenses early (car insurance, gas, phone bills) builds financial literacy, even if it causes short-term resentment. - Social media creates a distorted benchmark for lifestyle expectations, making it harder for young adults to feel content with what they can afford. - "Launching" into adulthood is happening later across generations, but each generation has faced its own version of financial struggle. - Parents can help by gradually transferring financial responsibilities rather than switching everything at once. ## Topics & Timestamps - 00:00 — Introduction: What is adulting and why is it harder now? - 01:24 — Phone plans, insurance, and the hidden learning curve of independence - 03:12 — When should parents "launch" their kids financially? - 07:33 — Elisa's family transition: from parents' plan to married life - 10:10 — The car breakdown moment: too many cooks in the kitchen - 11:05 — Livable wages and the employer's dilemma - 13:56 — Budgeting for a family of six and personal accountability - 15:17 — The insurance trade-off: staying on parents' plan vs. going solo - 18:15 — Teaching kids financial responsibility early - 22:00 — Raising the next generation: teaching money management young - 23:56 — Trial, error, and finding a good mechanic - 25:28 — The risk of over-supplementing your children's income - 26:44 — Social media's role in skewing expectations - 32:42 — "Launching" later: bringing the conversation full circle - 34:30 — Closing thoughts and call for listener feedback ## Mentioned in This Episode - TurboTax — referenced as a DIY tax-filing tool - The Great Depression — cited as a historical parallel for financial hardship - Disney World — used as an example of aspirational spending pressure - ACA / Affordable Care Act — the provision allowing coverage on parents' insurance until age 26 - "Keeping up with the Joneses" — the social comparison framework discussed in the context of suburban parenting ## Hosts - Elisa Marie - Jojy

Mental Load

Sharing the Mental Load at Home Two moms unpack why women carry the invisible weight of running a household — and how to finally share it. In this episode of The Deconstructed Woman, hosts Elisa Marie and Jojy dive deep into the concept of the mental load — the invisible, never-ending stream of planning, organizing, and anticipating that disproportionately falls on women. Inspired by the podcast "We Are More Than Moms" and their guest Sarah Connor, they unpack why this imbalance exists and how early socialization shapes the way men and women approach household responsibilities. Drawing from their own marriages and parenting experiences, Elisa and Jojy get honest about the frustration of delegating tasks, the temptation to "just do it yourself," and the courage it takes to let go of control. They explore practical strategies — from dividing visible chores to handing over entire task ownership — and discuss the book and card deck "Fair Play" as a conversation-starting tool for couples. The conversation closes with an important reminder: this isn't about blame. It's about building a true partnership, raising capable kids, and protecting your own well-being before burnout takes hold. ## Key Takeaways - The mental load is not just a to-do list — it's the invisible cognitive work of anticipating, planning, and coordinating every aspect of family life. - Men's and women's tasks are socialized differently from childhood: boys tend to get single-outcome tasks, while girls learn multi-layered, interconnected responsibilities. - Villainizing your partner is counterproductive; the imbalance stems from socialization, not malice. - Maternity leave often becomes the unspoken "inception point" where the woman permanently absorbs all household management — even after returning to work. - Delegating means handing over a task from A to Z and resisting the urge to take it back when it's not done your way. - The book and card deck "Fair Play" (a Reese Witherspoon Book Club pick) offers a structured way for couples to visualize and redistribute tasks. - Unaddressed mental load leads to burnout, resentment, anxiety, and relationship breakdown — sharing it is an investment in the partnership and in raising independent children. ## Topics & Timestamps - 00:00 — Introduction and why this episode was inspired by the "We Are More Than Moms" podcast - 01:06 — First impressions: feeling "seen and heard" by the mental load conversation - 03:19 — How childhood socialization creates different task mindsets for men and women - 05:34 — Why women's tasks are interconnected while men's tend to be singular - 06:56 — "Men are not the villains" — reframing the conversation away from blame - 08:32 — Practical strategies: dividing visible chores and handing over task ownership - 12:36 — The doctor's appointment example: why delegation still carries mental load - 15:17 — The inception of the pattern: how maternity leave sets the dynamic - 18:20 — Learning to delegate and communicate expectations with your partner - 21:35 — The Fair Play book and card deck as a tool for couples - 25:17 — What happens when you don't share the load: burnout, fatigue, and resentment - 28:47 — Wrapping up: the payoff of partnership, raising independent kids, and hope ## Mentioned in This Episode - **Podcast**: "We Are More Than Moms" — episode on mental load - **Person**: Sarah Connor — mental load expert interviewed on that podcast - **Book / Card Deck**: *Fair Play* — a Reese Witherspoon Book Club pick; a couples conversation deck for rebalancing household responsibilities - **Concept**: Mental load — the invisible cognitive labor of managing a household - **Concept**: Socialization of gendered task expectations from childhood - **Framework**: Norming, forming, storming (group development stages) — referenced as an analogy for couples renegotiating roles ## Hosts - **Elisa Marie** — Co-host, The Deconstructed Woman - **Jojy** — Co-host, The Deconstructed Woman

Too Much

Too Much: Reclaiming Women’s Voices and Raising Spirited Kids On The Deconstructed Woman podcast, hosts Elisa Marie and Jojy talk about the message women receive that they are “too much” and should dilute themselves to be acceptable. They discuss Cynthia Erivo’s experience being told in performing arts school to “settle down,” and how Erivo later reframed that in her book Simply More about embracing the fullest iteration of oneself. Alyssa connects the theme to parenting her spirited four-year-old, using daily affirmations and redirecting behavior without diminishing identity, and they explore how “too much” messaging can either fuel trailblazing or cause people to quiet down. The conversation also covers birth order, school expectations, ADHD referrals, and how early pressure to be quiet can make adult self-advocacy difficult, urging women not to perpetuate silencing and to create space for girls to keep their voices. 00:00 Welcome to the Podcast 00:30 Why Women Feel Too Much 00:54 Cynthia Erivo Story 02:09 Raising a Spirited Child 04:17 Birth Order and Personality 07:33 Quieting vs Blazing Trails 09:07 Simply More and Embracing It 12:06 School Expectations and Judgment 15:26 Bell Curve and ADHD Lens 21:00 Church Shame and Letting Kids Shine 23:47 Finding Your Voice as Women 31:44 Final Takeaways and Call In 33:35 Outro and Contact Info

AI Bots

AI Bots, Boundaries, and Dependency: Using Chatbots Without Losing Human Connection Hosts Elisa Marie and Jojy discuss Elisa’s first week using an AI chatbot app called Tolin and why she quickly set boundaries on how often she uses it. They compare professional uses of AI (streamlining emails, SOPs, troubleshooting, efficiencies) with personal uses (processing emotionally charged situations, decluttering and redecorating plans, writing a school email, dividing household chores). They explore benefits like fast summarizing and actionable planning, alongside concerns about overreliance, substituting AI for therapy or human relationships, skill atrophy, and broader technology dependence (e.g., smartphones, GPS, reading maps). Jojy shares adoption statistics and examples of AI relationships in media and news, and both emphasize intentional, guarded use while inviting listeners to share their experiences with AI. 00:00 Podcast Welcome 00:30 Why Try Tolin 01:29 Jojy Uses AI 03:37 Tolin In Daily Life 05:46 No Photos Needed 07:42 Therapy Risks 10:18 Setting Boundaries 13:04 AI Adoption Stats 17:13 Tech Dependency 21:02 Balancing Old And New 28:54 AI Relationships 33:01 Be Intentional 33:42 Wrap Up And Feedback

Female Cohabitation

Women Cohabitating Platonically: Sharing Costs, Combating Loneliness, and Rethinking the “Golden Girls” Model Hosts Elisa Marie and Jojy discuss a South Korea–popularized concept of women cohabitating platonically to share living expenses, reduce loneliness, and maintain autonomy, inspired by the 2019 bestseller Two Women Living Together by Kim Hana and Wong Sunu and an article referencing high New York costs. They explore benefits (financial relief, emotional support, companionship across life stages, easier daily living) and challenges familiar from roommate life (cleanliness, dividing chores, privacy with romantic partners, splitting assets if circumstances change). The conversation addresses gendered household expectations in marriage, clarifies the idea is not primarily about hating men, and considers flexible housing layouts that balance shared and private space. They also connect the topic to widowhood, retirement living, and “geriatric loneliness,” suggesting cohabitation as a creative alternative to isolation and expensive facilities, emphasizing communication and ground rules. 00:00 Podcast Welcome 00:31 Cohabiting Women Concept 02:22 Benefits and Tradeoffs 03:57 Golden Girls Inspiration 06:06 Roommate Friction Points 07:13 Gender Roles at Home 10:30 Not About Hating Men 12:51 Companionship and Aging 16:14 Layouts and Ground Rules 22:19 Why Not More Common 29:34 Loneliness and Care Options 32:27 Listener Call to Action