When Grief Sneaks Up on You (Even on “Good” Days)

When Grief Sneaks Up on You (Even on “Good” Days)

There’s a version of grief we don’t talk about enough. Not the big, obvious, life-shattering moments.Not the ones people bring casseroles for. We are talking about the random Tuesday grief.The “We thought we were okay” grief.The “why does this still hurt?” grief. The Anniversary You Didn’t Plan For A year ago, March 29 started as a really good day. A day date for Blair and Shayne.A meaningful event.One of those days where life feels full. And then it flipped. Their cat, Frey, went into distress. He had a stroke. He was two years old.They had to put him down. Just like that. And if you’ve ever lost a pet, you know this already: They aren’t “just animals.” They are anchors. Nervous system regulators. Tiny, furry therapists who never send invoices. Frey was named after our mom. Her Hebrew name is Freda. So, losing him wasn’t just losing a cat. It cracked open an older grief. A deeper one. Grief doesn’t stay in its lane. It travels in packs. “She’s a Lemon” and Other Things We Shouldn’t Say Meanwhile, Alana had her own griefy moment. Her soul cat, Molly, has been dealing with serious health issues.At the vet, a student casually referred to her as a “lemon.” A lemon. Let’s pause there. Because language matters. Especially in grief. Especially in care. You wouldn’t call a human with chronic illness a lemon.You wouldn’t reduce a living, breathing being to a defective object. And yet, grief has this way of revealing how uncomfortable people are with vulnerability, illness, and anything that isn’t “fixable.” Molly isn’t a lemon.She’s loved. She’s cared for. She’s still here. And honestly, so are you. Why Grief Feels Louder Around Holidays and Transitions Passover is coming. Family-centred moments. Traditions. Memories. And if you’re grieving? These times can feel like emotional landmines. Add in travel, burnout, big projects, health stuff, and suddenly your nervous system is like: “Hi. We are not okay.” Grief gets louder when: * Seasons change * You slow down * You’re tired * You’re in between big life moments In other words, grief shows up exactly when you don’t have the bandwidth for it. Rude. But predictable. The Hidden Layer: High-Functioning Grief Here’s what’s wild. While all of this is happening, we are also: * Leading grief retreats in Bali * Working on major career-defining opportunities * Launching books * Building a global movement Because grief and ambition are not opposites. They coexist. You can be building something massive and still feel like your heart is quietly breaking in the background. That doesn’t make you weak. That makes you human. The Truth You Might Need Today You are not behind.You are not broken.You are definitely not a lemon. You are someone who has loved.Someone who has lost.Someone who is still showing up anyway. That’s resilience. Not the shiny, inspirational quote version. The real version. The messy one. The “I cried and still answered emails” version. Grief doesn’t mean you’re going backwards. It means something mattered. And if you’re in it right now, reading this, wondering why today feels heavier than it should… You’re not alone. You’re just human. And you are very RESILIENT A.F.! You’re officially under the Griefluence, X Blair + Alana P.S. Send us extra vibes for April 9th. Thanks! This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. You are getting this email from Substack because you are on our email list for The Global Resilience Project. We will be sending out a few of these short posts/episodes a week. If our content no longer has a home in your inbox, we invite you to unsubscribe (at the bottom of this email). We will miss you and understand. If you choose to stick around, we are grateful for your love and support. Get full access to The Global Resilience Project at theglobalresilienceproject.substack.com/subscribe [https://theglobalresilienceproject.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

What It Really Feels Like to Live “Under the Griefluence”: Grief, Burnout, and Resilience in Real Life

What Does “Under the Griefluence” Actually Mean? Sometimes grief doesn’t look like crying in the corner. Sometimes it looks like launching a global book, travelling the world, showing up for your community… and then crying over cat poop on your living room floor. Welcome to being human. In this episode, we pulled back the curtain on what it really looks like to live “under the griefluence”, that invisible layer where grief, stress, growth, and life all collide at once. And if you’ve ever felt like you just can’t catch your breath, this one’s for you. Grief Doesn’t Pause for Success Let’s set the scene. In the span of a few weeks: * A grief retreat was led in the Maldives * Grief Week was honoured in Mexico * A global book launched in Times Square * An Oscars Week