Hanging Up the Cape: How to Heal After Betrayal & Infidelity

Hanging Up the Cape: How to Heal After Betrayal & Infidelity

“I don’t need perfection. What I do need is partnership.” — Jacque Alvarez 🚨 Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of intense life events and trauma, including a cancer diagnosis, medical gaslighting, housing discrimination, infidelity, betrayal, and panic attacks. Please take care of yourself while listening. “Both ladies hold these conversations with humor and joy. They bring a lightness that is sorely missing from the mental health space.” —Christina Marcus, M.Div Episode Summary Welcome back to the digital living room. If you are the strong friend, the peacemaker, or the matriarch of your family—take a deep breath. Today, we are hanging up the cape.In this emotional episode, April and Jacque tackle the realities of institutional, physical, and relational betrayal. Jacque shares a deeply personal update, outlining her relentless three-year journey of health advocacy leading to a cancer diagnosis, while April details the exhaustion of navigating housing discrimination. Then, we open up the Group Chat to discuss infidelity. We break down the psychology of the Savior Complex, how to step out of the Drama Triangle, and the cumulative toll of betrayal. Finally, we move from the head to the body with a live somatic exercise to help you ground your nervous system. (Want to keep these tools in your pocket? Subscribe here to download your free Creative First Aid Kit [https://www.weshouldbeintherapy.com] and get the exact somatic system we use to find immediate relief). Whether you decide to stay, to leave, or to make no decision at all today—your only job right now is to heal you. 🔍 Topics Covered & Questions Answered: * Navigating Health Advocacy: How to relentlessly fight for your own physical health and mental well-being. * Healing from Betrayal Trauma: Understanding the physical and emotional impact of a shattered baseline of safety. * Surviving Infidelity: How do you navigate a relationship after infidelity, and what are the signs of deflection? * The Savior Complex: Unpacking the trauma responses that force women into the “rescuer” role. * Somatic Healing Tools: How to stimulate the vagus nerve and stop a panic attack in its tracks. * The Winner’s Triangle: How to shift from rescuing to caring, so you can empower others while protecting your peace. 📍 Chapter Markers: * 00:00 Cold Open: Advocating for Your Health & The Infidelity Teaser * 02:19 Check-In: Feelings, Body Sensations, and the Cup Check * 04:13 Narrative: Navigating Institutional & Physical Betrayal (Highs & Lows) * 19:24 Group Chat: Relational Betrayal & Infidelity * 25:06 Jargon Jar: Betrayal Trauma, Superwoman Schema, & The Drama Triangle * 34:49 Altar & Evidence: Faces of Oshun, Numerology, & The Yellow Dress Dream * 49:49 Body Scan: The “Nightmare Hangover” & Live Sonic Anchor Demo * 59:25 Toolkit: The Rootd App & Emergency Tools 🧰 Resources & Links * Get Your Free Creative First Aid Kit: Stop guessing and start healing. Get somatic exercises like the Sonic Anchor we practiced together at: www.WeShouldBeInTherapy.com [https://www.weshouldbeintherapy.com]. * Mentioned in this Episode: The Rootd app for anxiety and panic attacks. The Faces of Oshun Oracle Deck by Abiola Abrams and the Moonology Journal by Yasmin Boland. * Join the Village: Follow us on Instagram & Substack at @WeShouldBeInTherapy 🗣️ Community Spotlight “April and Jacque have created a new safe space with the We Should Be in Therapy podcast. It is an intimate and meaningful conversation between friends, a place where sensitive and traumatic issues and their impact on mental health can be addressed. This podcast is unique because April and Jacque are both willing to share their personal experiences with therapy and trauma. What I find surprising and affirming is both ladies hold these conversations with humor and joy. They bring a lightness that is sorely missing from the mental health space. I am very excited to see how we should be in therapy will impact the culture.” —Christina Marcus, M.Div 💡 Help Us Build the Lighthouse If you found a little rest here today, or if this episode helped you carry the load a little lighter, please leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify! Your reviews aren’t for our ego—they are lighthouses. They signal to the algorithms, and more importantly, to other cycle breakers wandering in the dark, that this is a safe place to land. Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit weshouldbeintherapy.substack.com [https://weshouldbeintherapy.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Psychology of Masking & Unmasking

“What is the cost of masking? The mask protects you, but it always sends an invoice.” – Jacque Alvarez, Co-Host, We Should Be in Therapy "Unmasking isn't about becoming someone new. It's about returning to who you were before you learned to hide." – April Hamm, Co-Host, We Should Be in Therapy “We Should Be In Therapy is so refreshing... it gives women like me a safe space just to think about how we show up and how we bring about our full selves.” – Jasmine Guest-Sanders, M.S., Founder, J. Creative Consulting 👇🏽 Download your FREE Creative First Aid Kit (including the Sonic Anchor): https://www.WeShouldBeInTherapy.com ⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains honest, heavy conversations about the Baker Act, institutional trauma, misdiagnosis, domestic violence, systemic racism, and mental health crises. Please prioritize your nervous system. If you or a loved one needs support, call or text 988 (US) 24/7 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. (Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational support only. We are not your therapists; we are the village you’ve been looking for). 📖EPISODE DESCRIPTION: What is the cost of masking? If you are exhausted by the “high-functioning” trap, this relatable mental health guide explores the psychology of masking, unmasking, and healing. 🛑 THE PROBLEM: For many of us—especially neurodivergent individuals, survivors of domestic violence, and people of color—masking isn’t a performance. It’s a survival mechanism. But maintaining the “Strong Black Woman” trope, chronic code-switching, and pushing through midlife grief always sends a physical and emotional invoice. “We call it resilience, but a lot of the time it’s just compliance.” – April Hamm 💡 THE SOLUTION: In this episode, April and Jacque open the Digital Living Room to bridge the gap between clinical psychology and spirituality. April shares her true story of systemic academic trauma, the Baker Act, and the painful misdiagnosis that occurs when clinical systems pathologize spiritual awakening. When traditional therapy or religion fails to hold the complex nuance of our lived experiences, we are left to bridge the gap ourselves. We provide a spoonie-friendly toolkit for safely putting the mask down, featuring insights from our favorite tarot card reading (the High Priestess!) and the vital difference between trauma-masking and intentional role-playing. "For years, doctors told me my intuition was sickness... But the High Priestess isn't crazy. She's just tuned into a frequency the others can't hear." – April Hamm Whether you are healing from CPTSD, navigating adult neurodivergence, or looking for self-care and self-help, this conversation is your therapeutic reset button. 🛠️ Need a safe place to start? Download our FREE Creative First Aid Kit here: https://www.WeShouldBeInTherapy.com 🎙️ Tune in for Real Talk about: * 🎭 The High-Functioning Trap: The physical and emotional toll of masking, code-switching, and chronic people-pleasing. “The mask doesn’t mean you fail, it just means you survived. But survival was never meant to be the final destination.” – Jacque Alvarez * ⚖️ When Systems Fail: April’s true story of misdiagnosis, the Baker Act, and the danger of criminalizing silence. "You were chemically altering yourself to tolerate the intolerable." – Jacque Alvarez * 💔 Midlife Grief & Hypervigilance: Surviving domestic violence, the “Strong Black Woman” trope, the perfectionism mask in motherhood, and grieving the version of you that survived. "You can't live in a box that wasn't built for you." – April Hamm * 🛠️ The Unmasking Toolkit: Low-energy somatic strategies and using role-playing as a therapeutic tool to safely unmask. 📌 CHAPTER MARKERS: (00:00) Community Love & The Invoice of Masking (01:34) Content Warning: A Safe Space for Mental Health (02:23) Cup Check: Rest and the High-Functioning Trap (03:51) Narrative: True Story of Academic Trauma & CPTSD (12:37) Narrative: Misdiagnosis & When Clinical Systems Fail (18:10) Jargon Jar: Psychology of Masking & Code-Switching (23:14) Group Chat: The Invoice of Masking & Midlife Grief (28:25) Mid-Roll: Free Mental Health Toolkit (Creative First Aid) (30:18) Narrative: When the Mask Slips & The Danger of Unmasking (38:16) Altar & Evidence: Spirituality & Tarot Card Reading (40:37) Unmasking Toolkit: Relatable Self-Help for Safely Unmasking (52:31) Body Scan: Sonic Anchor for Spoonie-Friendly Somatic Grounding (52:55) Role-Playing vs. Masking to Protect Your Energy (55:38) Final