S2: Ep 14: 80% of Women Blame Themselves First: How Perimenopause Gaslighting Starts Inside Your Own Head

S2: Ep 14: 80% of Women Blame Themselves First: How Perimenopause Gaslighting Starts Inside Your Own Head

Sometimes being dismissed by the people you trust most is the thing that does the most damage. In this honest, personal episode, Rosie Acosta and co-host Tessa Tovar tackle gaslighting across the three relationships where women experience it most: with their doctors, their partners, and themselves. With real listener questions, personal stories, and practical tools woven throughout, this is a lifeline for any woman who has been told she is fine when she clearly is not. If a doctor has minimized your symptoms, a partner has weaponized your moods, or your own inner voice has turned against you, this conversation is your roadmap. ✨ Here's What We Dive Into - How nearly 50% of women report having menopause symptoms dismissed by their doctors, per a 2023 British Menopause Society survey. - Why only 20% of OB-GYN residency programs include menopause training and what that gap costs women. - How to self-advocate when your labs look normal but your body is telling a different story. - What gaslighting actually means and why it is so harmful in medicine, relationships, and self-talk. - How to build a zero-to-ten mood meter to name your emotional baseline and share it with people you love. - Why asking a partner to repeat a dismissive comment is one of the most powerful deescalation tools available. - How up to 80% of women with perimenopause blame themselves before recognizing their symptoms as hormonal. - What self-gaslighting looks like in midlife and why so many women do it without ever realizing. - Why feeling the anger before the grief underneath it is where real healing begins. - Why sharing your emotional load with community is not weakness but a deeply human act of self-compassion. This episode is sponsored by: BIOptimizers: Essential mineralization for cognitive longevity Protect your brain health and reclaim your sleep during life’s biggest transitions with full-spectrum magnesium. 15% off with code radicallyloved at https://bioptimizers.com/radicallyloved [https://bioptimizers.com/radicallyloved] Timestamps 00:00 Welcome to the Radically Well Podcast and your hormone besties 00:03 Introducing today's topic: gaslighting in medicine, relationships, and yourself 00:05 Karen from Portland asks how to advocate without sounding like she's overreacting 00:07 Only 20% of OB-GYN programs include menopause training 00:09 The definition of gaslighting and why it matters in medical care 00:11 Rosie's story: four doctors, normal labs, and a prescription for antidepressants 00:14 Medical autonomy and the systemic bias that keeps women silent 00:17 Leanne from Brisbane asks how to respond when a partner weaponizes hormones 00:19 Rosie's Las Vegas story and the bedtime ritual that changed everything 00:24 The zero to ten mood meter: naming exactly where you are 00:29 Creating shared language with your partner before the explosion happens 00:33 Setting a boundary and the one question that reframes everything 00:38 Self-gaslighting: 80% of women blame themselves before seeing it is hormonal 00:41 The parallels between self-gaslighting and surviving emotional abuse 00:45 The vulnerability underneath the anger and why naming it matters 00:51 Get yourself back to zero: Rosie's simplest and most powerful tool Discover More Mindful Episodes How to Find Self-Acceptance and Navigate Body Image Changes in Midlife | Radically Well https://youtu.be/BOmAo9JJaK4 [https://youtu.be/BOmAo9JJaK4]Why Women Stop Dressing Up After 40 (and Why They Shouldn't) https://youtu.be/9biPqDGrotw [https://youtu.be/9biPqDGrotw] Transforming Through Mindful Living Hi, I’m Rosie Acosta. I’m here to question the conventional and share what truly makes a difference in living with presence, love, and compassion. Whether it’s through meditation, mindful living, or healing the parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to ignore, I believe every moment of our journey holds the power to transform us. I’m not about quick fixes or surface solutions. I’m about real, conscious practices that reconnect us to our truth, our roots, and our higher purpose. Connect with Rosie: ✨ Instagram: https://instagram.com/rosieacosta [https://instagram.com/rosieacosta] ✨ Facebook: http://facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie [http://facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie] ✨ Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/rosieacosta [https://twitter.com/rosieacosta] ✨ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RosieAcosta [https://www.youtube.com/@RosieAcosta] Connect with Tessa: ✨ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tessamarietovar/ [https://www.instagram.com/tessamarietovar/] ✨ Website: https://tessatovar.com/coaching [https://tessatovar.com/coaching] ✨ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tessatovar [https://www.youtube.com/@tessatovar]

