50 First Dates with Chris HVMMINGBYRD

I Can’t Change the World, But I Can Try — So This Is Me Trying

Hi, it’s Christopher… and this space… it’s not about perfection— it’s about truth, lived experience, and the courage to speak when your voice has had to be rebuilt. Today, I had the pleasure of sitting down once again with my great friend, Victoria Charles—an incredible social worker whose insight, compassion, and lived experience bring so much depth to this conversation. Together, we dive into something heavy… but necessary. We’re talking about vicarious trauma— the kind that doesn’t always belong to you at first… but finds a way to live in your body anyway. * The kind social workers carry. * Medical providers absorb. * First responders witness. * And even the kind we meet just by being human… in a world that doesn’t pause. It’s like secondhand smoke— you didn’t light it… but you’re still breathing it in. We explore how burnout isn’t just exhaustion— it’s information. A signal. A moment asking professionals to pause, to seek support, to relearn care… for others and for themselves. Because no one is meant to do this alone. * What does it mean to actually work as a team? * To consult before acting? * To ask questions without fear? * To ask for training before chaos arrives? There is no such thing as a dumb question… especially when someone’s life is part of the answer. I share why I chose peer counseling— because I lived the gaps. I lived the silence. I lived the “broken telephone” of care. There was a time I was nonverbal… and my sister had to become my voice. My advocate. My bridge to the world. And I still think about that— what happens to the ones who don’t have that? I remember feeling like… an animal in a zoo. * Fed * Slept * Moved through routines * Repeated days without understanding Alive… but not included. So this is also a call—to professionals: Keep people alive, yes. But don’t forget to see them. To listen to them. To teach them how to advocate for themselves again. Because survival without understanding… can feel like another kind of loss. We also step into the realities of discrimination— especially within the LGBTQ+ community in healthcare. * The extra questions * The assumptions * The quiet bias * The loud harm And how even that becomes another layer of trauma— not just personal, but systemic. We talk about what meaningful support actually looks like: * Not performance * Not checking boxes * But consistency * Presence * Care that doesn’t disappear after discharge Because the truth is… the hospital can feel like a stage. Everyone shows up when it’s urgent. But when the patient leaves? That’s when things can get heavier. Lonelier. More complex. And that’s where support should continue—not fade. This episode is layered. It’s honest. It’s uncomfortable in the ways that matter. And it’s rooted in one belief: We may not be able to change everything… but we can change how we show up. So this— this conversation, this reflection, this voice— This is me trying. brighter days are coming RESOURCES: *National Domestic Violence Hotline (1800-799-7233) *San Diego Family Justice Center (619-533-6000) *North County Family Justice Center (760-290-3690) *Mandated Reporters (1800-344-6000) *Child Protective Services (CPS)(1858-560-2191) *Adult Protective Services (APS) (1800-339-4661) **sandiegocounty.gov https://www.stroke.org/en/stroke-groups/stroke--brain-injury-group?utm_source=perplexity [https://www.stroke.org/en/stroke-groups/stroke--brain-injury-group?utm_source=perplexity] https://biausa.org/public-affairs/media/virtual-support-groups?utm_source=perplexity [https://biausa.org/public-affairs/media/virtual-support-groups?utm_source=perplexity] Themes: #ThisIsMeTrying #VicariousTrauma #BurnoutRecovery #HealthcareVoices #SocialWorkMatters #PeerSupport #BrainInjuryAwareness #TBIRecovery #PatientAdvocacy #ListenToPatients #HealthcareReform #InvisibleRecovery #SurvivorVoice #WarriorMindset #HealingOutLoud #LGBTQHealthcare #EquityInHealthcare #TraumaInformedCare #MentalHealthAwareness #ChronicIllnessJourney #DisabilityAdvocacy #HumanCenteredCare #BeyondSurvival #ConsistencyInCare #AfterTheHospital #CommunityHealing #SpeakWithPurpose #PodcastVoices #StoryAsMedicine #HVMMINGBYRD

Engineering Your Life

What does it mean to engineer your life—not for perfection, but for survival, healing, and truth? In this episode, I sit down with a woman engineer whose perspective reshaped how I understand structure, intention, and design—not just in systems, but in how we live, love, and heal. Together, we explore how engineering principles can translate into everyday life: how we build relationships, how we adapt under pressure, and how we create environments that actually support us. This conversation moves through intentional friendships, emotional intimacy, and the awareness we begin carrying from childhood. We talk about how relationships feel in your body—and how choosing who you let close becomes a form of self-respect. Through her lens of engineering and my lived experience of recovery, we connect the dots between structure and softness, logic and emotion, survival and design. We reflect on: * How engineering thinking applies to healing and daily life * Intentional friendships and emotional boundaries * Inner child awareness and re-parenting * Humor as resilience * Holding dual truths at once * Cultural identity, immigration, and navigating professional spaces * Speaking openly during politically heavy times * Designing your physical space (light, temperature, layout) to support recovery * Social media, language, and how the body prioritizes survival We also challenge normalized ideas—from culture to routine—and ask: If you could design a city rooted in healing, culture, and intention… what would it look like? This episode is where engineering meets humanity—where structure meets feeling—and where we begin to see that healing itself is something we can design with care. 🔗 Resources Mentioned * 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (Call or Chat) [https://www.cdc.gov/mental-health/caring/index.html?utm_source=chatgpt.com] → Call or text 988 (24/7, free, confidential) * OSHA Workplace Mental Health Resources [https://www.osha.gov/publications/bytopic/mental-health-%28suicide-prevention%29?utm_source=chatgpt.com] → Mental health guides, workplace stress support, * SAMHSA Cultural & Community-Based Resources * Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) #EngineeringYourLife #WomenInEngineering #HealingJourney #IntentionalLiving #InnerChildHealing #MentalHealthAwareness #TraumaRecovery #EmotionalIntimacy #Resilience #CulturalIdentity #LifeDesign #PodcastHealing engineering your life podcast, intentional friendships, inner child healing, emotional intimacy, trauma recovery, engineering mindset in daily life, women in engineering podcast, mental health and design, immigrant identity, cultural diversity, resilience and humor, nervous system healing, trauma and relationships, life design, healing environments

Hopeful Realism.

This episode is called Hopeful Realism. There was a chapter of my life where everything turned upside down… and somehow, I was still expected to move like nothing happened. People would say, “he’s so lucky,” but they didn’t see the silence I was holding… the confusion, the fear… the moments where my own mind didn’t feel like mine. I was showing up to weddings, to photoshoots— while my brain was fighting something I didn’t even understand yet. A brain abscess. A stroke. Aphasia. Prosopagnosia—face blindness. I remember asking myself… why does everyone look like strangers? Why do I feel like a stranger to myself? The world kept spinning… but I felt completely still. This episode is me putting those pieces together— honoring the version of me who survived it… and finding hope inside something that once felt impossible to understand. Resources/ Books The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science-Norman Doidge M.D. [https://www.amazon.com/Norman-Doidge-M-D/e/B00J91097A/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1]  Don't Believe Everything You Think-Joseph Nguyen [https://www.amazon.com/Joseph-Nguyen/e/B09WQV3GFV/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1] The Brain's Way of Healing: Remarkable Discoveries and Recoveries from the Frontiers of Neuroplasticity-orman Doidge M.D. [https://www.amazon.com/Norman-Doidge-M-D/e/B00J91097A/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1] My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey-Jill Bolte Taylor [https://www.amazon.com/Jill-Bolte-Taylor/e/B001J8ZIJK?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1775504924&sr=1-1]  * Hopeful Realism: Surviving Aphasia, Stroke & Face Blindness * Hopeful Realism | Brain Injury, Identity Loss & Healing * Hopeful Realism: When the World Feels Unfamiliar After Stroke * Hopeful Realism: My Story with Aphasia & Prosopagnosia * #HopefulRealism #BrainInjuryRecovery #AphasiaAwareness #Prosopagnosia #FaceBlindness #StrokeSurvivor #BrainHealth #NeuroRecovery #InvisibleIllness #MentalHealthAwareness #HealingJourney #SurvivorStory #DisabilityAwareness #NeurodivergentVoices #PodcastLife #StorytellingPodcast #RecoveryJourney #ChronicIllness #MindBodyConnection #Resilience