Thoughts: Redefining Strength & Building the Lighthouse 🫱🏽‍🫲🏾 RESOURCES FOR YOUR HEALING JOURNEY: * Get the Toolkit: Download our FREE Creative First Aid Kit (featuring the Sonic Anchor and Color Breathing guide) to help regulate your nervous system. https://www.WeShouldBeInTherapy.com * Crisis Support: If you or someone you love is struggling, you don’t have to carry it alone. Call or text 988 (US) 24/7 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. * Connect with the Village: @WeShouldBeInTherapy ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ HELP US BUILD THE LIGHTHOUSE: If this episode helped you carry the load a little lighter, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify so other cycle-breakers can find this safe place to land! COMMUNITY SPOTLIGHT: A massive thank you to Jasmine from [J. Creative Consulting](https://www.jcreativeconsulting.com) for sending us some love this week! J. Creative Consulting helps mission-driven organizations thrive! “I absolutely love, love, love We Should Be in Therapy [https://open.substack.com/pub/weshouldbeintherapy] Therapy podcast! I think it is so refreshing, so new, and just so innovative…It gives women like me a safe space just to think about how we show up and how we bring about our full selves into places and spaces.” – Jasmine Guest-Sanders, M.S., Founder, J. Creative Consulting 🕯️ CANDLELIGHT VIGIL: This episode holds space for the profound grief of losing those we love while we are still trying to survive. As always, we hold this space for our spirit guides—the loved ones who have transitioned and continue to light our way. In loving memory, we are holding special space and lighting a candle for: * Jacque’s brother, Guillermo * Jacque’s friend, Keswany * April’s cousin, Tiffany * April’s friends: Dereck, Emerita, Kenya, Lydia, and Tamara Your light remains a part of our story. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit weshouldbeintherapy.substack.com [https://weshouldbeintherapy.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Mental Health & Relationships: Surviving Friendship Breakups & CPTSD

“Healing means moving from victimhood to authorship.” –Jacque Alvarez ⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains honest conversations about suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, and loss. If you or someone you love is struggling, please know you are not alone. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 in the US by dialing 9-8-8. Episode Description: What happens when “moving forward” requires letting go of the people you thought would be there forever? In this relatable and raw conversation, April and Jacque explore the mental health impact of relationships that no longer serve us. While the world focuses on romantic splits, we share the true story of friendship breakups—the grief we rarely discuss and the courage it takes to choose yourself as a survivor. We open up the Digital Living Room to share our personal self-help tools and psychology-backed strategies for surviving the “Depression Knot,” a visceral look at what it’s like when your wellness battery is so low you’re too exhausted to even brush your hair. If you are navigating CPTSD, chronic health conditions, or just struggling to find your center, this conversation is your therapy-inspired reset button. Tune in for real talk about: 💔 Navigating Relationships & CPTSD: Why betrayal in friendship cuts deeper than romance. 🪮 The Depression Knot: A candid look at mental health and hygiene when your battery is at 0%. 🧘🏽‍♀️ Psychology & Spirituality: Moving beyond “resolutions” to embrace grounded self-care and self-love. ⚒️ The Relatable Self-Help Toolkit: Using vision boards and ancestral wisdom to reclaim your “authorship.” Want the tools we mention in this episode? Download our free Creative First Aid Kit at weshouldbeintherapy.com [https://weshouldbeintherapy.com]. 🎧 Chapter Markers: (00:00) The Check-In: Holiday Wins, Mental Health & Handling Haters (14:44) Surviving CPTSD: Navigating Anxiety, Depression & Suicidal Ideation (17:55) The Group Chat: Why Friendship Breakups & Relationship Grief Hurt So Much (22:20) Relatable Self-Help: Progress Over Perfection & Choosing Self-Love (28:29) The Depression Knot: Mental Health When You Can’t Brush Your Own Hair (33:42) The Reset Toolkit: Vision Boards & Psychology-Backed Intentions Resources for Your Healing Journey: If you are struggling with the heavy feelings we talked about today, you don’t have to do it alone. ⚓ Get the Toolkit: Download our free Creative First Aid Kit (Sonic Anchor & Somatic Tools) when you subscribe at weshouldbeintherapy.com [https://weshouldbeintherapy.substack.com/]. 🤳🏾 Crisis Support: If you are struggling with suicidal ideation, please call or text 988 in the US. You are a vital part of this world. 🌐 Connect: Find our survivor community on Skool, YouTube, and socials @WeShouldBeInTherapy. 🕯️💛 Help Us Build the Lighthouse: If this episode helped you carry the load a little lighter, please leave us a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Reviews are Lighthouses—they tell the algorithms to push this show to other cycle-breakers wandering in the dark who need a safe place to land. Community & Legacy: ✨ Reviewer Shout-out: A special thank you to Christina Marcus for this beautiful affirmation: “April and Jacque are so warm, relatable and raw... Their digital living room vibes provide a safe and accessible space for conversation and healing.” –Christina Marcus, M.Div 🤝 Community Spotlight: We want to shine a light on the people and places helping us heal this season: * Healings & Nu Beginnings [https://www.healingsnubeginnings.org/]: A shoutout to the incredible production of The Tortoise and the Drum. * Jim-Ree Museum [https://jimree.org]: Thank you for your dedication to African American history and culture during Black History Month and year-round. * Jamie Naquin, LMT: For his powerful talk on Healing Intergenerational Trauma. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit weshouldbeintherapy.substack.com [https://weshouldbeintherapy.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Holiday Grief & The Empty Chair

Let’s be honest: Is it the “Most Wonderful Time of the Year” or just the Most Exhausted? The commercials say we should be glowing with cheer, but in reality, many of us are navigating complex family dynamics, financial pressure, and the heavy silence of grief. In this premiere episode of We Should Be In Therapy, April and Jacque take off the matching pajamas and pour the real tea on surviving the season. We aren’t doctors—we are the friends who save you a seat. Tune in to hear: * ☕ The Group Chat: Why we are already burned out and the myth of the “Perfect Holiday.” * 🪑 The Empty Chair: How to navigate the holidays when someone you love is missing from the table (and why it’s okay to not be okay). * 💰 The “Auntie Tax”: The emotional and financial cost of family expectations—and the exact boundary script we use when family members get too intrusive. * 🕯️ The Altar: A simple “Spirit Plate” ritual you can do this week to honor your ancestors and include them in your celebration. * 🧊 The Body Scan: A quick somatic hack to lower your anxiety when you’re hiding in the bathroom. 💡 We share our personal survival toolkit in this episode, including the specific scripts and nervous system resets we use to protect our peace. 🔗 CONNECT & JOIN THE CHAT Subscribe, Get the Resources & Join the Community: We are building a space for these conversations to happen after the episode ends. Tap here to join the group chat & get the survival guides: https://linktr.ee/weshouldbeintherapy [https://linktr.ee/weshouldbeintherapy]. Disclaimer: We Should Be In Therapy is for entertainment and educational purposes only. We are peer advocates and friends, not licensed medical professionals. If you are in crisis, please contact your local emergency services or the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (988). This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit weshouldbeintherapy.substack.com [https://weshouldbeintherapy.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Trailer: Holiday Grief & The Empty Chair (Coming Soon)

The commercials say it’s the “Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” But if we’re being honest? It feels more like the “Most Exhausted Time of the Year.” If you are dreading the family gathering, navigating the “Empty Chair” of grief, or just trying to protect your peace this week... help is on the way. Coming this week: The premiere episode of We Should Be in Therapy. April and Jacque sit down for a raw, honest look at holiday burnout, setting boundaries, and the specific tools we are using to survive the season. In Episode 01, we cover: * The “Guest Room Escape” script. * The “Spirit Plate” ritual for grief. * The “Vagus Nerve Hack” for panic attacks. Subscribe now so Episode 01 automatically downloads the moment it drops. Thanks for listening to We Should Be in Therapy! This post is public, so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit weshouldbeintherapy.substack.com [https://weshouldbeintherapy.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]