Loved, But Can't Feel It? Attachment Insecurity and Dissociation : Episode 24

Loved, But Can't Feel It? Attachment Insecurity and Dissociation : Episode 24

🎧 Episode 24: Loved, But Can't Feel It? Attachment Insecurity and Dissociation What happens when someone tells you they love you, and you know they mean it, but you simply can't feel it? Or when someone leaves the room and, despite knowing they'll return, it feels as though they've disappeared completely? In this episode of Mind the Body, I explore two often-overlooked patterns that emerge from attachment trauma and dissociation: * Why love can be present but fail to register emotionally. * Why absence can feel like abandonment, even in secure relationships. Drawing on philosophy, attachment theory, psychoanalysis, and contemporary trauma research, we look at how the body learns to protect itself - and how those protective responses can continue long after the original danger has passed. In this episode, you'll learn: * Why dissociation is often an intelligent survival response rather than a disorder. * The difference between not feeling love when it's present and not being able to hold onto love when someone is absent. * How early caregiving shapes our ability to experience safety and connection. * The concepts of psychic skin, the skin ego, and the protective shell. * What object constancy is, and why it matters in adult relationships. * Giovanni Liotti's theory linking trauma, dissociation, and disorganised attachment. * Why healing happens not just through insight, but through reconnecting with the body. Takeaway: If you've ever wondered why you understand that you're loved but struggle to feel it, or why separation feels far more overwhelming than it seems to others, this episode offers a compassionate framework for understanding why. Resources - Free download: The 7 Day Body Trust Reset [https://www.yvettevuaran.com/opt-in-8ad9180f-e4ae-4052-ae6d-18f7ad9e8f24] – A free 7-day guide to help you reconnect with your body through small, practical daily practices. References: Anzieu, D. (2016). The Skin-Ego: A New Translation (N. Segal, Trans.). Routledge. Bafna, A. R., Hurley, J., Nair, T. K., Moore, M. T., & Brumariu, L. E. (2026). Childhood adversity, perceived disorganised caregiving and dissociative symptoms in emerging adulthood. Journal of Infant, Child, and Adolescent Psychotherapy. Bick, E. (1968). The experience of the skin in early object relations. International Journal of Psychoanalysis 49:484-486. Claxton, G. (2015). Intelligence in the Flesh. Yale University Press. Liotti, G. (2004). Trauma, dissociation, and disorganized attachment: Three strands of a single braid. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 41(4), 472–486. Mahler, M. S., Pine, F., & Bergman, A. (1975). The Psychological Birth of the Human Infant. Routledge. Nietzsche, F. (1883/1961). Thus Spoke Zarathustra. Tustin, F. (1990). The Protective Shell in Children and Adults. Routledge. Winnicott, D. W. (1958). The Capacity to Be Alone. International Journal of Psychoanalysis ,39:416-420. Take a breath, stay curious, and explore what it truly means to Mind The Body. Join the Community * Subscribe or follow the show so you never miss an episode. * Share this episode with a friend who’s exploring body image healing, the mind–body connection, emotional healing, and the patterns that shape how we see ourselves. * Connect or learn more: www.yvettevuaran.com [http://www.yvettevuaran.com/]  * Sign up for my Mind The Body Newsletter [https://www.yvettevuaran.com/signup-52d63cef-7882-4aaa-8e09-aae41281f6e0] * Follow @mindthebodypodcast [https://www.instagram.com/mindthebodypodcast/] @yvettevuaran [https://www.instagram.com/yvettevuaran/]