Empathy You Can’t Learn in a Textbook

In this conversation with Victoria an amazing social worker, we speak about the kind of empathy you cannot learn from a textbook. You learn it by living through something that rearranges your entire life. After surviving a stroke and brain surgery, I found myself standing in shoes I never imagined wearing. Suddenly I understood the quiet moments inside hospital rooms, the vulnerability of patients, the strength of caregivers, and the emotional weight carried by those who support healing every day. In this episode we explore: • what empathy truly feels like when you become the patient • the process of unlearning your old self so you can relearn life again • the ego — and how it convinces us we are right instead of inviting us to understand others • why stroke survivors and peer counseling can change recovery in powerful ways • meeting patients exactly where they are in their journey • why every recovery story deserves its own pace and space We also talk about something many people overlook: boundaries. Empathy is powerful, but it cannot become your entire identity. Sometimes healing means stepping indoors, resting, limiting contact, and communicating clearly with the people who support you. Recovery also taught me something unexpected. A stroke forced me to build emotional muscles I never knew I had. In many ways I feel older, wiser, humbled by life — like someone who has lived seventy years of lessons in a shorter amount of time. This conversation is about lived experience, compassion, and honoring the journey of every survivor, caregiver, and healer walking their own path. And sometimes, when life feels beautiful again, remembering to make a wish when the moment arrives — when a blue jay flies by, when a butterfly appears, or when a HVMMINGBYRD crosses your path. Because those moments remind us we are still here. stroke recovery journey stroke survivor story brain surgery recovery empathy in healthcare social worker empathy stroke survivor mental health peer counseling stroke survivors patient centered care caregiver empathy and boundaries healing after stroke living with disability story trauma recovery and resilience #StrokeSurvivor #BrainSurgeryRecovery #EmpathyInHealthcare #PatientCenteredCare #StrokeRecovery #HealingJourney #DisabilityAdvocacy #CaregiverSupport #NeuroRecovery #Socialworker

Remember Being a Kid, So We Don’t Become Mean Adults

In this episode, we talk about remembering what it felt like to be a kid — so we don’t grow into mean adults. We explore the lived experience of being on the autism spectrum without clarity or confirmation, and how not knowing, being misunderstood, and misreading the world can quietly turn into trauma. For many autistic adults, the absence of language, diagnosis, or understanding isn’t neutral — it becomes its own form of PTSD. This conversation moves through autism, PTSD, late-identified neurodivergence, and the emotional weight of growing up misunderstood. We reflect on childhood sensitivity, adult survival, and how staying connected to our younger selves can protect empathy, curiosity, and kindness — even after trauma. This episode is for autistic adults, trauma survivors, late-diagnosed or self-identified individuals, and anyone who has ever felt out of sync with the world but still chose compassion. https://www.abacenters.com/autism-and-ptsd-overlapping-symptoms/?utm_source=chatgpt.com [https://www.abacenters.com/autism-and-ptsd-overlapping-symptoms/?utm_source=chatgpt.com] In the U.S.: Call or text 988 — the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (24/7 free support) https://www.autismspeaks.org/mental-health-resources?utm_source=chatgpt.com [https://www.autismspeaks.org/mental-health-resources?utm_source=chatgpt.com] * #Autism * #PTSD * #Neurodivergent * #MentalHealth * #TraumaHealing * #AutisticAdults * #MentalHealthPodcast * #NeurodivergentPodcast * #PodcastCommunity * #StorytellingForHealing * #CreativeHealing