S2: Ep 13: Fawning, Self-Abandonment, and Finally Feeling Safe in Your Own Body | Dr. Ingrid Clayton

You were never too nice. You were surviving In this conversation, Rosie Acosta sits down with Dr. Ingrid Clayton, clinical psychologist, trauma therapist, and author of Fawning, to name the thing so many of us have carried in silence: the moment people-pleasing stopped being a personality trait and became a trauma response. Dr. Ingrid's story is as layered as the work she does. A former blues singer who got sober at 19, returned to school at 30, and earned her doctorate in transpersonal psychology, she now dedicates her life to helping people finally make sense of themselves. Together, Rosie and Ingrid unpack why so many of us were conditioned to please, appease, and shrink, and what it truly takes to start choosing ourselves instead. ✨ Here's What We Dive Into: - How the fawn response differs from fight, flight, and freeze and why it shows up most powerfully in childhood trauma. - Why people-pleasing frameworks miss the most critical piece: the body and its nervous system. - What fawning looks like beyond smiling and being nice, including how it quietly operates in relationships and cultural systems. - How women are specifically conditioned to fawn and why we carry shame for doing the very thing society asked of us. - Why trying to speak up or set a boundary can feel genuinely threatening and how that is rooted in lived experience. - What self-abandonment looks like in daily life and how curiosity becomes the most powerful first step toward healing. - Why healing the fawn response is not about getting rid of it, but building more consciousness, flexibility, and choice. - How Dr. Ingrid defines success: more of herself in her own life, watching her clients fall in love with who they are. Follow Dr. Ingrid Clayton Website: https://www.ingridclayton.com/ [https://www.ingridclayton.com/] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd/ [https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd/] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3PvWTgJMirURfgHWj3h28g [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3PvWTgJMirURfgHWj3h28g]Substack: https://ingridclaytonphd.substack.com/ [https://ingridclaytonphd.substack.com/]This episode is sponsored by: BIOptimizers: Essential mineralization for cognitive longevity Protect your brain health and reclaim your sleep during life’s biggest transitions with full-spectrum magnesium. 15% off with code radicallyloved at https://bioptimizers.com/radicallyloved [https://bioptimizers.com/radicallyloved] Highlights:  00:00:00 Intro 00:04:30 Getting sober at 19 and answering a deeper calling 00:05:50 Why music gave her a voice she couldn't find anywhere else 00:08:20 What is the fawn response and why it's not just people-pleasing 00:10:22 Thirty years sober and why fawning finally made her make sense to herself 00:12:00 Why codependency frameworks miss the body and the context 00:14:04 Fawning and gender: why women are conditioned to appease 00:17:43 The constant thread beneath all fawning behavior: self-abandonment 00:19:18 Why healing feels counterintuitive and even threatening 00:23:43 What surprised Dr. Ingrid most while writing the book 00:28:09 Where to begin when you realize your people-pleasing might be trauma 00:36:44 What she wants every reader to take away: you make sense 00:40:05 Why she does this work: watching people fall in love with themselves Discover More Mindful Episodes A Conversation about Empowerment with Kate del Castillo https://youtu.be/iNQVsixCOwQ [https://youtu.be/iNQVsixCOwQ]Transforming Through Mindful Living Hi, I’m Rosie Acosta. I’m here to question the conventional and share what truly makes a difference in living with presence, love, and compassion. Whether it’s through meditation, mindful living, or healing the parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to ignore, I believe every moment of our journey holds the power to transform us. I’m not about quick fixes or surface solutions. I’m about real, conscious practices that reconnect us to our truth, our roots, and our higher purpose. Connect with Rosie ✨ Instagram: https://instagram.com/rosieacosta [https://instagram.com/rosieacosta] ✨ Facebook: http://facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie [http://facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie] ✨ Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/rosieacosta [https://twitter.com/rosieacosta] ✨ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RosieAcosta [https://www.youtube.com/@RosieAcosta] Connect with Tessa: ✨ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tessamarietovar/ [https://www.instagram.com/tessamarietovar/] ✨ Website: https://tessatovar.com/ [https://tessatovar.com/] ✨ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tessatovar [https://www.youtube.com/@tessatovar]

S2: Ep 12: Testosterone for Women: Libido, Muscle, Mood, Brain Fog & HRT Truths (Luminescence Podcast Feature)

Testosterone is not just a “guy thing;” it’s the most abundant biologically active hormone in a woman’s body, and it powers far more than libido. This conversation gets real about how modern life depletes testosterone and why women are often shut out of treatment options. We unpack what happens when testosterone declines from your 20s through perimenopause and menopause, why it affects motivation, confidence, muscle, brain function, and libido, and why so many women are told it “doesn’t matter.” We break down testing, HRT options (creams, gels, injections, pellets), risks vs benefits, and why stress, belly fat, and modern life can tank testosterone long before menopause. Connect with Luminescence https://www.onecommune.com/luminescence-podcast [https://www.onecommune.com/luminescence-podcast]  You’ll learn: ✨ Why testosterone impacts energy, confidence, muscle, bone, and sex drive ✨ Signs of low T in women: brain fog, low motivation, poor recovery, low libido ✨ Why it’s not FDA-approved for women (and what that means for access) ✨ Total vs free testosterone, SHBG, and what to actually test ✨ HRT delivery methods: cream, gel, injections, pellets pros and cons ✨ Possible side effects: acne, hair changes, mood shifts, cholesterol changes ✨ Why stress, insulin resistance, and endocrine disruptors lower testosterone ✨ Natural boosters: strength training, protein, vitamin D, reducing plastics, better sleep ✨ Why hormones are a full-body system, not just “sex hormones” If you’ve ever felt less driven, less strong, less clear-headed and wondered if it’s “just aging” this conversation might change how you see your hormones. Featured Guests: * Dr. Jolene Brighten – Naturopathic endocrinologist, author of Is This Normal? and Beyond the Pill * Dr. Mariza Snyder – Functional wellness expert, author of The Perimenopause Revolution * Rosie Acosta – Host of Radically Loved, yoga and meditation teacher This episode is sponsored by: BIOptimizers: Essential mineralization for cognitive longevity Protect your brain health and reclaim your sleep during life’s biggest transitions with full-spectrum magnesium. ➡️ 15% off with code radicallyloved at https://bioptimizers.com/radicallyloved [https://bioptimizers.com/radicallyloved] Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Testosterone and Its Importance 03:09 Understanding Testosterone's Role in Women's Health 05:50 The Knowledge Gap in Hormonal Health 09:05 The Impact of Testosterone on Mental Health 12:02 Testing and Accessing Testosterone Therapy 14:53 Delivery Methods for Testosterone 18:10 Natural Ways to Boost Testosterone 20:49 Navigating the Healthcare System for Hormonal Health 24:06 Potential Side Effects of Testosterone Therapy 26:54 Monitoring Hormonal Health 30:36 Navigating Hormone Therapy and Health Risks 33:37 The Importance of Monitoring and Data in Hormone Therapy 36:58 Natural Ways to Boost Testosterone 42:05 Understanding Different Forms of Testosterone 48:10 The Complexity of Hormonal Responses 55:44 Empowering Women Through Knowledge and Community 💌Dive Deeper With Me:  Website: https://www.radicallyloved.com [https://www.radicallyloved.com] Begin Your Path to Radical Self-Compassion: https://radicallyloved.kit.com/selfcompassionbook [https://radicallyloved.kit.com/selfcompassionbook] Deepen Your Practice with the Mindful Love Hub: https://radicallyloved.substack.com/?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web&r=2t314w [https://radicallyloved.substack.com/?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web&r=2t314w] Transforming Through Mindful Living  Hi, I’m Rosie Acosta. I’m here to question the conventional and share what truly makes a difference in living with presence, love, and compassion. Whether it’s through meditation, mindful living, or healing the parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to ignore, I believe every moment of our journey holds the power to transform us. I’m not about quick fixes or surface solutions. I’m about real, conscious practices that reconnect us to our truth, our roots, and our higher purpose.  Connect with Rosie ✨ Instagram: https://instagram.com/rosieacosta [https://instagram.com/rosieacosta] ✨ Facebook: http://facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie [http://facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie]  ✨ Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/rosieacosta [https://twitter.com/rosieacosta]   ✨ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RosieAcosta [https://www.youtube.com/@RosieAcosta] Connect with Tess:  ✨ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tessamarietovar/ [https://www.instagram.com/tessamarietovar/] ✨ Website: https://www.tessatovar.com [https://www.tessatovar.com]  ✨ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tessatovar [https://www.youtube.com/@tessatovar]

S2: Ep 11: You’re Not Broken: Brain Fog, Libido & Hormones Explained (Luminescence Podcast Feature)

