Brothers In Grief: Nora Gross On Cumulative Loss & Gun Violence

Brothers In Grief: Nora Gross On Cumulative Loss & Gun Violence

What happens when grief isn't an exception, but a constant presence? In this episode, Jana talks with researcher and educator Nora Gross [https://www.noragross.com/] about her book, Brothers in Grief: The Hidden Toll of Gun Violence on Black Boys and Their Schools [https://www.brothersingrief.com/], which follows the two years she spent embedded in a Philadelphia boys' high school where students were grieving repeated losses from gun violence. Through interviews, observation, and simply showing up, Nora witnessed how grief shapes friendships, school life, ideas about the future, and the social constraints Black boys face when it comes to grief. Nora also shares how her own experiences of grief - including the death of her mother from cancer while Nora was finishing her Ph.D. program and the deaths of three students in her first year of teaching—influenced the questions she researched and continue to shape her understanding of grief today. We discuss: * How cumulative loss changes young people's expectations for the future. * Why grief often remains invisible in schools, even when nearly everyone has experienced loss. * The unique pressures Black boys face around expressing - and not expressing - emotion. * The difference between the "easy hard," the "hard hard," and the "hidden hard" phases of communal grief, particularly in a school setting. * Why curiosity, rather than fixing, may be one of the most powerful ways we can support young people who are grieving. * How listening deeply can become an act of care. Nora Gross [https://www.noragross.com/] is a sociologist of youth, race, and education and a documentary filmmaker. She is Assistant Professor of Education at Barnard College, Columbia University and received her PhD from the University of Pennsylvania in Sociology and Education. Nora uses qualitative, multimodal, and participatory methods to understand the ways youth develop and protect their inner lives in the face of external constraints. She has published on issues related to racialized masculinity for both Black and white boys, grief and loss, political polarization in schools, teens' social media use, youth resistance and emotional solidarity, and school supports for vulnerable youth. She has also produced several documentary films focusing on the lives of Black boys and men. Nora is the author of the award-winning ethnographic book, Brothers in Grief: The Hidden Toll of Gun Violence on Black Boys and Their Schools (University of Chicago Press, 2024), as well as co-editor of Care-Based Methodologies: Reimagining Qualitative Research with Youth in US Schools (Bloomsbury Academic, 2022). You can learn more at www.noragross.com [https://www.noragross.com] & https://www.brothersingrief.com/ [https://www.brothersingrief.com/]

It's All Hard - Sudden vs Anticipated Loss

Is it harder when someone dies suddenly, or when you know their death is coming? It's a question that comes up often in grief spaces, and there's no easy answer. Both are hard - just in different ways. In this episode, Aimee Craig talks about grieving the deaths of both of her parents under very different circumstances. Aimee's dad died suddenly when she was 23, during a season of major life transitions. Nearly two decades later, her mom died after living with cancer for many years, including five years with a terminal diagnosis. Aimee reflects on how differently she experienced these losses - not just because of the circumstances of each death, but because of who she was at each point in her life. At 23, grief felt overwhelming and frightening. At 41, as a parent and longtime Dougy Center volunteer, she had more language and capacity for grief, even while navigating the difficult realities of caregiving and end-of-life decision making. We explore the emotional and physical impact of sudden loss versus anticipated death, the complicated realities of caregiving, and the grief that comes with milestone moments, holidays, and parenting without the support and celebration of your own parents. We also discuss what it means to actually witness grief and how having space to tell the truth without judgment or pressure to feel better - can help grief feel less isolating and a little easier to carry. We discuss: * Sudden death and the shock it can have on the body and nervous system * Grieving before someone dies and the realities of caregiving * How grief changes as we change over time * The pressure and complexity of end-of-life decisions * Parenting while grieving your own parents * Mother's Day, Father's Day, and other significant days * Why witnessing grief matters * How being grief aware doesn't make us immune to being caught off guard by grief If you're supporting someone who is grieving, or navigating grief yourself, this episode validates that there's no right or wrong way to feel in grief, no timeline for it, and that we can't measure grief by how someone died. Check out Aimee's podcast, Who Died? [https://www.dougy.org/news-media/podcasts/who-died]

How to Talk With Children About Grief & Loss

How do you talk with children about death, dying, and grief - especially when the truth feels impossible to say? Most adults feel unprepared to tell a child that someone in their life has an advanced serious illness or has died. There's often a deep desire to protect kids from pain, avoid overwhelming them, or wanting to wait until there's a "better" time to talk. But children often already sense that something has changed. In this episode, Jana is joined by Dougy Center colleagues Rebecca Hobbs-Lawrence, M.A. and Sat Kaur Khalsa, M.S.W. to talk about how adults can approach these conversations with honesty, clarity, and compassion. Rebecca, Dougy Center's Pathways Program and Grief Services Coordinator, and Sat Kaur, Dougy Center's Family Services Coordinator, bring decades of professional experience supporting grieving children and families. They also share how their own childhood experiences of grief shaped the way they talk with kids about loss today. Together, they explore how to tell children someone has died using concrete, age-appropriate language, why grief conversations don't need to happen all at once, and how adults can respond when children ask difficult questions about blame, uncertainty, and why someone died. They also discuss how to talk with children about deaths that are often stigmatized, including suicide, homicide, and substance-related deaths, and why withholding information can sometimes create more fear and confusion. Whether you're a parent, caregiver, clinician, educator, or simply someone supporting a those who are grieving, this conversation offers practical guidance and reassurance for navigating some of the hardest conversations. We discuss: * Why honesty and clear language matter when talking with kids about death * How to explain death in concrete, age-appropriate ways * Why grief conversations are never one-and-done * Supporting children when someone has an advanced serious illness * How to respond when kids blame themselves for a death * Talking about suicide, homicide, and substance-related deaths without shame * Why adults don't need perfect words - just presence and openness Resources: Dougy Center's full collection of Tip Sheets and Activities: https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources [https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources] Grief education & training offerings: https://www.dougy.org/professionals-trainings [https://www.dougy.org/professionals-trainings]

What Happens When You Stop Outrunning Grief? Camila Crews & Sorry For Your Loss (Cards)

Have you ever found yourself trying to outrun grief? That's what Camila Crews [https://www.sorryforyourlosscards.com/aboutus] did when she was 19 and her mother died. Twenty years later, following the heartbreaking disappearance and death of her father, Camila stopped running and started feeling. Unable to just keep pushing through, she had to face her grief and learn how to care for herself in the process. Facing her grief inspired Camila to start Sorry for Your Loss (Cards) [https://www.sorryforyourlosscards.com/], an initiative to help people better understand grief and show up for those who are mourning. Centering the experiences of Black and Brown communities, Sorry for Your Loss (Cards) provides workshops [https://www.sorryforyourlosscards.com/workshops], cards, resources [https://www.sorryforyourlosscards.com/cardsandfree], and community experiences designed to decrease the isolation that so often accompanies grief. We discuss: * The fiery, creative energy Camila's parents shared * Losing her mother twice: first as a child when her mother moved away, and then as a young adult when she died * The instinct to just keep moving forward after her mother's death * Having to slow down and finally face grief after her father was killed * Living with the unanswered questions surrounding her father's disappearance and presumed death * The vital importance of culturally specific grief resources * Finding connection with other people who are grieving * The origin of Sorry for Your Loss (Cards) and Camila's commitment to helping others understand grief Camila A. Crews builds tools, experiences, and cultural conversations that help people show up for grief in real, tangible ways. After losing both of her parents over the course of two decades, she experienced firsthand how lonely grief can feel and how often people want to support others but don't know how. The purpose of Sorry For Your Loss is to help people get familiar with grief before it overwhelms them or someone they love. Since founding Sorry For Your Loss, Camila has developed therapist endorsed grief support tools and facilitated workshops based on her frameworks at wellness and mental health summits. Before building her own platform, Camila held public relations leadership roles shaping multicultural campaigns for global brands including Apple TV+, Netflix, and Universal Pictures. She blends storytelling, empathy, and lived experience to create meaningful tools for grief, connection, and community. Follow on IG [https://www.instagram.com/sorryforyourlosscards/] - @sorryforyourlosscards

When "It's Not Your Fault" Falls Flat - Grief & Guilt

In December of 2021, Sawyer was halfway through their final year of college in a world that was still reeling from the pandemic. Home for the holidays, Sawyer got the heartbreaking news that their older brother, Jason, had died by suicide - a before-and-after moment that continues to reverberate today. Sawyer shares their nuanced perspective on grief, delving into how mental health, incarceration, and other systemic barriers impacted Jason's life and death. We also explore how the phrase, "It's not your fault," while well-intentioned, can leave little space for those who are grieving to truly reckon with both guilt and regret. We discuss: * Jason's artistry, love of cars, and enduring pride in Sawyer's academic accomplishments * Navigating grief while finishing college and graduating * The intersection of grief and institutional failures, including incarceration, a lack of stable housing, and inadequate mental health support * How peer support - both formal and informal - gave Sawyer space to reckon with both grief and guilt * The power of logistical support to help those who are grieving If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. You can call 988, the National Crisis Line, or text HELLO to 741-741. Other resources include: The Trevor Project for LGBTQ+ youth (1-866-488-7386) and BlackLine (1-800-604-5841). Resources Mentioned: * Wild Grief - Grieving Together in Nature [https://www.wildgrief.org/] * Dougy Center - Resources for Young Adults [https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources/young-adults] If you want to learn more about supporting children and teens who are grieving, sign up for our online courses here: https://classes.dougy.org/ [https://classes.dougy.org/]