opportunity in LA came out of nowhere From the outside? Iconic. Behind the scenes? Nervous system chaos. Because here’s the truth no one talks about enough: You can be doing meaningful, successful, purpose-driven work… and still feel completely dysregulated. Grief doesn’t wait for a convenient moment. It weaves itself into everything, even the milestones. When Your Nervous System Says “Absolutely Not” There’s a point where your body just taps out. For us, it looked like: * Flight delays and travel stress * Getting physically sick * Overstimulation and exhaustion * Emotional overwhelm showing up at the most random moments And then… life added a little extra spice. Sick cats. Emergency vet visits. Zero sleep. And yes, literal chaos involving pet accidents that pushed us both right to the edge. Not glamorous. Not curated. Very real. This is what nervous system dysregulation actually looks like. Not just stress, but your body saying, “We need to slow this down immediately.” How We Regulate When Life Feels Like Too Much Here’s the part that matters. Not perfection. Not pushing through. Regulation. Instead of forcing productivity, we leaned into simple, grounding tools: * Going for walks * Canceling plans without guilt * Resting and napping * Stepping away from the noise of the internet * Creative outlets like coloring, learning, and listening to books Nothing fancy. No biohacking required. Just small, intentional choices that tell your body:You are safe. You can slow down. And that’s where resilience actually lives. The Reality of Grief Anniversaries Every year, we intentionally create space for grief. We call it Grief Week, marking the anniversaries of losing both of our parents. And while it includes warmth, connection, and even beautiful travel, it also carries weight. Because grief anniversaries don’t just bring memories. They bring: * Emotional sensitivity * Physical exhaustion * Unexpected triggers * A deep need for rest and reflection If you feel “off” around certain dates and can’t explain why, this might be it. Your body remembers, even when your mind tries to move on. Resilience Isn’t Clean or Aesthetic Let’s clear something up. Resilience is not: * Always being strong * Holding it all together * Looking polished while everything falls apart Resilience is: * Crying when you’re overwhelmed * Asking for help * Taking a nap instead of pushing through * Laughing at the chaos, even when it’s messy Sometimes resilience looks like building a global movement. Sometimes it looks like surviving the day. Both count. What’s Next (And Why It Matters) In the middle of all this, something incredible happened. RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Volume 3 officially launched [https://theglobalresilienceproject.com/books/]. And the momentum is building: * Volume 4 is underway * Skin Deep Stories 2 is coming next * The community is evolving and moving to Substack * More stories, more voices, more impact Because at the core of everything we do is this belief: Sharing stories heals. Community strengthens. And resilience is something we build together. If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed Right Now Let this be your reminder: You don’t need to have it all figured out.You don’t need to push harder.You don’t need to pretend you’re okay when you’re not. You just need to take the next small step. Drink water. Go outside. Cancel the thing. Rest. And trust this: You are going to be okay. You are resilient AF. You’re officially under the Griefluence, X Blair + Alana P.S. You are getting this email from Substack because you are on our email list for The Global Resilience Project. We will be sending out a few of these short posts/episodes a week. If our content no longer has a home in your inbox, we invite you to unsubscribe (at the bottom of this email). We will miss you and understand. If you choose to stick around, we are grateful for your love and support. P.P.S. Support the community and buy Resilient A.F.: Stories of Resilience Vol. 3. [http://You’re officially under the Griefluence. X Blair + Alana P.S. You are getting this email from Substack because you are on our email list for The Global Resilience Project. We will be sending out a few of these short posts/episodes a week. If our content no longer has a home in your inbox, we invite you to unsubscribe (at the bottom of this email). We will miss you and understand. If you choose to stick around, we are grateful for your love and support. P.P.S. Are you like us (and disco balls), and built from broken pieces? Check out our recent, limited-edition drop. Under The Griefluence is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Share] This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to The Global Resilience Project at theglobalresilienceproject.substack.com/subscribe [https://theglobalresilienceproject.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Rest, Resistance, and the Reality of Grief Productivity

