Is it 'brutal honesty' or just being rude? (emotional intelligence & healthy communication)

Your emotions only need to make sense to you (stop seeking validation & start self-trust)

Many people struggle with seeking validation for their emotions from others, leading to self-doubt and emotional abandonment.  In Snack Size Deep Dive 12 on the Feelings I'd Rather Not Podcast, we dive into: * Why your feelings don’t need to make logical sense to anyone but you * Why relying on external approval can harm you * The childhood wounds that condition us to seek emotional validation * Learn practical tools to resist the urge to seek emotional validation Perfect for anyone looking to improve emotional resilience, cultivate internal validation, and heal from the pain of being misunderstood. Keywords: emotional validation, self-trust, people-pleasing, self-abandonment, mental health, emotional healing, self-reflection.  Tell us why you love the show! [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/2515214/open_sms] Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2515214/support] 🎙️NEW EPISODES EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY!! Follow so that you don’t miss an episode! I📖f you are struggling with your health, please don't go through it alone. View this: international mental health helpline directory [https://www.helpguide.org/find-help] 🌳Linktree: https://linktr.ee/thingswesayintherapy [https://linktr.ee/thingswesayintherapy] 📺YouTube: https://youtube.com/@feelingsidrathernotpodcast?si=Hswo7kvUoq7mchhz [https://youtube.com/@feelingsidrathernotpodcast?si=Hswo7kvUoq7mchhz] 📲Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feelingsidrathernotpodcast/ [https://www.instagram.com/feelingsidrathernotpodcast/] 📲TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@feelingsidrathernotpod?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc [https://www.tiktok.com/@feelingsidrathernotpod?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] 👩‍💻RSS Feed (Buzzsprout Website): https://feelingsidrathernot.buzzsprout.com [https://feelingsidrathernot.buzzsprout.com] ☕️Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.https://buymeacoffee.com/feelingsidrathernotpod [https://buymeacoffee.com/feelingsidrathernotpod]

Is it 'brutal honesty' or just being rude? (emotional intelligence & healthy communication)

Ever met someone who says, “I’m just being honest,” but it somehow always feels like an attack? In Episode 23 of Things We Say in Therapy, I’m breaking down the difference between healthy honesty and using “brutal honesty” as an excuse to avoid accountability. We’re talking about communication skills, emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation, and what emotional maturity actually looks like in real relationships. This episode covers: * The psychology behind brutal honesty * Emotional dysregulation and why people lash out * Healthy communication vs identity attacks * The difference between impact and intention * How to give honest feedback without shaming * How to respond when someone hides behind “I’m just being honest” * Setting boundaries around communication styles * The difference between healthy discomfort and disrespect Brutal honesty can be healthy when it’s rooted in growth, empathy, and emotional regulation. But when honesty is used for superiority, emotional relief, or control, it damages connection and erodes trust in relationships. If you’ve ever: * Felt shut down by someone’s harsh delivery * Said something in the heat of the moment and regretted it * Been called “too sensitive” * Struggled with conflict in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics * Wanted to improve your communication without becoming avoidant or people-pleasing You’re in the right place. Being honest is necessary for growth. Being harsh isn’t. Tell us why you love the show! [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/2515214/open_sms] Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2515214/support] 🎙️NEW EPISODES EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY!! Follow so that you don’t miss an episode! I📖f you are struggling with your health, please don't go through it alone. View this: international mental health helpline directory [https://www.helpguide.org/find-help] 🌳Linktree: https://linktr.ee/thingswesayintherapy [https://linktr.ee/thingswesayintherapy] 📺YouTube: https://youtube.com/@feelingsidrathernotpodcast?si=Hswo7kvUoq7mchhz [https://youtube.com/@feelingsidrathernotpodcast?si=Hswo7kvUoq7mchhz] 📲Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feelingsidrathernotpodcast/ [https://www.instagram.com/feelingsidrathernotpodcast/] 📲TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@feelingsidrathernotpod?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc [https://www.tiktok.com/@feelingsidrathernotpod?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] 👩‍💻RSS Feed (Buzzsprout Website): https://feelingsidrathernot.buzzsprout.com [https://feelingsidrathernot.buzzsprout.com] ☕️Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.https://buymeacoffee.com/feelingsidrathernotpod [https://buymeacoffee.com/feelingsidrathernotpod]

