AFL from LA

Ep.25 - Carlton Win a Nail-Biter, Collingwood Hold off the Dees & More!

https://youtu.be/VZocaFe0Nms AFL weather alert: Orange Tsunami inbound. AFL commentator alert: there are two teams playing, even if one of them is not from Victoria. Welcome back to AFL from LA. I am your host, Cindye, and I am standing outside of the world famous comedy club, The Laugh Factory, where everyone from Jim Carrey to Jerry Seinfeld have performed. COLLINGWOOD V MEBOURNE Sure, the Pies beat Melbourne in the first qualifying final, but the real winner of the game was footy itself, because a true sporting visionary has been confirmed. Simon Goodwin. First, Goody alerted us to the evils of tagging when his star midfielder, Clayton Oliver, was unfairly pantsed by Hawthorn’s Finn Maguniness. A crime against football, really. Now he’s shone a vital light on how footballers must, in a split second, stop mid air, not brace for contact, and must know if the player they might make contact with has ever suffered from a concussion. This is next level thinking, people! It’s not important when Goody said Maynard left the ground and knocked a guy out that he left out the part that Maynard left the ground to smother a kick. Goody sees the game in 4D, like Neo dodging bullets in _The Matrix_! And, Goody pointed out how the Dees beat the Pies in every single statistic. Sure, maybe not on the scoreboard, but that’s not important. I just want to applaud Simon Goodwin for not only being a gracious sport and a visionary, but for having the best interests of our game at heart. Bravo, Goody. I can’t wait to see what bullshit, I mean gems, you come up with next week after your do or die game against Carlton.  CARLTON V SYDNEY Best on ground? Blake Acre’s fingertips. The recruit of the year’s precious digits denied not one, but two goals, sealing a thrilling one goal win for the Blues over the Swans. Psst, Melbourne, if I were you, I would be targeting Acre’s fingertips from the opening bounce this Friday. The Blues Swans final had it all. Blurry score reviews. BT calling it. And players running recklessly into each other’s fists. Come on! What was Jack Martin _supposed_ to do? I really thought the Swans were gonna learn from watching the Dees that bombing it long inside 50 and kicking at 39 percent accuracy wasn’t the game plan to go with. But Longmire’s boys said, [bleep] Cindye! and put it down the Blue’s defenders throats all night, giving Weitering, Marchbank, and Newman a serious case of leather poisoning. _Hello, Newman_. It was the Blues first finals win since 2013, built on the back of contested ball brutality, courtesy of midfield beasts, Cerra, Hewett, and Walsh. And how great was Sexy Saad? Five intercept possessions in the last quarter alone. Opposition fans really need to stop booing him every time he kicks the ball. The Blues go into Friday night’s game without Jack Martin and Big Harry. But the Baggers have the midfield muscle to go toe to toe with the Dees. Plus the firepower up forward to kick a winning score. Can’t say the same for you, Dees. So if I had to make a prediction right here and right now, I’d say the Blues are gonna do something they haven’t done since 1995. Win back to back finals games.  ST. KILDA V GWS The Giants outclassed the Saints and broke the hearts of Channel 7 commentators to win at their 11th different venue this year and set up a semi final showdown against the Power in Adelaide. But let’s keep talking about St. Kilda. Right, Jobe and Luke? Okay, I will. A list full of passengers. A boring, ultra defensive brand of footy. A forward line that regularly goes missing. There was a Giants chant going around the MCG of all places, and they were still reviewing St. Kilda’s season. I thought this was the _Australian_ Football League. Where’s the interstate representation? Can you imagine if the NFL was controlled by, let’s say, Texas. And most of the teams were _in_ Texas. And most of the commentators were _from_ Texas. And the Superbowl was only ever played _in_ Texas. There would be a riot! Okay, deep breath, Cindye. The Giants were awesome and now they are the dark horse of this final series. Adam Kingsley wrote a single sentence on the whiteboard at the beginning of the season. _Why not us_? Jobe, Luke, care to weigh in? Or are you guys still talking about St. Kilda?  BRISBANE V PORT ADELAIDE There was another power outage at the Gabba, and no, I am not talking about the lights. Port Adelaide gave new meaning to insufficient intent in the second half, going down to the Lions by 8 goals in the end. The Pear had no answer to Brisbane’s clearance game, conceding a whopping 81 points from that source, and conceding a season high 67 inside 50s. Sure, scores from clearances were damning, but when the game was up for grabs in the first half, Port kicked 2.5 from set shots and missed another _three_. Full credit to the Briz, though. The Big O was mighty, and Rayner, Dunkley, and Daniher were on fire. But what was even more impressive was the 36, 000 strong GABBA crowd, whose rendition of _Country Roads_ gave me absolute goosebumps. If the grand final was at the GABBA, I would be betting all my Bitcoin on the Lions. Wait, do I still have any Bitcoin left? But it isn’t. So I’m not. And I’m really sorry, Port fans, but I’m really starting to question whether the Power can handle GWS this Saturday. Buckle [00:06:00] up, footy fans. Adelaide Oval is going to be intense.

