What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Surrogate

What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Surrogate

What do you wish someone had told you before you became a surrogate? In this episode of Fertility Café, Eloise Drane opens up the conversation surrogates rarely get to have out loud: the strange facts, surprising details, and small things nobody warns you about before a surrogacy journey begins. Drawing on years of stories from surrogates past and present, the Family Inceptions team, and friends across the field, this episode gathers the honest, behind-the-scenes truths -- from what not to do during the application process (hint: don’t assume one answer will disqualify you) to the surprisingly common “crying husband” moment on delivery day. It is candid, funny, and full of the kind of insight you only get from people who have actually been through it. If you are thinking about becoming a surrogate and want the real story, not the brochure version... If you have already started your journey and want to know what is coming next... If you simply want a behind-the-scenes look at how surrogacy really works... This episode is for you. Chapters You’ll Learn * How long the screening process really takes, and how to be choosy about your agency * Why this is your journey too, and you choose your intended parents as much as they choose you * Why surrogacy is not just a side hustle, plus what to expect for compensation * Why a little fertility biology goes a long way before clinic meetings * Why kids often grasp surrogacy faster than adults, and how to field their questions About Our Host Eloise Drane is the founder of Family Inceptions, a full-service surrogacy and egg donation agency she launched in 2008, and the host of Fertility Café. A six-time egg donor and three-time gestational surrogate herself, Eloise built her agency around informed empowerment, transparency, and care for everyone involved in the family-building process. She is also the creator of Surrogacy Roadmap, a course for intended parents pursuing independent surrogacy. Her mission is simple but powerful: to give surrogates, egg donors, and intended parents the honest information they deserve before they begin. Resources & Links Learn more about the podcast: Fertility Café [familyinceptions.com/fertility-cafe] Learn more about our surrogacy and egg donation agency: Family Inceptions [familyinceptions.com] Learn more about independent surrogacy: Surrogacy Roadmap [surrogacyroadmap.com] How to apply to be a surrogate: The Application Process [familyinceptions.com/how-to-apply-to-be-a-surrogate-the-application-process] On the blog: Ten Things That Make You an Ideal Surrogate [familyinceptions.com/ten-things-that-will-make-you-an-ideal-surrogate] Thinking about becoming a surrogate and want to talk with a team that has been doing this for over two decades? Visit https://quiz.familyinceptions.com [thefertilitycafe.com/start/become-a-surrogate] Connect with Eloise & Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com [familyinceptions.com] Related Episodes Ep 78 -- What It’s Really Like to Be a Surrogate [https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-78-first-hand-stories-from-a-surrogate/] A firsthand look at the day-to-day reality of carrying for someone else, from matching through delivery. Ep 13 -- Becoming a Surrogate: The Real Process [https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-13-becoming-a-surrogate-do-you-really-understand-the-surrogacy-process/] A step-by-step walk through what the surrogacy process actually involves, start to finish.

The Surrogacy Industry Has a Serious Problem

What happens when an industry built to help people build families starts failing the very people it's supposed to serve? In this season seven finale of Fertility Café, host Eloise Drane steps out from behind the interview chair to speak directly about what's been happening in the fertility and surrogacy space: the progress worth celebrating, the structural failures that keep producing real harm, and the political forces reshaping access to care right now. Eloise draws on nineteen episodes of conversations, years of experience inside this industry, and her own story as a former surrogate to give an honest assessment of where things stand and why so many people are getting hurt along the way. From agencies collapsing mid-pregnancy to embryo mix-ups with no federal reporting requirement, from the California surrogacy fraud case to billionaires fathering over 100 children through the American surrogacy system, Eloise names what's happening and why it keeps happening. If you've ever trusted this industry and wondered whether your trust was well placed... If you're considering surrogacy or egg donation and want to go in with your eyes open... If you believe that the people building families through these paths deserve better than what the system is currently offering... This episode is for you. You'll Learn * Why the surrogacy industry's lack of licensing requirements is at the root of its most serious failures * What the 2025 California surrogacy fraud case revealed about how women are being deceived * What is happening when wealthy men use the American surrogacy system to father dozens or hundreds of children * Why embryo mix-ups keep occurring and why there is still no federal requirement to report them * How fertility fraud by doctors using their own sperm without patient consent is still being uncovered today * Where federal policy is moving on IVF access and why progress on one side is being undercut on the other * Which states are leading on fertility insurance mandates and what those laws actually cover * What the push for restorative reproductive medicine in federal policy actually means for patients * Why Eloise believes a federal insurance mandate is the only thing that will truly move the needle on access * What the Vatican's call for a global surrogacy ban gets wrong about ethical, supported surrogacy * How to thoroughly vet an agency, clinic, or donor situation before you commit to anything * What the stories that never make the news say about what this industry looks like when it works About Eloise Drane Eloise Drane is the founder of Family Inceptions, a licensed surrogacy and egg donation agency, and the host of Fertility Café. She has spent over two decades working across every facet of third-party reproduction as a professional, an advocate, and a former 3x surrogate herself. She brings that full picture to every conversation on this show, including this one. Resources & Links Website: familyinceptions.com Instagram: @fertilitycafepodcast YouTube: Fertility Café Related Episodes Ep 136: When the Donor and the Donor-Conceived Meet: One Remarkable Story [https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/an-80s-sperm-donor-a-fertility-specialist-a-sitting-senator/]A sperm donor from the 1980s, a fertility specialist, and the sitting senator who came looking for him. Ep 135: I Carried Two Babies for Other Families: The Truth About Becoming a Surrogate Twice [https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/i-carried-two-babies-for-other-families-the-truth-about-becoming-a-surrogate-twice/]Darnae Pitts on what surrogacy really looks like from the inside, twice. Ep 138: The Egg Donation Screening Process: What to Expect from Application to Retrieval [https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/the-egg-donation-screening-process-what-to-expect-from-application-to-retrieval/]Christina Alicea, a five-time egg donor and fertility field professional, demystifies the process from start to finish.

Beyond the Egg: Rethinking Fertility Through Egg, Embryo, and Sperm Health

What if everything you thought you knew about fertility was only half the story? In this episode of Fertility Café, Eloise Drane sits down with board-certified reproductive endocrinologist and infertility specialist Dr. Natalie Crawford for a deeply honest, science-backed conversation about what's really going on inside your body and why so many women are left in the dark until it's too late. Dr. Crawford opens up about her own fertility journey: recurrent pregnancy loss, an ectopic pregnancy, and the humbling realization that even as an OB-GYN and fertility fellow, she didn't have the answers to her own most basic questions. That experience, combined with years of clinical research, led her to a powerful conclusion: inflammation is the silent driver behind far more fertility struggles than we're told, and most of us have more control than we think. From egg quality and ovarian reserve to sperm health, insulin resistance, and the role of sleep and stress, this conversation goes places most doctors simply don't have time to take you. If you've ever felt dismissed, confused, or like you're always one step behind on your own health, this episode is for you. You'll Learn * Why fertility is a marker of long-term health, not just a life stage * The difference between egg quantity (ovarian reserve) and egg quality, and why it matters * What AMH actually tells you, and what it doesn't * How chronic inflammation and insulin resistance silently impact your eggs, sperm, and hormones * Why sperm health is 50% of the fertility equation and gets about 10% of the conversation * What men should absolutely avoid if they want to preserve their fertility * How sleep, stress, and exercise form the foundation of hormonal health * Why IVF is not a guarantee, and how lifestyle factors affect your outcomes even during treatment * What to ask your doctor that most patients never think to ask * How Dr. Crawford's new book, The Fertility Formula, gives you an actionable roadmap no matter where you are in your journey About Our Guest Dr. Natalie Crawford is a double board-certified OB-GYN and reproductive endocrinologist, host of the As a Woman podcast, and author of the forthcoming book The Fertility Formula. She holds a master's degree in clinical research and has spent her career bridging the gap between cutting-edge fertility science and the real, everyday questions her patients are asking. After experiencing recurrent pregnancy loss and an ectopic pregnancy during her own medical training, Dr. Crawford channeled her personal struggles into a mission: to make fertility education proactive, personalized, and empowering, long before a patient ever needs to sit in a fertility clinic. Her work challenges the industry's reactive model and advocates for earlier testing, lifestyle-informed care, and treating fertility as the whole-health marker it truly is. Resources & Links * Instagram: @nataliecrawfordmd * Podcast: As a Woman -- available on all podcast platforms and YouTube * Book: The Fertility Formula – available at www.nataliecrawfordmd.com/book [http://www.nataliecrawfordmd.com/book]  * Connect with Eloise & Family Inceptions: www.familyinceptions.com [http://www.familyinceptions.com]  * Fertility360: www.fertility360.com [http://www.fertility360.com]  Related Episodes Ep 129 -- Acupuncture for Fertility: Supporting Hormones, Cycles & IVF Success How acupuncture supports hormone balance, regulates cycles, and complements fertility treatment. [https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-129-acupuncture-for-fertility-supporting-hormones-cycles-ivf-success/] Ep 126 -- What Your OBGYN Isn't Telling You A candid discussion about the gaps in reproductive health education and why so many women leave appointments without real answers. [https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/what-your-obgyn-isnt-telling-you/]

The Egg Donation Screening Process: What to Expect from Application to Retrieval

What does it actually take to become an egg donor, and what happens after the retrieval that no one warns you about? In this episode of Fertility Café, Eloise Drane sits down with Christina Alicea, a fertility field professional and five-time egg donor, for one of the most honest and wide-ranging conversations about the egg donation experience you'll find anywhere. Christina brings a rare dual perspective: she has worked inside fertility clinics and egg donation agencies for over seven years and has personally gone through the process five times. From the initial application to the emotional weight of long-term implications, Christina pulls back the curtain on what donors are often underprepared for physically, emotionally, and ethically. If you've ever considered egg donation... If you work with donors and want to better understand their experience... If you're an intended parent curious about what a donor actually goes through... This episode is for you. You'll Learn * What the egg donation screening process actually involves and how to prepare for it * What donors experience physically and emotionally during a cycle (the parts no one talks about enough) * What OHSS is, why it matters, and one cautionary story about ignoring aftercare instructions * Why true anonymity in egg donation no longer exists and what that means for everyone involved * The spectrum of donation arrangements, from de-identified to fully open, and how they've evolved * Why the donor-conceived community is changing the conversation around transparency and identity * What the long-term research gaps mean for donors who want to protect their future fertility * Why egg donation is a lifetime commitment and not just a medical procedure * What Christina would tell any woman considering donation before she even fills out the application About Our Guest Christina Alicea is a fertility field professional with over seven years of experience working inside fertility clinics and egg donation agencies. She is also a five-time egg donor whose donation arrangements have ranged from de-identified to fully open. Christina brings a deeply personal and professionally informed perspective to conversations about donor education, ethical practices, and the long-term implications of egg donation. Her passion lies in helping donors see beyond the compensation and understand the full scope of the commitment they are making. Resources & Links * Connect with Eloise & Family Inceptions: familyinceptions.com [http://familyinceptions.com] * Become an Egg Donor: familyinceptions.com/egg-donors  Related Episodes Ep. 134 -- The Truth About Birth Control, Ovulation, and Your Hormones with Lisa Hendrickson-Jack [https://familyinceptions.egnyte.com/navigate/folder/85996d0f-fc32-4ac4-9f5c-fc85ff6ca667] A deep dive into the menstrual cycle as a vital sign, how hormonal birth control affects the body, and why understanding your cycle matters before and beyond trying to conceive. Ep. 129 -- Acupuncture for Fertility: Supporting Hormones, Cycles & IVF Success [https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/ep-129-acupuncture-for-fertility-supporting-hormones-cycles-ivf-success/] How acupuncture supports hormone balance, regulates cycles, and complements fertility treatment. Ep. 126 -- What Your OBGYN Isn't Telling You [https://thefertilitycafe.com/podcast/what-your-obgyn-isnt-telling-you/] A candid discussion about the gaps in reproductive health education and why so many women leave appointments without real answers.

Surrogacy from Start to Baby: What Every Intended Parent Should Know

You've decided you want to build your family through surrogacy. Now what? In this episode of Fertility Café, Eloise Drane sits down with surrogacy Family Support Advisor,  Jennifer Silva to walk intended parents through the entire surrogacy journey, from that very first phone call to bringing your baby home. Jennifer draws on both her professional expertise and her own deeply personal fertility journey to give one of the most honest, comprehensive conversations about surrogacy you'll find anywhere. This episode doesn't sugarcoat the process. It breaks down what the matching phase actually involves, why surrogate screening matters more than most agencies let on, what the real financial picture looks like, and why emotional preparation is just as important as having the right embryos. If you've ever wondered how long surrogacy actually takes... If you've been shocked by the costs and aren't sure what you're really paying for... If you're trying to figure out whether you're truly ready to begin... This episode is for you. You'll Learn * The major phases of a surrogacy journey and what to expect at each stage * Whether you need embryos ready before reaching out to an agency * Why realistic timelines are 18 to 24 months and why that's actually a good thing * What thorough surrogate screening looks like and why it protects everyone * The real financial picture: why total costs range from $140,000 to $200,000+ * What most intended parents don't realize about surrogate compensation and insurance * Why double embryo transfers are rarely done and what to consider instead * How to think through matching criteria, communication styles, and relationship expectations * Why emotional preparation and processing past trauma matters before you start * What questions to honestly ask yourself before taking the first step * Why doors are never truly closed and what to do if you're not ready yet About Our Guest Jennifer Silva is a surrogacy Family Support Advisor with deep firsthand knowledge of the fertility journey. After years of navigating her own infertility, severe endometriosis, and multiple IVF clinic changes, Jennifer became a passionate advocate for intended parents, particularly around education, transparency, and emotional readiness. She works closely with Family Inceptions to guide intended parents through every stage of the surrogacy process, from initial consultation through matching, medical clearance, transfer, pregnancy, and birth. Her approach is rooted in honesty, patience, and making sure every family is truly prepared: not just on paper, but emotionally, financially, and relationally. Resources & Links * Family Inceptions Website: familyinceptions.com * Free Consultation: Available through the Family Inceptions website Related Episodes Ep 126: What Your OBGYN Isn't Telling You A candid discussion about the gaps in reproductive health education and why so many women leave appointments without real answers. Essential listening for anyone advocating for themselves through a fertility journey. Ep 129: Acupuncture for Fertility: Supporting Hormones, Cycles & IVF Success How acupuncture supports hormone balance, regulates cycles, and complements IVF treatment. A great resource for intended parents still in the embryo creation phase.