When Perfectionism Stops Working

When Perfectionism Stops Working

I was playing charades with my family when I realized I had no idea how to act out the card in my hand. Instead of laughing, guessing, or letting myself be bad at something for a minute, I froze. Then I got angry. Then I stormed out of the room like a full-grown adult having a tantrum. And that moment has haunted me for years because it showed me something I did not want to see. I had taken something that was supposed to be fun and turned it into something I had to do perfectly. That was not new for me. Perfectionism had been the way I kept myself safe for most of my life. It protected me from criticism, rejection, getting in trouble, and being seen as not enough. And I thought it worked, until I started seeing what it was costing me in the very things I had built my life around, including my family, my business, my body, and the work I genuinely wanted to offer. In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I’m sharing the story I’ve avoided telling until now, the one that starts with a charades game over 20 years ago and leads into the messy middle of me finally choosing to stop performing my own life. I’m talking about what happens when perfectionism stops feeling like protection and starts becoming the thing that keeps you from actually living. 1:01 – The haunting moment when Ellie knew perfectionism had disconnected her from her joy 4:33 – How a clear message turned into one of the few times Ellie has allowed herself to play as an adult 7:07 – How that period of play turned into performance a year later, without Ellie even realizing it 9:18 – How Ellie’s life was at a breaking point when she decided to put her faith in Jesus 11:05 – Why Ellie is telling these stories now, and her invitation to come along on this messy middle journey Mentioned In When Perfectionism Stops Working How Personal Style Became Part of the Performance [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/post/how-personal-style-became-part-of-the-performance] The Style Mindset Reset [https://elliesteinbrink.myflodesk.com/stylemindset] Stand Out Style Kick-Starter [http://elliesteinbrink.com/standout-style-kickstarter] Work With Ellie [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/] Follow Ellie on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/style.decoded/] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliesteinbrink/] Leave a rating and review [http://ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift]

How Personal Style Became Part of the Performance

There is a strange moment that can happen when you realize you’ve been performing for so long, you’re not even sure where the performance ends and the real you begins. For me, that realization did not come all at once. It came slowly over the past year as I started questioning things I had accepted and normalized for a long time, including the way I was living, the work I was doing, the way I was showing up, the clothes I was wearing, and the things I thought made me valuable. A lot of this started after my daughter came home from summer camp and told me she had committed her faith in Jesus, which led me to reaffirm my own faith in a way that changed how I was seeing everything. It felt like putting on a new pair of glasses. And once I saw my life through that new lens, I could not unsee how much of my identity had been built around achievement, excellence, praise, perfectionism, and performance. In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I’m sharing a transformation I have not fully talked about before and what it has shown me about faith, personal style, entrepreneurship, and coming back to who I actually am. I trace where my perfectionism began, how it followed me into corporate life and business ownership, and what started to shift when I realized style had become one more place where I was trying to prove I belonged. 2:45 – The unexpected moment from her daughter that catapulted a reaffirmation of Ellie’s faith 5:30 – How the deep discomfort of disappointing her mother drove Ellie to perfectionism and performance in search of praise 11:13 – Why Ellie’s pursuit of perfectionism and performance intensified and made things worse once she became a business owner 13:45 – How Ellie’s love of style and creativity got swept up in the need for approval, triggering her impulse to question it all 17:00 – The power of big life moments to jolt you awake and allow the truest version of you to emerge 19:07 – Questions to ask yourself during your own self-awakening transition Mentioned In How Personal Style Became Part of the Performance The Style Mindset Reset [https://elliesteinbrink.myflodesk.com/stylemindset] Stand Out Style Kick-Starter [http://elliesteinbrink.com/standout-style-kickstarter] Work With Ellie [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/] Follow Ellie on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/style.decoded/] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliesteinbrink/] Leave a rating and review [http://ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift]

When Style Becomes a Crutch for Your Credibility

You have a closet full of clothes, and nothing in it feels quite like you. Maybe you've tried subscription boxes, made appointments with Nordstrom stylists, or fit in a session with M.M.LaFleur while traveling for work. You've spent real time and real money trying to solve this, and you're still standing in front of your closet feeling like something is off. One of my clients, Erin Wood [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/post/erin-woods-personal-brand-and-style-aligned], described it perfectly, there were nice pieces, but nothing great, nothing that made her feel like herself. Style spending spirals in specific, identifiable ways, and underneath almost all of them is the same thing. Fear. Fear that you're not enough, that you won't belong in bigger rooms, that if you stop evolving outwardly, people will stop taking you seriously. The spending is rarely the root issue. It leads back to something much bigger, and most women never stop long enough to look at what that actually is. In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I'm walking through the specific ways style becomes expensive, both financially and emotionally. I'm naming the pressures that keep women on the spending hamster wheel, including the ones coming from retailers, from entrepreneurial culture, and from within, and talking through what it looks like to build a style that comes from a grounded place instead of a striving one. 2:49 – The issue that subscription boxes and store stylists simply aren’t set up to address 5:31 – How the pressure to keep your brand "fresh" is costing you more than you think 7:35 – What retailers are really doing with their trends messaging 10:40 – Why certain high-end circles create pressure to spend beyond your means  15:03 – Why fear is almost always the source of your overspending 16:10 – How internal pressure turns clothing into a frantic crutch for credibility 21:25 – The pathway to shift your relationship with shopping from an anxious striving cycle into real wardrobe freedom Mentioned In When Style Becomes a Crutch for Your Credibility How Erin Wood’s Personal Brand and Style Finally Aligned [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/post/erin-woods-personal-brand-and-style-aligned] The Style Mindset Reset [https://elliesteinbrink.myflodesk.com/stylemindset] Stand Out Style Kick-Starter [http://elliesteinbrink.com/standout-style-kickstarter] Work With Ellie [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/] Follow Ellie on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/style.decoded/] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliesteinbrink/] Leave a rating and review [http://ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift]

Stop Dressing to Prove Yourself and Come Back to Who You Are

Getting dressed used to be the most joyful thing in my life. As a little girl, it was pure creativity. Through my career at an ad agency, it was self-expression. When I launched my business, it was play. But somewhere along the way, entrepreneurship changed that. The more visible I became, the more I felt I had to look the part, buy certain brands, and become a version of myself I thought would earn credibility and clients. That pressure built quietly until an event in Canada brought it all to the surface. I ordered outfits I couldn't afford, tried on sleek, coordinated looks that screamed "six-figure business owner," and nothing felt right. Something inside me kept saying, this isn't it. In that moment, I had to choose between proving energy and the vibrant, colorful woman I'd always been. In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I'm telling the full story of how my relationship with style shifted from self-expression to performance, and what it took to come back. I talk about proving energy versus grounded, God-led energy and why so many women are exhausting themselves trying to dress for credibility instead of coming home to who they actually are. 1:01 – The real reason a packed closet still sends you into a panic before a big event 2:59 – The freedom of creativity, play, and self-expression with style from childhood into adulthood 6:35 – How entrepreneurship quietly rewrote my relationship with getting dressed without me even realizing it was happening 10:21 – The energy that's been driving your style choices and how a business event in Canada forced me to confront myself  15:35 – The difference between the two ways visible women can choose to show up (proving energy vs. grounded, God-led energy) 18:22 – Why it’s not a coincidence that this craving to return to themselves often happens to women in midlife Mentioned In Stop Dressing to Prove Yourself and Come Back to Who You Are The Style Mindset Reset [https://elliesteinbrink.myflodesk.com/stylemindset] Stand Out Style Kick-Starter [http://elliesteinbrink.com/standout-style-kickstarter] Work With Ellie [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/] Follow Ellie on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/style.decoded/] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliesteinbrink/] Leave a rating and review [http://ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift]

How Melissa Yano Stopped Dressing Like the Industry and Started Dressing Like Herself

You've built a career in a male-dominated industry. You've earned credibility, grown a client base, proven yourself over and over. And somewhere along the way, you stopped thinking about what you wear as anything other than a uniform. Neutral colors. Conservative cuts. Nothing that draws attention. It works, until it doesn't. Melissa Yano is the president of Capital Wealth Planners LLC [https://capitalwealthplanner.com/] and has spent nearly 20 years in finance. For most of that time, she dressed the way she'd been taught.Nothing too bold, too feminine, or too much. She followed the unwritten rules without question, until a conference, a photo she didn't love, and an encounter with a fellow advisor made her realize she'd outgrown every one of them. In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I'm sitting down with Melissa to talk about what it took to shed two decades of industry conditioning and start dressing like herself. She shares what she expected this process to be (a practical wardrobe fix) and what it actually became, how she went from a closet full of black dresses to bright pink and citron green, and what changed when she stopped dressing to make everyone else comfortable and started dressing to show up as herself. 3:15 – Why Melissa decided it was time to make a style change 7:43 – Navigating the fear of being too bold, too bright, or too visible while wanting to play with wardrobe choices 9:32 – The rules that made Melissa feel like it wasn’t safe to show up in certain ways in her industry 10:58 – The style word that Melissa didn’t see coming, and the realization that she no longer had to prove herself  12:49 – Moving away from the male aesthetic toward a style that embraces the superpowerful asset of being a female financial advisor 15:06 – How being comfortable with her style has allowed Melissa to stop worrying about “dressing down” and redirect her energy to what really matters for clients 19:12 – How the questions Melissa asks herself before getting dressed have completely changed 20:46 – What Melissa thought this transformation was going to be vs. what it actually ended up being 23:20 – Melissa makes the case for why style work is an investment, not an indulgence 26:57 – The biggest thing I couldn’t stop thinking about after this conversation with Melissa Mentioned In How Melissa Yano Stopped Dressing Like the Industry and Started Dressing Like Herself Capital Wealth Planners, LLC [https://capitalwealthplanner.com/] | Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/CapitalWealthPlanners]  How Erin Wood’s Personal Brand and Style Finally Aligned [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/post/erin-woods-personal-brand-and-style-aligned] Stand Out Style Kick-Starter [http://elliesteinbrink.com/standout-style-kickstarter] Work With Ellie [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/] Follow Ellie on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/style.decoded/] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliesteinbrink/] Leave a rating and review [http://ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift]