Do As We Say, Not As They Did

Love Isn't Enough to Make a Relationship Work

Is there a secret formula for healthy, conflict-free relationships? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley have an insightful yap session about why so many people approach dating and relationships like they're trying to solve a logic puzzle, and why that often creates more frustration than it solves. From clients who expect their therapists to "fix them" to people who would do anything to avoid the friction that comes with being around other people, Harris and Liz have a lot to say about what it means to be vulnerable, the necessity of doing hard things, and how therapy is most effective. Highlights of the episode: * Liz's love for Couples Therapy (you should totally add it to your watchlist!) * Why love isn't enough to sustain a relationship * Breaking up is not failing!!! * Harris' boomer opinion about technology…but he's not wrong 😉 Everyone wants the perfect dating advice or script to say, and while Liz and Harris can't promise that, they can promise thoughtful discussion and practical tips to help you nurture healthy relationships. Time Stamps 00:00 - Intro and welcome 00:45 - People who don't see therapists as human 02:20 - Why understanding why you do something isn't enough to change 03:35 - The biggest myth TV teaches us about therapy 04:20 - Therapists pay attention to how you relate to them as a person 06:15 - Looking for the "right words" instead of real connection 07:30 - Changing your appearance won't fix deeper insecurities 08:00 - How watching Couples Therapy exposes relationship pitfalls 11:30 - Why people search for loopholes instead of accountability 15:56 - Why so many people want therapy to "fix" their partner 17:35 - Couples therapy isn't appropriate for abusive relationships 19:25 - How manipulative people can pull therapists into unhealthy dynamics 21:20 - "The yogurt isn't the problem" and seeing the bigger picture 23:10 - Dating while neurodivergent 25:00 - Why pretending to be someone else hurts future relationships 26:30 - Objecting to a marriage 29:10 - Love isn't enough to make people compatible 30:40 - Waiting for someone to change vs. accepting reality 32:10 - Why we stay in relationships long after we should leave 34:10 - Healthy relationships can end and still be successful 35:30 - It's okay to be the "villain" in someone else's story 38:55 - You can't control how other people feel about you 40:05 - Clean endings hurt less than prolonged suffering 40:55 - Technology has lowered our tolerance for discomfort 42:45 - Conflict already exists, you don't create it by speaking up 44:00 - Learning to tolerate friction in relationships 46:15 - Generational differences, boredom, and resilience 50:22 - There is no perfect relationship formula 52:10 - The limits of logic in relationships 54:00 - The Imago exercise from Cultivating Connections 57:20 - ADHD, executive dysfunction, and why "lazy" isn't the whole story 1:00:30 - Everyone wants to be understood first 1:02:00 - Dating doesn't need more buzzwords 1:04:40 - Purity culture, loopholes, and relationship myths 1:06:00 - Growing up through moral panics 1:09:45 - Final dating takeaways and relationship recommendations 1:13:30 - Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]

What Your Jealousy Is Actually Telling You

Are some people just wired for jealousy, with no hope of changing, or is it actually the check engine light for your relationship? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell discuss Psychology with Dr. Ana's YouTube video, "Turns Out Jealousy Isn't Always a You Problem." The video reveals research that suggests nearly 40% of jealousy may be driven by relationship dynamics rather than individual personality traits. Harris gets to dust off his English degrees as they talk about the difference between jealousy and envy, and why it's an important distinction to make. They also dig into attachment styles, how insecurity and relationship instability fuel jealousy, and why most of the internet gives truly terrible relationship advice. And between the tangents about Masters of the Universe and psychology deep cuts, they tackle: * Whether a relationship can survive cheating * Why people cheat (and why that's different from excusing cheating) * Adult content and the panic around whether it's cheating * Why polyamorous people get jealous too * How to communicate difficult emotions without blame If you've convinced yourself you're doomed to an anxious or avoidant attachment style, or that you'll always be jealous when your partner talks to someone else, give this episode a listen. Time Stamps 00:00 - Intro and the least subtle transition to jealousy ever 01:21 - Jealousy in non-monogamy 07:05 - Jealousy vs. envy 10:18 - Today's video: "Turns Out Jealousy Isn't Always a You Problem" 12:53 - Emotional jealousy vs cognitive jealousy explained 16:08 - Why men reported higher levels of cognitive jealousy 18:10 - Jealousy as a relationship signal 22:02 - Questions to ask yourself when jealousy shows up 24:18 - Rejection-sensitive dysphoria and fear of abandonment 25:09 - Can relationships recover after cheating? 34:19 - What unmet needs can teach us about infidelity 40:24 - Values, accountability, and understanding why cheating happens 41:26 - Emotional intelligence skills we all need to learn 42:33 - A polyamory case study: when jealousy points to a real problem 47:05 - Attachment styles and relationship dynamics 52:58 - Why emotional intelligence should be taught in schools 54:20 - Building secure attachment in relationships 56:12 - Why most of the internet gives terrible relationship advice 01:02:53 - How to have difficult conversations without blame 01:06:15 - The shame of talking about your desires 01:09:59 - What helps people work through jealousy 01:14:11 - Final thoughts: jealousy is a normal emotion 01:15:10 - Outro and where to find Dr. Liz and Harris Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]

The Secret Ingredient to Better Intimacy?

Have you ever thought about how much saliva affects intimacy? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley are joined by Marcin (he/him), founder of Twinkle Tongue, a saliva enhancement product designed to support their body's natural saliva production for a more satisfying and fun bedroom experience. Together, they discuss two Reddit posts, one from a woman whose headgame is literally dry, and someone else who's really, really into spit and interested in hearing other people's perspectives. Plus, we're excited to announce our first-ever podcast giveaway! Thanks to Twinkle Tongue, listeners can enter for a chance to win free product and experience the magic for themselves. 🎁 Enter for a chance to win here: https://gleam.io/BOOPO/twinkle-tongue-giveaway Prepare yourself for: * What ADHD meds, Burning Man, and recreational substances have in common * Cursed playlists and roommate escapades * A thoughtful discussion as to whether Mao or Marx would give good head * A reminder that receiving feedback in the bedroom is just as important as giving it This episode jumps into the delightful Reddit rabbit hole of intimacy and offers a chaotic look at something most people never think about until they have to. Who is Marcin, and what is Twinkle Tongue? Marcin founded Twinkle Tongue after his own experiences with dry mouth in college and Burning Man to naturally enhance saliva production in a portable, easy-to-use product. Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome and guest introduction 01:05 - Dry mouth and the search for a solution 03:04 - How Burning Man led to the beginning of Twinkle Tongue 05:20 - The science behind saliva optimization 10:30 - Common misconceptions about saliva enhancement 11:45 - Dr. Liz's experiences with Twinkle Tongue 14:24 - Dry mouth outside of the bedroom: medications, health, and quality of life 17:54 - Twinkle Tonue giveaway announcement 19:00 - Reddit post #1: "Dry mouth is ruining my game" 21:45 - Dry mouth, pleasure, and common "solutions" 25:40 - Medical treatments and dry mouth management 28:28 - Communication, assumptions, and feedback in the bedroom 31:40 - Silent partners and roommate stories 39:52 - What dry playtime actually feels like 44:18 - Reddit post #2: "Anyone else really into spit?" 45:12 - Why spit can be so erotic for folks 50:25 - The psychology of sharing saliva 53:20 - Kissing compatibility and making out 57:54 - Why saliva matters in intimacy 01:00:30 - Dry mouth, lubrication, and how our bodies respond 01:04:10 - Anxiety, communication, and confidence in the bedroom 01:06:25 - How to talk about intimacy without making it weird 01:10:30 - Giving and receiving feedback effectively in the bedroom 01:13:48 - Giveaway reminder and where to find Twinkle Tongue 01:15:25 - Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz Connect with Twinkle Tonue https://twinkletongue.com/ [https://twinkletongue.com/] https://www.instagram.com/twinkletongue/ [https://www.instagram.com/twinkletongue/] https://www.tiktok.com/@twinkletongue [https://www.tiktok.com/@twinkletongue] https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100081513310480 [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100081513310480] Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]

What Do Men Do When Women Don't "Need" Them?

