163: Transitions in Midlife: Finding Peace in the In-Between with Bardo

166: Loving When It Feels Hard, Part 2: Boundaries, Forgiveness, and Choosing Peace

How yoga philosophy helps us love difficult people without abandoning ourselves. How do we keep our hearts open when someone has hurt us? And how do we practice love without pretending something is okay when it is not? In this episode of The Midlife Purpose Project, we continue the conversation from Part 1 of Loving When It Feels Hard and go deeper into what happens when difficult relationships become truly hurtful. This episode is not about spiritual bypassing. It is not about pretending you are not angry, hurt, resentful, or grieving. And it is not about abandoning yourself in the name of being loving or spiritual. Instead, this episode explores how yoga philosophy can help us stay connected to love while also honoring our truth, setting boundaries, feeling our emotions, and protecting our peace. We talk about ahimsa, or non-harming, and why non-harming must include yourself. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is set a clear boundary, create distance, speak the truth, or even release a relationship that continues to cause harm. We also explore viveka, or discernment, as the practice of seeing clearly what a moment requires. Love does not always look soft from the outside. Sometimes love looks like firmness. Sometimes it looks like a boundary. Sometimes it looks like refusing to participate in a harmful pattern. This episode also moves into vairagya, or non-attachment, especially when we want someone else to change. We can love someone, hope for their healing, and model another way of being without attaching our peace to whether or not they are willing to evolve. And finally, we explore forgiveness, anger, grief, and upeksha, or equanimity. Forgiveness is not excusing what happened. It is not rushing past pain. It is not saying something was okay when it was not. Forgiveness is a process of telling the truth, feeling what is underneath the anger, and eventually releasing the hope that the past could have been different. This is deep spiritual work. It asks us to practice svadhyaya, or self-study, by looking honestly at our own reactions, triggers, wounds, patterns, and responsibilities. Even when someone else is wrong, our healing still belongs to us. If you are navigating a painful or complicated relationship, this episode is an invitation to return to your center, tell the truth, set the boundary, feel what is real, and reach for the highest branch of loving-kindness available to you. Not perfect love. Not forced forgiveness. Not self-abandonment. But the kind of love that keeps your heart open without letting harm continue. IN THIS EPISODE, WE EXPLORE * Why loving someone does not mean abandoning yourself * The difference between spirituality and spiritual bypassing * Why pretending you are not hurt or angry can become a form of self-harm * How ahimsa, or non-harming, must include yourself * Why boundaries can be an expression of love * How love does not always look gentle from the outside * What viveka, or discernment, teaches us about taking right action * Why we cannot force another person to change * How vairagya, or non-attachment, helps us release our grip on someone else’s evolution * Why forgiveness should never be rushed * How anger can point us toward grief, hurt, shame, fear, or sadness underneath * Why forgiveness is not excusing harm or letting someone off the hook * How svadhyaya, or self-study, helps us see our wounds and triggers clearly * What it means to reach for the highest branch of loving-kindness * How upeksha, or equanimity, helps us choose peace without denying pain YOGA PHILOSOPHY CONCEPTS IN THIS EPISODE AHIMSA Ahimsa means non-harming. In this episode, we explore why non-harming must include yourself. Staying in harmful patterns, denying your emotions, or pretending something is okay when it is not can become a form of self-harm. VIVEKA Viveka means discernment or clear seeing. It is the ability to pause, return to your center, and see what the moment actually requires. Sometimes the loving response is softness. Sometimes it is truth. Sometimes it is a firm boundary. VAIRAGYA Vairagya means non-attachment. In difficult relationships, this can mean loving someone, hoping for their healing, and modeling another way without attaching your peace to whether or not they choose to change. SVADHYAYA Svadhyaya means self-study. It is the practice of honestly observing your thoughts, reactions, wounds, patterns, and triggers so you can see where healing is needed and return to greater freedom. UPEKSHA Upeksha means equanimity. It is the ability to remain steady, grounded, and clear even in the presence of pain, complexity, or difficult emotions. Equanimity allows us to choose peace without denying what happened. REFLECTION QUESTIONS FROM THIS EPISODE * Where am I confusing love with self-abandonment? * What emotions have I been pretending are not there? * Is there a boundary I need to set in order to practice non-harming toward myself? * Am I hoping someone else will change before I allow myself to feel peace? * What am I still attached to that is keeping me on an emotional rollercoaster? * What is underneath my anger? * Is there grief, hurt, sadness, fear, or shame asking to be seen? * What wound in me may have been touched by this relationship? * What is my responsibility in my own healing? * What is the highest branch of loving-kindness I can reach for right now? * What would help me return to equanimity? GENTLE PRACTICE FROM THIS EPISODE The next time you feel anger, resentment, or hurt rising in a difficult relationship, pause before reacting. Take a few slow breaths. Place one hand over your heart if that feels supportive. Then ask yourself: What am I really feeling beneath the anger? What boundary would protect my peace? What is mine to heal? What is not mine to carry? What would love look like here if love included me too? You do not have to force forgiveness. You do not have to pretend you are okay. Just begin with honesty. That is svadhyaya. That is self-study. That is the beginning of freedom. ABOUT KATIE FARINAS Katie Farinas is a midlife coach, yoga teacher, and spiritual guide who helps women navigate midlife with clarity, peace, purpose, and empowerment. Through yoga philosophy, mindfulness, nervous system regulation, and energy-based practices, Katie supports women in reconnecting with themselves and stepping fully into their most aligned and authentic lives. ✨ Ways To Go Deeper: If you’re ready to feel less overwhelmed and more connected to your body, needs, and inner voice, explore my 4-week private coaching experience for midlife women: Reconnect With Your Body and Yourself. Learn more here. [https://katiefarinas.kit.com/129a55d1d1] Record your question here and I will answer it on the show!! https://www.speakpipe.com/KatieFarinas [https://www.speakpipe.com/KatieFarinas] * Join the Monthly Satsang [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/p/the-monthly-sangha] * Visit Katie’s website [https://katiefarinas.com/] * Join the newsletter for soulful insights and to receive weekly practices [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/] * Read and watch on Substack [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/?utm_campaign=profile_chips] * Book a reflective Insight Seat [https://calendly.com/katiefarinas/free-coaching-on-the-podcast] to come on the show and receive live coaching * Schedule a Clarity Call [https://katiefarinas.com/discovery-call/] to see if my coaching is right for you. 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube [https://youtu.be/3NCDpy5ahvg?si=n2A74YVpuOmOl6FD]:

165: Loving When It Feels Hard: How to Stay Open Without Abandoning Yourself

How do we love people who are difficult to love? This is one of the hardest spiritual practices. Across many wisdom traditions, we are taught that we are not separate from one another. Beneath our personalities, opinions, wounds, beliefs, and stories, there is a shared essence moving through all of us. But that can be very hard to remember when someone is being hurtful, angry, unfair, frustrating, selfish, or difficult. In this episode of The Midlife Purpose Project, we explore what it means to love when it feels hard — not in a way that asks you to abandon yourself, excuse harmful behavior, or stay in situations that are not safe, but in a way that helps you protect your own heart from closing completely. This episode looks at the difference between love and self-abandonment, compassion and enabling, boundaries and resentment. Through the lens of yoga philosophy, we explore ahimsa, or non-harming, and why loving others must also include not harming yourself. We also talk about triggers, ego responses, resentment, anger, and the spiritual freedom that becomes possible when we learn to pause before reacting. When someone activates something painful in us, it can feel automatic to respond from anger, defensiveness, judgment, or resentment. But the real practice is learning to pause, breathe, return to center, and choose a response that does not rob us of our peace. This episode also explores the idea that difficult people can show us where we are not yet free. Our triggers can reveal the wounds that still need our attention. And while that does not make someone else’s behavior acceptable, it can help us see our own inner work more clearly. You’ll also hear about the practice of not taking things personally, the wisdom of seeing someone’s behavior as a reflection of their own internal experience, and the yoga practice of pratipaksha bhavana — cultivating the opposite perspective. This does not mean pretending harm did not happen. It means learning to see the whole person without denying the harm. It means choosing where you place your attention. It means keeping your heart open without removing your boundaries. And it means remembering that love is not weakness. Sometimes love is the most courageous spiritual practice there is. IN THIS EPISODE, WE EXPLORE * Why loving difficult people is one of the hardest spiritual practices * How many wisdom traditions point toward our shared essence * Why people’s wounds, stories, and beliefs can hide the truth of who they are * Why closing your heart may protect you from pain, but can also block love and healing * What yoga philosophy teaches through ahimsa, or non-harming * Why love does not mean abandoning yourself or ignoring harmful behavior * How anger and resentment can keep us trapped in suffering * Why the pause between stimulus and response is where freedom begins * How triggers can reveal the wounds that still need healing * Why other people’s behavior is often about their own internal experience * What it means to not take things personally * How to see the good in someone without denying the harm they have caused * How pratipaksha bhavana helps us shift our perspective * Why choosing love is not the same as excusing bad behavior * How to respond from your higher self instead of your wounded ego YOGA PHILOSOPHY CONCEPTS IN THIS EPISODE AHIMSA Ahimsa means non-harming. In this episode, we explore how non-harming applies not only to others, but also to ourselves. Loving someone does not mean allowing them to harm you. Boundaries can be an expression of love and non-harming. SVADHYAYA Svadhyaya is a sanskrit term for self study. In yoga philosophy, it means the practice of honestly observing yourself — your thoughts, patterns, beliefs, reactions, habits, wounds, desires, and inner truth — so you can begin to see yourself more clearly. It is not self-analysis in a harsh or judgmental way. It is compassionate awareness. PRATIPAKSHA BHAVANA Pratipaksha bhavana is the practice of cultivating the opposite perspective. When the mind becomes caught in anger, judgment, or aversion, this practice invites us to consciously turn toward a different way of seeing. It does not require us to deny harm, but it helps us remember that people are complex and rarely only one thing. REFLECTION QUESTIONS FROM THIS EPISODE * Who in my life feels difficult to love right now? * What happens inside my body when I think about this person? * What wound might be getting touched in me? * Am I responding from my center, or from protection? * What boundary would help me practice love without abandoning myself? * What am I taking personally that may actually be about the other person’s inner world? * Can I see any good in this person without denying the harm? * What response would allow me to keep my peace? * Where am I being invited into more freedom? PRACTICE FROM THIS EPISODE The next time someone triggers anger, resentment, or defensiveness in you, pause before responding. Take a few slow breaths. Feel your feet on the ground. Place a hand over your heart if that feels supportive. Then ask yourself: What is happening inside me right now? What wound might be getting touched? What response would protect my peace? What response would come from love without abandoning myself? You do not have to respond immediately. Sometimes the most powerful spiritual practice is creating enough space to choose.

164: Balance Is a Myth: What Yoga Teaches Us About Wobbling Through Life

Feeling like you can’t balance it all? This episode explores why balance is a myth and how yoga teaches us to wobble, readjust, and return to center. What if balance is not something we are supposed to finally achieve? What if balance is not standing perfectly still, holding everything together, or giving equal energy to every part of your life? In this episode of The Midlife Purpose Project, we explore the myth of balance and what yoga can teach us about the real practice of staying centered in everyday life. So many of us have been taught that we should be able to balance it all: family, work, friendships, health, home, spiritual growth, parenting, rest, and all the endless responsibilities of being an adult. And when we cannot do it all perfectly, we assume we are failing. But balance, as we often imagine it, does not really exist. In yoga, balancing postures like Tree Pose or Warrior III are not still and perfect. They are full of tiny movements, adjustments, wiggles, wobbles, and moments of falling out and beginning again. The body is constantly sensing, shifting, and returning to center. Life is the same way. This episode is an invitation to stop chasing the impossible version of balance and begin practicing a more compassionate, honest, and seasonal version of it instead. You’ll be invited to ask: What matters most in this season? What is my edge right now? What can I release without guilt? What would help me stay present, peaceful, and connected to what matters? If you have been feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, or like you are failing at balancing it all, this episode will help you see balance in a new way. You are not failing. You are practicing. IN THIS EPISODE, WE EXPLORE * Why balance, as we usually define it, is a myth * How the pressure to “balance it all” makes women feel like they are failing * What yoga balancing postures teach us about real life * Why wiggles, wobbles, and falling out are part of the practice * How to think about balance as constant readjustment instead of perfection * Why different seasons of life require different priorities * How to recognize your personal edge before you become overwhelmed * Why intentional choices help us step out of autopilot * How the idea of “enough” can help us release unrealistic expectations * What it means to return to center with compassion JOURNAL PROMPTS FROM THIS EPISODE * What does balance look like for me in this season of life? * What matters most to me over the next three months? * What would make this season feel meaningful, connected, or well-lived? * What am I carrying because I think I “should”? * What can I release without guilt? * Where have I overshot my edge? * What would help me feel more present, peaceful, and grounded right now? * When I look back on this season, what will I be glad I made space for? * What will I be glad I let go of? PRACTICE FROM THIS EPISODE The next time you feel like you are failing at balance, picture yourself in Tree Pose. Notice the foot and ankle making tiny adjustments. Notice the body swaying. Notice how balance is not stillness. It is movement. It is sensing. It is readjusting. It is falling out and choosing to return. Then ask yourself: What adjustment do I need to make today? Not forever. Not for everyone. Just today. ABOUT KATIE FARINAS Katie Farinas is a midlife coach, yoga teacher, and spiritual guide who helps women navigate midlife with clarity, peace, purpose, and empowerment. Through yoga philosophy, mindfulness, nervous system regulation, and energy-based practices, Katie supports women in reconnecting with themselves and stepping fully into their most aligned and authentic lives. ✨ Ways To Go Deeper: If you’re ready to feel less overwhelmed and more connected to your body, needs, and inner voice, explore my 4-week private coaching experience for midlife women: Reconnect With Your Body and Yourself. Learn more here. [https://katiefarinas.kit.com/129a55d1d1] Record your question here and I will answer it on the show!! https://www.speakpipe.com/KatieFarinas [https://www.speakpipe.com/KatieFarinas] * Join the Monthly Satsang [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/p/the-monthly-sangha] * Visit Katie’s website [https://katiefarinas.com/] * Join the newsletter for soulful insights and to receive weekly practices [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/] * Read and watch on Substack [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/?utm_campaign=profile_chips] * Book a reflective Insight Seat [https://calendly.com/katiefarinas/free-coaching-on-the-podcast] to come on the show and receive live coaching * Schedule a Clarity Call [https://katiefarinas.com/discovery-call/] to see if my coaching is right for you. 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube [https://youtu.be/3NCDpy5ahvg?si=n2A74YVpuOmOl6FD]:

163: Transitions in Midlife: Finding Peace in the In-Between with Bardo

In this episode of The Midlife Purpose Project, I’m joined by author Ann Tashi Slater for a beautiful conversation about bardo, a Tibetan Buddhist concept often translated as an “in-between state.” Ann is the author of Traveling in Bardo, a book about how we move through uncertainty, change, transition, loss, illness, identity shifts, and all the spaces where life no longer looks the way it once did — but the next chapter has not fully arrived. And isn’t that so much of midlife? Our bodies change. Our roles change. Our relationships change. Our children grow. Our identities shift. The world around us can feel uncertain and unstable. So often, we want to rush through the discomfort and get to the place where everything finally feels settled. But what if the in-between is not something to escape? What if it is actually a sacred place of possibility, insight, and transformation? In this conversation, Ann and I explore how bardo can help us understand the human experience of impermanence, why our resistance to change often creates more suffering than the change itself, and how we can begin to meet the uncertainty of life with more presence, compassion, and inner steadiness. We also talk about the connection between Tibetan Buddhist wisdom and yoga philosophy, especially around acceptance, karma, action, alignment, and the importance of living in a way that reflects what truly matters to us. This episode is for you if you are in a season of transition, questioning what comes next, grieving a life that no longer exists, or learning how to stop fighting reality and begin listening for the wisdom that can only arrive in the quiet. IN THIS EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT * What bardo means in Tibetan Buddhism and how it applies to everyday life * Why midlife can feel like a powerful “in-between” state * How resistance to change increases suffering * Why acceptance is not the same as giving up * The relationship between karma, action, and personal agency * How our thoughts, words, and actions shape the experience of our lives * Why distraction keeps us from seeing clearly * How to align your time and energy with what matters most * The importance of listening to your true self beneath conditioning, people-pleasing, and old roles * Why mortality can help us live with more clarity, courage, and intention * The possibility hidden inside both voluntary and involuntary transitions > Ann Tashi Slater has written for The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Paris Review, and many others. In her Darjeeling Journal column for Catapult, she writes about her Tibetan family history and bardo, and she blogged for HuffPost on similar topics. She presents and teaches workshops at Princeton, Columbia, Oxford, Asia Society, and The American University of Paris, among others. Her new book, Traveling in Bardo: The Art of Living in an Impermanent World [https://www.amazon.com/Traveling-Bardo-Living-Impermanent-World/dp/0306835215/] (Balance/Hachette), has been named a Next Big Idea Club “Must-Read.” Learn more at anntashislater.com [https://anntashislater.com/]. > SOCIAL MEDIA: > https://www.facebook.com/ann.tashi.slater [https://www.facebook.com/ann.tashi.slater] > https://www.linkedin.com/in/ann-tashi-slater-977b21b/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/ann-tashi-slater-977b21b/] > https://x.com/anntashislater [https://x.com/anntashislater] > https://www.instagram.com/anntashislater/ [https://www.instagram.com/anntashislater/] If this conversation resonated with you, I would love to invite you to continue the journey with me on Substack, where I share reflections, practices, and resources for midlife women who are seeking peace, clarity, purpose, and a way back home to themselves. And if you are in your own in-between season and would like support reconnecting with yourself and creating a more aligned life, you can visit my website or book a discovery call using the links in the show notes. ABOUT KATIE FARINAS Katie Farinas is a midlife coach, yoga teacher, and spiritual guide who helps women navigate midlife with clarity, peace, purpose, and empowerment. Through yoga philosophy, mindfulness, nervous system regulation, and energy-based practices, Katie supports women in reconnecting with themselves and stepping fully into their most aligned and authentic lives. ✨ Ways To Go Deeper: If you’re ready to feel less overwhelmed and more connected to your body, needs, and inner voice, explore my 4-week private coaching experience for midlife women: Reconnect With Your Body and Yourself. Learn more here. [https://katiefarinas.kit.com/129a55d1d1] Record your question here and I will answer it on the show!! https://www.speakpipe.com/KatieFarinas [https://www.speakpipe.com/KatieFarinas] * Join the Monthly Satsang [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/p/the-monthly-sangha] * Visit Katie’s website [https://katiefarinas.com/] * Join the newsletter for soulful insights and to receive weekly practices [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/] * Read and watch on Substack [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/?utm_campaign=profile_chips] * Book a reflective Insight Seat [https://calendly.com/katiefarinas/free-coaching-on-the-podcast] to come on the show and receive live coaching * Schedule a Clarity Call [https://katiefarinas.com/discovery-call/] to see if my coaching is right for you. 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube [https://youtu.be/3NCDpy5ahvg?si=n2A74YVpuOmOl6FD]:

162: Ujjayi Breath Practice: A Simple Way to Calm Your Nervous System

In this episode of The Midlife Spirituality Project, I’m sharing one of the practices from my Returning Home to Yourself series — a collection of short, supportive practices I offer to my Substack readers a few times each month. These practices may include breathwork, meditation, reflection, journal prompts, somatic practices, and other simple ways to reconnect with yourself in the middle of real life. If you’d like to receive more of them, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter on Substack. Today’s practice is all about Ujjayi breath, sometimes called “ocean breath” or “victorious breath” in yoga. Ujjayi is a simple but powerful breathing practice that can help calm the nervous system, steady the mind, support focus, and bring you back into relationship with your body. In this episode, I walk you through what Ujjayi breath is, why it works, how to practice it, and then we breathe together. This is a beautiful practice to return to when you feel scattered, anxious, disconnected, overwhelmed, or caught in the busyness of the mind. It gives the mind something gentle to focus on while helping the body feel more grounded and supported. You do not need any previous yoga or meditation experience to practice with me. Just come as you are. IN THIS EPISODE, WE EXPLORE: * What Ujjayi breath is and why it is used in yoga * Why this breath can feel so calming and grounding * How the gentle sound of the breath helps focus the mind * How Ujjayi breath supports nervous system regulation * Why breathwork can be a doorway back into the body * How to practice Ujjayi breath step by step * A guided Ujjayi breath practice you can return to anytime PRACTICE NOTES If you want to come back to this practice and skip the teaching portion: * Learning how to gently constrict the throat begins around 11:39 * The guided Ujjayi breath practice begins around 18:15 LISTEN IF YOU ARE FEELING: * Anxious or overwhelmed * Disconnected from your body * Stuck in your head * Scattered or unfocused * In need of grounding * Curious about breathwork or yoga philosophy * Ready for a simple practice to help you come home to yourself ABOUT KATIE FARINAS Katie Farinas is a midlife coach, yoga teacher, and spiritual guide who helps women navigate midlife with clarity, peace, purpose, and empowerment. Through yoga philosophy, mindfulness, nervous system regulation, and energy-based practices, Katie supports women in reconnecting with themselves and stepping fully into their most aligned and authentic lives. ✨ Ways To Go Deeper: If you’re ready to feel less overwhelmed and more connected to your body, needs, and inner voice, explore my 4-week private coaching experience for midlife women: Reconnect With Your Body and Yourself. Learn more here. [https://katiefarinas.kit.com/129a55d1d1] Record your question here and I will answer it on the show!! https://www.speakpipe.com/KatieFarinas [https://www.speakpipe.com/KatieFarinas] * Join the Monthly Satsang [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/p/the-monthly-sangha] * Visit Katie’s website [https://katiefarinas.com/] * Join the newsletter for soulful insights and to receive weekly practices [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/] * Read and watch on Substack [https://katiefarinas.substack.com/?utm_campaign=profile_chips] * Book a reflective Insight Seat [https://calendly.com/katiefarinas/free-coaching-on-the-podcast] to come on the show and receive live coaching * Schedule a Clarity Call [https://katiefarinas.com/discovery-call/] to see if my coaching is right for you. 🎥 Watch this episode on YouTube [https://youtu.be/3NCDpy5ahvg?si=n2A74YVpuOmOl6FD]: