NYT Writer Susan Dominus: "I Couldn't Risk It"

NYT Writer Susan Dominus: "I Couldn't Risk It"

She's a staff writer at The New York Times Magazine, a Yale lecturer, and one of the most celebrated journalists working today. So why does Susan Dominus still feel like she's figuring it out? In a candid conversation with Maryam, Susan gets into the imposter syndrome that nearly stopped her from calling herself a writer, the sibling rivalry that quietly shaped her ambition, and the career regret she wishes she could go back and fix. Plus: what AI has changed about her reporting, why she thinks Substack isn't enough, and the advice she gives every student who wants to break into media. If you've ever played it safe when you knew you shouldn't have — this one's for you.  🎙️Like, subscribe, and share The Messy Parts. Key Moments 01:28 - The Psychology Behind the Byline 🧠 Susan explains why people tell journalists things they've never told anyone else, and why being truly seen is rarer than we think. 03:15 - The Bookish Kid Who Pretended to Read 📚 Susan paints a vivid picture of her Westchester childhood — the youngest of three, already pretending to read before she could, and processing her entire emotional life through books. 09:29 - The Piano Teacher Ultimatum ⏰ Her piano teacher forced a choice: piano or the school newspaper. Susan didn't hesitate for a second.  13:07 - Imposter Syndrome at Yale 😰 Getting into Yale didn't cure the self-doubt — it deepened it. Susan opens up about feeling like a "pretty average suburban kid" surrounded by legacy admits, children of academics, and people she found genuinely intimidating. 14:25 - "I Couldn't Risk It" 😶 Susan admits she avoided Yale's competitive writing classes entirely, not because she wasn't interested, but because she was too afraid to find out she wasn't good enough.  21:13 - The Good Girl Who Waited Until 30 ⏳ Despite always wanting to be a writer, Susan spent her entire 20s as an editor — partly for job security, partly to please her parents. 27:08 - How AI Changed Susan's Entire Reporting Process 🤖 Susan goes from AI skeptic to convert in real time. She breaks down exactly how she used NotebookLM and Google Gemini on her most recent NYT piece, and why she can't imagine going back to the way she did her job before. 30:17 - The Wasserstein Book Origin Story 📖 Susan traces her obsession with the famous Wasserstein family, and reveals the question that consumed her childhood: what would it feel like to grow up in a family where someone tells you "the sky's the limit"? 33:42 - The Limits We Put on Ourselves 🪞 Maryam holds up a mirror: Susan has won Pulitzers, teaches at Yale, and writes for the NYT Magazine — and yet she still talks about herself like someone playing it safe.  40:24 - The Twitter Regret She Can't Shake 🐦 Susan confesses that when the NYT begged her to tweet out her column back in 2011, she was too uncomfortable with self-promotion. Her advice to young journalists: get on the edge of what's new, even when it scares you. 43:11 - What She’d Tell Her 30-Something Self 💡 Susan closes with a deceptively simple piece of wisdom: if something new is forming around you at work, stop wishing it away and get involved. Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463801/fan_mail/new] Email us: hello@themessypartspodcast.com [hello@themessypartspodcast.com] To stay up to date with The Messy Parts [https://themessypartspodcast.com/] and get all the behind-the-scenes content, follow us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/themessypartspodcast/], LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/maryambanikarim/], YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@TheMessyParts]. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a rating and review on Apple [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-messy-parts/id1804155142] or Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/3rMFKKEzK8fgKBwBPqP4HI?si=899c6a4d61ba41e5] or where ever you get your podcasts. Thank you for listening.

Gary Vee: Forgiveness, Fear, and the $540 Million Mistake (Replay)

