Difficult Conversations - Your Questions on Relational Capacity | Author & TEDx Speaker

Difficult Conversations - Your Questions on Relational Capacity | Author & TEDx Speaker

In this episode, psychotherapist, author, and TEDx speaker, Kerry-Lyn Stanton-Downes, returns to be relational and answer real questions about applying relational capacity to difficult conversations, provide respectful candor in ways that heals not harms, and create emotional co-regulation in the moments that matter most. In the original conversation, Kerry-Lyn shared the 8 principles of relational capacity and offered to come back to answer audience-provided questions. This is that episode! Four audience members sent in specific questions and Kerry-Lyn’s responses went deeper than theory. The questions: ➡️ How can leaders use relational capacity to improve emotional co-regulation? ➡️ How do you address someone's dysregulation with compassion? ➡️ How do other cultures develop relational capacity that we can learn from? ➡️ Is the choice between being right and staying in relationship actually a false one? Thank you, Mark Meadows, Wynne Leon, and April McCormick for the questions! Her answer to the last question revealed something I didn't expect. Kerry-Lyn identifies the early warning signal we all recognize but rarely name: the moment "but, but, but" enters your internal dialogue, you've left relational curiosity behind. The fix isn't trying harder to convince the other person. It's admitting your own defensiveness out loud, what she calls respectful candor. That single move to vulnerability disarms the entire dynamic and invites both people back to what they're really in service of. Throughout this conversation, from ubuntu and whakapapa, from leader vulnerability to emotional co-regulation, you'll hear her eight principles of relational capacity surface naturally; not because she's reciting a model, but because she's so deeply embedded in the work that it's become how she sees. If you've ever walked away from a difficult conversation wondering if you could have held your ground and held the relationship, this episode was made for you. *** Don't miss another episode with amazing guests - subscribe here: https://www.youtube.com/@WDYKTBT?sub_confirmation=1 *** Resources mentioned in the episode: ➡️ Kerry-Lyn’s Company: https://www.berelational.co.uk/ ➡️ Kerry-Lyn’s LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kerry-lyn-stanton-downes ➡️ Kerry-Lyn’s Substack: https://berelationalnow.substack.com/ Music in this episode by Ian Kastner. What Do You Know To Be True?" is an invitation to be inspired to become more of your possible self by discovering your superpower, unlocking your potential, and creating your impact in the world. This podcast is for leaders, coaches, org development practitioners, and anyone who works with people who want to be inspired to discover their superpower, unlock their possibilities, and make meaningful impact in the world. Want more info about What Do You Know To Be True? ➡️ More episodes and info: https://whatdoyouknowtobetrue.com/ [https://whatdoyouknowtobetrue.com/]  ➡️ Subscribe to the What Do You Know To Be True? newsletter to get insights into each conversation: https://rogerkastner.substack.com/   "What Do You Know To Be True?" is hosted by Roger Kastner, is a production of Three Blue Pens, and is recorded on the ancestral lands of the Duwamish and Suquamish people. To discover the ancestral lands of the indigenous people whose land you may be on, go to: https://native-land.ca/  Keywords #difficultconversations #relationalcapacity #respectfulcandor #emotionalregulation #vulnerabilityleadership #coregulation

Difficult Conversations Build Stronger Teams | Colonel DeDe Halfhill

Most leaders know when something is off with their team but they steer clear of the difficult conversation. They sense the tension and the confusion, but they lack the courageous leadership and emotional intelligence to say the thing that everyone wants to hear. building. And the team and results suffer. Retired U.S. Air Force Colonel DeDe Halfhill says that silence is the single most expensive habit in leadership today, and it's costing leaders the very thing they're working hardest to build. In this conversation, Roger Kastner sits down with DeDe Halfhill, retired US Air Force Colonel, former advisor to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and now a Leadership Advisor and Speaker, to explore why difficult conversations are not a soft skill, but a high-performance discipline. From Iraq to the boardrooms of corporate America, DeDe's message is the same: the leaders who build the strongest teams are the ones willing to say the thing nobody else will say. In this episode you'll discover: ➡️ Why the leaders who "do hard things" are often the ones most afraid to have the hard conversation ➡️ How acknowledging the emotional reality of your team builds more trust than any strategy session ➡️ The moment DeDe realized in Iraq that speaking the truth of a shared experience changes everything ➡️ How psychological safety and difficult conversations are two sides of the same leadership coin Colonel DeDe Halfhill retired from the U.S. Air Force after 25 years of service, including a deployment to Iraq and an advisory role to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. She now works with organizations and leaders to develop the emotional intelligence and courageous leadership skills that drive real team performance because she's seen firsthand what happens when leaders choose courage over comfort, and what it costs when they don't. If you've ever sensed something was wrong with your team but stayed quiet to avoid the discomfort this conversation is the permission slip you didn't know you needed. The difficult conversation isn't the risk. Avoiding it is.   Resources mentioned in the episode: ➡️DeDe’s Website [https://dedehalfhill.com/] ➡️DeDe’s LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/dedehalfhill/] Music in this episode by Ian Kastner. "What Do You Know To Be True?" is an invitation to be inspired to become more of your possible self by discovering your superpower, unlocking your potential, and creating your impact in the world. This podcast is for leaders, coaches, org development practitioners, and anyone who works with people who want to be inspired to discover their superpower, unlock their possibilities, and make meaningful impact in the world. Want more info about What Do You Know To Be True? ➡️ Check out What Do You Know To Be True? [https://whatdoyouknowtobetrue.com/] ➡️ Subscribe to the What Do You Know To Be True? newsletter [https://rogerkastner.substack.com/ ] to get insights into each conversation. "What Do You Know To Be True?" is hosted by Roger Kastner, is a production of Three Blue Pens, and is recorded on the ancestral lands of the Duwamish and Suquamish people. To discover the ancestral lands of the indigenous people whose land you may be on, go to: https://native-land.ca/ [https://native-land.ca/] Keywords #difficultconversations #courageousleadership #emotionalintelligence #psychologicalsafety #leadershipdevelopment

Overthinking? When To Trust Intuition vs Logic for Better Decision Making

You know when you are overthinking and second guessing a decision, and then once you make the decision you realize your first instinct was right all along? And then there are the other times when you realize gut was dead wrong. That's the paradox of intuition: it's powerful, but it's not always right. And most advice about it falls into one of two camps: "always trust your gut" or "stick to the data." Neither is the full picture. In this conversation, Nil Demircubuk makes the case for a third option: discernment. Your intuition is ready but it's one input, not the only input. The real superpower is knowing when to trust it, when to lean on logic, and when to go get more information before you decide. Nil is an Intuition Facilitator and author of “Down to Earth: Demystify Intuition to Upgrade your Life,” and she although she came to learn her superpower was intuition, her education and vocation were deep into analytics and logic. Nil introduces "priming" as a practical method to access your intuition on demand, not as a replacement for rational thinking, but as a complement to it. She breaks down how to tell the difference between an intuitive hit and a fear-based story, and offers a framework for making decisions that draws on both your inner knowing and your analytical mind. If you've been second-guessing decisions you used to make with confidence... if you're tired of going in circles when the stakes are high... this conversation is an invitation to stop overthinking and start discerning. What you'll take away from this conversation: ☑️ Why "trust your gut" is incomplete advice…and what to do instead ☑️ The priming method: how to intentionally access your intuition on demand ☑️ How to tell the difference between intuition and fear-based thinking ☑️ When intuition is the right input — and when logic or more information is what you actually need ☑️ A simple experiment to try after this episode to strengthen your discernment muscle ================ Recommended Next Videos to Watch: -  High-Achievers Stay Stuck For This ONE Reason | Brooklyn Dicent UN and TEDx Speaker - Overthinking: The Anti-Perfectionism Framework That Works | Wynne Leon - Waiting for All the Answers is Hurting Your Growth | Author Jillian Reilly ================ In this episode, Nil answers the following questions: ☑️What is intuition? ☑️How to develop intuition? ☑️How to stop overthinking? ☑️How to reduce anxiety? Resources mentioned in the episode: -  Nil’s Website: https://nildemircubuk.com/ [https://nildemircubuk.com/ ] Chapters 0:00 Intro to Intuition as Superpower 1:29 Welcome Nil Demircubuk 1:59 Intuition and Preparing Yourself For Intuition 5:41 Knowing When To Use Your Intuition And When Not To 8:06 Noticing and Interpreting Intuition 9:23 Mindfulness, Psychology and Intuition 15:40 Adaptability and Intuition 16:53 Inspiration for Intuition from Health 20:54 The Feeling of Helping Others Tap Into Intuition 22:47 What Nil Knows To Be True About Intuition 23:21 Intuition Is Always Available To You 26:02 How To Experiment With Intuition 27:27 Complex Problem-Solving and Non-Conscious Work 28:59 Improving Relationships and Empathy Through Intuition  30:08 The Superpower Compulsion 32:12 Lightning Round Music in this episode by Ian Kastner. "What Do You Know To Be True?" is an invitation to be inspired to become more of your possible self by discovering your superpower, unlocking your potential, and creating your impact in the world. This podcast is for leaders, coaches, org development practitioners, and anyone who works with people who want to be inspired to discover their superpower, unlock their possibilities, and make meaningful impact in the world. Want more info about the podcast ➡️Check out What Do You Know To Be True? [https://whatdoyouknowtobetrue.com/] to learn more ➡️Join the What Do You Know To Be True? [https://rogerkastner.substack.com/] newsletter to get insights into each conversation. "What Do You Know To Be True?" is hosted by Roger Kastner, is a production of Three Blue Pens, and is recorded on the ancestral lands of the Duwamish and Suquamish people. To discover the ancestral lands of the indigenous people whose land you may be on, go to: https://native-land.ca/ Keywords #Overthinking #howtostopoverthinking #intuition #intuitionvslogic #overthinkingdecisions #howtodevelopintuition #leadershipdevelopment #decisionmaking

Loneliness Doesn't Have To Be The Cost of Leadership | Here’s the Fix | Author and TEDx Speaker Kerry-Lyn Stanton-Downes

That feeling of it being lonely at the top, it's not a leadership job requirement. It's a signal that you're going against your nature. And yet most leadership development doesn't talk about the impact of loneliness on performance, burnout, and well-being. Not enough at least. Psychologist, TEDx speaker, and author Kerry-Lyn Stanton-Downes makes a bold case: our brains are relational organs, wired to regulate, heal, grow, and perform through connection with others. Yet most leaders have accepted the story that loneliness is just the cost of leadership. In this conversation, Kerry-Lyn unpacks why that story is costing more than we think. When leaders prioritize task over relationship, what looks like discipline on the outside is actually the early signs of relational drift. Over time, that impacts not only the leader, but the team's working relationship and performance. Kerry-Lyn introduces the concept of relational poverty, the barrenness in the space between us where we can't repair, can't challenge, can't think together. It's not just a personal cost; it's systemic. When a leader's nervous system is in survival mode, that state becomes the relational climate for the entire team. People start managing the leader instead of collaborating with them. The good news: Kerry-Lyn offers a framework for building relational capacity through eight principles: presence, curiosity, reflection, vulnerability, being in service, navigating difference, a mindset of abundance, and repair. And you don't need all eight. Start with one. For a leader already running on empty, the first step isn't adding more to their plate, it's regulating their own nervous system so they can show up for others. This conversation is for any leader who feels the weight of isolation and suspects there might be a different way. BONUS: Kerry-Lyn offered to join us for a follow-up episode to answer your questions. If you want to ask Kerry-Lyn a question, drop a comment in the YouTube version of the episode [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud41XOScx6Q&list=PLbWfh34FP_dUcAaCrI31z00_fLdphi6b7&index=1&t=12s]. Thank you! In this episode, Kerry-Lyn answers the following questions: - Why is leadership so lonely? - What is the cost of loneliness? - What is one thing a Leader can do about loneliness? - How do I develop more relationships? Resources mentioned in the episode: - Kerry-Lyn’s Company [https://www.berelational.co.uk/] - Kerry-Lyn’s LinkedIn [https://linkedin.com/in/kerry-lyn-stanton-downes] - Kerry-Lyn’s Substack [https://berelationalnow.substack.com/] Music in this episode by Ian Kastner. "What Do You Know To Be True?" is an invitation to be inspired to become more of your possible self by discovering your superpower, unlocking your potential, and creating your impact in the world. This podcast is for leaders, coaches, org development practitioners, and anyone who works with people who want to be inspired to discover their superpower, unlock their possibilities, and make meaningful impact in the world. For more info about the podcast or to check out more episodes, go to: What Do You Know To Be True? [https://whatdoyouknowtobetrue.com/] "What Do You Know To Be True?" is hosted by Roger Kastner, is a production of Three Blue Pens, and is recorded on the ancestral lands of the Duwamish and Suquamish people. To discover the ancestral lands of the indigenous people whose land you may be on, go to: https://native-land.ca/ Keywords #Leadership #loneliness #Burnout #LeadershipDevelopment #wellbeing #LonelyAtTheTop

Toxic Boss Almost Broke Her. She Leads With Joy Anyway. | Sheryl Raphael Whitaker

Burnout starts when we're operate outside of our zone of genius, out of alignment with our values, and when we've lost touch with our joy. Sheryl Raphael Whitaker has spent the majority of her career making a case most leadership conversations are afraid to make. Joy is not a reward. It's an operating system. As a leadership coach, talent strategist, author of “It Starts with Joy,” and a host of a weekly show by the same name, Sheryl says difference between those two mindsets changes everything about how you lead. Her frame starts with a mindset shift that sounds deceptively simple. Many leaders spend their careers believing that joy is not something one can expect at work. They focus their personal development on building skills and capabilities instead of understanding what makes them tick. Joy at work isn't something you unlock when conditions improve. It's an internal alignment that runs underneath everything, steady and available, regardless of what's happening around you. Sheryl also draws a line that most personal development conversations tend to blur. You're either leading from joy or from fear. That's not a criticism. It's a diagnosis. Most of what we call toxic leadership, she says, is just fear that never got named. What makes her approach to authentic leadership different is where she locates it. Joy isn't the reward waiting at the end of a hard season. It's your chief operating officer, running before the meeting starts, before the difficult conversation, before the decision that keeps you up at night. Sheryl knows what it costs an organization when leaders hand that operating system over to their circumstances. This conversation is for the leader, coach, and OD professional who knows something feels misaligned but hasn't found the language for it yet.  Sheryl's invitation is direct. You don't have to wait for conditions to be right. You can lead from who you actually are, right now, even when the people around you are hiding it. In this episode, Sheryl answers the following questions: - How to find more joy in your work? - How to be happy at work when you hate it? - How to make work fun and enjoyable? - As a leader, am I allowed to have fun and experience joy? Resources mentioned in the episode: - Sheryl’s LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/sheryl-raphael-whitaker/]  - Sheryl’s Book: https://itstartswithjoy.com/ [https://itstartswithjoy.com/ ] - It Starts With Joy Live: https://www.youtube.com/@itstartswithjoylive [https://www.youtube.com/@itstartswithjoylive ] - Sheryl’s Company: https://www.edenanthonyelitetalent.com/ [https://www.edenanthonyelitetalent.com/ ] - Derek Sievers’ How to start a movement [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V74AxCqOTvg] Music in this episode by Ian Kastner. "What Do You Know To Be True?" is an invitation to be inspired to become more of your possible self by discovering your superpower, unlocking your potential, and creating your impact in the world. This podcast is for leaders, coaches, org development practitioners, and anyone who works with people who want to be inspired to discover their superpower, unlock their possibilities, and make meaningful impact in the world. For more info about the podcast or to check out more episodes, go to: WhatDoYouKnowToBe True.com [https://whatdoyouknowtobetrue.com/] "What Do You Know To Be True?" is hosted by Roger Kastner, is a production of Three Blue Pens, and is recorded on the ancestral lands of the Duwamish and Suquamish people. To discover the ancestral lands of the indigenous people whose land you may be on, go to: https://native-land.ca/ [https://native-land.ca/ ] Keywords #burnout #leadership #beatburnout #authenticleadership #personaldevelopment #leadershipcoach #mindset