What to do when they don't see an issue with their behaviour

What do you do when someone refuses to see the issue with their behaviour? In Snack Size Deep Dive 11, we unpack one of the most frustrating relationship dynamics: repeatedly explaining your feelings to someone who won’t take accountability. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member, being dismissed, gaslit, or met with defensiveness can slowly erode your self-trust. You start questioning yourself. You wonder if you’re too sensitive, you over-explain, you shrink yourself.  But here’s the uncomfortable truth:  Sometimes they genuinely don’t understand.  Sometimes they understand and don’t care enough to change.  And sometimes not seeing the issue protects their identity. In this episode, we explore: * Why people avoid accountability * Emotional unavailability and fragile self-image * How lack of accountability causes cognitive dissonance  * Gaslighting (and why it isn’t always intentional) * The emotional impact of chronic dismissal * When to stop explaining and start deciding * How to set boundaries that don’t require agreement * The difference between lack of awareness and lack of willingness This episode is about self-respect, emotional regulation, boundaries, and choosing what you’re willing to accept in relationships. Tell us why you love the show! [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/2515214/open_sms] Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2515214/support] 🎙️NEW EPISODES EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY!! Follow so that you don’t miss an episode! I📖f you are struggling with your health, please don't go through it alone. View this: international mental health helpline directory [https://www.helpguide.org/find-help] 🌳Linktree: https://linktr.ee/thingswesayintherapy [https://linktr.ee/thingswesayintherapy] 📺YouTube: https://youtube.com/@feelingsidrathernotpodcast?si=Hswo7kvUoq7mchhz [https://youtube.com/@feelingsidrathernotpodcast?si=Hswo7kvUoq7mchhz] 📲Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feelingsidrathernotpodcast/ [https://www.instagram.com/feelingsidrathernotpodcast/] 📲TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@feelingsidrathernotpod?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc [https://www.tiktok.com/@feelingsidrathernotpod?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] 👩‍💻RSS Feed (Buzzsprout Website): https://feelingsidrathernot.buzzsprout.com [https://feelingsidrathernot.buzzsprout.com] ☕️Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.https://buymeacoffee.com/feelingsidrathernotpod [https://buymeacoffee.com/feelingsidrathernotpod]

The comfort of the victim mindset (why it's so hard to let go)

Why does the victim mindset feel so comforting, even when it’s destroying your relationships and keeping you stuck? In Episode 22 of Things We Say in Therapy, we explore the psychology behind the victim mentality, how unresolved trauma turns into identity, and why externalising blame can feel safer than taking responsibility. We break down the difference between real victimisation and subconscious victim mindset patterns, including external locus of control, shame avoidance, defensiveness, emotional reasoning, and trauma responses. If you’ve ever thought: * “Why does this always happen to me?” * “People are always attacking or misunderstanding me.” This episode will reveal why. You’ll learn: * Why the victim mindset starts as self-protection * How trauma shapes identity and coping mechanisms * The psychological benefits of staying in victimhood * How chronic externalisation impacts relationships * Why accountability can feel threatening * The difference between subconscious patterns and weaponised victimhood * How to begin shifting toward agency without shame This is not about blaming people who have experienced trauma. It’s about recognising when pain has turned into a protective cage, and how to gently take responsibility for your healing. If this episode feels uncomfortable, that might mean something resonates. Tell us why you love the show! [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/2515214/open_sms] Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2515214/support] 🎙️NEW EPISODES EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY!! Follow so that you don’t miss an episode! I📖f you are struggling with your health, please don't go through it alone. View this: international mental health helpline directory [https://www.helpguide.org/find-help] 🌳Linktree: https://linktr.ee/thingswesayintherapy [https://linktr.ee/thingswesayintherapy] 📺YouTube: https://youtube.com/@feelingsidrathernotpodcast?si=Hswo7kvUoq7mchhz [https://youtube.com/@feelingsidrathernotpodcast?si=Hswo7kvUoq7mchhz] 📲Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feelingsidrathernotpodcast/ [https://www.instagram.com/feelingsidrathernotpodcast/] 📲TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@feelingsidrathernotpod?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc [https://www.tiktok.com/@feelingsidrathernotpod?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] 👩‍💻RSS Feed (Buzzsprout Website): https://feelingsidrathernot.buzzsprout.com [https://feelingsidrathernot.buzzsprout.com] ☕️Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.https://buymeacoffee.com/feelingsidrathernotpod [https://buymeacoffee.com/feelingsidrathernotpod]

Why holding people accountable can cost you relationships

What happens when you stop enabling people and start holding them accountable? In Snack Size Deep Dive 10 we explore the uncomfortable truth that emotional honesty and accountability can cost you relationships. When you stop participating in denial, toxic coping patterns, or self-destructive dynamics, some people won’t grow with you, they’ll distance themselves instead. This episode covers: * The psychology behind why accountability triggers shame * Defensiveness and withdrawal in emotionally avoidant people * What it means to “hold up a mirror" * Why growth can feel lonely * How outgrowing people is often a painful but necessary part of healing. If you’ve ever been called too intense, too honest, too harsh, or “not fun anymore” after setting boundaries or speaking truth, this conversation is for you. Tell us why you love the show! [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/2515214/open_sms] Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2515214/support] 🎙️NEW EPISODES EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY!! Follow so that you don’t miss an episode! I📖f you are struggling with your health, please don't go through it alone. View this: international mental health helpline directory [https://www.helpguide.org/find-help] 🌳Linktree: https://linktr.ee/thingswesayintherapy [https://linktr.ee/thingswesayintherapy] 📺YouTube: https://youtube.com/@feelingsidrathernotpodcast?si=Hswo7kvUoq7mchhz [https://youtube.com/@feelingsidrathernotpodcast?si=Hswo7kvUoq7mchhz] 📲Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feelingsidrathernotpodcast/ [https://www.instagram.com/feelingsidrathernotpodcast/] 📲TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@feelingsidrathernotpod?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc [https://www.tiktok.com/@feelingsidrathernotpod?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] 👩‍💻RSS Feed (Buzzsprout Website): https://feelingsidrathernot.buzzsprout.com [https://feelingsidrathernot.buzzsprout.com] ☕️Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.https://buymeacoffee.com/feelingsidrathernotpod [https://buymeacoffee.com/feelingsidrathernotpod]