Am I Afraid of Colors… or Afraid of What People Will Think?

Did I Just Find My New Creative Boost?

In this episode, I talk about my journey with photography, how it’s always been there, but recently started to mean a lot more. From getting a new lens and taking hundreds of photos, to rediscovering my surroundings and finding beauty in places I once thought were boring. I share how being outside helps my mental health, how photography boosts my art, and why I’m now bringing my camera everywhere, just in case something happens. jezz.substack.com [https://jezz.substack.com/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jezz.substack.com [https://jezz.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Why I’m Drawing More Animals Than Humans

In this episode, I talk about shifting my focus from drawing humans to drawing animals and even exploring creature design. I share why humans became a little “boring” to draw, how animals feel more forgiving and fun, and the challenges I face trying to stylize my work without getting frustrated. From Arctic foxes to birds, from realism to adding character, this is a personal look at my creative rollercoaster, inspiration, and the steps I’m taking to push my art further. Why I changed the name: https://jezz.substack.com/p/why-i-changed-my-blog-name [https://jezz.substack.com/p/why-i-changed-my-blog-name] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jezz.substack.com [https://jezz.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

How Do You Build Habits When Your Brain Says No?

What’s up, folks? Today I want to talk about habits. Trying to build new habits, and how that doesn’t really work for me. And you’re going to hear why, because this has been a bit of a long, personal adventure for me, and honestly, I’m still in the middle of figuring it out. People say habits get built within 90 days. That’s what you hear all the time.But if you have ADHD, or ASD, or something in that area, it can take longer. Sometimes much longer. Sometimes… not at all, technically. And that’s something I’ve had to learn the hard way, over and over again. When I was younger, for example, my parents made sure I brushed my teeth every day. Morning and before bed. Every single day.The night routine stuck. That one is burned into my head because we did it so consistently. Even now, I can’t go to bed without brushing my teeth first. But the morning one never became the same kind of habit. And the reason is actually simple. I only did it because I was going to school. During weekends, I didn’t do it. And once school was over, the whole thing disappeared completely.For some reason, I never built the same automatic habit in the morning. Part of it is that brushing my teeth and then eating after just doesn’t work for me. And I don’t like brushing my teeth after eating either, because it feels like food is still stuck on the teeth, and the feeling just bothers me. I don’t like it. It feels weird somehow. So because my parents were strict about one part but not the other, one habit stayed with me my whole life, and the other one never really formed at all.And that’s kind of how it has been with a lot of things.The longest habit I’ve ever managed to keep when it comes to drawing was 100 days. And even then, I stopped right after, because it got boring.And the frustrating part is that I actually want to build drawing habits. That’s the goal. That’s what I want. The brushing-teeth story is just an example of how things don’t always work the way they’re supposed to. I’ve read Atomic Habits twice, and I’ve tried the methods in it.And the book is really good. I really recommend it.But for me, the methods work for a few days… and then it just cools off. In the book, there’s the two-minute rule. You prepare something, like putting your sketchbook and pencils on the table, and then you stop. Just to make it easy to start next time.Another technique is to take something you already have as a habit, and add the new habit right after it, so it flows naturally. That doesn’t really work for me either. But again, the book is good. It might help you, even if it doesn’t work for me the way it should.Over the years, I’ve tried to build a lot of different habits for my art.One of the latest ones was daily watercolor sketching.It worked for about 40 days, and then I got bored. I tried to do it in a small square sketchbook, using the same kind of setup every time. And after a while, it made my head spin a bit, because I was only allowing myself to use that sketchbook, with that medium, and nothing else.In the beginning, it works. I get hyped. I get inspired. I keep going. But over time, I start to feel like I don’t want to use this one. I don’t want to use this medium. I want something else.The reason I chose that small square sketchbook in the first place was because I saw a YouTuber using one for watercolor, and I thought, why not? I didn’t want it to be perfect. I just wanted to explore.But over the years, I’ve noticed something about myself when it comes to habits.If it’s too strict, it won’t work. Not at all.Using the same sketchbook, the same medium, doing it every day at the same time… that’s my biggest enemy. And if I actually manage to keep a strict routine for a while and then miss one day, that’s it. Game over.It doesn’t matter if it’s drawing, training, or something else I’m trying to build. If I miss the time, or something happens that day, the habit just falls apart. I’ve tried everything.Big art boards to remind me.Post-it notes.Apps.Pretty much every habit tracker I could find, both free and paid. None of them work for long, because after a few days my brain just ignores them. Completely ignores them. Like they’re not even there.I talked about this with one of the staff where I live, and we talked about the brushing-teeth problem again. I even got these art cards that I put on the bathroom mirror to remind myself to brush my teeth morning and evening.It worked for a few days.Then I started ignoring them. And after a while, I just got annoyed because they were in the way when I looked in the mirror. 🤣So having these kinds of problems is not fun.Especially when you’re really trying to fix them. When you want to change, when you want to build good habits, for drawing, for training, for life in general… and you can’t figure out how to make it work.So if strict routines don’t work, I need something more ADHD and ASD friendly.That’s what I’m trying now.One thing that helps a little is not forcing myself to do it every day. If I skip, it’s okay. It’s allowed. It’s not a must. I also use a habit tracker app called Habit Tracker, just to see how many days I’ve done something in total. It shows when I’ve done it, and over time I can see the numbers going up.And when I see that, I get a small happy feeling. Like, okay… I’ve actually done this a few times. That counts. Another thing that works for me is doing things before bed.Especially drawing.When I draw before going to bed, I don’t have distractions.The computer is off.I have my iPad, but I don’t use it the same way. I mostly use it for drawing or finding references. Less distraction means a bigger chance that I actually do it.I can also draw or write after breakfast sometimes, before the computer is on.Because once the computer starts, it’s like I lose the start button. Even if I want to draw, it becomes very hard to begin.And that’s so frustrating. But I’m trying.I’m actually trying really hard, because I want to win against myself in this.Plein Airpril is starting very soon, just a few days after this is released, and I’m actually looking forward to it. I wrote about it last week if you want to read that.My idea this year is to draw places I want to visit.Japan, New Zealand, landscapes, animals, buildings… things like that.I’m planning to use one sketchbook, yes, but not in a strict way.More like a travel journal. You’ve probably seen those on YouTube, where people draw where they have been and write a little about it.That’s my goal.To do that while staying at home.To draw places and think, this is where I want to go.How it will work out… that’s another story. I’m also still trying to keep the daily watercolor sketching.I almost gave up, but then I thought, no… I’ll try again, but in a simpler way.I’m not forcing myself to do it every day.I don’t have to use the same sketchbook.I can use whatever sketchbook I feel like, as long as I use watercolor.Only one rule.Make it imperfect. It doesn’t matter what it is.A small building, a landscape, whatever.Just make it imperfect.I’m also trying to sketch every day, with ballpoint pen, graphite pencil, or brush pen. Lately I’ve been using a brush pen and doing gesture drawings of animals, using fewer strokes and thinking about the Force technique.You’ve probably heard about the Force books by Michael Mattesi.I don’t own them yet. I want the animal one, but they’re expensive here, so I’m waiting for a good sale.I like that idea of drawing with flow, like one stroke leading into another, almost like a flower shape in the movement. And gesture drawing helps me, because it forces me to put the lines down without focusing on details.Details are one of my bad habits. I always get stuck there.Most of this I do at night, before bed.No computer.Just me, my headphones, and a podcast playing while I draw. Half the time I don’t even hear what they’re saying, because when I’m drawing I go into flow and everything else disappears.But I still want the podcast on for some reason.And I tell myself, if I listen to podcasts, I’m learning something.I probably hear more than I realize. So these are my goals right now when it comes to building habits.It goes slowly.Hopefully I can get help from a professional in the near future, someone who understands this better and can help me level up how I do things, so it actually works. That’s the plan, at least.Because building good habits that you enjoy and feel good about… that’s a good thing.And I really want that.I’m curious if you’re trying to build a habit too?If you are, you can comment or respond to this email. I’d like to hear about it. And I’m sorry if I sound a bit weird in this recording.I have a cold this week, but I still wanted to get this done.Alright.That’s it for today. Bye. 🌿 New Video! 🌿 What to REad Next? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jezz.substack.com [https://jezz.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Am I Afraid of Colors… or Afraid of What People Will Think?

What’s up folks! Hope you’re having a wonderful March so far. 😁 For some reason, colors scare the shit out of me. And I honestly don’t know why.So today’s talk is about colors. And no, it’s not about color theory, because I don’t even understand that yet. I’m definitely not here to teach you anything.When I see other artists use colors, it looks so inspiring and beautiful. I see their work and think, I want to try that myself. But then I try it… and it just goes wrong somehow. I don’t know why it scares me.Sometimes I try working in grayscale first and then add color afterward, you know, to get the light and shadows right. But sometimes grayscale just feels… boring. And yet I see other artists use grayscale and it looks beautiful.So my mind just goes in circles. 😵‍💫 About color theory, like I said earlier, I don’t really know much. I know which colors are warm and which are cold. I know some combinations, like complementary colors and things like that. But more than that? Not really.And to be honest, I don’t really want to dive super deep into it.Because in my head, every artwork needs to look realistic in some way. But at the same time, another side of my brain just wants to have fun and experiment. Like… does a tree really have to be brown and green?Why can’t it be bluish, or purple, or full of strange colors?But then my brain jumps in and says:“No. It needs to be realistic, or else no one will like it.”And that sucks. 😢Because when I see other artists play with colors, it’s just so beautiful. I think the biggest part of the problem is the reference images I use. When I use a reference, I try to copy it as much as possible, which is something I probably shouldn’t do.I should use it as a base and then make it my own. But it doesn’t really work that way. Not yet anyway.If I’m drawing a forest, every color needs to be just like the forest in the reference. Otherwise my brain says it will look wrong. Reference is great to use. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that my brain gets stuck on it.I’ve tried using the reference only for the sketch, and then removing it completely so I don’t see it anymore. But that doesn’t always work either, because my brain already memorized the colors from the image.So my head keeps trying to find those colors anyway. Instead of me thinking: What if I used dark blue here, or a strong red light?Maybe one day. 🫠I think this might also be connected to my ADHD and ASD brain. My brain doesn’t really function like everyone else’s. It works in ways I don’t always understand myself. And right now I don’t have professional help with this kind of thing, so it takes longer for me to find solutions or workarounds.But I have tried to break free from it in different ways.One thing I’ve been doing is trying more unusual color combinations. I’ve been using sites like Coolors.co [https://coolors.co/] (said wrong in Audio) or Adobe Color [https://color.adobe.com/create/color-wheel]. I really like Coolors because it can randomize colors however I want, and then I can save them, lock them, and experiment with them.I recently used it for a painting where I just picked three colors to start with. It gave me a starting point, you know? And from there I could go in different directions. Coolors has more features too, like complementary color tools and other things, but that part is behind a paywall. And honestly, I don’t feel like I’m at the stage where I need to pay for that yet. So that’s where Adobe Color comes in. Adobe has tools for things like split complementary colors and other color theory systems. It’s helpful if you already have a color in mind and want suggestions for the others.Drawing software is also starting to include these tools more and more. Procreate has it.Corel Painter has it.Affinity added something similar in the newest version.I think Rebelle added it too.I don’t think Clip Studio Paint has it yet, but it might come someday. I hope it does, because it’s actually really useful. You can just say: “Okay, I want split complementary colors, and I want to start with blue.” And then the program gives you the other colors automatically.I have noticed something interesting though.When I work digitally, it’s much harder for me to experiment with colors. My brain keeps telling me that it needs to match the reference perfectly, or at least be as realistic as possible. But this year I’ve been painting more and more with watercolors.And with watercolors, something changes.I can actually play more. I can let the colors be… watercolor.When I do that, I start experimenting more. Sure, if I’m painting a polar bear I try to stay somewhat close to the real colors, but not completely.I want to be bold with colors. I’ve seen so many artists do it and it looks amazing. So why can’t I?And while talking about all of this, I started thinking about something else.What if I’m scared of colors because I’m worried about what other people will think?Like if the colors aren’t realistic, maybe people will say:“That doesn’t look real. That looks ugly.”I don’t know. My brain just goes there sometimes.But the goal is to break free from that thinking.To play with colors. To be bold with them.A lion doesn’t have to be brownish/Yellowish.A zebra doesn’t have to be black and white.Why not a zebra with red stripes? Or blue stripes? Or something completely unexpected? Why does it have to be realistic?We already see the real world every day.Why can’t art be its own little magic?So yeah… I hope I’ll be able to break free from this over the years. I would really love that. Just to be myself and enjoy colors. It doesn’t have to be realistic.Okay?Tell me that.Tell me in the comments. Email me. Just say:“It doesn’t have to look realistic.” Alright.Good. Bye. See you next time. 🤣 🌿 New Video 🌿 What to Read Next This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jezz.substack.com [https://jezz.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Why Am I Chasing a Magic Brush?

In this episode, I talk about something that has been stuck in my mind for years… brushes. Custom brushes, default brushes, and the constant feeling that I need the same tools as the artists I look up to. I share my own experience of buying brush packs, chasing that “magic brush,” and how that mindset has affected my creativity, my wallet, and my relationship with digital art. This is a personal reflection on tools, expectations, ADHD and ASD, and trying to find freedom again in the art process. So… do we really need those brushes, or are we just chasing something that was never there in the first place? https://jezz.substack.com/ [https://jezz.substack.com/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jezz.substack.com [https://jezz.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]