I’m Not Mean, I’m Just Not Performing

Getting Sober-ish & Getting Reported

In this episode, Laura talks about getting reported to Instagram after posting a dark-humor story that triggered the app’s safety alerts, leading into a conversation about oversharing online, mental health, and the weirdness of internet culture. She also opens up about reducing her cannabis use and noticing how much sharper and more productive she feels sober. The episode bounces between recent travels to Costa Rica, New York, and the Pacific Northwest, wellness work with sound bowls and Reiki, brutally honest addiction movies like Requiem for a Dream, Timothée Chalamet discourse, and chaotic conversations about Easter, religion, and resurrection theories. Equal parts existential, funny, and unhinged in the best way.

Fight, Flight… or Let Someone In?

This episode gets real. Laura opens up about something she’s dealt with since she was a teenager: panic attacks. She breaks down what they actually feel like in her body — the middle-of-the-night sweating, the racing heart, the out-of-body feeling — and how confusing it can be to have them return after years of thinking she had moved past them. But the conversation goes deeper than symptoms. Laura talks about the surprising trigger she’s started to notice: kindness and intimacy. When someone gets close, her nervous system sometimes interprets it as danger — a leftover fight-or-flight response shaped by childhood experiences. She introduces the idea of “bulkheads,” like a ship sealing off entire sections when one part floods — a metaphor for shutting down emotionally when things start to feel too intense. Instead of avoiding it, she’s choosing to face it. Along the way, the conversation wanders the way great late-night conversations do: movie obsessions, chaotic action films, gaming nostalgia, and Laura’s very honest critique of life in Charleston. Through it all, the thread remains the same — what it actually looks like to unpack old patterns, confront fear, and keep growing. Honest, a little chaotic, sometimes funny, and deeply human.

Expanding Your Capacity for Life

In this episode, Laura and Chris dive into the idea of capacity—the mental and emotional bandwidth it takes to navigate trauma, stress, ambition, and relationships. Laura shares a personal realization that while she’s developed a high tolerance for difficult situations, that strength can sometimes create frustration when others struggle with the same challenges. The conversation explores how capacity is built through repetition, experience, and the creation of new neural pathways—whether that’s learning a skill, processing trauma, or expanding what you’re able to hold emotionally. Laura opens up about her interest in EMDR therapy, the complexity of being both self-aware and mentally ill, and the ongoing work of balancing personal protection with connection and leadership. Along the way, they unpack ideas around fear as a survival strategy, cultural differences in how confidence is perceived between men and women, and the strange resentment that can surface when you’ve spent years helping others while neglecting your own needs. The episode weaves between serious reflection and lighter moments—family stories about Laura’s rebellious grandmother who smoked into her late 90s, debates about technology and religion, and discussions about movies and shows that help quiet the mind during stressful travel weeks. At its core, this conversation is about what it means to expand your capacity: learning how to carry less trauma, build stronger relationships, and create the mental space needed to grow.

I’m Not Mean, I’m Just Not Performing

In this episode, Laura gets candid about her experience with ketamine therapy and what it’s actually been like learning how to identify emotions later in life — not dramatically, not romantically, just honestly. She talks about realizing that emotional regulation is a skill, not a personality trait, and how ketamine has helped her observe feelings without being swallowed by them. The conversation weaves through grief, fear, and attachment — including intrusive thoughts about losing her partner — alongside stories from her time contracting for banks in New Jersey, where drug testing rules felt more performative than ethical. (Yes, cocaine was fine. No, marijuana was not.) From there, Laura reflects on childhood, ADHD, school systems that failed curious kids, nostalgia for a pre-smartphone world, and the weird social expectation that work should also fulfill emotional and social needs. She shares why she doesn’t drink, why she prefers depth over small talk, and how being quiet, direct, or observant often gets misread as being “mean.” This episode isn’t political — it’s cultural. It’s about memory, technology, social norms, emotional maturity, and what happens when you stop performing and start paying attention. Thoughtful, funny, occasionally uncomfortable, and very on brand.

If Burnout Isn’t Real, Why Am I So Exhausted?

In this episode, Laura and Chris move through a mix of stories that land somewhere between funny, honest, and unexpectedly reflective. Laura shares childhood memories of climbing questionable rocks and the unusual warnings she grew up hearing, while Chris helps connect those moments to the way fear, comfort, and risk show up in adulthood. The two explore burnout from multiple angles — not as a dramatic collapse, but as something that can exist right alongside a life that’s full, enjoyable, and busy. They talk about how people online either dismiss burnout entirely or cling to it, and how most of us live in the middle, feeling tired and fulfilled at the same time. Work, parenting, tattoos, cannabis, gaming, and personality quirks all weave in naturally, the way conversations between them usually do. There’s a look at social preferences, boundaries, and the difference between enjoying people and needing space from them. Nothing is labeled or overexplained; it’s simply the truth of how Laura moves through the world and how Chris reflects it back. The episode ends with an appreciation for the quiet growth of the podcast. More listeners are showing up each week, drawn to conversations that feel real, unpolished, and exactly what they are. Thank YOU! For listening and following the show!