Ep.23 – Carlton’s Unstoppable Run, West Coast’s Upset of the Year & More!

https://youtu.be/aDzZuQN2M7Q The Sydney Swans are celebrating a fiercely fought, much deserved win over the… Wait, what? The Swans didn’t win? Ben Keays didn’t hit the post? Every angle showed it? Then why wasn’t the decision overturned? But that means the Crows were robbed! Sigh. Welcome back to AFL from LA. I’m your host Cindye, and I’m coming to you from, well, my living room. We’ve been forced inside. Damn you, Hurricane Hillary. And we just had an earthquake.  COLLINGWOOD V BRISBANE Deven Robertson crushed it on Instagram, while his Brisbane Lions teammates crushed the Pies. The Pies and the Lions both sit on 124, while Robertson’s Insta followers are at 32,000 and GROWING. The Pies have lost 3 of their last 4 games. They’ve also conceded 100 plus points in their last 3, something they have not done since 2008. In plain English, I just happened to learn this new word, Colliwobbles. Before you come for me, Magpie Army, I actually learned that from a Carlton fan, who told me, Sure, the Pies had 3 of their best 22 out, but Carlton has been winning with six of their best 22 out. Colliwobbles or not, there’s no denying it’s been a less than stellar month for the Pies. The Lions, on the other hand, have won eight of their last ten. And if they win their next three games at the GABBA, it’s off to the MCG for the big dance. And that right there is the problem. M. C. G. Sorry, Lions fans, but I just don’t see you doing it.  GOLD COAST V CARLTON The Blues are playing finals for the first time in 10 years. The Baggers came from 7 goals down, slathered in more SPF 50 than Ironman Australia, to beat the Suns by 4 points and go 9 in a row! You haven’t done that since 2000! And can we all just hail King Charles? 5 goals, 9 score involvements, the Coleman practically wrapped up, full forward and full back of the year. I mean, did you see that game saving mark? The Curled One has taken his game to a whole new level in 2023. Next year, I’m thinking his own shampoo line and a bicep workout. And George Hewett? Great again. Nic Newman? A lazy 31 touches and 9 intercepts. Hello, Newman. And Mr. Paddy Dow? I mean, his last three games might even have… Sam Walsh looking over his shoulder. Look, the Gasballs were awesome for three quarters. They smashed the Blues in clearances and came so close to snatching those four points. I know you’ve heard that “they’re going to be so great next year” line before, but with a triple premiership coach about to take the reins, a red hot midfield, and a wave of young talent, I think every team’s gonna need an extra layer of SPF 50 next year.  ADELAIDE V SYDNEY The Sydney Swans are buying every lottery ticket available after a goal umpire decided not to use the goal review system that the AFL has so fiercely defended. Adelaide’s final hopes are over because the AFL refuses to correct a mistake. That’s like being fined for speeding when the dash cam shows your car is parked. I don’t even blame the goal umpire. He’s just trying to do his job. I blame the system for being so ridiculously stupid. Ben Keays kicks the goal of his lifetime. Adelaide was celebrating an all time great sporting moment. And the AFL? Eh, they did their signature move. Rolled out the boss to say a few words. Let’s all commend Gil and the boys for their commitment to the past, while the rest of the sporting world embraces 4K, video assistant referees, and advanced goal line technology. Review complete. Looking at these angles, there is insufficient evidence to determine whether the AFL will be stepping into the 21st century anytime soon. Decision on the scoreboard.  