Your Brain Controls Your Libido Ever wonder why your sex drive vanishes, your brain turns to mush, or you want to rage-quit your entire life for no reason? Blame your hormones, or, more specifically, how estrogen and progesterone run your brain. In this episode, Schuyler Grant and her expert panel (Dr. Jolene Brighten, Dr. Marisa Snyder, and Rosie Acosta) break down why it can feel like your brain is actively betraying you, particularly in perimenopause. Connect with Luminescence Podcast https://www.onecommune.com/luminescence-podcast [https://www.onecommune.com/luminescence-podcast]  What you'll learn: * Estrogen and progesterone are brain hormones (not just “lady parts” hormones) * The hypothalamic-pituitary-ovarian (HPO) axis explained in plain language * Why perimenopause brings brain fog, mood swings, anxiety, and vanishing libido * The menstrual cycle phases and how hormones shift throughout * What's happening to your serotonin, dopamine, and GABA levels * Why 80% of perimenopause symptoms happen in your brain * A simple breathing technique to calm your nervous system Here's the thing: for decades, doctors thought women's hormones only affected reproduction. Turns out, estrogen and progesterone control your brain, bones, heart, metabolism, gut health, and basically everything. When they start declining in your mid-to-late thirties, your brain goes through a massive remodeling. No wonder you feel like you're losing your mind. This episode helps you understand what's actually happening and how to take back control. Timestamps 00:00 - Introduction: You're not broken—embracing menopause transitions 00:29 - Hormonal influence on brain function and mental health 02:44 - Neuroendocrine remodeling during perimenopause 03:23 - Estrogen as the master regulator of neural pathways 04:18 - Progesterone's calming effects and cortisol regulation 05:05 - Communicating hormonal changes with partners 06:07 - How hormones are produced and feedback loops in the body 07:56 - The impact of estrogen decline on brain and body systems 09:31 - Recognizing cyclic changes and perimenopausal symptoms 10:49 - Explaining hormonal pathways in layman's terms 12:06 - The hormonal timeline from ovulation to menopause 13:28 - How brain and ovaries communicate via hormonal signals 16:36 - The profound effects of estrogen decline in perimenopause 18:10 - The gap in medical training and care for menopausal women 19:42 - The importance of early intervention and awareness 22:34 - Risks of untreated hormone imbalances on cognition and cardiovascular health 25:37 - Integrating mindfulness and self-care practices during transition 28:20 - The significance of herbal, dietary, and lifestyle support 32:11 - Addressing body image, societal archetypes, and education gaps 36:23 - The debate over over-the-counter hormone therapy 40:10 - How to talk to your doctor about hormones: preparing your case 44:29 - Role of pharmacists, allied health professionals, and integrated care teams 47:19 - Linking premenstrual symptoms to perimenopause experiences 50:02 - Recognizing early menopause and the importance of tracking symptoms 52:25 - Societal perceptions and medical stereotypes about aging women 55:22 - Practical self-care tips: movement, nutrition, and stress reduction 58:13 - Closing thoughts on supporting women through menopause and future resources This episode is sponsored by: BIOptimizers: Essential mineralization for cognitive longevity Protect your brain health and reclaim your sleep during life’s biggest transitions with full-spectrum magnesium. ➡️ 15% off with code radicallyloved at https://bioptimizers.com/radicallyloved [https://bioptimizers.com/radicallyloved] 💌Dive Deeper With Me For support & Begin Your Path to Radical Self-Compassion: https://radicallyloved.kit.com/selfcompassionbook [https://radicallyloved.kit.com/selfcompassionbook] Deepen Your Practice with the Mindful Love Hub: https://radicallyloved.substack.com/?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web&r=2t314w [https://radicallyloved.substack.com/?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web&r=2t314w] Transforming Through Mindful Living  Hi, I’m Rosie Acosta. I’m here to question the conventional and share what truly makes a difference in living with presence, love, and compassion. Whether it’s through meditation, mindful living, or healing the parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to ignore, I believe every moment of our journey holds the power to transform us. I’m not about quick fixes or surface solutions. I’m about real, conscious practices that reconnect us to our truth, our roots, and our higher purpose.  Connect with Rosie ✨ Instagram: https://instagram.com/rosieacosta [https://instagram.com/rosieacosta] ✨ Facebook: http://facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie [http://facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie]  ✨ Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/rosieacosta [https://twitter.com/rosieacosta]   ✨ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RosieAcosta [https://www.youtube.com/@RosieAcosta] Connect with Tessa:  ✨ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tessamarietovar/ [https://www.instagram.com/tessamarietovar/] ✨ Website: https://tessatovar.com/ [https://tessatovar.com/] ✨ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tessatovar [https://www.youtube.com/@tessatovar]

