Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse

"I Don't Want To Be Like My Father" How to Stop Abusing Your Partner

People who have grown up with domestic violence may not know how to have a healthy relationship. As much as they may have hated the way their mother or father was treated, children who witnessed abuse may not have the tools to break the cycle of violence in their own relationships. In this episode, Juli Harpell-Elam discusses how she works with men, women, and teenagers who have used abuse to encourage accountability and behavior change. She explores the roots of abusive behavior, accountability, emotional regulation, and what real change actually looks like. This episode offers insight for people recognizing unhealthy behaviors in themselves, while also emphasizing that survivors are never responsible for someone else’s change. It discusses: * How childhood exposure to domestic violence impacts adult relationships * Why anger is often connected to fear, shame, or vulnerability * Emotional regulation skills to prevent escalation * Why accountability is necessary for healing and healthier relationships * Resources for people seeking help to stop abusive behaviors CONTENT: (0:00) Introduction (1:17) Recognizing Abuse (2:50) Awareness vs. Intent (4:17) Signs of Control (7:24) After Hurting Your Partner (10:07) Shame & Accountability (12:25) Escalation Warning Signs (14:48) Emotional Regulation Skills (15:47) Using Healthy Time-Outs (17:39) Building Support Systems (19:33) Emotional Abuse Patterns (22:31) Beliefs Behind Abuse (25:24) Why People Use Control (26:14) Anger & Vulnerability (29:31) The Cost of Abuse (33:20) Silent Treatment & Phone Checking (36:17) Getting Help to Change (40:39) Fear of Judgment (42:05) Breaking the Silence (43:33) Is Change Lifelong? (49:22) Accountability & Survivor Safety (54:00) About JBWS and Resources Resources: * JBWS' services: ⁠⁠JBWS.org/services ⁠⁠ [JBWS.org/services ] * General resources: ⁠⁠ jbws.org/resources⁠⁠ [jbws.org/resources] * Helpline for people using abuse: 877-898-3411 or https://acallforchangehelpline.org/ * If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 97.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠ [jbws.org/jcnv] * If you don’t live or work predominately inMorris County or Passaic County in New Jersey, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit ⁠⁠thehotline.org ⁠⁠ [https://www.thehotline.org/]

"Who Gets the Kids?” Domestic Violence and the Courts

What is the impact of having children with an abusive partner? Do restraining orders apply to children? Will a history of abuse impact custody? In this episode of Unsilenced, Pat Barbarito, Esq. and Maria Lagattuta, LCSW explore the impact of domestic violence on children, particularly within the court system. In this episode, you’ll learn: * How restraining orders impact children and parenting time * What to expect with custody and visitation in domestic violence cases * How children are affected psychologically, including trauma and split loyalties between parents * Why preparation and support services are critical when navigating the legal system Whether you’re a parent navigating an abusive relationship, a professional supporting families, or someone seeking to better understand the system, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and practical guidance. Most importantly, it reinforces a critical truth: abuse is never the victim’s fault and support is always available when you’re ready to reach out. Content: (0:00) Introduction (03:31) Restraining Orders & Separation (04:58) Visitation & Child Safety (06:00) Custody & Power Dynamics (07:43) Filing a Restraining Order (09:58) Preparing for Court (11:52) Who Is Protected & Legal Limits (14:21) Teen Dating Violence (16:21) The Impact on Children (20:01) Silence, Shame & Stigma (27:19) When Kids Become Caregivers (29:08) Blame, Loyalty & Conflict (31:10) Why Leaving Is So Hard (34:17) Recognizing Red Flags (43:18) Co-Parenting Challenges (51:45) About JBWS and Resources Resources: * JBWS' services: JBWS.org/services [JBWS.org/services ] * General resources:  jbws.org/resources [jbws.org/resources] * If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 97.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv [jbws.org/jcnv] * If you don’t live or work predominately inMorris County or Passaic County in New Jersey, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org [https://www.thehotline.org/] Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Money & Relationships: Is It Generosity or Is It Control?

What are healthy financial boundaries? How can you tell if someone is being generous versus attempting to control you? Financial abuse occurs in 99% of abusive relationships and can have devastating consequences. In this episode of Unsilenced, JBWS staff member Dani Meza explores: * Signs of financial abuse * How financial control is a power method of control * The difference between healthy financial partnership and controlling behavior * Subtle red flags * How financial abuse can impact employment * Questions to help you recognize if financial control is happening in your relationship Video Content: (0:00) Introduction (0:35) What is Financial Abuse? (2:05) Common Examples of Financial Control (3:34) How Financial Abuse Traps Survivors (5:13) Control vs. Healthy Financial Partnership (6:50) Child Support, Separation & Financial Manipulation (7:26) Real Patterns Survivors Experience (10:59) Career Sabotage & Employment Abuse (13:45) Subtle Signs: “Care” vs. Control (15:23) Questions to Identify Financial Abuse (17:03) Consequences, Manipulation & Power (18:22) Reclaiming Control & Final Thoughts (19:26) About JBWS & Resources About JBWS and Resources: * JBWS’ services: jbws.org/services [jbws.org/services] * General resources: jbws.org/resources [jbws.org/resources] * If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 97.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv [jbws.org/jcnv ] * If you don’t live or work predominately inMorris County or Passaic County in New Jersey, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org [https://www.thehotline.org/] Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Is My Relationship Healthy? Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

How can you tell if your relationship is actually healthy? Can unhealthy things happen in healthy relationships? In this episode of Unsilenced, JBWS staff member Maddie Hahn explores: * The 8 key elements of a healthy relationship * The difference between healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships * Green flags people should look for in relationships * The difference between boundaries and ultimatums * Whether unhealthy behaviors can exist in otherwise healthy relationships * And so much more! Whether you're questioning your relationship or simply want to understand what healthy love should look like, this episode provides practical insights and helpful tools to learn more about healthy relationships. Video Content: (0:00) What Is a Healthy Relationship? (1:16) Green Flags in Healthy Relationships (2:15) Negotiation and Fairness in Relationships (4:28) Boundaries vs Ultimatums (10:50) Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationship Conflict (15:07) Trying to Change Your Partner (17:10) Keeping Your Identity in a Relationship (20:45) Trust and Support in Relationships (21:40) Privacy, Phones, and Location Sharing (22:15) Trust Issues and Past Relationship Trauma (26:50) Apologizing and Taking Responsibility (29:20) Can Relationships Recover From Dishonesty? (33:55) Shared Responsibility in Relationships (36:55) Financial Equality and Economic Partnership (41:10) Can Healthy Relationships Have Unhealthy Moments? (42:40) Unhealthy vs Abusive Relationships (48:40) About JBWS and Resources for Support About JBWS and Resources: * JBWS’ services: jbws.org/services [jbws.org/services ] * General resources: jbws.org/resources [jbws.org/resources ] * If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 97.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv [jbws.org/jcnv] * If you don’t live or work predominately inMorris County or Passaic County in New Jersey, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org [thehotline.org] Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Is Location Sharing a Red Flag? When Location Tracking Becomes Control

Location sharing has become a normal part of relationships for many people but is it actually a red flag? Is it possible to share your location in a healthy way?  In this episode of Unsilenced, JBWS staff member Mary Jane McCarthy explores: * When asking for someone’s location becomes controlling * The difference between safety-based sharing and coercive control * How constant location tracking erodes trust * Warning signs that location tracking is rooted in abuse * How location sharing can escalate into digital stalking * Why refusing to share your location is not suspicious From teens in new relationships to long-term couples navigating boundaries, we break down how location tracking impacts trust, autonomy, and privacy. You’ll learn how to identify red flags, set healthy boundaries around technology, and recognize when tracking becomes a tool of control rather than care. While location sharing can be used responsibly, it can also normalize monitoring, suspicion, and other forms of abuse.   CONTENT: (0:00) Introduction (1:32) Basics of Location Sharing (4:26) Is Location Sharing A Red Flag? (8:54) How Long Before You Check Location? (12:40) Expectation of Availability (19:06) Length of Relationship Matters (24:03) Signs Location Sharing is Rooted in Control (37:55) Not Sharing Location Is Not Suspicious (40:25) Constantly Checking Location Erodes Trust (42:08) Is Location Tracking Stalking? (47:19) Questions to Ask Before Location Sharing (51:20) About JBWS and Resources   About JBWS and Resources: * JBWS's Services: jbws.org/services [jbws.org/services ] * General Resources: jbws.org/resources [jbws.org/resources] * If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv [jbws.org/jcnv ] * If you don't live or work in either Morris or Passaic County, NJ please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris