What Your Jealousy Is Actually Telling You

What Your Jealousy Is Actually Telling You

Are some people just wired for jealousy, with no hope of changing, or is it actually the check engine light for your relationship? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell discuss Psychology with Dr. Ana's YouTube video, "Turns Out Jealousy Isn't Always a You Problem." The video reveals research that suggests nearly 40% of jealousy may be driven by relationship dynamics rather than individual personality traits. Harris gets to dust off his English degrees as they talk about the difference between jealousy and envy, and why it's an important distinction to make. They also dig into attachment styles, how insecurity and relationship instability fuel jealousy, and why most of the internet gives truly terrible relationship advice. And between the tangents about Masters of the Universe and psychology deep cuts, they tackle: * Whether a relationship can survive cheating * Why people cheat (and why that's different from excusing cheating) * Adult content and the panic around whether it's cheating * Why polyamorous people get jealous too * How to communicate difficult emotions without blame If you've convinced yourself you're doomed to an anxious or avoidant attachment style, or that you'll always be jealous when your partner talks to someone else, give this episode a listen. Time Stamps 00:00 - Intro and the least subtle transition to jealousy ever 01:21 - Jealousy in non-monogamy 07:05 - Jealousy vs. envy 10:18 - Today's video: "Turns Out Jealousy Isn't Always a You Problem" 12:53 - Emotional jealousy vs cognitive jealousy explained 16:08 - Why men reported higher levels of cognitive jealousy 18:10 - Jealousy as a relationship signal 22:02 - Questions to ask yourself when jealousy shows up 24:18 - Rejection-sensitive dysphoria and fear of abandonment 25:09 - Can relationships recover after cheating? 34:19 - What unmet needs can teach us about infidelity 40:24 - Values, accountability, and understanding why cheating happens 41:26 - Emotional intelligence skills we all need to learn 42:33 - A polyamory case study: when jealousy points to a real problem 47:05 - Attachment styles and relationship dynamics 52:58 - Why emotional intelligence should be taught in schools 54:20 - Building secure attachment in relationships 56:12 - Why most of the internet gives terrible relationship advice 01:02:53 - How to have difficult conversations without blame 01:06:15 - The shame of talking about your desires 01:09:59 - What helps people work through jealousy 01:14:11 - Final thoughts: jealousy is a normal emotion 01:15:10 - Outro and where to find Dr. Liz and Harris Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]

The Secret Ingredient to Better Intimacy?

Have you ever thought about how much saliva affects intimacy? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley are joined by Marcin (he/him), founder of Twinkle Tongue, a saliva enhancement product designed to support their body's natural saliva production for a more satisfying and fun bedroom experience. Together, they discuss two Reddit posts, one from a woman whose headgame is literally dry, and someone else who's really, really into spit and interested in hearing other people's perspectives. Plus, we're excited to announce our first-ever podcast giveaway! Thanks to Twinkle Tongue, listeners can enter for a chance to win free product and experience the magic for themselves. 🎁 Enter for a chance to win here: https://gleam.io/BOOPO/twinkle-tongue-giveaway Prepare yourself for: * What ADHD meds, Burning Man, and recreational substances have in common * Cursed playlists and roommate escapades * A thoughtful discussion as to whether Mao or Marx would give good head * A reminder that receiving feedback in the bedroom is just as important as giving it This episode jumps into the delightful Reddit rabbit hole of intimacy and offers a chaotic look at something most people never think about until they have to. Who is Marcin, and what is Twinkle Tongue? Marcin founded Twinkle Tongue after his own experiences with dry mouth in college and Burning Man to naturally enhance saliva production in a portable, easy-to-use product. Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome and guest introduction 01:05 - Dry mouth and the search for a solution 03:04 - How Burning Man led to the beginning of Twinkle Tongue 05:20 - The science behind saliva optimization 10:30 - Common misconceptions about saliva enhancement 11:45 - Dr. Liz's experiences with Twinkle Tongue 14:24 - Dry mouth outside of the bedroom: medications, health, and quality of life 17:54 - Twinkle Tonue giveaway announcement 19:00 - Reddit post #1: "Dry mouth is ruining my game" 21:45 - Dry mouth, pleasure, and common "solutions" 25:40 - Medical treatments and dry mouth management 28:28 - Communication, assumptions, and feedback in the bedroom 31:40 - Silent partners and roommate stories 39:52 - What dry playtime actually feels like 44:18 - Reddit post #2: "Anyone else really into spit?" 45:12 - Why spit can be so erotic for folks 50:25 - The psychology of sharing saliva 53:20 - Kissing compatibility and making out 57:54 - Why saliva matters in intimacy 01:00:30 - Dry mouth, lubrication, and how our bodies respond 01:04:10 - Anxiety, communication, and confidence in the bedroom 01:06:25 - How to talk about intimacy without making it weird 01:10:30 - Giving and receiving feedback effectively in the bedroom 01:13:48 - Giveaway reminder and where to find Twinkle Tongue 01:15:25 - Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz Connect with Twinkle Tonue https://twinkletongue.com/ [https://twinkletongue.com/] https://www.instagram.com/twinkletongue/ [https://www.instagram.com/twinkletongue/] https://www.tiktok.com/@twinkletongue [https://www.tiktok.com/@twinkletongue] https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100081513310480 [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100081513310480] Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]

What Do Men Do When Women Don't "Need" Them?

Does a woman earning more than a man in a relationship make you feel some type of way? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley jump right into The Guardian's article, "Single women are buying more houses. The men they are dating are not responding well," and talk about what happens when women are no longer forced into needing men for financial security, and why some men are responding to that reality very, very badly. Along the way, Harris and Liz explore the ways in which men are really struggling right now (and why women aren't the problem), how capitalism makes everything worse, and what it would actually take to become the kind of man who can celebrate his partner's success as he would his own. Stay tuned for: * A much-needed deconstruction of the Man Box™ * How Fight Club predicted the manosphere * Why you're not competing with other daters; you're competing with Dungeon Crawler Carl * A deep dive into the 1988 Tom Cruise movie, Cocktail It doesn't matter whether you're buying a house, dating someone who owns one, or just happy you got the rent paid last month; we've got the research, the psychological insight, obscure movie references, and the relationship advice you need. And when you're done listening, check out this article on the Man Box and how to deconstruct harmful or limiting beliefs on masculinity: https://www.nextgenmen.ca/blog/deconstructing-the-man-box [https://www.nextgenmen.ca/blog/deconstructing-the-man-box] Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome and introductions 00:47 - The Guardian: "Single women are buying more houses" 01:49 - Do men actually want independent women? 05:45 - How Fight Club prophesied the manosphere 07:28 - Why social change is always met with backlash 10:43 - The conservative shift of Gen Z men 14:47 - Are men falling behind, or are women just finally allowed to catch up? 16:28 - Capitalism is the problem 19:27 - Privilege and the ability to handle setbacks 23:49 - The divide between what men think women want vs what they actually want 24:41 - Bay Area real estate 29:22 - The lie of "I love independent women" 30:40 - Are your circumstances unattractive or your attitude toward your circumstances 37:25 - What is the modern paradigm of straight relationships? 39:28 - If being treated like a woman feels bad, what does that say? 41:12 - Research on breanwinner anxiety and men's stress 44:42 - Men do have problems they need to solve 47:42 - The "Man Box" 51:00 - The unending concern of men getting less "manly" 55:02 - The 4B movement 57:51 - Online dating sucks now 01:00:45 - Being wanted vs being needed 01:02:33 - Tradwives and sacrificing autonomy 01:05:37 - The power dynamic of moving into someone's established space 01:08:54 - It's okay to live separately 01:13:55 - You're not competing with other men, you're competing with Dungeon Crawler Carl 01:14:40 - Read more, go to therapy 01:15:23 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod]

