Cleave: The Podcast

Episode 59. Q&A Part 2 | Reconciliation Without Accountability?

Description Can reconciliation happen if someone refuses to acknowledge what they did? In Part 2 of this Q&A conversation, we talk about what reconnecting should look like after no contact, especially when the other person refuses to admit wrongdoing or take accountability. We also address the belief that family estrangement is always caused by Satan or evil forces trying to destroy families — and why that idea can sometimes be used to pressure people back into unhealthy systems. In this episode, we discuss reconciliation, accountability, forgiveness, family estrangement, spiritual manipulation, red flags, green flags, and how to seek God with real intent. If you missed Part 1, we recommend starting there first. Join us for the Christlike Boundaries Workshop [https://www.leavethencleave.com/christlike-boundaries-workshop] on June 30th: Get Christlike Boundaries on Amazon [https://www.amazon.com/CHRISTLIKE-BOUNDARIES-Truthfully-Betraying-Entrusted/dp/B0H1N9ZMW4/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.IB3qz1SGFgrq2lkDYoqcuw.dk_RhMhPk0svqD5juAzyGh2jMx8cJGZ3kX5ih4QuAU0&qid=1778796198&sr=8-1]. Or... read the first chapter for FREE. Click here. [https://www.leavethencleave.com/christlike-boundaries-free-chapter]

Episode 58. Q&A Part 1 | Honoring Parents Without Enabling Dysfunction

Description What does it really mean to honor your parents as an adult — especially when the relationship has become painful, controlling, or unhealthy? In Part 1 of this Q&A conversation, we talk about the difference between childhood obedience and adult honor, why boundaries are not dishonor, and how to navigate family relationships when peace requires truth. We also answer a tender question: What do you do when parents who have gone no contact suddenly want to reconnect after finding out you’re pregnant? In this episode, we discuss honoring parents, family dysfunction, boundaries, no contact, reconnection, protecting your marriage, and what healthy rebuilding should actually look like. Join us for the Christlike Boundaries Workshop [https://www.leavethencleave.com/christlike-boundaries-workshop] on June 30th Get Christlike Boundaries on Amazon. [https://www.amazon.com/CHRISTLIKE-BOUNDARIES-Truthfully-Betraying-Entrusted/dp/B0H1N9ZMW4/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.IB3qz1SGFgrq2lkDYoqcuw.dk_RhMhPk0svqD5juAzyGh2jMx8cJGZ3kX5ih4QuAU0&qid=1778796198&sr=8-1] or download the first chapter for FREE! Click here [https://www.leavethencleave.com/christlike-boundaries-free-chapter].

Episode 57. We Don’t Talk About Bruno: Encanto, Family Trauma & The Scapegoat Story

Was Encanto really about magic… or was it about family trauma? In this episode of Leave Then Cleave, Jon and Ashley unpack Disney’s Encanto through the lens of family systems, generational trauma, scapegoating, emotional roles, truth-telling, and healing. Why did We Don’t Talk About Bruno resonate with so many people? Why did Mirabel feel so familiar to those raised in emotionally complicated families? And what happens when one person in the family starts noticing the “cracks” everyone else wants to ignore? Together, we explore: • Abuela and generational trauma — how unhealed pain becomes family culture • Mirabel as the truth teller — and why truth tellers often become scapegoats • Bruno and estrangement — why families sometimes exile the person who sees too much • Luisa, parentification & pressure — the burden of being “the strong one” • Isabella and perfectionism — the hidden pain of the golden child • Family homeostasis — why systems resist change, even when they’re hurting people • Healing after dysfunction — what Encanto surprisingly gets right about repair If you’ve ever felt like the one who saw the cracks… the one asking hard questions… or the one who became “the problem” for telling the truth, this episode is for you. Topics discussed: Family trauma, family systems theory, scapegoat child, emotional immaturity, toxic family dynamics, Christian healing, estrangement, truth tellers, parentification, golden child dynamics, boundaries, generational healing, emotional health, Encanto explained. 📘 Grab our new book, Christlike Boundaries and more on on our website www.leavethencleave.com [www.leavethencleave.com] 🎙️ Subscribe to Leave Then Cleave for honest conversations on faith, family systems, boundaries, healing, marriage, and emotional health. We are so grateful you are here! Also find us on social @leave_then_cleave (instagram, tiktok and facebook!)

Episode 56. Love Is Not Compliance: The First Truth of Christlike Boundaries

For many Christians, the hardest part of setting a boundary is not the boundary itself. It is the guilt. The fear that saying no means you are selfish. The fear that needing space means you are unforgiving. The fear that limiting access means you are dishonoring your family. The fear that protecting your marriage, your home, your peace, or your children somehow means you are failing to love like Jesus. That is exactly why we wrote Christlike Boundaries. In this special episode, Jon reads the introduction and Chapter 1 of Christlike Boundaries, the new book from Jon and Ashley Lefrandt. Chapter 1, “Love Is Not Compliance,” begins with the core truth every Christian needs before they can understand boundaries clearly: love is not proven by endless availability, emotional over-responsibility, or keeping everyone comfortable. Jesus was perfectly loving, but He was not compliant. He was merciful, but He was not manipulated. He was peaceful, but He did not preserve false peace. He was full of grace and truth. If you have ever wondered, “Can I set boundaries and still be Christlike?” this episode — and this book — were created for you. Buy Christlike Boundaries on Amazon [https://us.amazon.com/CHRISTLIKE-BOUNDARIES-Truthfully-Betraying-Entrusted/dp/B0H1N9ZMW4/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0]. Listen, reflect, and ask yourself: Where have I mistaken compliance for love? For more resources and to stay connected, check out our Website: www.leavethencleave.com or find us on Instagram, Tiktok and Facebook @leave_then_cleave !

55. How to Recognize the Fruits of True Repentance

How can you tell if someone has truly repented? In this episode of Leave Then Cleave, Jon and Ashley talk about one of the most confusing dynamics in faith-based families: when someone claims repentance but refuses accountability, repair, or honest conversation about the harm they caused. Using Christ’s teaching that “by their fruits ye shall know them,” they explore the difference between true repentance and counterfeit repentance, godly sorrow and image management, discernment and judgment, forgiveness and restored trust. This conversation is not about becoming the judge of someone’s soul. It is about learning to recognize fruit: humility, confession, restitution, changed behavior, concern for those harmed, and a willingness to become safe. For anyone who has been told, “I already repented, so you need to move on,” or “That is between me and God,” this episode offers language, clarity, and a Christ-centered framework for discerning whether repentance has actually produced change. Learn more at leavethencleave.com [www.leavethencleave.com].