How to Story

Memory and Storytelling - The Seven Year Weave

We are actually wired to change our stories. We embellish, we diminish, we combine memories, and sometimes we create memories that never happened. And we do this, according to the work of Frederic Bartlett and several other memory researchers after him, in an attempt to “smooth out” the memory in order to make it fit in the existing network of stories that comprise our sense of reality - our version of what is so. This is why we remember things to suit our situation: we’ve smoothed the memories out to confirm that our reality is exactly that - real. We’ve used this memory to make all the more clear that what is so IS SO. Things that don’t make sense to us, or aren’t consistent with our other stories, get edited out. And this is why I wanted to end this first season with this story, The Seven Year Weave,  and its corresponding storytelling tool. Because we need to get better at listening. We need to get better at hearing other people’s stories and be able to hear something new.  You’ll hear in this story how people in this community have literal weaves of memories. Their stories make threads that are woven together into a tapestry - a tapestry that is, essentially, their story. And it is on display and unique and a part of who they are.  I like this - because imagine if you could see someone’s story - all its color and form and certain themes - and you could not only appreciate it but let it work on your own story. This is why we have the story listening tool. We have wide listening where we make ourselves available to information we otherwise would not notice, We have dense listening to include our bodies and subconscious into the experience. We have emergent listening to make room for something new and then narrow listening to help us contain it into our own story and understanding of the world. Four kinds of listening - not one. Four ways to be with other people and not only understand, but appreciate their unique story. A story that you will never hear from anyone else, in all of human history. You can get your own Story Listening Tool at howtostory.org [https://howtostory.org]. Thank you all for such a wonderful and enlightening first season!

The Next Right Thing - Clear What To Do

I don’t always know how to do the right thing. I can, however, quickly assess how to do the next right thing. The next right thing is what to do right now—in this moment, in this situation. And the next right thing for me is to use the privileges I enjoy to help others. This, in my opinion, is the ultimate privilege. And I enjoy that privilege as often as I can.  This story, “Clear What To Do” shows that we can know the next right thing through paying attention and reading the room. This is the single most important storytelling skill: to know what your listener needs by paying attention to them. We call this story listening. True storytellers tell stories to help people, and this is a skill that is demonstrated in this story by both the characters JB and his father, Wilhelm. These characters encounter racism and by paying attention, they both know what to do and how to respond. That said, sometimes doing the next right thing involves doing something you don’t want to do. This was the case for JB and Wilhelm. They knew they needed to do something really difficult. Doing the next right thing might involve you taking a risk, and we are wired to avoid taking risks. But to help other people, sometimes you have to override that wiring and do something. You need to act. When it is clear what you need to do, then … It is a true privilege to do it. It is actually an honor. And story listening will help you not only know what it is you need to do, but it will give you the inspiration, motivation and courage … to follow through. You can find the Story Listening tool [https://story-steps-education.teachable.com/p/rshomepage] at howtostory.org [https://howtostory.org/]. It will help you better read the room, attend to your listener and know what the next right thing to do is. There are also some free minicourses like the “how to tell the perfect bedtime story” up on the home page.  One other consideration - if you are going on holiday anytime soon, consider getting one of our storytelling pocket camps [https://story-steps-education.teachable.com/p/storytelling-camps] for your kids [https://story-steps-education.teachable.com/] - a short fun storytelling course that is great for car rides, plane rides, rainy days.

Getting in the Way - The Wish

I tell stories about the children I have helped raise. I use descriptions. I give them titles and labels as if these things are true and I know who they are. I can get stuck in those stories. But what is so powerful about being a storyteller is that I am given the regular opportunity to step out of the stories I tell and see them as that: stories. This then gives me the opportunity to become curious. This is the real message here: the most powerful storytelling and parenting tool I have is curiosity. When I can become curious, I leave a knowing space and enter one of wonder. When I am curious, things don’t feel so fixed. They feel incredibly dynamic and … quite honestly, a lot more fun. Parenting … becomes more fun. This episode is about the ways we parents get in the way of our children - in particular, the way we tend to describe and label them. We have a tendency to want to fix their story. I have done this with each of my kids— I have decided my kid was this way or that way, and then they show me that my labeling is not helping. “The Wish” is about how we make wishes for our children— how we want them to be happy, to not struggle, to find best friends, to find love, to be appreciated, to be encouraged and respected. We wish for these things, and sometimes, this can be a way of getting in their way.  On our website you can find some free minicourses that might be helpful for your parenting. I particularly recommend the “How to tell the perfect bedtime story” minicourse.  There are also four storytelling “pocket” camps for your kids, which are inexpensive camps that you can take with you on vacations. There is video instruction with a lovely workbook. People love them. All these things along with a story-listening course for you adults can be found at howtostory.org [https://howtostory.org].

What is an Apocalypse? - Stories from Horsemen

This is a story from another podcast we created for adults called Horsemen which is about the Apocalypse or “unveiling”, which began on August 23, 2017. This was super fun to create and a very interesting series of stories that belongs on this podcast because it is about how stories can be misused to manipulate people. The narrative centers around a storyteller who becomes a researcher who then creates a clinic where stories can heal people with real diseases and terminal conditions. The reason why this person could be considered a “bad guy” is because he practices a dangerous kind of storytelling - the kind where the storyteller doesn’t listen. Really listen. He is the kind of storyteller that only hears what he wants to hear and then creates powerful stories that deepen that reality and don’t make room for anything else.  This might sound familiar because we know these storytellers. We buy their products and sometimes we vote for them. And we can see that they have used this power to acquire more power, and riches, and influence, and the ability to narrow the common view of what is true and real. They don’t listen.  This is an allegory about the imbalance that can come when a storyteller doesn’t use story-listening. That is the pedagogical key to why this is included in this podcast - the importance of both storytelling and story-listening. Because without story-listening, the world becomes a place of talking. Of opinions. Of the kind of storytelling that does not create beginnings. No, telling stories without listening creates ends. And it then requires an Apocalypse to show us the truth of what we let happen.  You can learn more about Story-listening as well as pick up a few of our new “pocket” storytelling camps at howtostory.org [https://howtostory.org/]. Pocket camps are digital products you can take with you on trips that will delight your children while teaching them new storytelling skills: including story-listening.

Finding a Connection - The Whole Pie

Conscious Intentional Storytelling is a skill we all have, but few of us are conscious or intentional about it. We tell stories all day long without recognizing their impact, both on the listener and on ourselves. It truly is the foundation of our relationships and when we struggle, when we feel the rifts, it is storytelling that can help us restore the connection we seek. The trick is to believe that this is true and then be willing to try it out. I call this Restorative Storytelling for a reason: it can bring wholeness back to things that feel broken, bruised or separated. One story can uncover an old resentment and make room for a new connection. Again, we just have to be willing to hear the story and then to participate in its telling. “The Whole Pie” is that kind of story. It is a story within a story, so it essentially repeats the main thesis: there is always a way, if you are willing to widen your attention and notice the connection. There are two free workshops on the website howtostory.org [https://howtostory.org/] that can help you with this skill. One is focused on vocality and the other is focused on building a connection before falling asleep.  Both will bring calm and confidence to your storytelling, and hopefully serve to restore and renew connections in your life.