The People Side Podcast

An Asian Men's Guide to Overcoming Loneliness and Treating Yourself Better with John Wang

Why is loneliness for guys, especially Asian Men, so difficult? How do you “fix” or “solve” loneliness, and what does that journey look like? Join John Wang and I as we talk about his journey through this process, what he learned, the challenges he faced, and the exercises he’s learned to level himself up in this area. This episode is also available on YouTube in video form! LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIcVO9sdwc4 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIcVO9sdwc4] Chapters: 00:00:00 Banger intro 00:01:09 Who is John Wang? 00:01:41 What is a Men's group? 00:02:58 What's the most common problem you see in the men you coach? 00:04:32 Trauma vs Injuries 00:05:37 "How did you heal from isolation/loneliness?" 00:06:36 The 3 different levels of loneliness 00:10:09 From social butterfly to actual, deep, meaningful relationships 00:10:27 "Some of the most isolated ppl I know are the most popular" 00:11:43 Dimsum Friends 00:12:05 Women as a solution 00:14:10 Having friends but not actually feeling connected to people 00:14:35 Getting in touch with yourself (and how to do it) 00:15:30 The foundation for all relationships (empathy) 00:16:03 Exercise: "I love, I like, and I accept" 00:16:20 Exercise: "You're gonna be alone forever" 00:17:30 "I'm committing to not being with anyone else until I like myself enough" 00:19:29 The longest relationship you'll ever be in is the one with yourself 00:19:43 How to actually be comfortable with yourself 00:21:30 Pick a day JUST for yourself 00:23:29 If you let yourself do whatever you want, how do you make sure you don't abuse it? 00:24:23 This concept of "wasted time" doesn't actually exist 00:25:15 What if it's impossible to "waste" time? 00:28:08 Escapism vs genuinely enjoying things 00:29:45 The difference is just giving yourself "permission" to do the things you want 00:31:28 Heart and Hustle (not just Hustle) 00:31:44 Inner coach vs Inner healer 00:34:44 Procrastination isn't laziness, it's fear 00:37:02 How do you develop the "healer" or "heart" voice? 00:38:04 Negative self-talk (inner critic) 00:41:21 Integrating what influencers say into who you are as a person 00:44:54 John's book: Big Asian Energy 00:46:00 Asian cultural values have a massive impact on YOU 00:49:07 The 7 major patterns that show up for Asians 00:52:23 How do you re-write core beliefs from extreme Asian values? 00:54:04 More people need to hear this: "Adults can handle their own consequences" 00:54:19 "If I don't do this for them, they're gonna die" 00:54:53 Commander archetype beliefs/distortions (If I don't do it, who will?) 00:55:50 "Fixer" archetype patterns (people pleaser) 00:57:06 "If u need me then you won't leave me" 00:58:45 John's story of how he got into all this stuff 01:00:35 After spending a year with yourself, did your relationships change? 01:01:47 The 5 levels of no (full list in comments) 01:02:49 Drawing Boundaries 01:06:21 Saying no to people you care about 01:07:04 When John received his first hard "no" 01:11:28 "I spent a year being 100% honest with everyone" 01:15:29 Radical consequences in telling the truth 01:20:54 Advice for anyone in a big city trying to make friends 01:21:53 The fastest way to get over insecurities 01:23:04 The 3 Layers of conversation 01:24:01 Plug time + Outro

14 aug 2023 - 1 h 26 min