What happens when you finally slow down and grief still doesn’t do what you expected? In this episode of Under the Griefluence, Blair Kaplan Venables and Alana get honest about rest, resistance, self-care, and the myth that healing or creativity follows a tidy timeline. From the Maldives to the couch, from unfinished book proposals to bubble baths and disco balls, this conversation is a reminder that grief does not care about your to-do list. And sometimes, that’s the point. Grief, Rest, and Letting Go of the Productivity Myth Blair recorded this episode while in the Maldives, intentionally stepping away from a very full life. A life that recently includes publishing a book, managing her husband’s health challenges, travelling nonstop, and holding space for a global grief community. The original plan was simple on paper: long flights, uninterrupted time, and meaningful progress on a prescriptive memoir built around the Navigating Grief Framework. What actually happened was sleep. A lot of it. Instead of writing through the flights, Blair’s body did what bodies do when they finally feel safe enough to rest. It shut everything down. Between exhaustion, emotional load, and a Shameless binge, the expected “productive breakthrough” never arrived. And that became the real lesson. Grief does not perform on demand. Healing is not linear. And rest is not a failure. Writing a Book While Living a Life The book Blair and Alana are working on is deeply personal. It is a prescriptive memoir rooted in lived experience, neuroscience, and the Navigating Grief Framework. The intention of the Maldives trip was not perfection, but clarity. To understand what still needs to be written and what can wait. What surfaced instead was something more honest. Sometimes the work is not producing pages. Sometimes the work is noticing resistance, honouring exhaustion, and letting yourself be human inside the process. Blair also shared that a more serious update will come once she leaves the Maldives. Grief, as always, has layers. And not all of them are ready to be spoken out loud yet. Unexpected Connections and Grief in Small Moments The episode also captures the quiet, human moments that often hold more healing than the big plans. Blair talked about meeting two fellow travellers, Marcel and Paulina, who taught her how to play backgammon. About wandering the island, observing local culture, and adjusting to the intense humidity. About navigating suspected allergies made worse by air conditioning. And then there was Eileen. A calico cat who appeared during the trip and immediately reminded Blair of her late mother’s cat, Zena. One of those moments that hits you out of nowhere. A reminder that grief travels with us, even to paradise, and shows up in the smallest, most unexpected ways. Alana’s Version of Grief Care While Blair was across the world, Alana was practicing her own version of care. She finished watching Survivor, leaned into colouring, read a book, and tested out a new bubble bath. Different geography, same intention. Gentle regulation. Comfort without productivity pressure. They joked about sunscreen, humidity, and the idea of trading immunity for an invitation, but underneath the humour was a shared truth. Grief does not require dramatic gestures. Sometimes it asks for quiet routines that make your nervous system feel a little safer. Built From Broken Pieces: When Grief Becomes Art The episode also marked the launch of Blair and Alana’s new limited-edition clothing collection, Built From Broken Pieces. The collection includes graphic tees, hoodies, and cozy staples featuring a disco ball design. A visual metaphor for resilience. Shattered, reflective, and still capable of catching the light. The line is available for a short time only and launched with a 20 percent discount using the code GRIEFMONTH. Feedback from early buyers has already been deeply affirming, with many sharing how seen they feel wearing the message. This is not just merch. It is wearable language for people who have survived things they never asked for. A Global Grief Community Is Gathering Blair also shared her excitement about an upcoming grief trip that includes participants from seven different countries. A reminder that grief is universal, even though it looks different everywhere. The next episode of Under the Griefluence will be recorded during that trip, bringing listeners into the experience in real time. What This Episode Really Teaches This conversation is not about checking boxes. It is about releasing the idea that grief healing should look productive, polished, or impressive. Sometimes the most honest work is rest.Sometimes the most radical act is stopping.Sometimes healing looks like sleep, cats, colouring books, and disco balls. And sometimes, being under the