Belonging Isn't About Fitting In

Why Third Places Matter More Than We Think

In Chapter 2 of The Great Good Place, Ray Oldenburg doesn’t just define third places — he asks why we lost them in the first place. Modern American life has a place problem. We’ve now organized our lives almost entirely around two spaces: Home — our first place Work — our second place And we’ve slowly erased, neglected, or devalued the spaces in between, the third places. In these first several episodes, I talk about the book, The Great Good Place and the fundamental need for third places in our communities. Today, I talk a bit about what used to be my favorite third place, until it went out of business. Soon, we will go on an exploration of Madison, Wisconsin's great third places as I search for my own third place, to replace one long lost years ago! Grab something to drink, have a seat and let's have a conversation about third places!

Great Good Places - Why They Matter

If you’re new to the podcast, this is a virtual third place — a place for connection, conversation, community AND to remember how good it feels to be together in places with people other than those we live or work with. Grab something to drink, have a seat and let’s keep the conversation going about third places.  Eventually I’ll get to Madison’s great third places, but I’m stillsetting the table for that conversation.  Even if you don’t live in my area, I hope you’ll learn to love Madison the way I do, and all its third places or at least inspire you to think about your own favorite third places. In the last few introductory episodes, I’ve been talking about our ancient roots as gatherers — our primal need to connect, to share stories, and to find common ground, resulting in a cohesive connected community. Today, I want to continue to build on what is known in sociology as “the third place.”

The Ancient Instinct to Connect - Why We Gather

Before we had screens, cities, jobs and too many commitments or even words, we had firelight. We had each other. We had community. We sat around fires and warmed our hearts. This episode explores how our primal ancestry as hunters and gatherers still shapes our need to connect, commune, and belong. From ancient campfires to modern virtual circles, we’ll explore what happens when people come together—with stories from early human tribes to digital communities that keep the spark of belonging alive. Join me in my virtual third place and comment on what places are meaningful to you.

Belonging Isn't About Fitting In

Third places are where we practice belonging—by being in community with people who are not like us. It’s not just about comfort; it’s about connection that stretches us gently beyond ourselves. Belonging isn’t about finding people who are exactly like us—it’s about finding spaces where we can bring our full selves and still be welcomed. That’s what I hope Gatherers can be—a table big enough for everyone.

Gatherers - What's a Third Place?

Welcome to Resistance Cafe! My virtual third place. What's a third place, you ask? Join me and find out. They teach small "d" democracy skills that make us better communicators, better listeners, negotiators, neighbors, and connect us to the basic needs of others. And ourselves. They’re training grounds for participation—people who feel connected locally are more likely to vote, volunteer, and solve problems together. Gatherers is one of a kind, just a coffee-cast, a podcast for conversation.