How We Really Feel

My reflections on owning your body when it works differently - following episode 5

Sometimes the most useful thing you can hear is someone else's honest account of how they got through something you're convinced you couldn't. In this short solo reflection, I'm thinking through the conversation I just had with Steve Kearley and Niall McCann. Two men who experienced spinal cord injuries and navigated their way, in very different ways and at very different paces, towards lives they find genuinely meaningful. If you haven't heard that episode yet, I'd encourage you to start there. What I keep coming back to from that conversation is how much it challenges the story we tell ourselves about coping- that we either have it or we don't, that struggling means failing, that a body that works differently is a body to fight. Here's some of what I reflect on: * Why the adjustment process after illness or injury is rarely linear, and why moving back into crisis doesn't mean you're not making progress * What the research actually says about harsh self-talk and why the inner critic tends to hold us back rather than drive us forward * The quiet but significant shift that happens when you stop treating your body as the enemy * How confidence after illness or injury builds. Why starting small isn't giving up, it's strategy * The power of naming the things we don't usually talk about: continence, intimacy, the hidden losses that come with a changed body * Why social connection isn't just nice to have when you're navigating a health journey and the small, specific things the people around you can do that genuinely matter This connects closely with the work I'm doing with Convatec Continence Care and their Me+ programme, which supports people using intermittent catheters with both practical guidance and emotional wellbeing resources. Find out more at www.howwereallyfeel.com/in-partnership-with-convatec [http://www.howwereallyfeel.com/in-partnership-with-convatec] Show notes, resources and links at https://www.howwereallyfeel.com/episode-four-owning-your-body [https://www.howwereallyfeel.com/episode-four-owning-your-body]

Owning your body when it works differently: Spinal injury, identity & learning to befriend yourself

Have you ever thought: if that happened to me, I couldn't cope? Or perhaps something has happened and you find yourself caught in a battle with your body, with no clear picture of how to move forward? This episode might just shift something for you. Dr Sula is joined by Dr Niall McCann, biologist, National Geographic Explorer, mountain rescuer, and Spinal Injuries Association ambassador, who sustained a serious spinal cord injury in a paragliding accident. With him is Steve Kearle, two-time wheelchair rugby World medalist, featured in the Oscar-nominated documentary Murderball, patient advocate, and coach who mentors people navigating life after spinal injury. Together, they have a conversation that is rare in its honesty: about the parts of disability that don't get talked about. The hidden adjustments. The internal monologue that can either hold you back or become your most powerful ally. The parts of yourself- identity, sexuality, bladder and bowel management- that nobody prepares you for. And the surprising, hard-won discoveries about what it actually means to live fully in a changed body. Here's some of what you'll take away: * The three phases of adjustment after injury or illness: Crisis, coping, and adaptation. Why moving through them isn't linear, and what that actually looks like in real life * Why your inner monologue matters more than almost anything else in recovery, and how both Niall and Steve learned to shift from self-criticism to something that helped them do hard and remarkable things * The things nobody considers in injury and illness: bowel and bladder changes, sexual function, catheterisation, and how to find your way to openness rather than shame * What partners, friends and healthcare professionals can actually do and what tends to get in the way * Why 'just be you' is the most powerful advice for anyone who loves someone navigating serious illness or injury * Small, honest steps towards re-engaging with life, community, and a sense of possibility, even when that feels a long way off Whether you are navigating a health challenge yourself, supporting someone who is, or working clinically with people in these circumstances, this episode is full of wisdom, warmth, and a kind of grounded hope that is genuinely hard to come by. You can access references and resources discussed in this episode, fact checked and collated by our show researcher and trainee health psychologist, here: [https://www.howwereallyfeel.com/episode-four [https://www.howwereallyfeel.com/episode-four]]

My reflections on sex, intimacy and what recovery really means following episode 3

What if the pressure was off getting back to how things were and instead there was a curiosity to discover something you didn't know before? In this short solo reflection, Dr Sula Windgassen sits with what stayed with her from the conversation with psychosexual therapists Kate Moyle and Lorraine Grover in The Dark Place Between My Legs, an episode about what happens to sex and intimacy when your body changes. The concept that wouldn't leave her: recovery and discovery. The idea that when illness or physical disruption changes your sex life, the instinct is almost always to try to get back to how things were. But the assumption that before was the gold standard can quietly close off something more interesting. What if before there were issues you’d not registered? And what if turning towards this difficulty, rather than away from it, opened up a richer experience than you'd had before? Sula also unpacks the distinction Kate made between sex and intimacy - two things we often treat as interchangeable, but which are not the same. When that difference gets blurred, losing one can mean losing both. Understanding the gap between them might be exactly where things start to shift. There's also a reflection on something almost every clinician listening will recognise - how uncomfortable the medical setting makes it to ask about sex. And what it costs patients when no one does. This episode ends with two quiet invitations: curiosity about your own assumptions, and a broader exploration of what intimacy actually means to you. Honest. Warm. Worth fifteen minutes of your time. 🎧 Full episode - The Dark Place Between My Legs: Sex, Intimacy and What No One Tells You. [https://pod.link/1895564493/episode/ZWIyMjRkOTgtMjRkZC00OTA3LWJmNzMtMzljY2Q1YzRjYmQ2?view=apps&sort=popularity] This episode is supported by Convatec and the me+ Emotional Wellbeing Programme — a free holistic support programme for intermittent catheter users. Visit www.howwereallyfeel.com/in-partnership-with-convatec [http://www.howwereallyfeel.com/in-partnership-with-convatec]

The Dark Place Between My Legs: Sex, Intimacy, and Illness

When your body becomes something to manage rather than something to inhabit, intimacy tends to quietly disappear. Not all at once, but slowly, in the gaps where no one asks and you don't quite have the language to bring it up yourself. In this episode of How We Really Feel, Dr Sula Windgassen is joined by two of the most experienced psychosexual therapists working in the UK today: Kate Moyle, psychosexual therapist, author of The Science of Sex, host of The Sexual Wellness Sessions podcast, and regular BBC contributor  Lorraine Grover, nurse and psychosexual therapist with over two decades of specialist experience, with a particular focus on sexual wellbeing in the context of illness, including prostate cancer and bladder conditions. Together, they open up a conversation that is long overdue exploring the difference between sex and intimacy, why the healthcare system so rarely addresses either, and why the absence of that conversation does more damage than people realise. You'll come away understanding: * Why your brain will always prioritise anxiety over arousal and what that means for intimacy when health is difficult * How social messages about what sex "should" look like quietly shape our ability to enjoy it * What psychosexual therapy actually involves (it's far less daunting than you think) * Why intimacy and sex are not the same thing  and why distinguishing them matters, especially when illness changes what's physically possible * The practical tools Lorraine keeps in her toolbox and why they work This episode is relevant whether or not you identify as having sexual difficulties. Because the way we relate to sex is shaped long before illness enters the picture and understanding that is where the shift begins. Supported by Convatec Continence Care and the Me+ free emotional wellbeing support programme for intermittent catheter users. ---------------------------------------- 🎙️ How We Really Feel is hosted by Dr Sula Windgassen, health psychologist, specialist psychotherapist and author of It's All In Your Body. Each episode explores the biology and humanity behind the mind-body connection for people navigating chronic illness, bladder and pelvic conditions, burnout and trauma and the clinicians who support them. This episode is supported by Convatec Continence Care and their Me+ Emotional Wellbeing programme - free holistic emotional wellbeing support for intermittent catheter users. 💙 Visit www.howwereallyfeel.com/in-partnership-with-convatec [http://www.howwereallyfeel.com/in-partnership-with-convatec] to access the Me+ Continence Care resources. ---------------------------------------- More from: Lorraine Grover - https://lorrainegrover.com/ [https://lorrainegrover.com/] Kate Moyle - https://www.katemoyle.co.uk/ [https://www.katemoyle.co.uk/] 📚 Show notes and additional resources: 👉 www.howwereallyfeel.com [http://www.howwereallyfeel.com] 📱 Instagram.com/the_health_psychologist_ [http://Instagram.com/the_health_psychologist_] Dr Sula Windgassen is author of It's All In Your Body 👉 https://amzn.eu/d/0c2J0j18 [https://amzn.eu/d/0c2J0j18]

My Reflections on the Bladder, the Brain and Learning Pain following Episode 2

Why do bladder symptoms keep going even after an infection has cleared? Why does pelvic pain change, shift and evolve, sometimes feeling like a UTI, sometimes not, but never quite going away? And if your tests are coming back normal, does that mean the pain isn't real? These are the questions Dr Sula Windgassen sits with in this solo reflection following her conversation with Professor of Urology Elise De and specialist pelvic health physiotherapist Jilly Bond. The line that stayed with her most: just because you've had pain for a decade doesn't mean you'll have it for another. Sula unpacks why that particularly resonated for her and why, for many people living with long-term bladder or pelvic symptoms, the brain has already stopped being able to imagine it being any other way. That's not a personal failing. It's exactly how a prediction-making nervous system is supposed to work. And recognising it is the first step to something shifting. This reflection also explores why internal pain is so hard to locate and describe and what that means for anyone who has ever struggled to explain their symptoms or felt dismissed because they couldn't quite articulate what was wrong. Sula draws on her own experience of repeated UTIs evolving into something harder to name, the way psychological threat layers onto physical symptoms, and why understanding the mechanism behind your pain - even without being able to fix everything that caused it - can genuinely open things up. She also points to Professor Elise De's comprehensive history-taking form from the episode as a practical tool worth exploring, with a gentle note for anyone who finds it overwhelming: you don't have to tackle everything at once. Honest. Personal. And quietly hopeful. This podcast is supported by Convatec Continence Care and their Me+ Emotional Wellbeing programme. Free holistic emotional wellbeing support for intermittent catheter users. Visit convatec.com [http://convatec.com] to access the Me+ Continence Care resources. 📚 Show notes and resources from Episode 2: 👉 https://www.howwereallyfeel.com/episode-two-bladder-brain-connection [https://www.howwereallyfeel.com/episode-two-bladder-brain-connection] 📩 Mind Body Science weekly emails : www.healthpsychologist.co.uk/subscribe [http://www.healthpsychologist.co.uk/subscribe] 📱 Instagram: @the_health_psychologist_ 🎧 Full Episode 2- Breaking the Seal: The Bladder, Pelvic Floor and Brain Connection: 👉 https://pod.link/1895564493/episode/ZTJmYWY3NjMtYjIxZC00NzNhLWI1OTEtOWQ3MWE4OWU4NjY4?view=apps&sort=popularity [https://pod.link/1895564493/episode/ZTJmYWY3NjMtYjIxZC00NzNhLWI1OTEtOWQ3MWE4OWU4NjY4?view=apps&sort=popularity]  Dr Sula Windgassen is author of It's All In Your Body 👉 https://amzn.eu/d/0c2J0j18 [https://amzn.eu/d/0c2J0j18]