S2: Ep 10: Dr. Ellen Langer: The Harvard Psychologist Who Proved Your Mind Can Heal Your Perimenopausal Body

Your body isn't betraying you. It's trying to tell you something and most of us were never taught how to listen. For so many women in midlife, the symptoms feel like a kind of unraveling. The brain fog, the heat, the mood swings, the exhaustion. But Harvard psychologist Dr. Ellen Langer has spent nearly 50 years proving something that changes everything: the story you tell about what's happening in your body shapes what actually happens in your body. In this conversation, Rosie and Tessa sit down with Dr. Langer, pioneering researcher and bestselling author of The Mindful Body: Thinking Our Way to Chronic Health, to explore exactly that. ✨ What You'll Learn - How reframing hot flashes and menopause symptoms from problems into signals can shift your entire physical and emotional experience. - Why stress is never a function of events only of the lens through which we view them and how to immediately interrupt the stress cycle. - How mindfulness not meditation is the most powerful and accessible tool we have for health, relationships, and longevity. - Why becoming an "expert" at something may actually be working against you, and how staying in the uncertainty keeps you more engaged and alive. - How wound healing research shows that our expectation of when we will heal directly affects when we actually do. - Why the language we use around aging and menopause needs a complete cultural redesign and what that new story could look like. - How noticing new things about your partner, your home, and your daily life can transform not only your relationships but your mental and physical vitality. - What it means to live in possibility rather than limitation, and why that one shift may be the most life-changing thing you ever do. Follow Ellen Langer: ✨ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellenjlanger/ [https://www.instagram.com/ellenjlanger/] ✨ Website: https://www.ellenlanger.me/ [https://www.ellenlanger.me/] ✨ Counterclockwise Study: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6615788/ [https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6615788/]   This episode is sponsored by: BIOptimizers: Essential mineralization for cognitive longevity Protect your brain health and reclaim your sleep during life’s biggest transitions with full-spectrum magnesium. ➡️ 15% off with code radicallyloved at https://bioptimizers.com/radicallyloved [https://bioptimizers.com/radicallyloved] Highlights 00:00: Intro 02:00: Stress is a story, not an event 05:45: Two one-liners to shift your stress response instantly 07:00: The three-step technique for dissolving worry 08:45: Mindfulness without meditation: actively noticing 10:00: The horse that changed Dr. Langer's worldview 12:00: Why certainty is the enemy of growth 13:30: How to see your partner with fresh eyes 15:40: Possibility always trumps limitation 17:00: Imperfectly mindful vs. perfectly mindless 18:30: Mindfulness makes you more attractive, creative, and memorable 19:30: The counterclockwise study: growing younger in one week 23:00: The chambermaid study: perception changed weight and blood pressure 24:30: Your expectation of recovery determines when you heal 25:30: Why mindlessness hides how powerful we really are 26:50: Redesigning the cultural story of menopause 28:30: Menopause as a seal-breaking, life-awakening moment 29:15: Rosie at 41: feeling better than she did in her 30s Discover More Mindful Episodes What No One Tells You About Perimenopause: Dr. Mariza Snyder on Thyroid, Blood Sugar, and Trauma https://youtu.be/eRyrkMmE0LY [https://youtu.be/eRyrkMmE0LY] Dr. Rhonda Voskuhl: What Menopause Really Does To Your Brain (And How To Protect It) https://youtu.be/D6k20PQYjXA [https://youtu.be/D6k20PQYjXA] Transforming Through Mindful Living Hi, I’m Rosie Acosta. I’m here to question the conventional and share what truly makes a difference in living with presence, love, and compassion. Whether it’s through meditation, mindful living, or healing the parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to ignore, I believe every moment of our journey holds the power to transform us. I’m not about quick fixes or surface solutions. I’m about real, conscious practices that reconnect us to our truth, our roots, and our higher purpose. Connect with Rosie ✨ Instagram: https://instagram.com/rosieacosta [https://instagram.com/rosieacosta] ✨ Facebook: http://facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie [http://facebook.com/radicallylovedrosie] ✨ Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/rosieacosta [https://twitter.com/rosieacosta] ✨ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RosieAcosta [https://www.youtube.com/@RosieAcosta] Connect with Tessa: ✨ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tessamarietovar/ [https://www.instagram.com/tessamarietovar/] ✨ Threads: https://www.threads.com/@tessamarietovar [https://www.threads.com/@tessamarietovar]