The Movie Makeover

Gladiator II

Gladiator II storms into the arena wearing the armor of a masterpiece and hoping nobody notices the dents. In this episode of The Movie Makeover Podcast, we ask the big question: Sharks...why did it have to be sharks?!? Is this a worthy heir to Gladiator, or just a very expensive toga party with rage issues? We dig into the sequel’s lumbering plot, inherited gravitas, and all the ways it tries to ride Maximus’s coattails straight into cinematic immortality. Then, as always, we do what we do best—we break it down and try to fix it. From rebuilding the emotional core to sharpening the political backstabbing and giving the characters something more to do than glower beautifully in torchlight, we remake Gladiator II into a sequel that actually earns its spot in the arena instead of just showing up and shouting, “Are you not nostalgically entertained?”

65

Episode: “65 (2023)” You know that feeling when a movie sells you “Adam Driver fights dinosaurs” and you immediately start clearing your schedule like it’s a national holiday? Yeah… same. In this episode, we’re crash-landing into 65, the sci-fi survival thriller that’s basically “space dad + angry lizards + one very bad travel itinerary.” It’s lean, it’s loud, it’s beautifully shot… and it still manages to feel like it’s sprinting through a third draft while the meteor clock is already at :10. We break down what 65 does right (a committed lead, clean visual storytelling, and a premise so simple it should be bulletproof), and why it never fully reaches “classic creature feature” status. Is it a thriller? A dinosaur movie? A heartfelt two-hander? A survival horror sprint? Or is it a very expensive proof-of-concept for a better version of itself? Then it’s time for The Makeover: we pitch a version that leans harder into tension, earns the emotional bond, and turns the dinosaurs from “obstacles” into a system—territory, behavior, escalation, and set pieces that feel inevitable instead of random. We’ll talk structure tweaks, character backstory that actually pays off, and how to make that ending hit like a freight train instead of a gentle nudge. So grab your emergency flare gun, practice your silent screaming, and join us as we ask the most important question of all: If you’re stranded on prehistoric Earth with Adam Driver… why aren’t we having more fun with the dinosaurs?

Assassin's Creed

In the Movie Makeover universe, Assassin’s Creed is the definition of a “how did you mess this up?” adaptation: a knockout premise, a stacked cast, and a time-hopping playground… somehow flattened into a cold, talky, grey slog that forgets the #1 rule of parkour ninjas: make it fun to watch. In this episode, we put on the hood, sharpen the hidden blade, and rebuild the movie from the leap of faith up—keeping the DNA of the games (mystery, momentum, history-as-a-thrill-ride), while fixing the stuff that made the film feel like homework with a stunt budget.

2017 Oscars (films of 2016)

The 2017 Academy Awards—honoring the films of 2016 should’ve been unkillable. Instead, Oscar Night played like a bloated rough cut with no producer in the room. On this episode of The Movie Makeover, we treat the ceremony like a failed prestige picture and fix it the only way Hollywood understands: with structure, discipline, and a ruthless trim. This was the year of Moonlight [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=1], a film so precise and devastating it barely raises its voice—and still floors you. The year of La La Land [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=2], a nostalgia bomb polished to a mirror shine. The year of Manchester by the Sea [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=3], which emotionally waterboards you for two hours and then asks for another take. Add in the formal ambition of Arrival [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=4], the righteous competence of Hidden Figures [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=5], the theatrical muscle of Fences [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=6], the slow-burn fury of Hell or High Water [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=7], the craft-forward carnage of Hacksaw Ridge [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=8], and the earnest uplift of Lion [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=9]—and you’ve got a lineup that should’ve guaranteed a clean win. We pull in the wider bench too—Jackie [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=10], Silence [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=11], Sausage Party, Elle [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=14], The Lobster [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=15], Nice Guys [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=17], and Sing Street [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=18]—and ask how a year this confident onscreen produced a ceremony this insecure off it. (Yes, according to Mike, the scrappy Irish teen musical with wall-to-wall bangers somehow felt more alive than most of the broadcast.) Best Needle Drop (or: When a Song Actually Does the Work) If you want a masterclass in how to use a song, start with Sing Street [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=19]—where music isn’t wallpaper, it’s character, propulsion, and plot. Now contrast that with the Oscars’ taste for sonic sugar highs. Can’t Stop the Feeling! [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=20] from Trolls [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=21] is engineered joy—fine, effective, and designed to sell plush toys. Then there’s Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=22], which weaponizes pop itself, including a perfectly deadpan cameo moment from Seal [chatgpt://generic-entity?number=23] that understands satire better than most acceptance speeches understand time limits. The makeover here is simple: stop rewarding loud for being loud. Give the win to the needle drop that changes the movie, not the one that survives the radio.

The Godfather 3

This episode attempts the impossible: performing cinematic CPR on The Godfather Part III, the movie that gave us 'Thunder can't hurt you', an opera house showdown, and a reminder that even legendary franchises can trip over their own gravitas. We dig into the weird pacing, the half-baked romance subplot, and the Vatican politics that feel like homework. Then we unveil our upgraded blueprint: tighter stakes, richer character arcs, and a finale worthy of the Corleone name. Leave the bad script, take the makeover.