In this re-release of one of our favorite episodes, Gary Vaynerchuk opens up to Maryam about fear, self-esteem, forgiveness, AI, leadership, and what he believes is a growing crisis of “late adulthood.” Gary shares why so many professionals feel stuck — not because of burnout, but because of insecurity and unresolved resentment. He breaks down his philosophy on kind candor vs. radical candor, why fear is the real career killer, and how over-coddling may be delaying independence for an entire generation. From parenting teenagers to leading thousands of employees, Gary explains why self-worth is the operating system behind success — and why forgiveness (especially of yourself) might be the most underrated personal development tool of all. If you’ve ever felt behind, afraid to pivot, or unsure of your next move in the age of AI, this episode is for you. Key Moments 00:00 — Forgiveness Is the Answer We’re Avoiding ❤️‍🩹 Gary opens with a bold claim: most people are emotionally “clogged” because they’re holding resentment. He explains why forgiveness — especially forgiving yourself — may be the most underrated growth tool. 02:46 — “Nice Guys Finish First” 🏆 Gary unpacks the tension between competitiveness and kindness — and why he believes you can be fierce in business without losing your humanity. 05:17 — The Late Adulthood Crisis 🚨 Are we raising adults who aren’t ready to be adults? Gary shares his controversial take on over-coddling, privilege, and why independence matters more than ever. 08:52 — Why He Doesn’t Fear AI (And You Shouldn’t Either) 🤖 Using historical pattern recognition, Gary explains why AI is just the next evolution — not the apocalypse. 14:18 — The Self-Esteem Conversation Nobody Wants to Have 🧠 Gary breaks it down: almost everything — career fear, content paralysis, insecurity — comes back to self-worth. 15:33 — The Rejection He Was Actually Afraid Of 💔 Despite fearless business moves, Gary admits he was afraid to ask girls out in high school. A revealing look at how fear shows up in unexpected places. 18:38 — Kind Candor vs. Radical Candor 🎯 Gary shares his leadership “kryptonite” — struggling with candor — and why he now believes honest feedback must come with kindness. 28:57 — Walking Away From the Family Business 🏪 After building his dad’s liquor store into a $65M company, Gary explains why leaving wasn’t guilt — it was growth. 31:14 — Maximizing Joy vs. Maximizing Money 🔥 Why Gary doesn’t optimize for profit alone — and how curiosity drives his many ventures. 33:35 — Call Your Mom. Forgive Yourself. 📞 One of the most emotional moments of the episode. Gary urges listeners to make the call — to forgive others or themselves. 43:53 — At What Age Do You Stop Blaming Your Parents? 🧨 Gary poses a provocative question: when do you fully own your life? A raw discussion about responsibility and adulthood. 47:46 — The Jets Jersey Story 🧵💚 Gary shares the powerful story of his mom knitting him a Jets jersey when they couldn’t afford one — and how that shaped his confidence forever. Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463801/fan_mail/new] Email us: hello@themessypartspodcast.com [hello@themessypartspodcast.com] To stay up to date with The Messy Parts [https://themessypartspodcast.com/] and get all the behind-the-scenes content, follow us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/themessypartspodcast/], LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/maryambanikarim/], YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@TheMessyParts]. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a rating and review on Apple [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-messy-parts/id1804155142] or Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/3rMFKKEzK8fgKBwBPqP4HI?si=899c6a4d61ba41e5] or where ever you get your podcasts. Thank you for listening.

"My Parents Would Have Rather I Been a Prostitute.” How Ayesha Nurdjaja Became a Celebrity Chef & Built NYC’s Hottest Restaurants

What happens when you walk away from the career everyone expected you to have? Chef Ayesha Nurdjaja was on a path toward law school, working at a prestigious law firm and doing everything “right.” But something was missing. In this episode of The Messy Parts, Ayesha shares with Maryam how she left a promising legal career to pursue cooking, even when her parents stopped speaking to her and everyone around her thought she was making a huge mistake. She opens up about growing up in Brooklyn, discovering her passion for food later in life, working brutal restaurant hours for almost no money, and refusing to accept “no” as an answer. Ayesha also reveals the surprising story behind the creation of Shuka and Shukette, and how one bold decision changed the course of her career. 🎙️Subscribe to The Messy Parts and never miss a story worth telling. 00:00 - The Lie That Launched Her Career 🚪 Ayesha tells the unbelievable story of sneaking her way into Lidia Bastianich’s legendary restaurant kitchen after being repeatedly told no, and how that gamble changed her life forever. 03:40 - Growing Up Between Two Worlds 🌎 Ayesha reflects on her Brooklyn childhood, her Italian and Indonesian roots, and how family, culture, and belonging shaped who she became. 07:26 - When Religion Tore Her Family Apart 💔 She opens up about her parents’ divorce, the cultural and religious tensions behind it, and the lasting impact it had on her life. 11:06 - The Career Everyone Wanted for Her 🎓 From pharmacy school to business school to a law firm job, Ayesha shares the path her parents hoped she’d follow, and why it never felt right. 16:24 - The Bucket List That Changed Everything ✍️ A train ride, a list of passions, and a moment of honesty helped Ayesha realize she was chasing the wrong dream. 18:26 - Diamonds, DJing & Finding Her Calling 💎 Before becoming a chef, Ayesha seriously considered careers in music and diamonds—and explains how cooking unexpectedly won. 20:21 - The First Dish That Sparked Something Special 🍅 A simple risotto-stuffed tomato became the moment Ayesha discovered the joy of creating food with her own hands. 21:26 - The Day Her Parents Stopped Speaking to Her 📵 After quitting a stable legal career to work in kitchens for almost no money, Ayesha faced the toughest rejection of all — from her own family, who struggled to understand her radical pivot. 25:37 - Why She Never Quit the Kitchen 🔥 Ayesha explains the relentless drive that pushed her through 16-hour days, exhausting labor, and years of sacrifice. 39:33 - The New Year's Eve Party That Created Shuka 🎉 What started as a risky, Moroccan-inspired dinner party became the spark that led to one of New York City's most beloved restaurants. 41:22 - Betting on Yourself Every Time 🎲 Ayesha reflects on risk-taking, resilience, and why she's always been willing to go all-in on the things she truly believes in. Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463801/fan_mail/new] Email us: hello@themessypartspodcast.com [hello@themessypartspodcast.com] To stay up to date with The Messy Parts [https://themessypartspodcast.com/] and get all the behind-the-scenes content, follow us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/themessypartspodcast/], LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/maryambanikarim/], YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@TheMessyParts]. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a rating and review on Apple [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-messy-parts/id1804155142] or Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/3rMFKKEzK8fgKBwBPqP4HI?si=899c6a4d61ba41e5] or where ever you get your podcasts. Thank you for listening.

She Kept Hearing "No." At 60, Sari Botton Finally Found Her Audience.

"No just means not right now." That's the philosophy that kept writer and Oldster founder Sari Botton going through decades of rejection before building one of Substack's most beloved magazines — at age 60. In this episode of The Messy Parts, Sari gets honest with Maryam about the messy middle: the identity searching, the failed attempts, the mean girls that never quite went away, and the moment she finally stopped contorting herself to fit someone else's story. She also shares the writing strategies that got her through a book deal she almost abandoned, and why she thinks the busier you are, the better you write. If you're a writer, a late bloomer, or just someone still figuring it out — this conversation is for you.  🎙️Subscribe to The Messy Parts and never miss a story worth telling. Key Moments 00:00 - "No Just Means Not Right Now" 💪  Sari opens with the mantra that kept her going through decades of rejection, and explains why she refuses to take no for a final answer. 00:53 - Meet Sari Botton 📖  Maryam introduces the writer, publisher, and Oldster founder whose New York Times feature sent her Substack into the stratosphere. 03:35 - The Hustler's Origin Story 👊 Sari traces her work ethic back to her parents, and how watching them juggle everything shaped who she became. 06:28 - The Creative Weirdo Who Never Fit the Mold 🎭 Sari reflects on growing up as a dreamy, performing kid who started writing plays at seven. 08:02 - "Since My Late Forties, I've Been Becoming Who I Really Am" ✨  Sari gets candid about the long road to self-certainty, and why it took decades of peeling away inauthentic layers to finally arrive at herself. 10:58 - The Secret She Was Keeping From Herself 🤫  Sari reveals she never actually wanted children — and the surprising relief she felt when a medical diagnosis made the decision for her. 13:02 - Mean Girls Never Really Go Away 😤  Maryam and Sari dig into the culture of indirect honesty, female friendship, and why being direct is still so hard — even at 60. 21:35 - "The Most Sustainable Situation I've Ever Had" 🙌 Sari reflects on arriving — finally — at a creative life that actually pays, and what it means to build something that works on your own terms. 23:32 - Trusting Your Instincts When Everyone Says No 🔥  Editors and agents said her anthology ideas would never sell — but Sari she did them anyway. Now she has 85,000 Oldster subscribers and counting. 26:24 - On Finding Success Later in Life 🌟  Sari gets emotional about what it means to finally be living proof that good things can happen at any age. 29:42 - The Memoir She Almost Abandoned 📝  Sari opens up about her 3am anxiety spirals while writing her memoir, the Pomodoro method that saved her, and why the first draft just needs to exist. 35:07 - Rapid Fire: Messy Moments, Confidence Crises & Walk-On Songs 🎤  Sari's messiest moment, her advice for anyone in a confidence crisis, and the song that gave her the courage to write her memoir. Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463801/fan_mail/new] Email us: hello@themessypartspodcast.com [hello@themessypartspodcast.com] To stay up to date with The Messy Parts [https://themessypartspodcast.com/] and get all the behind-the-scenes content, follow us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/themessypartspodcast/], LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/maryambanikarim/], YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@TheMessyParts]. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a rating and review on Apple [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-messy-parts/id1804155142] or Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/3rMFKKEzK8fgKBwBPqP4HI?si=899c6a4d61ba41e5] or where ever you get your podcasts. Thank you for listening.

Bonnie Hammer Gave Her Boss the Finger. It Changed Her Career.

Bonnie Hammer ran 10 networks and two studios at NBCUniversal — but her career didn't start in a corner office. It started cleaning up dog poop on a kids' TV set. In this episode of The Messy Parts, Bonnie gets radically honest with Maryam about the moments that actually shaped her career: being passed over for the top job at NBC, negotiating her way into her own studio, saying yes to WWE when every instinct said no, and building one of the most collaborative cultures in a notoriously cutthroat industry. Plus: Bonnie’s honest take on ageism in media, AI's impact on the entertainment industry, and what she'd tell her younger self today. If you've ever been told no, hit a wall, or wondered whether kindness is actually a liability in business — this one's for you. 🎙️Subscribe for more conversations with leaders who tell the truth about how they really got there. Key Moments: 00:00 - The NBC Betrayal 😤  Bonnie reveals she was promised the top job at NBC by Jeff Zucker — and then watched it go to someone with a fraction of her experience. 00:56 - Meet Bonnie Hammer 🎬  Maryam introduces the legendary NBCUniversal Vice Chair who ran 10 networks and two studios — and never played the power game. 06:24 - Queens Girl, Russian Roots 🏙️  Bonnie traces her resilience and optimism back to her immigrant father, whose philosophy was simple: if you can't do it, you're not trying hard enough. 07:10 - Dog Poop and Destiny 🐾  How a freelance photography gig on a kids' show — and cleaning up after an untrained sheepdog — set Bonnie on the path to a television empire. 11:00 - The Problem Solver Mindset 🕵️‍♀️  Bonnie explains why she never sees walls — only cracks — and how she used photography to break into a circle of moms who wouldn't give her the time of day. 14:50 - Never Take No for an Answer 🚪  The remarkable story of how Bonnie talked her way into graduate school after missing the deadline — and the lesson about honesty and vulnerability that still drives her today. 17:03 - The Rollercoaster Dare 🎢  At an NBC Universal executive retreat in Orlando, Bonnie takes a dare and rides a rollercoaster — and realizes she's the only woman who showed up. 24:22 - "I Gave My Boss the Finger" 🤼  Bonnie's unfiltered reaction when she was asked to take on WWE — and how one of the most unexpected assignments of her career became one of her favorites. 29:56 - Zucker Lied. She Negotiated Anyway. 💰  The inside story of how Bonnie turned the worst professional betrayal of her career into her own studio, and nearly doubled her salary. 37:07 - Not Retired. Rewired. 🔄  Bonnie gets honest about leaving NBCUniversal — it wasn't entirely her choice — and why she wishes she'd stepped off the corporate ladder a decade earlier to build something of her own. Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463801/fan_mail/new] Email us: hello@themessypartspodcast.com [hello@themessypartspodcast.com] To stay up to date with The Messy Parts [https://themessypartspodcast.com/] and get all the behind-the-scenes content, follow us on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/themessypartspodcast/], LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/maryambanikarim/], YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@TheMessyParts]. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a rating and review on Apple [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-messy-parts/id1804155142] or Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/3rMFKKEzK8fgKBwBPqP4HI?si=899c6a4d61ba41e5] or where ever you get your podcasts. Thank you for listening.