How Misogyny Ruins Relationships

We have a question for you: Do you actually want a partner, or are you just looking for someone to call your girlfriend? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell share two Reddit stories that reveal just how much the manosphere has poisoned modern dating, and the actual work it takes to build and maintain healthy, happy relationships. First up is a man who leaves his wife of 20 years for a 20-something, only to realize that putting zero work and effort into a relationship will only ever result in failure. Then, Dr. Liz and Harris tackle an absurd ultimatum: a boyfriend demands that his girlfriend laser all her body hair to "prove she'll sacrifice for the relationship." They're sure you can guess how much he's willing to sacrifice for her… Highlights of the episode: * The male loneliness narrative * Why Harris considers himself more of a badger than a bear * Some mutual venting about how much shaving sucks The bottom line is that healthy relationships take effort. And if you don't have good intentions, trust, and mutual respect, your relationship troubles will be sure to follow you. Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome to the show 00:40 - Weather, capitalism, and Bay Area rent 04:00 - First Reddit story: "My ex-wife predicted my future" 06:00 - Leaving a long marriage for a younger partner 09:00 - Why relationships stagnate 12:20 - Relationship maintenance and emotional labor 16:30 - Small acts of care to keep relationships strong 19:30 - Midlife crises and aging anxiety 24:20 - Why large age-gap relationships can struggle 27:00 - Dating dynamics in poly and kink communities 29:30 - The "no communication for a week" dating problem 31:00 - Accountability and the consequences of cheating 34:30 - Divorce, grief, and relief 35:30 - Do men still learn romance from culture? 37:00 - The manosphere, misogyny, and the male loneliness narrative 40:40 - Why male friendships and emotional vulnerability matter 44:20 - Second Reddit story: "Laser remove your body hair, or I'm out" 47:00 - Why ultimatums are a huge red flag 50:30 - Complicated feelings around body hair 58:40 - The breakup and escape plan 01:02:30 - Meltdowns and harassment 01:07:00 - Sacrifice vs equity in relationships 01:09:00 - Why couples need regular relationship check-ins 01:11:00 - Relationship skills everyone should learn 01:12:40 - Men: learn to cook to improve your dating life 01:13:45 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris 01:14:50 - Closing thoughts #drnerdlove #drlizpowell #doaswesaypod #datingpodcast #relationshippodcast #datingredflags #reddit #redditstories #redditreadings #redditrelationshipadvice #redditstorytime #misogny Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]

Polyamory Won't Fix Your Relationship, but It Sure Will Expose It

What happens when people open a relationship without unpacking everything monogamy taught them first? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell sit down with Kristen VanKlootwyk, psychotherapist and co-creator of The Non Monogamy Card Game, to talk about the communication that doesn't always happen in poly relationships…but really should. Then, they discuss two struggling Redditors: one man who's struggling to find dates when his wife isn't, and a woman who said yes to opening a relationship to make her husband happy, but now she's miserable. Highlights of the episode: * How you can improve your relationship communication with The Non-Monogamy Card Game * Healthy communication in poly relationships will help you gain a Jedi-like sense of self-awareness * Why polyamory isn't just about balancing multiple relationships, but also your self-care and personal needs * Old people are getting busy, and that's GREAT 😉 * A loving reminder of what boundaries are, and why it's your job to enforce them Polyamorous or monogamous, communication, emotional processing, and boundary setting are all necessary skills to build relationships that work for everyone involved. So open up your notes app and get ready for all the resources, gentle reminders, and nerdy metaphors you need to create relationships that truly bring you joy. Who is Kristen VanKlootwyk, and what is The Non Monogamy Card Game? Kristen VanKlootwyk is a psychotherapist who, along with their good friend Ayala, set out to create a resource to help friends and clients ask the right questions and engage with their partners to build strong poly relationships. After developing 150 foundational and developmental questions, they released The Non Monogamy Card Game as a versatile resource to help guide and facilitate meaningful conversations. Time Stamps 00:00 - Introducing Dr. Liz, Harris, and Kristen 01:25 - Addressing the hate comments 03:57 - What is The Non Monogamy Card Game? 06:50 - Expectations of polyamory vs the reality 08:15 - Jealousy vs compersion and emotional processing 12:10 - Late-stage capitalism and changing relationship structures 13:38 - Neurodivergence and geek culture in non-traditional relationships 16:56 - Scheduling and emotional labor in polyamory 18:55 - The most important relationship questions people forget to ask 24:00 - The importance of communication in any relationship structure 26:51 - Cultural conditioning around monogamy 29:03 - Ageism, fatphobia, and stereotypes in poly communities 33:35 - Insecurity in opening relationships 39:14 - Reddit story #1: a man struggles to find dates when his wife doesn't 41:54 - Why women are hesitant to date men 45:12 - Connect with people in the non-monogamy community 47:20 - How to bring up that you're poly in a conversation 54:01 - Why do you want to try polyamory? 01:00:51 - Slow dating might help build better connections 01:06:11 - What is being poly about? 01:09:58 - Reddit story #2: my husband is poly, but I don't think I am 01:16:31 - Love has nothing to do with compatibility 01:19:04 - Attachment wounds, boundaries, and acceptance 01:26:00 - It's okay to grow apart 01:29:40 - How willing are you to accept reality? 01:51:44 - What is a boundary? 01:57:36 - Where to find The Non Monogamy Card Game 01:58:37 - Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]