Ep 14 - I Painted Over My Own Heart (And Then Painted It Back)

Ep 14 - I Painted Over My Own Heart (And Then Painted It Back)

I painted something on my wall last fall — 24 colors radiating out from a heart like tree rings. It made me feel alive. And then I covered it up with primer because I talked myself into believing it was too much. This episode is about that. And about the unopened paints I bought as a compromise. And about every offer you've half-built because you thought the thing you actually wanted to do was too loud, too weird, or too you. What are you not letting live on the wall? Connect with Aypril: www.ayprilporter.com Substack: @ayprilporter

Ep 13 - Living Losses: The Grief Nobody Talks About in Business

We talk about grief when someone dies. When a relationship ends. When something is taken from us. But we almost never talk about the grief that lives inside the good stuff. Inside the transitions we chose. Inside the evolution we worked for. In this episode I'm talking about living losses for the entrepreneur. The grief of outgrowing an offer you loved. Of leaving behind an identity you built your whole brand around. Of being in the in-between where the old thing is done and the new thing is not yet clear. You are allowed to grieve the thing you chose. The joy does not cancel the loss. The loss does not cancel the joy. And what you skip in the middle is what you miss becoming. If you are in the threshold right now, this one is for you. Topics covered: * Why grief shows up in business transitions, not just loss * The in-between space and why bypassing it costs you * The difference between carrying a scar and carrying an open wound * Why both excitement and grief can be true at the same time * How to actually move through a living loss without dragging it into what comes next Find the written version of this episode on Substack: https://substack.com/@ayprilporter

Ep 12 - If They're Rushing You Toward the Light, That's Not Holding Space

Most people in the coaching world think holding space means setting a timer and listening until it's time for an action step. But if your coach is rushing you toward the next thing to make it prettier, faster, bigger, or better, they are not holding space for you. They are managing their own discomfort with yours. In this episode I'm talking about what holding space actually requires, why the people who do it well have usually been through real difficulty themselves, and why bypassing where someone is in order to get to where you think they should be going is not support. It's management. If you have ever left a session feeling like you were moved through instead of actually met, this one is for you. Topics covered: * What the coaching industry gets wrong about holding space * Why sitting in the fire with someone is different from fixing them * How to tell the difference between a guide who can hold it and one who can't * Why sustainable change requires someone who can stay in the room with you Follow along on Substack: https://substack.com/@ayprilporter Website: www.ayprilporter.com

Ep 11 - Wired Different: When Your Gift Looks Like a Problem

There's something in your design that keeps creating friction. In your relationships, in how people receive you, maybe even in how you receive yourself. And if it's come up enough times, you've probably started to wonder if it's just... a flaw. It's not. In this episode I'm talking about the parts of us that are most essentially us, the ones that are genuinely wired in and doing exactly what they're supposed to do, and why those are almost always the parts that get the most pushback. I'm using my own chart as the example. Specifically the channel 63-4, a logical pressure-testing channel that questions everything, and how I spent years in a long friendship softening that part of myself because it kept being received as an attack. And what I finally understood about why that friction existed and what it was actually trying to show me. This isn't about villainizing anyone. It's about what happens when you spend so long adjusting yourself around someone else's discomfort that you start to forget the adjusted version isn't the real one. We also talk about Gate 42, endings, and why letting something complete is not the same as giving up. If you have something in you that you've been told is too much, too direct, too intense, too curious, this one is for you. In this episode: * The difference between a gift and how it's being received, and why that gap is information not verdict * Why the things in our design that create the most friction are usually the things our actual people need us for most * The Phoebe problem, and why being loved as a novelty is not the same as being known * Gate 42 and what it actually means to let something complete * How Human Design gives you a framework for the thing you've been experiencing as a character flaw Mentioned in this episode: Human Design Oracle Reading, one hour where you bring a pattern, a situation, or something you keep bumping into and we look at it together through your chart. No fixing. Just clarity. Book at ayprilporter.com.

Ep 10 - The power of music in rewiring the nervous system

What if deconditioning didn't require you to look directly at the thing you're trying to heal? In this episode, I'm sharing the origin story behind my newest offering, The Heretical Frequency — a Human Design report unlike anything I've seen done before. It started with a Fleetwood Mac song, a vinyl record, and a grief I couldn't name. And it led me to hundreds of hours of curating playlists for every part of the Human Design chart. We talk about why music bypasses the rational mind and goes straight to the limbic system — the part of your brain where feelings, memory, and safety actually live. That meaning-making part of you that says no, we have to hold onto this — music gets around it in a way that journaling and reframing often can't. This isn't just about listening to songs. It's about using sound as a somatic entry point into the parts of yourself that words alone can't reach. In this episode: * The song that made me cry in 2020 and why I kept going back for more * How repeated listening to a painful song can actually shift your relationship to it * Why music bypasses the rational brain and lands directly in the body * How I've been using playlists inside my Metamorphosis group program * What The Heretical Frequency report is and how it works * The free version you can try before you commit to the full report Links and resources mentioned: * Purchase the full report: ayprilporter.com/heretical-frequency [ayprilporter.com/heretical-frequency] * Try the free Heretical Frequency (your energy type playlist): ⁠ayprilporter.com/heretical-frequency-energy-type-report⁠ [ayprilporter.com/heretical-frequency-energy-type-report] * Questions? Reach out at hello@ayprilporter.com [hello@aproporter.com] A note worth naming: Music can connect us to parts of our lives that are genuinely painful. If a song brings up something you're not ready for, skip it. There are other options. And if you need professional support to move through what comes up, please seek that out.