Coming Out At 23: Andrew's Story of Hiding, Fear, and Finally Becoming Himself
If you came out early, this probably isn't your story. If you're still in it, it might be exactly your story.
My boyfriend Andrew hid for more than a decade. He figured it out young and buried it, dated girls, deepened his voice to fit in, watched straight porn after gay porn so it would "cancel out", and told himself there was a right time coming... and then waited so long he almost forgot he was waiting.
If you know that feeling. The one where everyone in your life has a version of you that isn't real, and you're so used to maintaining it you barely notice anymore. This episode is for you.
Andrew has never told this whole thing out loud before. Getting caught by his parents for watching gay porn (we've all been there!) A fear he couldn't even explain to himself. The fraternity he joined that became one more place to hide, but eventually be accepted. The first kiss he was so scared of that he kept it a secret even from the people he trusted. And then the part nobody tells you about.
He came out, and the world he was terrified of did not end. EVERYONE loved him. The only person who hadn't accepted him yet was him.
Here's the thing we keep coming back to, and the thing I want you to actually hear. You don't have to come out to the whole world tomorrow. You don't have to have it figured out. You just need one person. One safe person who will sit in your corner and not flinch. Everyone has at least one. A friend, a cousin, somebody. Find them. That's where it starts.
And if you're not in the closet but you love someone who might be, you can BE that person. You have no idea how much that one safe spot matters until you're the one who needs it.
This one means a lot to me. Andrew was brave as hell to share it. Give it a listen all the way through, and if it hits, send it to the person who needs it. You never know whose ear it lands in.
Side note: Recorded three times. Technical chaos every time. But we kept it anyway because some stories are worth fighting for. Apologies for any off-brand audio.
Stay curious and question everything.
If you need support:
https://www.thetrevorproject.org [https://www.thetrevorproject.org]
If you are a parent, friend, sibling, or just plain ally and want more information or want to know how you can support LGBTQ+ people:
https://pflag.org [https://pflag.org]
Past episodes to catch up on:
First episode EVERRR with Nicole & Billy Cundiff, real estate tycoon and former NFL player:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6nOjMcT0hdRkYVm8WRKuFO?si=hQsQIKLkSMa3dwpa86y6yQ [https://open.spotify.com/episode/6nOjMcT0hdRkYVm8WRKuFO?si=hQsQIKLkSMa3dwpa86y6yQ]
Some of the best advice I've ever received (Build Your Own Fucking Table) from my friend Maria Bertrand, filmmaker:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2EK0CDgpuhNsTOsGcKGdiB?si=j4tPXQSNT86pXgLSudu0Jg [https://open.spotify.com/episode/2EK0CDgpuhNsTOsGcKGdiB?si=j4tPXQSNT86pXgLSudu0Jg]
A restaurant regular who turned into a dear friend who I have had some of the most enlightening conversations with, Craig Smith, founder of Swiss America and Author:
Part 1: https://open.spotify.com/episode/749gt5pccDvdjB753N5t86?si=p5ItsVbTSZaoGpIMd4pjqg [https://open.spotify.com/episode/749gt5pccDvdjB753N5t86?si=p5ItsVbTSZaoGpIMd4pjqg]
Part 2:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7g7OzJXIXqXA7GDziBILdn?si=9OO0CLlOTSeGyxWsb_o2HQ [https://open.spotify.com/episode/7g7OzJXIXqXA7GDziBILdn?si=9OO0CLlOTSeGyxWsb_o2HQ]
https://open.spotify.com/episode/78SdJXuF7cT2UPrMa3Ea2Y?si=lDnZmCy-RLGsUvpc51fbmw [https://open.spotify.com/episode/78SdJXuF7cT2UPrMa3Ea2Y?si=lDnZmCy-RLGsUvpc51fbmw]
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