What to Do When You're Feeling Sorry for Yourself

What to Do When You're Feeling Sorry for Yourself

Self-pity is one of those things you can be deep into without recognizing what it is, until every thought circles back to you and how unfair things feel. This episode shows how to name it and break its hold by lifting your eyes off yourself and onto what God has done and who still needs you. Self-pity is sneaky. You can be neck-deep in it and never name it for what it is. Maybe you're worn out, or something painful happened and you have every right to be hurt. Either way, the mind drifts toward the long list of reasons you have to feel sorry for yourself, until every thought circles back to you and how unfair things are. It rarely announces itself. It just takes over the narration. The Bible has an almost comic picture of this, and it stars a prophet. God had just spared the city of Nineveh, and Jonah, who had been sent to warn them, was furious that God showed them mercy. In Jonah 4, God answers all of Jonah's drama with a calm question, asking whether it is right for him to be so angry. A whole city was just rescued, and all Jonah can talk about is his own disappointment. Then it shrinks further. God gives him a plant for shade, and when it dies the next day, Jonah sinks lower and says he would rather be dead. He is grieving a shrub while a hundred thousand people barely cross his mind. That is the problem with self-pity in one scene. It shrinks the picture down to you, until a dead plant feels bigger than a rescued city. Your pain may be valid; Jonah's discomfort was. The trouble is that the lens has zoomed so far in on you that nothing else fits in the shot. The way out is the one thing self-pity cannot survive: you lift your eyes, off yourself and onto what God has already done and who around you still needs you. J.R. Martinez learned this in a burn ward. At 19, he was pulled from a burning Humvee in Iraq with burns over more than a third of his body, and the day he first saw his own face, he sank into anger and the endless question, why me. Then a nurse asked him to visit another patient down the hall who had stopped talking to anyone. J.R. didn't think he had anything to offer, but he went, and as he spoke he watched something lift in a stranger. For the first time since the fire, he wasn't thinking about his own face. He started visiting patients every day, and he would later say God opened up a whole new world for him in that hospital. In this episode, Bart is candid about his own long history with self-pity, and the realization that every time he gave in, the subject was always himself. The turn came when he lifted his eyes off his situation and onto Jesus and his calling. Gratitude widens the frame, and so does service. The moment you remember someone who needs what you have, you stop being the only one in the picture. BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER: * Why self-pity is so easy to slip into without recognizing it * What Jonah sulking under a withered plant reveals about self-focus * A two-step way out: name it, then lift your eyes off yourself Self-pity shrinks the world down to you. The way out is to lift your eyes, onto what God has done and who still needs you. Share This Episode: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/268 [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/268] Need Prayer? Leave me a voicemail: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail] Want to keep these devotions coming? Please consider supporting this podcast. https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/] Rate and Review https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/] Connect with Bart Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusyliveshttps://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives [https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives] Website: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com] Feeling spiritually drained? Start here. Download your free copy of my eBook Making Time for Jesus https://daily-devotions-for-busy-lives.kit.com/b33aa395d1here: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe].

When You've Wanted Children and It Hasn't Happened

Wanting children when it hasn't happened is its own kind of grief, often invisible to others and strangely lonely in a church that celebrates babies. This episode looks at how God meets that ache, the way He met Hannah at the temple, and why your sorrow is never hidden from Him. Some grief comes with no funeral and no casserole, and the longing for a child you can't have is one of the deepest of them. Couples spend years trying for a baby that never comes. Women lose pregnancies without warning, sometimes more than once. Behind it is the slow realization that this part of life may not look the way you pictured, and the ache of it is mostly invisible to the people around you. Church, of all places, can be one of the loneliest rooms to feel it in, because church culture knows how to celebrate babies far better than it knows how to grieve with the ones who don't have them. Chelsea Patterson Sobolik grew up wanting more than almost anything to be a mom. In her early twenties, a doctor's visit she expected to be routine ended with a diagnosis: a rare condition meaning she would never bear a child of her own. She was in church circles full of baby dedications and pregnancy announcements, and she found there was almost no language for the woman in the third row whose body never would. Rather than walking away from God, she brought Him the raw version of her grief. Scripture does not flinch from this. In 1 Samuel 1, Hannah wanted a child and couldn't have one, and when she finally prayed, she didn't tidy it up. She wept with such abandon, her lips moving and no sound coming out, that Eli the priest assumed she was drunk. He misread her completely. God didn't. He saw what Eli missed and received a prayer too raw for words. That's the invitation here: you don't have to bring God a composed version of this grief, or make peace with it first. You can bring Him the unedited ache, even the envy you feel at the next announcement, and He receives it the way He received Hannah's. What holds here, whatever happens, runs deeper than whether a baby comes. Sometimes the longing is met, through birth or through a door like adoption you haven't opened yet. Sometimes it isn't, at least not the way you pictured. Either way, God sees you, in the exam room and in the third row, and His eyes are on a grief the rest of the world walks right past. In this episode, Bart speaks from a place close to his own family, where his daughter's first baby was stillborn, and from years of counseling couples who couldn't have children naturally. Chelsea didn't get a medical reversal. Years later she and her husband adopted a little boy, and the love for her son and the old longing live in the same heart now. What she'll tell you is that she was seen the whole way through, by a God her grief was never invisible to. BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER: * Why infertility and pregnancy loss are a real grief, even when no one else can see it * What Hannah's unfiltered prayer shows about bringing God your rawest pain * Why being seen by God matters whether or not the longing is ever met Whether or not the longing is met the way you hoped, your grief is not invisible to God. He sees you, and He is near. Share This Episode: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/267 [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/267] Need Prayer? Leave me a voicemail: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail] Want to keep these devotions coming? Please consider supporting this podcast. https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/] Rate and Review https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/] Connect with Bart Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusyliveshttps://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives [https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives] Website: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com] Feeling spiritually drained? Start here. Download your free copy of my eBook Making Time for Jesus https://daily-devotions-for-busy-lives.kit.com/b33aa395d1here: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe].

What to Do When Family Gatherings Are Stressful

Most families have at least one person or one dynamic that makes the holidays more tense than the greeting cards suggest, and you can feel braced before you sit down. This episode looks at how to move from keeping a fragile peace to making it, starting with prayer long before the gathering does. Almost every family has at least one person, or one dynamic, that makes getting together more stressful than the photos suggest. The brother-in-law who needles you about politics until you say something you regret. The sibling you haven't really spoken to in years, now sharing a kitchen with you and pretending it's normal. By the time you sit down at the table, you're already braced. You've run the scenarios and decided which comments you'll let slide. That's an exhausting way to love your own family, and it's more common than the cheerful holiday images let on. Julie Plagens knows the extreme version. She grew up in a Dallas home that looked spiritually buttoned-up, with a father who pastored two megachurches. Then she and her husband walked away from the faith and the family both, and the bitterness she held toward her parents and God knotted her up so badly it showed up in her body as Crohn's disease. She spent seven years away. When she finally felt called back, the bridges were gone, too much had been said, and nobody was willing to budge. So she did the one thing left to her. She set aside two days to fast and pray, trusting a God who raises the dead to breathe life into a relationship that looked finished. Two days in, her father called and extended an olive branch. Jesus spoke a blessing over people who step into this kind of tension. Matthew 5:9 says God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God. The word matters: He blessed the peacemakers, which asks more of us than peacekeeping does. Peacekeeping is biting your tongue and managing the room so nothing blows up; it holds a fragile calm and costs you something every time. Peacemaking is active. It moves toward what's broken to put it back together, which is slower work and far more like what God does. Here's the part worth being clear-eyed about. Your difficult relative probably won't change because you held your peace one more year. But the dynamic between you can start to shift when you do something different on your end, when you pray for that person by name instead of dreading them. It's difficult to keep seeing someone as the enemy while you're asking God to bless them. The dread loosens, your guard comes down, and sometimes the other person feels the change before they understand it. In this episode, Bart is candid that his own family gatherings have been calm, a gift he doesn't take for granted, and he draws on years of counseling people for whom they are anything but. The encouragement is practical: the work of peace usually starts on your knees, long before you reach the table. You do the working. You let God make the call. BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER: * Why most family tension is more common than the holiday images admit * The difference between keeping the peace and making it, and why it matters * How praying for the relative you dread can change the dynamic between you You can't control how everyone behaves around the table, but you can be the one who works for peace. That work usually starts in prayer, long before the gathering does. Share This Episode: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/266 [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/266] Need Prayer? Leave me a voicemail: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail] Want to keep these devotions coming? Please consider supporting this podcast. https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/] Rate and Review https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/] Connect with Bart Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusyliveshttps://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives [https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives] Website: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com] Feeling spiritually drained? Start here. Download your free copy of my eBook Making Time for Jesus https://daily-devotions-for-busy-lives.kit.com/b33aa395d1here: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe].

What to Do When Your Sin Has Consequences You Have to Live With

God's forgiveness is full and final, yet the wreckage you caused is sometimes still there in the morning. This episode looks at how to live forward when you've been forgiven but the harvest remains, and why grace climbs down into the consequences with you. There's a place the church doesn't talk about often enough. You did something, you've owned it, and you've confessed it to God. You know, as sure as you know anything, that He has forgiven you completely. The slate with Him is clean. But the marriage still ended. The trust is still gone. You wake up every morning in a life your own decision shaped, and you can't undo it. We're good at celebrating forgiveness. We're less good at standing with someone who is forgiven and still bleeding. That gap between a clean slate before God and a life still in pieces is one of the loneliest places a believer can live. In January 2026, Philip Yancey, the author of the most widely read Christian book on grace, confessed publicly to an eight-year affair. At 76, he retired from writing and speaking and said he had nothing left to stand on except God's mercy and grace. His wife, Janet, released her own statement, speaking from devastation, yet choosing to keep a marriage vow she made more than 55 years ago. Both of them now live in the life his choices shaped, asking God to do what they cannot do for themselves. Paul named how this works, and he didn't soften it. Galatians 6:7-8 says you will always harvest what you plant. That isn't cruelty; it's the truth about how life works. Sin has a yield, and you can be fully forgiven while the seeds you planted still come up. Forgiveness clears your guilt before God, but it doesn't always reverse the consequences in time. David was forgiven for what he did with Bathsheba, and the fallout still rolled through his family for years. Grace is complete, and the harvest is real, both at once. Here is the part that can save your life in that place. Grace doesn't hand you forgiveness and then leave you to clean up the rubble alone. It comes with you into the consequences. God doesn't forgive you and step back to watch from a distance; He climbs down into the wreckage and starts building something there. Your story isn't over because of what you did. He is still writing it, from exactly where you are now, harvest and all. That single truth changes how you face the morning after. In this episode, Bart draws on years of pastoral ministry, being in the room with people on the worst day of their lives, some who came to confess a sin they knew would change everything. The encouragement is practical and grounded: preach the truth back to yourself out loud, and take one small step to tend the life you're in now. You can't replant last year, but you can care for what's growing today. BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER: * Why God's complete forgiveness doesn't always erase the consequences of your choices * What Galatians 6:7-8 means by harvesting what you plant * How grace meets you inside the wreckage and keeps writing your story Forgiveness from God is complete, and even when the consequences remain, He is right there in them. You can't replant the past, but you can tend what's growing now. Share This Episode: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/265 [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/265] Need Prayer? Leave me a voicemail: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail] Want to keep these devotions coming? Please consider supporting this podcast. https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/] Rate and Review https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/] Connect with Bart Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusyliveshttps://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives [https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives] Website: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com] Feeling spiritually drained? Start here. Download your free copy of my eBook Making Time for Jesus https://daily-devotions-for-busy-lives.kit.com/b33aa395d1here: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe].

What to Do When You've Become Cynical

Cynicism rarely shows up all at once; it builds one disappointment at a time until you brace for the worst from people and from God. This episode looks at why that worn-down trust feels like wisdom but works like a trap, and how Paul and the research point to hope as a choice you reach for. Cynicism doesn't arrive all at once. It builds, one disappointment at a time: the coworker who lied to your face, the headline that hands you fresh proof every morning that people are awful and getting worse. By the time you notice, you're bracing for the worst from everyone, and somewhere along the way you stopped expecting much from God too. The worst part is that cynicism feels like wisdom. It feels like you've finally wised up and can't be fooled anymore. But it works like a slow poison, shrinking your life and walling you off from the very people, and the very God, who could do you good. Jamil Zaki, a Stanford psychologist, knows the pull firsthand. His research shows that most people are far kinder and more generous than the average person assumes. Yet during the pandemic, he spent his days defending human goodness and his nights doomscrolling into the same loop of outrage and bad news, until the man who studied kindness had become a cynic. So he started studying that too. What he found is that cynicism feels like wisdom but functions like a trap. Cynical people tend to earn less, struggle more with depression, and die younger than those who hold on to hope. He surveyed thousands of students and found that most of them wanted to make friends and enjoyed helping others, yet assumed the people around them were cold and indifferent. They were surrounded by people who wanted to connect and couldn't see it, because they had already decided the answer was no. Paul understood this long before the research caught up. Writing to believers facing real persecution and loss, he said in Romans 12:12, "Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." Every command there is a verb, something you do rather than something you wait to feel. Paul wasn't writing to people who felt hopeful. He was telling people with every earthly reason to despair to reach for hope on purpose. Biblical hope is a discipline, a decision about where you fix your eyes when the evidence around you screams the opposite. Paul made that decision under persecution, and asked the Romans to make it under theirs. In this episode, Bart speaks from his own years in law enforcement, where hearing constant lies and seeing people at their worst made him cynical without his ever choosing it. What pulls him back is consistent time in God's Word and the company of sincere people who want to live well. The cynic believes he's protecting himself, when he's slowly starving himself. Hope, it turns out, is both the holier path and the wiser one, and it gets stronger every time you choose it. BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER: * Why cynicism feels like wisdom while working against you * What Jamil Zaki's research reveals about the hidden cost of refusing to trust * Why Romans 12:12 treats hope as a verb you choose, not a feeling you wait for Hope is a choice you make and a muscle you build. Reach for it on purpose, and keep your mind fixed on Christ when the evidence says don't bother. Share This Episode: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/264 [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/264] Need Prayer? Leave me a voicemail: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/voicemail] Want to keep these devotions coming? Please consider supporting this podcast. https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/support/] Rate and Review https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/ [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/reviews/new/] Connect with Bart Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusyliveshttps://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives [https://www.facebook.com/dailydevotionsforbusylives] Website: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com] Feeling spiritually drained? Start here. Download your free copy of my eBook Making Time for Jesus https://daily-devotions-for-busy-lives.kit.com/b33aa395d1here: https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe [https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/subscribe]. Mentioned in this episode: Join Our Private Facebook Community If you're looking for a place to connect with other Daily Devotions listeners and pray for each other, I'd love for you to join our private Facebook community group. Come find us at https://www.dailydevotionsforbusylives.com/group