Repairing After Infidelity: A Queer Relationship Therapist Explains: Interview with Christopher Shea

Repairing After Infidelity: A Queer Relationship Therapist Explains: Interview with Christopher Shea

Why does betrayal feel so devastating, and why can rebuilding trust feel so difficult after a relationship rupture? In this episode, Tom (he/him) welcomes Dr. Christopher M. Shea (he/him), licensed clinical social worker, sexologist, and researcher focused on queer relationships, betrayal, and healing. Christopher shares his research on betrayal trauma in LGBTQ+ relationships and explores why queer couples may experience unique challenges when navigating trust, repair, shame, and relationship expectations. Together, Tom and Christopher discuss the impact of heteronormative research, internalized stigma, attachment patterns, the inner critic, and why betrayal is about more than just what happened – it’s about the meaning we make from it. They also explore what healing can look like after infidelity, why both partners need compassion and accountability, and how queer relationships deserve more nuanced conversations around love, sex, commitment, and repair. About Christopher: Christopher M. Shea is a licensed clinical social worker and sexologist who works through a relational lens to help individuals, couples, and families understand and heal the patterns that shape their connections. He specializes in supporting queer communities, focusing on how experiences of minority stress and internalized shame can affect intimacy and trust. Dr. Shea’s work also centers on helping partners repair after infidelity and build relationships rooted in authenticity, resilience, and emotional growth. Connect with Christopher: Website: https://drchrisshea.com/ [https://drchrisshea.com/] Instagram: @cmsny25 Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com [http://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com] Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 [https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5]

When Sex Feels Out of Control, What’s Really Happening? | Interview with Michael A. Vigorito

What happens when we stop viewing sexuality through a lens of shame and start approaching it with curiosity, compassion, and context? In this episode, Tom Bruett (he/him) welcomes Michael A. Vigorito (he/him), LMFT, CGP, CST-S, sex therapist, author, supervisor, and co-author of Treating Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior, for a conversation about sexuality, shame, and sexual health. Michael shares his work challenging the traditional “sex addiction” framework and explores why sexual behaviors can become complicated, how shame and stigma shape our relationship with desire, and why understanding the context behind our choices matters more than labeling them. Together, Tom and Michael discuss sexual health, pleasure and safety, queer experiences with sexuality and stigma, how secrecy and shame can impact intimacy, and what it looks like to build a healthier relationship with sex and yourself. Whether you’ve struggled with feeling “too much,” questioned your relationship with sex, or simply want a more compassionate understanding of sexuality, this conversation offers a different way to think about desire, connection, and healing. About Michael: Michael Vigorito is a certified sex therapist, author, trainer, and clinical supervisor specializing in sexual and behavioral health. He co-developed a sexual health assessment and treatment protocol published in Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior - Rethinking Sex Addiction (SSTAR 2018 Health Professional Book Award). He has led multiple SAMHSA- and CDC-funded training initiatives integrating sexual health and LGBTQ+ affirming care into behavioral health systems, including the Sexual and Gender Diversity Learning Community at the University of Maryland Prevention Research Center. Mr. Vigorito is a Certified Group Psychotherapist (AGPA), a Certified Sex Therapist and Supervisor (AASECT), and currently serves as President of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR). Connect with Michael: Website: www.MichaelVigorito.com [http://www.MichaelVigorito.com] Book: Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction https://a.co/d/0frXNESf [https://a.co/d/0frXNESf] Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com [http://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com] Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 [https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5] Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards [https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards]

Anxious Attachment: Why We Chase Love That Hurts & How to Heal | Interview with Chris Rackliffe

In this episode, Tom (he/him) welcomes Chris Rackliffe (he/him), anxious attachment style coach, author, and host of Needy No More podcast, for a deep conversation about attachment, relationships, and healing. Chris shares his own experience with anxious attachment and explores why so many people develop a fear of abandonment, become hypervigilant in relationships, or find themselves chasing connection while losing connection with themselves. Together, Tom and Chris discuss anxious and avoidant attachment dynamics, why queer people may carry unique experiences of rejection and invalidation, how self-abandonment can impact relationships, and what it actually takes to build more secure ways of connecting. Whether you identify as anxiously attached, avoidant, or simply someone who wants healthier relationships, this conversation offers insight, compassion, and practical tools for understanding yourself and your patterns. About Chris: Chris Rackliffe, or @crackliffe as he is fondly known, is an anxious attachment style coach, host of the Needy No More podcast, and author of two self-help books: It’s Good to See Me Again: How to Find Your Way When You Feel Lost and Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment. Chris has worked with thousands of clients across six continents to help them heal their anxious attachment style and grow more secure, sharing everything he’s learned on his own healing journey—from how to integrate trauma and regulate the nervous system, to how to effectively communicate and set boundaries. You can find him on TikTok and Instagram @crackliffe. Connect with Chris: Instagram: @crackliffe TikTok: @crackliffe Website: https://www.crackliffe.com/ [https://www.crackliffe.com/] Coaching program: https://www.crackliffe.com/coaching [https://www.crackliffe.com/coaching] Book: https://amzn.to/49Q4mEg [https://amzn.to/49Q4mEg] Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com [http://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com] Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 [https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5] Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards [https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards]