griefluence means admitting you didn’t do what you planned, and loving yourself anyway. If you are navigating grief, burnout, or emotional overload, this episode is your permission slip to soften the timeline. And if you are ready to wear your resilience, Built From Broken Pieces is waiting for you. You’re officially under the Griefluence. X Blair + Alana P.S. Are you like us (and disco balls), and built from broken pieces? Check out our recent, limited-edition drop. [https://thegrpshop.myshopify.com/collections/built-from-broken-pieces] Under The Griefluence is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to The Global Resilience Project at theglobalresilienceproject.substack.com/subscribe [https://theglobalresilienceproject.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

How Grief Quietly Shapes Travel, TV Habits, and the Ways We Cope

Grief does not always announce itself. Sometimes it shows up quietly, influencing choices in the background. What someone watches on a long flight. How they spend their energy. Why a reality TV marathon suddenly feels essential. Why movement, distraction, or structure becomes non-negotiable. In a recent Under the Griefluence check-in, Blair Kaplan Venables and her sister Alana explore what grief looks like when it is not dramatic, public, or performative, but still very present. This episode and reflection center on the subtle ways grief shapes behaviour, especially during travel, downtime, and moments when the nervous system is asking for regulation more than insight. What It Means to Be “Under the Griefluence” Being under the griefluence means grief is not front and center, but it is still influencing decisions. People are functioning.They are showing up.They are living their lives. But their choices look different. They may travel more or less.They may binge-watch familiar shows.They may turn everyday activities into games just to maintain momentum. This is not avoidance.It is adaptation. Grief often shifts behaviour long before it becomes emotional language. Travel, Grief, and the Need for Familiar Distraction While travelling through Hong Kong en route to the Maldives for a grief trip, Blair shared how long-haul travel can amplify emotional fatigue. Extended flights remove structure, disrupt routines, and leave the nervous system suspended in a kind of emotional limbo. During a 14-hour flight, she watched Shameless continuously. Not for inspiration.Not for meaning. For regulation. For many people navigating grief, familiar television becomes less about entertainment and more about emotional containment. Predictable storylines, dark humour, and familiar characters can help stabilize the nervous system when everything else feels uncertain. This is a common and valid grief response. Survivor Marathons At the same time, Alana shared that she watched 27 to 29 episodes of Survivor over three days. She is currently rewatching all 49 seasons before the next season airs. She pairs watching with colouring, word games, and tracking progress. Each episode contributes to a larger goal. What might sound excessive on the surface reveals something deeper: structure restores agency. Fandom, Identity, and Continuity After Loss Being a day-one fan of a show like Survivor is not just about entertainment. It represents continuity, identity, and belonging. When grief destabilizes a person’s sense of self, familiar rituals and long-standing interests can serve as emotional anchors. Grief does not erase identity, but it often forces people to renegotiate who they are. Familiar stories and rituals remind them of who they have been across different chapters of life. Grief Does Not Have a Correct Form This conversation is not about prescribing how grief should look. It is about normalizing how grief already operates. Many people cope by: * Watching the same shows repeatedly * Travelling during emotionally heavy periods * Turning daily life into structured games * Seeking distraction without guilt These behaviours do not mean someone is avoiding grief. They often mean they are surviving it. A Question For You What have you done recently while under the griefluence? There is no hierarchy of grief responses. There is only honesty, adaptation, and learning how to live alongside loss. More Under the Griefluence check-ins are coming, including updates from the Maldives. Grief may influence the choices people make, but it does not define their failure or success. It simply asks for gentleness. You’re officially under the Griefluence. X Blair + Alana P.S. You are getting this email from Substack because you are on our email list for The Global Resilience Project. We will be sending out a few of these short posts/episodes a week. If our content no longer has a home in your inbox, we invite you to unsubscribe (at the bottom of this email). We will miss you and understand. If you choose to stick around, we are grateful for your love and support. P.P.S. Are you like us (and disco balls), and built from broken pieces? Check out our recent, limited-edition drop. [https://thegrpshop.myshopify.com/collections/built-from-broken-pieces] Under The Griefluence is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to The Global Resilience Project at theglobalresilienceproject.substack.com/subscribe [https://theglobalresilienceproject.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Grief Month, Grief Week, and Being Sad and Warm Together

February is Grief Month around here.Not the official kind. The lived-in, personal, quietly heavy kind. In this bonus episode, Blair Kaplan Venables and her sister Alana Kaplan sit down to talk about what February has come to mean for them, how their grief rituals have evolved, and why sometimes the most healing plan is having no plan at all. Why February Is Grief Month for Us February holds the anniversaries of both of our parents’ deaths. February 18 is “Dead Dad Day.”February 23 is “Dead Mom Day.” These aren’t dates we chose lightly, and they aren’t labels meant to shock. They’re shorthand. A way of naming something heavy without pretending it’s lighter than it is. This year marks the fourth anniversary of our dad’s death and the fifth anniversary of our mom’s. And while grief doesn’t disappear with time, the way we move through it has shifted. Less structure.Less expectation.More listening to what our nervous systems actually need. Grief Week, Year Four (and Five, Unofficially) Every year around this time, we meet somewhere warm. What started as a promise to each other after our parents died has turned into an annual ritual we lovingly call Grief Week or, as we’ve nicknamed it, Spring Break for Sad People. This year, it’s Puerto Vallarta. Not for sightseeing.Not for productivity.Not for transformation. We’re staying at an all-inclusive resort because grief is exhausting and decision-making is overrated when your heart is tired. The goal is simple: be sad and warm together. No jeans.Minimal plans.Maximum ease. Sometimes healing looks like rest, room service, and not asking yourself to be anything other than human. How Grief Changes Over Time In the early years, grief anniversaries required planning. Intentional rituals. Emotional scaffolding just to get through the day. Now, there’s more flexibility. Some years call for ceremony.Some years call for distraction.Some years call for lying by a pool and letting the waves do the regulating. There is no right way to mark a grief anniversary. There is only the way that meets you where you are now, not where you think you should be. Boundaries During Grief Are Not Optional One of the most important parts of this conversation was about boundaries. Grief doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like canceling plans. Saying no. Pulling inward. Choosing rest over explanation. And not everyone understands that. Blair shared a recent experience of canceling plans during Grief Month and being confronted for it. The reminder here matters: you do not owe anyone productivity, cheerfulness, or availability while you are grieving. Your boundaries are allowed to exist even when others are uncomfortable with them. Especially then. If You’re Navigating Grief Anniversaries Right Now Here’s what we want you to hear: You don’t have to do this “well.”You don’t have to honor your grief publicly.You don’t have to explain your needs. You can mark the day quietly.You can ignore the calendar entirely.You can cry, travel, rest, work, or do nothing at all. Grief Month isn’t about performing sadness. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel what’s already there. A Final Word for Grief Month If February is heavy for you, too, you’re not alone. Honour your grief in whatever way feels right.Choose ease where you can.Be sad and warm if possible. And if all you manage is getting through the day, that counts. Happy Grief Month.We’re right here with you. You’re officially under the Griefluence. X Blair + Alana P.S. You are getting this email from Substack because you are on our email list for The Global Resilience Project. We will be sending out a few of these short posts/episodes a week. If our content no longer has a home in your inbox, we invite you to unsubscribe (at the bottom of this email). We will miss you and understand. If you choose to stick around, we are grateful for your love and support. P.P.S. Are you like us (and disco balls), and built from broken pieces? Check out our recent, limited-edition drop. [https://thegrpshop.myshopify.com/collections/built-from-broken-pieces] Under The Griefluence is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to The Global Resilience Project at theglobalresilienceproject.substack.com/subscribe [https://theglobalresilienceproject.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]