Lost Boys - Why So Many Young Men Are at War With Their Bodies : Episode 23

🎧 Episode 23: Lost Boys - Why So Many Young Men Are at War With Their Bodies Why are so many young men struggling to feel at home in themselves? Why are increasing numbers turning to the gym, self-optimisation, or the online world in search of confidence, identity, and belonging? In this episode of Mind the Body, I explore the growing crisis in male body image through the lens of psychoanalysis, attachment theory, and developmental psychology. Drawing on the work of Alessandra Lemma, Donald Winnicott, Angela Connolly, Jean Knox, and Peter Fonagy, I examine why so many young men become disconnected from their bodies, and why shame so often finds expression through appearance. Ultimately, this episode explores why so many young men feel lost, how the search for identity becomes expressed through the body, and what it takes to truly feel at home in yourself. In This Episode: * The psychology of the "Lost Boy" and why so many young men feel left behind * How shame, body image, and identity become deeply intertwined * Angela Connolly's concept of the false body-self and what it reveals about male body image * How social media and online masculinity shape embodiment and belonging * What helps young men feel at home in themselves A Question to Sit With: When you're trying to change your body, what are you hoping your body will change for you? References:   Connolly, A. M. (2013). Out of the body: Embodiment and its vicissitudes. Journal of Analytical Psychology, 58(5), 636–656. Fonagy, P., Gergely, G., Jurist, E., & Target, M. (2002). Affect regulation, mentalization and the development of the self. New York: Other Press. Knox, J. (2011). Self-agency in psychotherapy: Attachment, autonomy and intimacy. New York & London: W. W. Norton. Lane-Godfrey, G. (2026, June). Homeward Bound. Men's Health. Lemma, A. (2010). An order of pure decision: Growing up in a virtual world and the adolescent's experience of being-in-a-body. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 58(4), 691–714. Movember Institute. (2025). Young Men, Masculinity Influencers and Mental Health. [https://uk.movember.com/movember-institute/masculinities-report] Office for National Statistics. (2025). Families and households in the UK: 2025. [https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/families/bulletins/familiesandhouseholds/2025] Winnicott, D. W. (1958). Collected papers: Through paediatrics to psychoanalysis. London: Tavistock Publications. Take a breath, stay curious, and explore what it truly means to Mind The Body. Join the Community * Subscribe or follow the show so you never miss an episode. * Share this episode with a friend who’s exploring body image healing, the mind–body connection, emotional healing, and the patterns that shape how we see ourselves. * Connect or learn more: www.yvettevuaran.com [http://www.yvettevuaran.com/]  * Sign up for my Mind The Body Newsletter [https://www.yvettevuaran.com/signup-52d63cef-7882-4aaa-8e09-aae41281f6e0] * Follow @mindthebodypodcast [https://www.instagram.com/mindthebodypodcast/] @yvettevuaran [https://www.instagram.com/yvettevuaran/]

The Hypervisible and The Unseen - Algorithms, Body Image and the Fragile Self : Episode 22

🎧 Episode 22: The Hypervisible and the Unseen - Algorithms, Body Image, and the Fragile Self What happens when we become more visible than ever before, yet feel increasingly unseen? And why does the digital world so often leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves rather than more understood? In this episode of Mind the Body, I explore the psychological impact of algorithms, AI, and social media through the lens of psychoanalysis, attachment theory, and body image. Inspired by a recent seminar by psychoanalyst Alessandra Lemma, I examine how our relationship with technology is reshaping not only the way we see ourselves, but the very development of the self itself. Drawing on the work of Alessandra Lemma, Donald Winnicott, Esther Bick, contemporary research on AI and adolescent mental health, and my own BTA Triangle framework (Body Image, Trauma, and Attachment), I explore why body image is ultimately not about appearance, but about recognition, embodiment, and the experience of feeling real. Ultimately, this episode asks what happens when the algorithm becomes our primary mirror, why visibility is not the same as being known, and how healing requires us to move from surveillance back into relationship. In This Episode: * What Alessandra Lemma means by "hypervisible disappearance" * The difference between being seen and simply being watched * How algorithms become a false psychological container for the fragile self * Why AI functions as a "psychic prosthesis" for unmet attachment needs * How body image disturbance reflects a crisis of embodiment rather than appearance * Why labels, metrics and online validation cannot replace genuine self-understanding * How healing begins through relationships that restore curiosity, embodiment, and the experience of being truly known A Question to Sit With: When you reach for your phone, are you searching to be visible -or are you longing to feel truly seen? Free Resource: If this episode resonated with you and you'd like to begin rebuilding trust with your body, download my Free 7-Day Body Trust Reset [https://www.yvettevuaran.com/opt-in-8ad9180f-e4ae-4052-ae6d-18f7ad9e8f24]  References: Bick, E. (1968). The experience of the skin in early object relations. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 49, 484–486. Lemma, A. (2009). Being seen or being watched? A psychoanalytic perspective on body dysmorphia. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 90(4), 753–771. Lemma, A. (2023). Psychotechnical Becomings: Psychoanalysis, Identity, Desire, and Mourning in the Age of AI and Digital Mediation. Routledge. Lemma, A. (2026, June 18). From Scrolling to Working Through: Adolescence, Algorithms and the Search for Coherence. Brent Centre Seminar, Dean's Yard, London. McBain, R. K., Cantor, J. H., Breslau, J., et al. (2026). AI chatbot use and disclosure for mental health among US adolescents and young adults. [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2849307?__cf_chl_f_tk=uRoyDPTv1xGLhme5KZdKfkZGfaVak9C6s4chEncYRlQ-1782995488-1.0.1.1-3N0VyRzP0pla90CvIbKHMwnGsw6sI9F9HRK5xvBfyEs] JAMA Pediatrics. Published online June 1, 2026. Winnicott, D. W. (1971). Playing and Reality. Tavistock. Take a breath, stay curious, and explore what it truly means to Mind The Body. Join the Community * Subscribe or follow the show so you never miss an episode. * Share this episode with a friend who’s exploring body image healing, the mind–body connection, emotional healing, and the patterns that shape how we see ourselves. * Connect or learn more: www.yvettevuaran.com [http://www.yvettevuaran.com/]  * Sign up for my Mind The Body Newsletter [https://www.yvettevuaran.com/signup-52d63cef-7882-4aaa-8e09-aae41281f6e0] * Follow @mindthebodypodcast [https://www.instagram.com/mindthebodypodcast/] @yvettevuaran [https://www.instagram.com/yvettevuaran/]

Glass Skin - Cosmeticorexia, Looksmaxxing and the Face We're Really Looking For : Episode 21

🎧 Episode 21: Glass Skin - Cosmeticorexia, Looksmaxxing, and the Face We're Really Looking For Why are children as young as eight becoming obsessed with perfect skin? And what are we really looking for when we can't stop trying to improve our faces? In this episode of Mind the Body, I explore the emerging phenomena of cosmeticorexia and looksmaxxing through the lenses of psychoanalysis, attachment theory, and body image. Building on last week's discussion of glass skin as the aesthetic of the screen, I examine how AI-generated beauty ideals are reshaping our relationship with our own faces, and why the pursuit of perfection often reflects much older emotional wounds. Drawing on the work of Alessandra Lemma, Donald Winnicott, contemporary research on body dysmorphic disorder, and my own BTA Triangle framework (Body Image, Trauma, and Attachment), I explore why body image struggles are rarely just about appearance. Instead, they often reveal our deepest longing to feel seen, accepted, and loved. Ultimately, this episode asks what happens when the mirror becomes a place of endless self-surveillance rather than self-recognition, and why healing begins not by changing the face, but by changing the relationship we have with ourselves and with others. In This Episode: * Why glass skin has become the beauty ideal of the AI age * What cosmeticorexia and looksmaxxing reveal about attachment, trauma, and belonging * How AI-generated beauty standards are reshaping body image * The role of Winnicott's "mother as mirror" and Lemma's work on body dysmorphic disorder * Why our wish to perfect the face is often a longing to be truly seen * How secure relationships - not cosmetic perfection - offer the possibility of healing A Question to Sit With: When you look in the mirror, are you searching for a better face - or for the experience of feeling seen, accepted, and loved? References: BBC News. (2026). Cosmeticorexia: How girls are falling down a skincare rabbit hole. [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx212x41evwo] De Souza, R. (2026, May 27). Interview on Peston. ITV. King, V., Gerisch, B., & Schreiber, J. (2020). "...to really have everything completely perfect": On the psychodynamics of contemporary forms of body optimization. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 37(2), 148–157. Lemma, A. (2009). Being seen or being watched? A psychoanalytic perspective on body dysmorphia. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 90(4), 753–771. Vuaran, Y. (2024, November 26). Looksmaxxing and neurodiversity: A psychodynamic perspective [https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/looksmaxxing-neurodiversity-psychodynamic-perspective-yvette-vuaran-um0pe/?trackingId=KBvlG9oMTl%2BRLDvP8Oy9YQ%3D%3D]. LinkedIn. Winnicott, D. W. (1971). Playing and Reality. Routledge. Take a breath, stay curious, and explore what it truly means to Mind The Body. Join the Community * Subscribe or follow the show so you never miss an episode. * Share this episode with a friend who’s exploring body image healing, the mind–body connection, emotional healing, and the patterns that shape how we see ourselves. * Connect or learn more: www.yvettevuaran.com [http://www.yvettevuaran.com/]  * Sign up for my Mind The Body Newsletter [https://www.yvettevuaran.com/signup-52d63cef-7882-4aaa-8e09-aae41281f6e0] * Follow @mindthebodypodcast [https://www.instagram.com/mindthebodypodcast/] @yvettevuaran [https://www.instagram.com/yvettevuaran/]

Loving What Can't Leave You - AI Companions, Attachment Hunger, and the Body We Are Forgetting : Episode 20

🎧 Episode 20: Loving What Can't Leave You - AI Companions, Attachment Hunger, and the Body We Are Forgetting What happens when the thing that understands you best has no body of its own? In this episode of Mind the Body, I explore the growing phenomenon of AI companionship through the lenses of attachment theory, psychoanalytic thinking, and body image. Beginning with attachment hunger and limerence, I examine why AI relationships can feel so compelling, why they offer relief from some of the deepest anxieties of human connection, and what may be lost when intimacy becomes increasingly detached from the body. Drawing on the film Her, alongside the work of Donald Winnicott, Alessandra Lemma, Todd Essig, and contemporary conversations led by Esther Perel, I consider what AI companionship reveals about our longing to be known, our discomfort with vulnerability, and our cultural desire to transcend the limitations of being human.  Ultimately, this episode asks what becomes of love, grief, and healing when connection no longer requires the risks of embodied relationship. In This Episode: * Why AI companionship speaks so powerfully to attachment hunger * What the film Her reveals about intimacy, grief, and the longing to be understood * The fantasy of connection without vulnerability, loss, or bodily presence * How grief, mourning, and real healing require human limitation * Why embodied relationships remain essential to love and connection A Question to Sit With: What parts of being human - vulnerable, dependent, imperfect, embodied - might we risk losing if we begin to prefer connection that asks nothing of us in return? References: Amodei, D. (2026, May 19, 2026). The co-founders of Claude AI tell Oprah about the impact artificial intelligence has on your life. The Oprah Podcast. Essig, T. (2025). Psychoanalytic AI activism: Creatively and critically engaging the future. The American Psychoanalyst, 59 (1), 18–23. Jonze, S. (Director). (2013). Her [Film]. Annapurna Pictures. Lemma, A. (2026). Psychotechnical Becomings: Psychoanalysis, Identity, Desire, and Mourning in the Age of AI and Digital Mediation. Routledge. Perel, E. (2026, May 26, 2026). Oprah and renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel on what we really want in a relationship. The Oprah Podcast. Winnicott, D. W. (1953). Transitional objects and transitional phenomena: A study of the first not-me possession. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 34, 89–97. Take a breath, stay curious, and explore what it truly means to Mind The Body. Join the Community * Subscribe or follow the show so you never miss an episode. * Share this episode with a friend who’s exploring body image healing, the mind–body connection, emotional healing, and the patterns that shape how we see ourselves. * Connect or learn more: www.yvettevuaran.com [http://www.yvettevuaran.com/]  * Sign up for my Mind The Body Newsletter [https://www.yvettevuaran.com/signup-52d63cef-7882-4aaa-8e09-aae41281f6e0] * Follow @mindthebodypodcast [https://www.instagram.com/mindthebodypodcast/] @yvettevuaran [https://www.instagram.com/yvettevuaran/]