LGBTQ+ Aging, Sex & Desire: What Nobody Talks About | Interview with Joseph Winn

In this interview, Tom (he/him) interviews Joe Winn (he/him) LICSW, CST-S, about one of the most overlooked topics in LGBTQ+ mental health: aging, sexuality, and intimacy. Together, they explore how the HIV/AIDS crisis continues to shape the lives of older queer adults, the grief and resilience carried by LGBTQ+ elders, and the ways ageism affects desire, relationships, and self-worth. Joseph challenges conventional ideas about sex, arguing that pleasure is much bigger than performance, penetration, or youth. Throughout the conversation, Tom and Joseph discuss the lasting impact of the AIDS epidemic, the loss of LGBTQ+ elders and intergenerational connection, aging and body image, changing sexual experiences, internalized shame, religious trauma, loneliness, community, and the importance of pleasure and intimacy at every stage of life. They also examine the limitations of traditional sex education and therapy training, and why expanding our understanding of sexuality can help people build richer, more connected lives. If you've ever wondered how desire evolves across the lifespan, or how to create a more expansive and fulfilling understanding of intimacy, this conversation is for you. About Joe: Joe is a clinical social worker, AASECT certified sex therapist and AASECT certified supervisor of sex therapy. He received his MSW from Boston University in 1995 and has maintained a supervisory, consultation and private practice since 2006. Joe’s post graduate trainings have focused on structural, strategic, Bowenian, and various constructivist and social justice, models of individual and relational therapy. Joe has trained in EFT, Gottman Method, and The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. He was a member of the training faculty at The South Shore Sexual Health Center from 2014-2025, where he taught AASECT sex therapy candidates how to assess, formulate, and intervene with relational and sexual difficulties. Joe has lectured nationally and internationally on such topics as working with differentiation in sex and couples therapy, working effectively with erotic transference and countertransference, applying BDSM/kink consent and pleasure negotiation models to improving differentiation in sexual functioning and problematic sexual behavior. Connect with Joe: Website: josephwinnlicsw.net [http://josephwinnlicsw.net] Connect with Tom: website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com [http://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com] Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 [https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5] Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards [https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards]

What Queer People NEED to Know About HIV Today | Interview with Araya Baker

In this interview, Tom (he/him) interviews Araya (they/them), therapist, columnist, and social policy researcher about serodiscordant (mixed-status) relationships, HIV stigma, disclosure, intimacy, and the realities of living with HIV in 2026. Together they explore how HIV criminalization laws, discrimination, misinformation, and systemic barriers continue to impact queer relationships despite major medical advances such as U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable). Araya shares insights from their work with clients navigating mixed-status partnerships, discussing disclosure decisions, sexual anxiety, relationship conflict, family planning, financial stress, and the emotional impact of stigma. They also examine the lasting legacy of the AIDS epidemic, the parallels between HIV and COVID-related trauma, and why therapists need better training around sexuality, HIV, and queer mental health. Whether you're a mental health professional, LGBTQ+ community member, or anyone interested in relationship dynamics, this conversation offers a compassionate and evidence-informed look at one of the most misunderstood topics in sexual health. About Araya: Araya Baker, M.Phil.Ed., Ed.M. is a therapist, columnist, and social policy researcher. As a therapist, Araya supports individuals and couples navigating concerns around addiction, aging, cancer, disability, family estrangement, grief and trauma, life purpose and self-actualization, neurodivergence, prejudice and racism, relationships, reproductive health and family-building, and sexual health and HIV. For over a decade, Araya has leveraged writing to promote lifelong learning and democratize access to applied critical theory/social philosophy beyond academia. Their social commentary and public scholarship have been featured in The Washington Post, HuffPost, Psychology Today, Teen Vogue, EdPost, Vice, Buzzfeed, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, and myriad indie/regional outlets. Araya earned an Ed.M. in Human Development from Harvard as an Equity Fellow, an M.Phil.Ed. in Counseling from the University of Pennsylvania, where they received the Award for Excellence in Promoting Diversity & Inclusion, and a B.A. in English from Tufts, where they were a Tisch Scholar and engaged African & Caribbean literature, Black Arts Movement poetry, queer Black feminism, gospel music, Southern studies, and Swahili. Connect with Araya: Website: arayabaker.com [http://arayabaker.com] Instagram: @arayabaker YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@araya_baker [https://www.youtube.com/@araya_baker] Connect with Tom: website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com [http://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com] Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 [https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5] Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards [https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards]