Walking Each Other Home: Narrative Disruption Through Authentic Relationships with Pardeep Singh Kaleka
Today's episode included the following speakers (in the order they appear):
Host: Luke Waldo
Guest:
Pardeep Singh Kaleka, clinical director at Mental Health America of Wisconsin [https://www.mhawisconsin.org/], senior anti-hate advocate, and co-author of The Gift of Our Wounds [https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Our-Wounds-Supremacist-Forgiveness/dp/1250107547]. On August 5, 2012, a white supremacist murdered seven people at the Sikh Temple of Wisconsin [http://sikhtempleofwisconsin.com/] in Oak Creek, including Pardeep's father. Pardeep's TEDx talk, "Monster" [https://www.ted.com/talks/pardeep_singh_kaleka_monster], delivered at UW-Milwaukee in 2015, challenged the narrative of the isolated, evil perpetrator. He later co-authored his book with Arno Michaelis, a former white supremacist, whose friendship became a living example of narrative disruption.
00:14–04:07 – Luke Waldo
Luke opens from where Episode 11 ended: the responsibility of media to report with context rather than crisis. He sharpens the question for this episode: what happens when you are living inside the story, when the headlines are about your father's murder, your community's trauma, your faith being erased? He introduces Pardeep Singh Kaleka and frames the episode's central themes: how to challenge narratives that erase communities, how to refuse the monster frame without excusing harm, and how to create genuine human contact across difference in an algorithmically siloed world.
04:07–09:43 – Pardeep Singh Kaleka: August 5, 2012, and the Dominant Narrative That Followed
Pardeep describes the shooting: a white supremacist affiliated with the Hammerskins gang entered the Sikh Temple of Wisconsin on a Sunday morning in August 2012 and murdered seven people, including his father, the temple president. It was the deadliest hate crime in a house of worship in nearly 50 years.
The dominant narrative that emerged was immediate and, he argues, dangerous: an isolated act committed by an evil man. Pardeep names two harms in that framing. First, it gave society an excuse by treating the violence as random, requiring no systemic explanation. Second, it placed his community in the backdrop of its own tragedy. The perpetrator became the main character; the Sikh community, the victims of the deadliest act of white supremacist terror in generations, became a secondary narrative presence. People got to know the community as victims, not as people who had been there all along.
* Trauma research connection: Pardeep notes that how harm is framed matters to survivors. When harm is framed as random or individual, survivors lose the ability to make meaning from it, which worsens long-term PTSD and moral injury.
13:53–20:10 – Pardeep Singh Kaleka: The "Monster" TEDx Talk
Three years after the shooting, Pardeep delivered his TEDx talk titled "Monster" at UW-Milwaukee. He describes the core challenge he was sitting with: if he accepted that the shooter was simply a monster, violence had no roots, and therefore healing had no path. Calling someone a monster does two things simultaneously: it dehumanizes them (which may feel deserved), and it gives society permission to stop asking how he was created. The narrative of the monster says: we can lock him away, reject him, throw him out. It does not ask: how did a child become this? What systems, conditions, and ideologies were present? Is there a Wade Page in every community?
Pardeep describes the audience's response as deliberate discomfort. He wanted people to feel unsettled by the narrative they had accepted, not because discomfort is the goal, but because lovingly making people uncomfortable is how narrative reality changes. And he wanted people to stop asking "Why are there bad people?" and start asking "How do we prevent people from becoming like this?" He describes seeing that shift in people around him over time as evidence of growth.
* Watch: Pardeep's TEDx talk "Monster" (2015) at ted.com [https://www.ted.com/talks/pardeep_singh_kaleka_monster]. Also recommended: the 36-minute PBS documentary Waking in Oak Creek [https://www.pbs.org/video/waking-in-oak-creek-full-film/], which Pardeep uses for community dialogue.
30:40–39:48 – Pardeep Singh Kaleka: The Gift of Our Wounds and Intergroup Contact
Three months after the shooting, Pardeep reached out to Arno Michaelis, a founding member of the Hammerskins, the same gang to which the Oak Creek shooter was affiliated. He had questions the shooter could no longer answer, and he believed Arno could help him understand the ideology and the path that led there.
Their friendship grew over years into a genuine relationship: Arno is known as "Uncle Arno" to Pardeep's children; Pardeep knows Arno's parents and brother. They co-authored The Gift of Our Wounds in 2018. Their partnership was, Pardeep notes, never frictionless. They are both strong-willed, they disagree, and they came from entirely different lives. What made it powerful was precisely that: they were real, unscripted, and speaking from the heart. "When hearts speak, hearts listen."
Research on intergroup contact, showing that meaningful relationships across difference are among the strongest evidence-based methods for reducing prejudice, validates what Pardeep and Arno were living. Their most effective strategy was not arguing about who was right, but choosing to be present and to try to understand where the other person was coming from.
* Concept to explore: Intergroup contact theory, which holds that direct, meaningful contact between members of different groups, under certain conditions, is one of the most effective evidence-based approaches for reducing prejudice and shifting mental models.
41:18–49:53 – Pardeep Singh Kaleka: Narrative Disruption in Practice
Pardeep shares a concrete example from a small Massachusetts town navigating demographic change and community conflict between "growth" and "preservation" factions. Two Hindu temples had recently been established; yard signs and public symbols were flashpoints. His intervention was practical and disarming: he suggested the town hold its next local election at one of the new Hindu temples. The act of using the temple as a civic venue would require community members to physically enter the space and encounter their neighbors as participants in the same democratic process, not as foreign arrivals.
He names the broader pattern: demographic anxiety and demographic shift anxiety are not unique to one place. They recur across communities, and they can either be weaponized to split people apart or galvanized to build connection. His principle, drawn from Sikhism, is that two things can be true and valued at the same time: welcome and preservation are not a zero-sum choice.
49:53–1:03:34 – Pardeep Singh Kaleka: Narratively Trapped and the Path Forward
Pardeep offers a diagnosis of the current moment: we are not just divided, we are narratively trapped. Algorithm-driven outrage feeds us constant confirmation of our existing beliefs. Liberals see feeds of conservatives doing alarming things; conservatives see the same in reverse. The result is a kind of self-righteous certainty that forecloses curiosity. He draws on his clinical work: certainty can itself be a kind of cognitive illness, a rigidity that was once a trauma survival mechanism but now stands in the way of actual healing.
His antidote is not a program or a campaign. It is curiosity, practiced personally and professionally. He stays willing to ask: Why does this narrative land the way it does for me? Why do I feel what I feel toward this person or group? He reframes imposter syndrome as a form of healthy humility, a signal that you are still questioning your own certainty rather than cementing it.
He closes with the frame that gives the episode its title: "We're all just walking each other home anyway, and we're doing the best we can. Give each other grace and compassion. Give yourself some grace." Luke previews Episode 13 with Valerie Frost, Shary Tran, and Tori Brasher Weathers, exploring how belonging is built through lived experience and cultural expression.
* Principle from Sikhism: "I am not good and you are not bad" (and its inverse: "I am not bad and you are not good") as a practice that resists both self-righteousness and self-condemnation, and creates the conditions for genuine understanding.
Closing Credits
Join the conversation and connect with us!
* Visit our podcast page [https://uwm.edu/icfw/podcast/] on our ICFW website to learn more about the experts you hear in this series.
* Subscribe, rate our show and leave feedback in the comments section.
* Sign up for our Strong Families, Thriving Children, Connected Communities initiative [https://uwm.edu/icfw/strong-families-thriving-children-connected-communities-initiative/#signup].
* Follow the Institute for Child and Family Well-being on Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/institutechildfamilywellbeing], Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/institutechildfamilywellbeing/] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/company/institute-for-child-and-family-well-being/posts/?feedView=all&viewAsMember=true].