SHOUTOUT TO GWS A big, big shout out to the boys in orange. What a performance! Whatever happens next week, I know one thing’s for sure. 2024 is going to be an even bigger, bigger sound. WESTERN BULLDOGS V WEST COAST Harley Reid’s glittering 200 game Brownlow medal winning career at the Eagles is over before it even began. And you know what? I don’t even care! Because my team, the mighty Eagles, beat the odds, beat the critics, and beat the Bulldogs at Marvel Stadium to cause the biggest upset in footy since since Dev Robertson had to put his jumper back on on Friday night. I’m still crying. No, not about the Dev Robertson thing. Simmo, I asked you to give us all a reason to believe that you’re still the man for the job, and that the players were still playing for you, and boy, did you deliver. The Gov was playing on one leg. Oscar kicked 3 while being held together by tape. Tim Kelly burning out of the middle. And Jamie Cripps!I don’t know what was better, his five goals and seven tackles, or him saying you’re still the man for the job in his interview post game. Actually, I think it might have been Simmo’s “we’re trying to tank the game” quip that topped it all. Can’t wait to hear what Kane Cornes has to say now. The only downside from this game, I think, was Elliot Yeo’s injury. Fingers crossed he gets up for Bunga’s and Boots’s farewell games next week. And fingers and toes crossed the board backs you in from here, Simmo. You’re the man who’s taken us to the top. You’re the man who’s kept us together at the bottom. And if there’s anyone who’s earned the right to see this journey through, I think it’s you.

Ep.22 – Collingwood Overcome the Cats, Demons Get Slayed by Carlton & More!

https://youtu.be/akIw0Xuj3zs The only thing that could have been bigger than the Carlton Melbourne game was if the Blues had been playing the Matildas. What a game! 70, 000 at the G, finals like intensity, and more tackles than a Black Friday sale at Kmart. 173. Welcome back to AFL from L. A. I’m your host, Cindye. I’m here on Fairfax Avenue. It was once the home of businesses that catered to the Jewish community. And now it has become the mecca of street wear. But don’t worry, after you get those kicks, you can still go over to Canter’s Deli and get yourself a pastrami on rye. HAWTHORN V BULLDOGS The Hawks are causing more upsets than a dodgy seafood buffet. First, the Pies last weekend, and now the Bulldogs. Are the Hawks the best 16th place team ever? Psst, Sam, can we get you to come and help rebuild the Eagles next year? And is Jai Newcombe the best midseason pickup ever? I’ve never seen anyone break so many tackles. Newcombe racked up 40 touches and 10 goal assists. And went at 85% efficiency. Last year, he polled 12 Brownlow votes. This year, I got a feeling he’s gonna double that. And with him and Will Day in the midfield, I think the Hawks could be eyeing some serious silverware in the next five years. But let’s talk about the Dogs for a sec. What the hell was Tim English doing taking that final kick in? Are you telling me they don’t have a plan for when they’re a kick behind with only a minute to play? To me, Bevo is impossible to work out. He won them a flag in ’16 and got them to the grand final in ’21, but if you ask me what the Dog’s brand is, couldn’t tell ya. The Dogs have their biggest test of the year coming up. The Eagles at Marvel Stadium. Come on, I’m an Eagles fan. If I can’t laugh, I’m gonna cry. Take two. The Dogs have their biggest test of the year coming up, Geelong in Geelong. If they don’t get their act together by then, 2023 is going to be another wasted year for a very talented list. COLLINGWOOD V GEELONG  If you told me that Jezza was going to kick seven and Darcy Moore was going to be out in the first quarter, I would have easily put a hundy on the Cats. And if you would have told me that two of Jezza’s goals were going to come from umpire howlers, I would have shrugged and said, sounds about right. How did those umps not see those? And how did Murphy and Maynard not get cited for dissent? Oh, that’s right, because dissent is dead. The Pies ended their long suffering two game losing streak to all but wrap up the minor premiership for the first time in 12 years. But things were looking shaky in the first. The Pies, who concede on average 28 points per game from stoppages, conceded 32 in the first quarter alone. But led by Josh Daicos, Lipinski, and Adams, the Pies came storming back, booting a blistering 6 in the third, and maintaining a pressure rating of 200. Alright, who’s gonna tell me what the hell that means? Seriously, what does it mean? In plain English, the Pies laid 65 tackles up to three quarter time. They killed the Cats on transition, and forced more errors than your dad trying to use FaceTime. The Cats look cooked to me, while the Pies are still the team to beat. And with their last two games against the Lions and the Bombers, there’s not a chance in hell they’re losing first place from here.  CARLTON V MELBOURNE That’s eight in a row for the Baggers, who have now almost, almost, secured a spot in the finals. Cripps and Hewett? Absolutely huge. Paddy Dow? Probably his best game ever. And Charlie? With those two goals, he’s got one hand on the Coleman. The Dees fans are screaming about that score review, but one decision does not make a game of footy. And the Blues played well enough to be in front with 40 seconds to go, so… What’s most impressive about the Blues is that they’ve now beaten Collingwood, Melbourne, Port, and the Eagles. Vossy’s got his boys humming at exactly the right time. And with two winnable games coming up, the Prosecco might just be ready to pop on Lygon Street.  SHOUTOUTS A quick shout out to Port Adelaide. You guys took a few weeks off from footy domination, but you’re back and you certainly reminded everyone why you’re a top four team. And crosstown rivals, Adelaide, you guys almost had the Lions at the Gabba. Talk about South Australian football.  WEST COAST V FREMANTLE West Australian authorities are concerned about a new wave of sadomasochism, after 51, 000 Eagles fans turned out yet again for another 100 point whipping. It was the Eagles 5th loss by more than 100 points this season, and their 10th by more than 10 goals. The Minister of Health has confirmed that there is a rehabilitation package in the works, but warned it could take three to five years to prove effective. Seriously, Eagles? Over an 80 minute period, you conceded 17 unanswered goals, 40 less inside 50s, 30 less contested possessions, and all against the 14th place team, at home! Let me break down what that means. Zero effort. Simmo, I backed you in all year. I cut you slack with the injury crisis. And I’ve acknowledged that the team is in a rebuild. But something stinks in Eagle Land. Please give me, and the 50, 000 fans who keep showing up at Optus, a reason to believe that the players aren’t going to turn their toes up again. That they’re still playing for you. And that you’re still the man for the job. Because right now, it’s getting really hard to find one.

Ep.21 - Carlton Go 7 Straight, the Eagle's “Winning” Loss & More!

https://youtu.be/8J60o1dcSPM I felt horrible hearing the news about Nick’s injury. Six weeks out is going to put a dent in Collingwood’s premiership chances and rob us all of seeing a young superstar on the park. I’m wishing you a speedy recovery, Nick. And here’s a memo to all AFL commentators. Maybe now you can ease up on all the non stop Nick talk. He’s a generational talent and a humble young man. But you’re only going to make the neutrals resent him with all your non stop coverage. Give the kid a break.  Welcome back to AFL from LA. I’m your host, Cindye. I finally made it to the Griffith Observatory. Famous movies such as Rebel Without a Cause, The Terminator, and La La Land were filmed here. WESTERN BULLDOGS V RICHMOND The Bulldog’s 55 point victory was their biggest of the year, their biggest over the Tigers in 13 years, and the biggest snoozefest I’ve had to sit through since _The Flash_. Seriously, what’s up with the Tigers and Marvel Stadium? They show up about as often as Harold Holt at a beach party. Is it that grueling eight minute drive? In the first quarter alone, they conceded 9 goals. I mean, even Rory Lobb scored a point. Have to give full credit to the Bulldogs, though. They came back fighting after their loss to the Giants last week. Hi, Tobes. With Libba continuing his career best season, and the Bont reminding everyone whose name is going to be etched on the Brownlow. Take it easy, Pies fans. I heard plenty from you guys last week after my comments on the fixturing. The Tigers are now languishing in 13. And, wait for it, they play the Saints next week at Marvel Stadium. Not sure how Tigers fans are feeling about having to revisit the dreaded Docklands next week, but I have a sneaky suspicion that the Saints fans are thinking they have a real chance.  ESSENDON V EAGLES Eagles fans have never been more relieved to lose a game by one point. North Melbourne fans, on the other hand, are crying in their beers. Yes, the Eagles snatched Harley Reid from the jaws of victory against the Bombers at Marvel Stadium. Apart from the lousy second quarter, where the Dons kicked six goals to two, Simmo’s boys booted more goals than their opponents, laid more tackles inside 50, but lost the free kick count 22 to 12. Take your pick for which was the worst non decision. Noah Long being taken out in front of goal? Oscar Allen being blocked in the dying moments? Or how about that ball up that went straight to the Bomber’s ruck and resulted in the winning goal? I know footy’s hard to umpire, and I know it’s a thankless job, but they’ve got four of them out there now, and they’re still having a worse season than the Eagles. A big shout out to Elliot Yeo, who was a rock in defense during the last quarter. And Tim Kelly, who’s 30 disposals, 5 clearances, and 7 score involvements, practically sealed him for this year’s B&F. And how about those baby Eagles? Hewett, Chesser, Long, Maric. Just 40 games between them, but you can already feel what the next 40 are going to be like. Combine that with West Coast’s hand at this year’s draft, and the return of guys like Liam Ryan, Jai Culley, and Jamaine Jones next year, I’m forecasting sunnier skies and anything but an 18th place finish next year for the Blue and Gold.  HAWTHORN V COLLINGWOOD It was a bold decision by the Pies not to play a midfield against the Hawks, with Sam Mitchell’s boys winning center clearances by an incredible 18 3. I don’t know who was more impressive. Newcombe, Worpel, and Day in the center? Sicily down back? Breust and Lewis up front? Finn Maginness for his job on Nick Daicos. Finn clung to the superstar like glad wrap, allowing him just five touches for the game. Two of which came from free kicks and one from a kick in. The Pies have the Cats and the Lions at home, both of which they should win, and which will secure them top spot. The Hawks are still likely to finish bottom four, but if ever there was a coach, a midfield, a key defender and a fast game style to get excited about next year, it’s the Hawks. SHOUTOUTS Shout out to the Swans for a hard fought victory at the Battle of the Bridge in the wet. GWS, you could have won it if you kicked straight. Just saying. And to Freo, so close, my friends, so close.  ST. KILDA V CARLTON Ross the Boss got smacked with a loss, making Voss the Boss and taking the Blues one step closer to making finals for the first time in a decade. That’s seven in a row for the Baggers, something they haven’t done since the 2000 Olympics. And it was with six of their best 22 out. And Charlie being held to just one goal. The game was a tale of two halves. The Saints dominated the first, out tackling the Blues 52-33, and converting their chances. But the Blues got to work in the second, to kick 7.9 to, wait for it, 1.4. That’s ten points in a half a footy. What the hell happened, Ross? I’ll tell you what happened. Cripps, Hewitt, Hollands. The Blues monstered stoppages, 22 clearances to 8, and moved the ball like it was on fire. And can we just give Nic Newman All Australian already? Hello, Newman. This was a growth game for the Blues. They would have folded earlier in the year. But now they’re digging deep and finding ways to win. Which is something only legit teams can do. They’ve got the Dees next week at the G, which should bring the entire city to an absolute standstill. The Saints, on the other hand, play the Tigers, Geelong, and Brisbane. I’d say their spot in the top eight is wearing thinner than Eric Bana’s patience for another Saint’s Premiership. Hi, Eric.

Ep.20 - Carlton Crush Collingwood, Adelaide Overpower Port & More!

https://youtu.be/jMDrNAIog0M The Giants are sixth, the Blues are seventh, and the Eagles won! What the hell is going on?! Welcome back to AFL from LA. I’m your host, Cindye. I am standing here on the Sunset Strip, across the street from the Whisky A Go Go. Everyone from The Doors, to Led Zeppelin, to Guns N Roses have played there. And as you might be able to see, Tim McGraw is doing a private concert there next month.  COLLINGWOOD V CARLTON No Walshie, Kennedy, Silvagni, Harry, or Cerra for a half. No worries! The Blues said hold our beers this time while we beat a full strength Collingwood at the G in front of 85, 000. The Baggers would not be denied. Led by superstar forward and part time shampoo model, Charlie Curnow, who kicked six straight. I mean, he’s scoring more than Harry Styles at an after party. And I think the Blues have now unveiled the blueprint of how to beat the Pies. Fast corridor footy. Relentless heat around the contest. And tagging superstar Nick Daicos. I thought Jack Martin was brilliant. While Newman, Doc, and Sexy Saad were generals down back. And the Blues midfield owned the contest. For the Pies, I loved Howe’s move up forward. And Billy Elliot’s mark was a screamer. But other than McStay and Markov, the rest of the Magpies went missing. The Pies have been the benchmark team this year, but they’ve also been outplayed in large patches. And with two of their remaining games being played away. Wait, both of their away games are at the MCG? How can that be? And they don’t leave Melbourne again this year? I think we just found another blueprint for the Pie’s success! Getting to play 14 games at the MCG!  GEELONG V FREMANTLE In a touching tribute to Kane Cornes, Alex Pearce played the captain’s game of his life to lead Freo to their second straight win against the Cats in Catland. My sources tell me that Peter Bell is currently at AFL House trying to get Freo’s last four games played in Geelong. The Dockers snapped their four game losing streak by bringing back their star recruit, Pressure. It was Pearce, I mean fierce, and it was for four quarters. They shut down Geelong’s entries and locked the ball inside forward 50 like rabid madmen. Oh, and did you see that goal by Fast Freddy in the pocket? The Purple Ones have now beaten Melbourne, Sydney, and Geelong on the road, proving that their best is good enough to beat just about anyone, anywhere. Losing Mundy and Fife from the midfield has been significant. But being the second youngest list in the comp, I think consistency is just around the corner.  WESTERN BULLDOGS V GWS Seven wins in a row for the Giants for the first time in club history. And it’s nine wins in nine different venues this year. They were six goals down against their arch rivals at the Ballarat Kennel without their star midfielder, Tom Green, again, and they came back to win by a kick. I don’t know how my neighbors didn’t call the cops. The game was on in the middle of the night, and the amount of screaming coming out of my living room was ridiculous. I thought the Giants were dead at halftime. Yeah, Cal Ward had gone to The Bont and shut him down. But Libba and Treloar were still running riot. But something happened in the third. Some 5 foot 11, 84 kilo, hashtag superstar named Toby Greene. Just give them the All Australian captaincy now. But they won’t do that, will they? I loved the way he could barely breathe during the interview after the game. At the other end, Sam Taylor once again demonstrated why he’s the best defender in the game. While Buckley, Whitfield, Toby 2, and Haynes were all rock stars. Sarcasm alert. Thanks, AFL, for scheduling the Dockers game at the same time as GWS’s game. Hashtag winning move. Also, hashtag winning move to Luke Beveridge, who shifted Rory Lobb into defense instead of Aaron Naughton. Psst, Bevo. In case you didn’t know, Aaron Naughton used to play in the backline, while Rory Lobb… is Rory Lobb.  SHOUTOUTS My little baby Eagles! I’m so proud! I even shed a tear! I cried! And a huge shout out to the Suns! Did you guys roast the Lions or what?! Well done, Gasballs! Well done!  ADELAIDE V PORT ADELAIDE What happened? Tex happened. It was the Crows first double showdown win since 2017. They smoked their arch enemy by eight goals, with the Big Tex equaling the showdown record of seven goals. Tex is about to have his biggest season ever, sitting on 61 goals after round 20. The only question now… which Tex is the best vintage? 2023? 2017? Or 2012? Fellow veteran Matt Crouch wound back the clock, slaying Port’s mids with his 32 touches, 15 contested, and 12 clearances, while captain fantastic, Dawson, racked up 34 disposals and nine score involvements. Port looked flat from the start, bringing little heat and making too many errors. They bombed it long inside 50 and just hoped for the best. The Crows sit in 12th, but they’ve beaten Brisbane, Port, and taken Melbourne to within a kick, and taken Collingwood to within a kick _twice_. They’ve almost always brought four quarters of heart and soul footy. And while they might not crack finals for 2023, 2024 promises to be big. I’m excited. For the power, I’m not worried. They’ve more than established their credentials. Their game next week against the Cats in Geelong should be a ripper. Then hosting the Australian Globetrotters, GWS, should be even bigger. God, I love this game.