Does a woman earning more than a man in a relationship make you feel some type of way? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley jump right into The Guardian's article, "Single women are buying more houses. The men they are dating are not responding well," and talk about what happens when women are no longer forced into needing men for financial security, and why some men are responding to that reality very, very badly. Along the way, Harris and Liz explore the ways in which men are really struggling right now (and why women aren't the problem), how capitalism makes everything worse, and what it would actually take to become the kind of man who can celebrate his partner's success as he would his own. Stay tuned for: * A much-needed deconstruction of the Man Box™ * How Fight Club predicted the manosphere * Why you're not competing with other daters; you're competing with Dungeon Crawler Carl * A deep dive into the 1988 Tom Cruise movie, Cocktail It doesn't matter whether you're buying a house, dating someone who owns one, or just happy you got the rent paid last month; we've got the research, the psychological insight, obscure movie references, and the relationship advice you need. And when you're done listening, check out this article on the Man Box and how to deconstruct harmful or limiting beliefs on masculinity: https://www.nextgenmen.ca/blog/deconstructing-the-man-box [https://www.nextgenmen.ca/blog/deconstructing-the-man-box] Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome and introductions 00:47 - The Guardian: "Single women are buying more houses" 01:49 - Do men actually want independent women? 05:45 - How Fight Club prophesied the manosphere 07:28 - Why social change is always met with backlash 10:43 - The conservative shift of Gen Z men 14:47 - Are men falling behind, or are women just finally allowed to catch up? 16:28 - Capitalism is the problem 19:27 - Privilege and the ability to handle setbacks 23:49 - The divide between what men think women want vs what they actually want 24:41 - Bay Area real estate 29:22 - The lie of "I love independent women" 30:40 - Are your circumstances unattractive or your attitude toward your circumstances 37:25 - What is the modern paradigm of straight relationships? 39:28 - If being treated like a woman feels bad, what does that say? 41:12 - Research on breanwinner anxiety and men's stress 44:42 - Men do have problems they need to solve 47:42 - The "Man Box" 51:00 - The unending concern of men getting less "manly" 55:02 - The 4B movement 57:51 - Online dating sucks now 01:00:45 - Being wanted vs being needed 01:02:33 - Tradwives and sacrificing autonomy 01:05:37 - The power dynamic of moving into someone's established space 01:08:54 - It's okay to live separately 01:13:55 - You're not competing with other men, you're competing with Dungeon Crawler Carl 01:14:40 - Read more, go to therapy 01:15:23 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod]

How Misogyny Ruins Relationships

We have a question for you: Do you actually want a partner, or are you just looking for someone to call your girlfriend? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell share two Reddit stories that reveal just how much the manosphere has poisoned modern dating, and the actual work it takes to build and maintain healthy, happy relationships. First up is a man who leaves his wife of 20 years for a 20-something, only to realize that putting zero work and effort into a relationship will only ever result in failure. Then, Dr. Liz and Harris tackle an absurd ultimatum: a boyfriend demands that his girlfriend laser all her body hair to "prove she'll sacrifice for the relationship." They're sure you can guess how much he's willing to sacrifice for her… Highlights of the episode: * The male loneliness narrative * Why Harris considers himself more of a badger than a bear * Some mutual venting about how much shaving sucks The bottom line is that healthy relationships take effort. And if you don't have good intentions, trust, and mutual respect, your relationship troubles will be sure to follow you. Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome to the show 00:40 - Weather, capitalism, and Bay Area rent 04:00 - First Reddit story: "My ex-wife predicted my future" 06:00 - Leaving a long marriage for a younger partner 09:00 - Why relationships stagnate 12:20 - Relationship maintenance and emotional labor 16:30 - Small acts of care to keep relationships strong 19:30 - Midlife crises and aging anxiety 24:20 - Why large age-gap relationships can struggle 27:00 - Dating dynamics in poly and kink communities 29:30 - The "no communication for a week" dating problem 31:00 - Accountability and the consequences of cheating 34:30 - Divorce, grief, and relief 35:30 - Do men still learn romance from culture? 37:00 - The manosphere, misogyny, and the male loneliness narrative 40:40 - Why male friendships and emotional vulnerability matter 44:20 - Second Reddit story: "Laser remove your body hair, or I'm out" 47:00 - Why ultimatums are a huge red flag 50:30 - Complicated feelings around body hair 58:40 - The breakup and escape plan 01:02:30 - Meltdowns and harassment 01:07:00 - Sacrifice vs equity in relationships 01:09:00 - Why couples need regular relationship check-ins 01:11:00 - Relationship skills everyone should learn 01:12:40 - Men: learn to cook to improve your dating life 01:13:45 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris 01:14:50 - Closing thoughts #drnerdlove #drlizpowell #doaswesaypod #datingpodcast #relationshippodcast #datingredflags #reddit #redditstories #redditreadings #redditrelationshipadvice #redditstorytime #misogny Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ [https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/] 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social] 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod [https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod] 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod [http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod] ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod [https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod]